How I'm Feeling Right Now

Yeah!

 

Giants, Bitch!

Georgia Senate Race coming down to the wire

The Senate race in Georgia is interesting, in that we have a choice between someone who is only on the ballot because his cousin was governor

 


 and someone who is only on the ballot because her father was a Senator.

 

 (Also, we can vote for a gubernatorial candidate who is only on the ballot because his grandfather was governor and president, but let's not get sidetracked)




Anyway, the Republican candidate seems to be trying his darndest to throw the race to Michelle Nunn, the Democratic candidate. First he went on record about how proud he was to have outsourced American jobs overseas during his time as a businessman.

"Defend it? I'm proud of it," Perdue said Monday, according to the Atlanta Journal-Constitution. "This is a part of American business, part of any business. Outsourcing is the procurement of products and services to help your business run. People do that all day."

I mean, the attack ads just write themselves!

Now, he says that he wants to "prosecute" the president.

     Ordinarily, when one says that they want to prosecute someone, the next words are "for the crime of. . ." But Perdue doesn't even bother to pretend that any crime has been committed.  Here's what was said:

“I just don’t believe that it’s one party or the other. I think it has to be both sides coming together,” Nunn said. “I think that we do have a very clear contrast in terms of how we see breaking through that dysfunction. I don’t think it’s about prosecuting the other party; I think it’s about problem-solving.”

“I disagree; I think it is,” Perdue answered. “When you have a failed presidency, you have to prosecute it," he said. 

 

 Let's say we accept your premise that this is a "failed presidency." Just for the sake of argument. You do know that having a "failed presidency" isn't a crime, right? The consequences for having a "failed presidency" are that you don't get elected to a second term (too late) and no one comes to the opening of your library (time will tell). You don't get to prosecute the President of the United States because you think his policies are "failing."

So, what else you got?

"We deserve better than we’re getting right now," he added. 

Okay, no argument here. We should be getting Canadian-style Universal Healthcare. We should be getting a large increase in the minimum wage.  We should be getting a lot of new roads and bridges built. We should definitely be . . . oh, that's not what you mean, is it?

"We deserve better than we’re getting right now," he added. “When we look at the direction of this country, we’ve got to make a hard right-hand turn. The direction of this country is failing.”

 

Really? A hard-right turn? Really? Again? If we make one more right turn we'll have gone in a complete circle.





Although, come to think of it. . . three rights do equal a left. Nah, it's easier just to vote for Michelle Nunn on Tuesday.

I can't tell you how much I'm enjoying this guy!

Have I ever mentioned how much I love watching Hunter pence play baseball? Even if you aren't a baseball fan, you should really check him out. Why do I love him? Let me count the ways.

First of all, he looks like this:

 Like, all the time.

Suzanne Warren's got nothin' on those crazy eyes!


He looks like a combination of the Woody Harrelson and Matthew McConaughey characters from True Detective.




This is how he gets to and from the stadium:

And because this is San Francisco, this is his bobblehead:

 Seriously, this man loves his scooter. His scooter got stolen once, and he was heartbroken.

 

He got it back in exchange for a signed bobblehead.


And was back riding it through the corridors of AT&T Park.

But that's not really the point. The point is that Pence is the most fun baseball player to watch ever in the history of baseball.


Every fly ball to right ends up something like this:

 Look at this guy throw!

 

 You'd think he'd never thrown a baseball before, until you see the ball fly a couple hundred feet right on target. He looks like a toddler flinging a toy away. (granted, this is due to a back problem and not just Pence's general eccetricness, but still.)


 And, my God, the flurry of arms and legs that is Hunter pence running down to first:



I read an article recently that compared Pence's base-running to a three-legged deer fleeing a forest fire. That deer might be a bit more graceful, but Pence has stolen over 100 bases in his 8-yr career, and just last night beat out an infield grounder to drive in a run. How many three-legged deer can do that? Can't be more than 2 or 3.




And no other player could inspire weird signs like these:




What do they mean? I don't know. Apparently no one does, not even Hunter Pence. Apparently Mets fans started bringing these signs as a response to a Seinfeld-themed Tweet Pence sent out while in New York. I've searched the internet, talked to my brother in San Francisco and apparently no one understands this phenomenon, but the signs persist.



Whatever. Hunter pence is not someone about whom you really want to over-think. Just sit back, watch, and let the madness sweep over you.



.

..

Nice Priorities, LA Times!

Mama June of 'Here Comes Honey Boo Boo' reportedly dating sex offender

Los Angeles Times - ‎11 hours ago‎

A dating choice reportedly made by June Shannon, Honey Boo Boo's Mama June . . . might be putting "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo" in jeopardy.

Oh, right. Of course, this would put "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo" in jeopardy. Oh, and also might do the same for Honey Boo Boo, an actual child who could actually be in actual danger if her mother does turn out to be actually dating an actual sex offender. Also, I'm pretty sure she has several sisters who might also be in jeopardy. But you're right, the big story here is that the show might get cancelled. Nice priorities, LA Times!

Asshole Couple of the Day

Saw this story on Joe.My.God:

Some weird couple from Kansas has filed a petition to have themselves inserted into the same-sex marriage case currently going on in their state. No, not a weird gay couple, a weird breeder couple. Why would they be involved? Well, let's just let their petition speak for itself.




https://www.scribd.com/doc/244022349/2-14-cv-02518-13


Okay, that's not going to be legible. The couple, Phillip and Sandra Unruh, claim that if two dudes are allowed to marry each other, the state will have violated their 14th Amendment rights, specifically the "due process" and "equal protection" clauses. Now, I would think that the equal protection clause would be one of the major reasons that gay marriage must be legalized, but I'm no attorney or legal scholar. I'm just a regular Joe. So let's see what their lawyers' legal argument are.

Well, it starts out with a bang, when they declare that marriage in Kansas has always been a one man-one woman affair, and gives two citations to back this up. And, I kid you not, those two are:

See Bible, Genesis 2:24 and United States v. Windsor

I don't know what law school teaches you to use the Bible as legal precedent, but I think they should get their tuition refunded.

Actually, I could make a pretty good guess which law school.

Then they make the incredibly legally sound argument that two same-sex people can't fuck a child into existence, so nuh-unh, that marriage doesn't count!

Then they claim that the Unruhs have "invested" in a  marriage contract, and if the plaintiffs succeed in legalizing same-sex marriage, their contract will, um. . . I don't know. It somehow loses its value if the word "marriage" is re-defined in a non-bigoted way? I think?
Apparently, this would deprive the Unruh's of their "property" which is, I guess their marriage? without due process of law? because if two dudes get married, the Unruh's marriage will be null and void?
I'm not sure how something as intangible as a marriage agreement could be considered "property" or how one could be deprived of such "property," but. again, I'm not a lawyer.
 Here's how it reads in legal terms:

“If the Plaintiffs are successful in their causes of action the meaning of marriage will be so fundamentally and profoundly changed that the Unruh’s will experience a taking of their property rights in marriage without due process of law."

 “The extension of marriage to same-sex relationships inflicts profound harm on the Unruhs. For the courts to say that from this day forward marriage in Kansas must be extended to a same-sex couple is and for ever will be deeply disturbing to the Unruhs. . ."

Which I guess is based on the legal principle that no one should ever have to hear or see anything that they find "disturbing." Just as I have a Constitutional right to never see a Tweet from a One Direction fan, or  have to acknowledge the existence of the Los Angeles Dodgers.
Believe me, both those things are far more disturbing than this: