Stupid club for weiners breaks up

Politics

 

Hollywood’s Secret Conservative Club ‘Friends Of Abe’ Ends

Katie Jerkovich

6:11 PM 04/22/2016

 

 

The secret group for conservatives in Hollywood called Friends of Abe has notified members its organization is coming to an end, at least the way it stands now. And some say it’s because of internal fighting over Donald Trump.

Yeah, they're not kidding. A secret society!

         

           
Conservatives are so invested in their persecution complex that they actually pretended that they had to meet in secret like ancient Christians in the catacombs.

 

Formed in 2005, high-profile supporters include Clint Eastwood, Gary Sinise and Patricia Heaton

And we all know how secretive those folks are about their political beliefs!

The group, named after Abraham Lincoln, swore members to secrecy by adopting a line from the film Fight Club: the first rule of the Friends of Abe is you do not talk about the Friends of Abe.

Seriously?

 

Quoting from "Fight Club" is like wearing a sign that says "I'm a douchey fratboy who thinks I'm deep!" 

For a time it ran a tightly controlled Facebook page and banned members from talking to the press, taking pictures or tweeting at events

Because if anyone ever found out who they were, members might face completely no consequences at all!

 “We will still get together for drinks and speakers, but we may reassess how we approach those events logistically. In short, FOA will return to its roots. It will be a passion project, like it was in the beginning ... We’ll still be a private organization that protects the names of our members at all costs.”

At all costs!

They're actually pretty serious about secrecy. If you click on the link to their website, http://friendsofabe.net/, you'll see this welcome message:

Welcome to Friends of Abe, the legendary “secret” organization of Hollywood conservatives. This is not the official Friends of Abe site. That site is unavailable to the public, and viewable only to members (members login here). 

It was the one place where many of its members – actors, producers, writers and technicians – felt safe from liberal sneers and potential retribution.
“As a conservative, if you expressed your political views at work you would be weeded out,” said Jack Marino, a film-maker. “At Abe events we could get together over dinner and hang out with our own kind and speak freely.”

 

 

Really? Let's look at a couple of examples using members of your crappy club for jerks.

Let's start with Kelsey Grammer. Grammer never made any secret of his right-wing political views, so I'm not sure why he felt the need to join the secret conservative club, but whatever.

An active campaigner for the GOP, Grammer was a guest at President George W. Bush's first inauguration, campaigned for John McCain in the 2008 general election and endorsed Michele Bachmann for the Republican nomination for President in 2012. 

And what consequences did he face after becoming well-known for his love of Dubya and John McCain? Well, in 2011, he got his own show.

 

 The show only lasted two seasons due to low ratings and the fact that despite Grammer's acting talents, the show just wasn't very good.

the series had low ratings from the start, garnering just 659,000 viewers for its premiere and a season high of 440,000 viewers - a far cry from the 1.25 million viewers who tuned in during the first season of Starz’ other drama, Magic City. 

Or, as Grammer put it:

'It may have to do with several things, honestly, but I think it’s possible, I mean, I am a, I’m a declared out of the closet Republican in Hollywood.'  

Because when you're a Republican, nothing is ever your fault and you're always the victim!

Or how about Jon Voight?  Here's a headline from 2012:

2012 Republican Convention: Jon Voight Says Obama is a Marxist, Controls the Media

And in 2010, he published this open letter to President Obama in the Washington Times:

President Obama:
You will be the first American president that lied to the Jewish people, and the American people as well, when you said that you would defend Israel, the only Democratic state in the Middle East, against all their enemies. You have done just the opposite. You have propagandized Israel, until they look like they are everyone’s enemy — and it has resonated throughout the world. You are putting Israel in harm’s way, and you have promoted anti-Semitism throughout the world.
You have brought this to a people who have given the world the Ten Commandments and most laws we live by today. The Jewish people have given the world our greatest scientists and philosophers, and the cures for many diseases, and now you play a very dangerous game so you can look like a true martyr to what you see and say are the underdogs. But the underdogs you defend are murderers and criminals who want Israel eradicated.
You have brought to Arizona a civil war, once again defending the criminals and illegals, creating a meltdown for good, loyal, law-abiding citizens. Your destruction of this country may never be remedied, and we may never recover. I pray to God you stop, and I hope the people in this great country realize your agenda is not for the betterment of mankind, but for the betterment of your politics.
With heartfelt and deep concern for America and Israel,
Jon Voight

What were the consequences of these bold acts of conservatude? Well, in 2013, he went from being the washed-up has-been from Anaconda and the "Baby Geniuses" franchise

 

 to being one of the stars of Showtime's Ray Donovan, resurrecting his career and reputation.

