How the hell is this woman allowed to be a judge?

I'm not an attorney. I have not studied the law. I'm no expert, I'm just a regular Joe.

 

But I have seen every episode of Law & Order,  and been on jury duty twice, so I think I kinda got a handle on how courtrooms are supposed to operate. And if there is one thing I know about the criminal justice system (And there is literally one thing I know about the criminal justice system) it's that judges are supposed to be impartial.

So how is this possible?

Conservative KY judge says black defendant in Obama t-shirt ‘lucky to get out of here alive’

By Scott Kaufman
Friday, August 1, 2014 14:39 ED

Wow. Well, maybe that's a misleading headline. Maybe the defendant did something horrible in the courtroom, and he just happebed to be wearing an Obama T-shirt? Maybe?

According to courtroom video obtained by KYCIR (below), Judge Sandra McLaughlin said of an African-American defendant being arraigned on drug charges that “he’s lucky to get out of here alive,” before adding, “did you see his shirt? Barack Obama, ‘Let’s Do It Again.’ That was a double whammy.”

Holy shit!

During his arraignment, Broaddus stepped in front of Judge McLaughlin wearing a shirt featuring President Barack Obama’s face. The shirt read ‘Let’s Do It Again,’ a reference to Obama’s 2012 re-election campaign. This clearly didn’t sit well with McLaughlin, who clearly states on the video that the shirt isn’t helping Broaddus in her courtroom.

Holy shit!

How is this woman allowed to be a judge?

well, we must have just caught her on a bad day, right/ I mean, she must usually be one of the leading jurists in the state, probably, Right?

McLaughlin is the lowest-rated judge in Jefferson County “by a wide margin,” according to the Louisville Bar Association (LBA). 

Holy shit!
So how is she allowed to stay on the bench?

 When Judge McLaughlin spoke to KYCIR, she told them that her low ratings were the result of the Louisville Bar Association — which conducted the survey — being stacked with defense attorneys who “just declared war on a tough judge.” Scott Furkin, the executive director of the LBA, disagreed with her assessment, noting that “membership is open to all attorneys in good standing with the state bar association.”

Oh, a tough pro-prosecution judge, eh? So she probably has the backing of law enforcement, right?

McLaughlin, who is up for reelection in November, is also accused of lying about the groups that have endorsed her. One of her campaign flyers claims that she is “unanimously endorsed by the Fraternal Order of Police,” but according to Mike Hettich of the Deputy Sheriff’s Fraternal Order of Police Lodge, the group actually endorsed her opponent Matthew Eckert in the upcoming election.

Holy Shit!


 How the hell is this woman allowed to be a judge?






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Ridiculous Headline of the Day

From the once-proud Washington Post:

Paul Ryan just nailed the impeachment question

By Aaron Blake July 30 at 3:13 PM

Okay, Paul Ryan has never "nailed" any question in his stupid bullshit life. So what answer did he give to the "impeachment question" that was so wonderful?

I see this as sort of a ridiculous gambit by the president and his political team to try and change the narrative, raise money, and turn out their base for an upcoming election that they feel is not going to go their way… [The Republicans’ differences with the White House do] not rise to the high crime and misdemeanor level.

So, before stating what should be overwhelmingly obvious to anyone with an IQ higher than a bonobo, Ryan repeats a bunch of bullshit about how the president is supposedly the one behind all the impeachment talk, which is just verifiably false?

Creepiest Headline of the Day

Ireland Baldwin Channels Mom Kim Basinger in '9 1/2 Weeks' Photo Shoot

 

Who the hell thought that was a good idea?

The World's Worst Cartoonist

Granted, I haven't actually seen every cartoonist in the world, but it's hard to imagine one worse than Michael Ramirez.

Ramiriez writes (?) Draws (?) whatever for Investor's Business Daily which means that by all rights I should never have had to have heard of this hack, but our local paper, the Atlanta Journal-Constitution has been running his ink turds a lot lately.