So why was this secret club necessary? Who knows? I guess it's just more fun if you pretend you're doing something taboo and dangerous? But it's all over now, apparently because the members couldn't agree about Donald Trump. Seriously.  http://dailycaller.com/2016/04/22/hollywoods-secret-conservative-club-friends-of-abe-ends/

P.S. While searching for images of Christians in catacombs, I stumbled on to this fresco:
















Is it just me, or is that John Oliver?

More stuff from last week

So what else went on last week?

Well, it turns out that the evangelicals have apparently decided to just go ahead and treat Mike Seaver as a legitimate theologian.

For, did not Saint Paul himself posit that. . . whatever Mike's catch phrase was.

During an interview with the Christian Post this week, evangelist nut job Kirk Cameron said that no matter how wives are treated by their husbands they should be submissive and stay in the marriage because God commands it.

No matter how long it's been since your husband had an acting job, or how many thimes you find  Alan Thicke passed out on your couch. Gawd, can you imagine what a nightmare the Growing Pains set must have been with Alan Thicke and this insufferable prick in the same room together? Yechh!

“Wives are to honor and respect and follow their husband’s lead, not to tell their husband how he ought to be a better husband,” Cameron said before claiming that women should know their role so that the marriage can succeed. “When each person gets their part right, regardless of how their spouse is treating them, there is hope for real change in their marriage.”

No exceptions? Not even for. . .

Cuz I gotta say, that looks like grounds for divorce right there.

“A lot of people don’t know that marriage comes with instructions,” he said. “And, we find them right there in God’s word.”

Sure, like for instance in Mark 12:19

Master, Moses wrote unto us, If a man's brother die, and leave his wife behind him, and leave no children, that his brother should take his wife, and raise up seed unto his brother.

Eew!

Or I Corinthians 7:1, 8

“It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.”

⁸ Now to the unmarried^[a] and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do.

Or staying in the Book of Corinthians, Chapter 7, verse 28 - 34

From now on those who have wives should live as if they do not. . .
An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord. ³³ But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife— ³⁴ and his interests are divided.

And don't get me started on the Old Testament!

Oh, speaking of theology, I want to revisit something that the Oklahoma Republican guy said in yesterday's post:
“If we take care of morality, God will take care of the economy.”

Now I'm no fancy big-city theologian like Kirk Cameron, but it seems to me that it might make more sense to let God deal with morality while elected officials handle the economy. The things of this world seem more like the province of politicians than the Almighty, while issues of morality seem better left to God. Morality really falls more under His bailiwick.
Sorry for the digression, it's just that I've been doing this a long time and I've never gotten a chance to use the word "bailiwick." Now I have. And there's a fairly decent chance that I used it correctly. Now back to the week that was last week.

Kirk Cameron wasn't the only religious fanatic to make headlines last week.

Christian Group Admits To Sending Men Into Women’s Bathrooms To Scare You Into Hating Trans People

Oh, but I am, Detective Benson.

Sorry, I haven't seen the show in a while.

Anyway. . .

Apparently the SPLC-designated hate group the American Family Association has been sending men into ladies' restrooms to, um . . . I have no idea what they think they're going to accomplish with this move, but let's have spokesloon Sandy Rios explain:

“I think there’s no question that when you say that there are no barriers in the bathroom,” Rios said, “and that if men or women feel like they are men or women, the opposition of however they are equipped, [sic] and you have no restrictions, the net effect will be that people will not be stopped. We’ve already had people testing this, going into Targets and men trying to go into bathrooms. There is absolutely no barrier.”

What?

“And so the chief concern,” she continued, “even more than just, I think, trauma, certainly for little girls of having men dressed like women coming in their bathrooms, the chief concern of the American Family Association is the predators who will take advantage.”

Speaking of predators, is there any chance you did any sort of background checks on these men that you're sending into womens' restrooms? Because It seems like the kind of guy who would volunteer for this mission is probably the same type of guy that would have the title "youth minister."