See, the AJC is home to Pulitzer-Prize winning editorial cartoonist Mike Luckovich. So, since he is apparently viewed as something of a lefty-loosey, of course there has to be some "balance," hence the AJC's "from the Right" cartoon that must always be run next to his.

Basically, Ramirex is Exhibit A in the case of "Conservatives Should Never Try to be Funny Ever."

This is the first one of his I remember noticing:


There is an almost impressive ammount of douchehackery in this one panel.

Let's start with the fact that this 35-year-old movie reference would only make sense if this was 2012 and Barack Obama had lost his re-election bid and was having to leave the White House with his tail between his legs. It still would be a flaccid, lazy attempt at a spiteful joke, but at least it would make some kind of sense. Or if Republicans were to succeed at an impeachment or maybe force his resignation in some way, I don't know, but none of those things have happened. Look it up.

Then there's the tag-line "Taking America from Riches to Rags," which completely ignores the reality that Obama inherited an economy in shambles and has managed, in the face of unprecedented obstructionism, to make serious improvements. No, he hasn't fixed all of our economic problems. No, the stimulus wasn't big enough. No, the economy is not exactly booming, but to claim that he has taken America from "riches to rags" is close to the opposite of what really happened. And in order for a joke to be funny, it has to be based on some sort of reality.

Also, tossing the mention of "golf clubs" in there is just cheap shoddy ineptitude.

Then there's this one:



I'm not even sure what the point of this is supposed to be.

I get the "Hamas using human shields" thing. Does Hamas use human shields? I don't know, but the right certainly takes it as an article of faith that they do, so let's assume for the moment that they do. What does that have to do with Barack Obama supposedly giving "amnesty" to Central American refugee children? Fuck if I know.
If Barack Obama was giving "amnesty" to these kids, that would hardly be using them as human shields. With any act of kindness he might extend towards these kids, he just opens himself up to barrages of vitriol and accusations from the Right-Wing lunatics that dominate the opposition. This is pretty much the opposite of using someone as a human shield.

Also, not to tell you how to do your job there, Mike, but the "Hamas" headband belongs on the heavily-armed adult, not on the innocent child. Unless you're trying to say that the child is a member of Hamas? You put the label on the person or thing to whom it refers. That's just political cartooning 101. In the same way, the child on the right should not be labeled "Amnesty." If you want to say that Barack Obama is giving kids amnesty, you draw Obama handing the child a gift-wrapped box, and you label the box "Amnesty." Otherwise it makes no fucking sense.




So. . . um. . . . Putin is bad?

Good one?

Then, because for the Right, there's never a bad time to exploit the tragedy of 9/11, we got this journalistic loogie hocked onto our papers on July 22:





 Gawd, how many things are wrong with this one?

First of all, No one has forgotten or ever will forget 9/11. That's just fucking stupid to even suggest.

Second of all, No one is saying that America's borders should be wide open. Well, a few people, maybe, but on July 22, 2014 what we are talking about is allowing child refugees to come into our nation for their own safety. Not having open borders.
See, a conservative will never ever ever argue anything honestly. They won't ever say "here's the problems I see with the Affordable Care Act." They will scream "Death Panels!" and "tyranny!" and "Hitler!!!"
They won't say "here's my objection to the Estate Tax." They'll say "Aughhh, paying taxes twice on the same monies!" or "Deat Tax!" or "Job Creators!"

So of course they won't just come out and say "here's why I think we should slam the door in the faces of terrified children." It's much easier to attack the straw man who says "throw open the borders!"

Also, in the cartoon, who is saying "America's doors should be wide open?" The terrorists? Is that who you think you are arguing against?

And the terrorists who crashed the planes on 9/11 did not walk across our southern border. And even if they had, they crertainly wouldn't have done it disguised as 6-year-old Hondurans.

Also, this whole thing is in EXTREMELY bad taste.