You know, the kind of fella that looks a bit like the man in this picture:

This photo is of the group The USA Freedom Kids, who are so young, but already learning how to work the conservative grift.

The USA Freedom Kids, whose 15 minutes are already well past the sell-by date, are mainly known for this:







Now they've already started their own  panhandling Go Fund Me page to try and relieve some right-wing dupes out of their freedom-loving cash.

USA Freedom Kids

April 27 at 10:42am ·

When we see celebrities "threatening" to leave America if Donald J. Trump is elected, we say to them, in the best of spirits, good bye and good luck.
We've set up this GoFundMe page to raise money to offset their moving expenses when Trump is elected.

The radical anti-Trump celebrities renounced America, they’ve renounced all Americans and, whether or not they realize it, they’ve put a price on OUR country. The rest of us know that freedom is priceless.

A price on our country? What does that even mean? And what exactly is so "radical" about not wanting a thin-skinned tiny-handed juvenile game-show host and conspiracy theorist to be the leader of the Free World?  Wanting things to stay relatively normal is kind of the opposite of radicalism.

The USA Freedom Kids are seeking your support to help fund their travel plans.
Donations to our campaign will pay for moving boxes, moving trucks, freight shipping, and even one-way airplane tickets – FIRST CLASS – to any country they so choose. We’ll even provide limousine transportation to the airport; these are celebrities and they deserve to be treated as such.
We do have terms of service to which they’ll need to agree; including their consent to NOT return to the USA for the 8-year term that Donald Trump will be president.

So, once they raise all this money and trump is not elected President, what then? Or even if, God forbid, Trump does somehow win and no celebrities actually want to leave the country, or even if they do, they're celebrities and therefore pretty rich and don't need your handouts, what happens to all this money? Do the freedom-loving youngsters send it back? Hahahaha!!!  These little junior Palins aren't that dumb! If they do get any donations out of this, they're going to shout FREEEEDOMMMM all the way to the bank!


All this talk about theologians made me think of this song, so by way of apology for the freedom Kids video, here it is:

I'm back! What'd I miss?

So, did I forget to mention we were going out of town last week, cuz I kinda feel like I forgot to mention that. But anyway, I'm back in town and back in business. So what did I miss while I was gone?



Well,  Oklahoma figured out a new way to prevent women from controlling their own reproductive systems protect the unborn.

This week a bill is sitting on Oklahoma Governor Mary Fallin’s desk waiting for a signature that allows the religious Republicans to revoke the license to practice medicine of any doctor “caught” providing a constitutionally-protected and legal medical procedure.

Honestly, you kinda have to respect that level of deviousness.



Well, not respect exactly, but. . . who knew Oklahoma Republicans could be so cunning? I know it's been the approach lately that since you can't make it illegal, just make it impossible to get, but this really takes it up another notch. This could even pass Constitutional muster, since you technically don't have any law against abortion, you just make it a violation of medical ethics. Brilliant! Disgusting and evil, sure, but pretty fucking brilliant.

The evangelical Republicans claim that eliminating a woman’s right to choose is not targeting women or doctors, or that revoking or chasing doctors out of state will not affect the state’s already woeful lack of physicians by enacting an unconstitutional ban. Instead they claimed revoking doctors’ licenses and eliminating women’s choice is how they are combating poverty, drug addiction, erosion of the family and myriad other social issues they claim are destroying Oklahoma’s economy. According to state Representative David Brumbaugh (R), religious Republicans had to do something for the economy quickly because “If we take care of morality, God will take care of the economy.”

Yeah, that's why the economy of the US was pretty much a permanent boom when abortion was illegal.

Thank God we don't have gay marriage or things would really be tough!

So what else happened last week?

Apparently, a bunch of knuckle-draggers went batshit over the most innocuous ad imaginable. 
The ad looked like this:

When I saw this ad, I didn't really think much of it. I didn't even think "good for Old Navy, putting an interracial family in their ad." Like most normal people, my only objection to this photo was " no way, she's way out of his league!"

But, because this is 2016 America, there was an ugly hateful reaction from the Twitter troglodytes.



Jeezus! Who even uses the word "miscegenation" anymore without it being accompanied by the phrase "back in those days. . ."
Also, I'm not sure from which direction mixed-race marriage is being shoved down anyone's throat.
I mean, who's the most famous couple in the world right now?

Maybe?

Possibly.

Could be.