What else you got?




So, these dead people are the murderers? Or are you saying that  they were murdered by Hamas? Because a hell of a lot more people (civilians, children, women, etc) are being murdered by Israel;i forces then Hamas could ever dream of murdering. And making a cheap pun of mass murder? Kind of tasteless.


Says the guy who wants to keep liberty-seeking children out.





I guess the point is that before Obama, Al Queada never managed to strike on American soil. . . oh, wait!
I guess the point is how many more terrorist attacks have happened here since Obama took over. . .oh wait!
I'm stumped, what is the point?





Right, only people with absurdly impractical degrees are saddled with enormous student loan debt. No one with degrees in business, or engineering, or medicine, or . . . oh, wait. Yeah they all do. Jokes are so much funnier when they have no basis in reality. It's just so fucking funny to satirize a situation that doesn't actually exist.

At this point, I should probably point out that all these comics are from July. This is all from less than one month. Seriously, Michale Ramirez is the worst cartoonist in the world. Probably the worstg cartoonist in history. Just absolutely terrible.

Ohmygod, Ohmygod, Ohmygod, this is really a real thing!

Oh my GOD! There is actually a place on the Fox News website where they give sex advice!


 

And here's the first thing I saw when I went to their sex advice webpage:

Are you ready to live together?

Cohabitation is increasingly popular. Here’s how to know if it’s right for you and your guy

Because in Foxland, it's always 1981.

 Oh, and it gets better. Much, much better:

Fox On Sex

What men really want

1. Talk More Like a Man

We don't mean to clear your throat or speak in deeper tones. Just get to the point quicker.

Oh, Jeezus. Yes, ladies, whenever we have to listen to you, we just want to scream "get to the fucking point so this conversation can be over, already!" Because God knows we can't stand "communicating" or having "human interactions" or "having to think about things besides sports and boobs."

Their minds will wander if they don't see a conclusion on your story's horizon. So, as you are sharing the details of today's run-in with Brenda from Business Affairs, skip the transcript of the exchange and create a highlight reel. He'll get the gist if you keep it short and just say what's on your mind—like most men talk when talking with other guys.

Yes, we generally communicate with a series of grunts and hand gestures, not like you ladies with your  fancy "words" and "complete sentences."

3. Give Him Props

Remember how hard you worked on those show-and-tell projects in kindergarten, and how good you felt when the class clapped and, at home, Dad said "attagirl"? Men are, in many ways, kindergarteners who want nothing more than your appreciation and respect for their hard work.

 Really? Men are like small children? That's really insulting. . .Oh, right you're talking about men who watch FOX. Carry on.

4. Laugh With and at Him

After her body, her sense of humor is the most attractive thing about women for men who responded to The Big Book of Sex survey. But that doesn't mean you have to be quick with jokes and witty one-liners.
Simply being able to laugh with him, at him, and at yourself is a sign of intellectual compatibility, says Dr. Billy Goldberg, co-author of Why Do Men Fall Asleep After Sex?

Right, you can't possibly be expected to come up with your own  jokes. That takes thinky brain stuff. It's enough that you pretend to get our jokes even though they obviously must be sailing right over your pretty little heads.

Fox On Sex

11 Things Sports Can Teach Us About Sex

Presumably how to "score?" Ahahahahaha, see what I did there? (female readers, just pretend to have seen what I did there. Trust me, it's funny. I know this because I am a man. Have your husband explain it to you. (Obviously you must have a husband, otherwise why would you be reading about sex advice?))

1. Always remember to breathe.

Oh, come on. People don't need top be told to remember to breathe. . . oh, right, FOX! Carry on.

 3. Take turns. There is nothing more boring than never getting a chance to be up at bat. 

Um, I would say that this advice applies to gay male couples only, but this is FOX, so that can't be.

 10. Accept success and “failure” with grace. Sometimes an interlude will turn out exactly as you hope it will. Other times, though, you might not be so lucky. So, leave the gloating for the professionals and let it go if things, well, fail. There’s always tomorrow and you want to both be in high spirits for the rematch.

Wait, are we still talking about sex? I mean, sex is usually not a competition. And who would be gloating? Do you think a lot of women are pointing at their husbands and chanting "ha ha haha ha, you couldn't get it u-up?" Because I'm fairly certain that a failure for one partner is definitely not a triumph for the other.

Fox on Sex: How to Score Points With Her

Okay, this seems like it could be helpful. A few things a fella can do to make a lady like him more. Do tell!

From the moment she meets you, she starts a virtual bank account in her mind. But you’d never know. She’s adding and subtracting with a pro poker face, using a complex labyrinth of mathematical axioms in which you have emotional credits or debits. You have no clue until you reach an extreme — you find yourself locked out on the front porch or you get handed a fistful of get-out-of-jail-free cards. What are some of the moves that will keep you out of the red?

Also, I have never met or spoken with a woman.

1. Brag about her, at earshot.  

At earshot?
Who says "at earshot?"I've geard the phrase "within earshot," but "at earshot?
But it doesn't matter anyway, because, according to this article's author, all women will constantly monitor every sound you make, every glance of an eyeball, every. . .seriously, who wrote this?

Dr. Belisa Vranich is a psychologist and sex expert. She is the author of three books,

SHE? A woman wrote this? Well, then I guess it must be true when she says things like:

your girl will track your eyeball coordinates with the precision of a nuclear submarine. 

or

She may look engrossed with her conversation, but believe me, one ear is always cocked in your direction.

Oh, here's a good tip:

 3. Rather than rummaging under the car seat for quarters to make that five bucks she needs for gas, give her a ten “just in case” and don’t sweat the change. Sure, you might give up your double shot caramel grande because of it. But suck it up cappuccino-boy, because this will give you Trump-like credit for later.

Okay, five bucks for gas? It really is 1981 in Foxland.
How many ways is this wrong? First of all, how many women are there who have to get money from their husbands like Jane Jetson?



When my wife needs to put gas in the car, she doesn't ask me for five bucks, she drives down to the gas station and puts her credit card into the slot at the pump like a normal fucking human being, and pumps the gas all by herself!
Also, if you're married to the type of gold digger whose affections can be bought, ten fucking dollars isn't going to cut it.

 

 Not even close, dahling!

And if you're rummaging under the car seat to find enough quarters to put a gallon of gas in the tank, you've got bigger problems than  missing out on your cappuccino, Mr. Trump.

Okay, I can see we're going to have endless hours of fun with "Fox on Sex," but for now, maybe just one more.

 4. She’s crying. Maybe it’s the movie trailer, a movie ending, a commercial with a kitten in it, her grandmother’s funeral, or just that time of the month. [SERIOUSLY?-ed] As she’s starting to look like Alice Cooper and the black mascara is dripping off her chin, tell her she is still beautiful to you when she cries. Even if you are lying.

 

Oh, dear God! I think the title of this article should be "ways to make your wife hate you and want to murder you with sharp pointy objects because you are terrible." Because i really have to think that, on the list of things you might say to a person who is weeping, "you look beautiful when you're crying" has to be pretty much near the bottom  of the list, just above "what's your problem?" and "So, I'm guessing you probably didn't make anything for dinner then?"

Whatever it is she's crying about, there's an approximately  100% chance that it not because she thinks she isn't pretty. I mean, you said it could be her grandmother's funeral, and you want me to say "well, sure we're all gonna miss the old gal, but on the plus side, you sure are purty right now?"

 

You know, there's room for one more in that coffin!

At this point, I would just like to reiterate that this column was written by an actual woman. 

This woman:

 

Who is a published author

And was not, surprisingly the writer who felt that people needed to be reminded to breathe. Telling people that they ought to breathe is apparently a common thing in Foxland.