Even fictional couples tend to be pretty monochromatic.

Um, yes. Hence the non-white baby in the photo. No one is arguing the genetics of white babies, whom Old Navy obviously hates - as do we all.

Look at that little jerk!

Honestly, I'm not even sure what this person's objection is supposed to be. Like every baby shown in every ad has to be white or it's genocide? And the kid in the ad isn't even a baby at all. He looks to be about 5 years old. But the important thing is that we all learned a little bit about heredity and genes. It takes two white parents to make a white baby. Good to know. Now whenever you see a white baby you can confidently state "hey, baby, I know that both of your parents are white. I'm pretty much a geneticist."




Right, because a white guy marrying a black lady is pretty much the same thing as committing a horrific crime against a child. And of course it all comes back to people using the bathroom that matches their naughty bits, because that's the right-wing outrage du jour.

What else? Well, Congressional Republicans have reached yet another all-time low of shamelessness.

On Thursday Republicans in Congress voted to overturn a rule, proposed by the Obama administration, which requires investment advisers to act in the best interest of the person they are advising.

Wait. So there's a rule that says that financial advisors should please refrain from fucking over their clients, and the GOP Congress looks at that rule and says. . .what, exactly? What even is the objection to the don't-cheat-grandma-out-of-her-life-savings rule?

I couldn't find anywhere that they even bother trying to rationalize this position. All I could find is that they supposedly have their own bills that will do the same thing but better and way cooler than dumb old Obama's rule.

Well, there's plenty more that went on last week, but we'll have to continue this tomorrow because I'm tired and you can't make me. Did that even make sense? Probably not. But I'm too sleepy to edit.

I'm sorry, what century is this again?

Miss. not adding domestic violence as grounds for divorce

JACKSON, Miss. (AP)

                   A final version of a bill that would have allowed divorces for
that reason passed the House on Wednesday, but died in the Senate a
short time later.

Okayyyyyy. . . .
So, apparently in the great state of Mississippi, you actually need to have a reason to be allowed to get divorced other than "we are two adults who know what we want and we don't want to be married anymore." And the one circumstance that ought to be a no-brainer is not among the allowable reasons.

The state currently allows only 12 justifiable reasons to legally grant a divorce including impotency, adultery, alcoholism, and incurable mental illness among some of the reasons.

Wait. So you can get a divorce if your husband can't get it up, but if he punches you, you're out of luck?

So, I guess if your husband hits you, your only option is to kick him in the balls hard enough that he becomes impotent?


Actually, yeah. That sounds right.

JACKSON, Miss. (AP) — Mississippi will not add domestic violence as a reason for divorce.
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Alabama Rep Proposes a Thing

So apparently, there is a thing called the "National Day of Prayer" here in the good ol' US of A. And apparently, every president since Truman has had to sign on to this observance every year while pretending that the separation of church and state is suspended one day a year.

This year, and maybe this is normal, I don't know, but this year the Alabama House of Representatives is issuing, or at least considering issuing a proclamation regarding the day of prayer. Written by Rep. Mack Butler (R-You Kidding Me), the text reads as follows:

WHEREAS, God has blessed America, where freedom exists for all, regardless of belief or creed; and

And also, no mosques!

WHEREAS, America’s heritage is a beacon to the world, a shining city on a hill; and

Wait, you can't just say that like it's a statement of fact. That's like saying "Whereas, the San Francisco Giants are the greatest baseball team known to mankind. . ." Well, bad example, that actually is true, but you get what I'm saying, right?

WHEREAS, America’s exceptionalism was not only on a thoroughfare for freedom beat, but a leader and protector of values and safety around the world; and

What? Did any of that make sense to anyone?
I think he's saying that America (by which he presumably means the United States of, not the two continents in the Western Hemisphere, but it's only an official government proclamation, so precise language isn't really that important)
Any way, I think he's saying that America somehow protects the nebulous concept of "values" and also makes the rest of the world safe? You know, like how the people of Chile felt so much safer after we installed Pinochet? Or how "shock and awe" made the people of Iraq feel all protected and secure?

WHEREAS, though American’s sovereignty did not and would not rule the world, rather than a colonial power, she shared her bounty; and

Oh my God, take a freshman composition class, please.

WHEREAS, America has turned from her values, she is engaged in practices antithetical to her heritage by not protecting the poor, defenseless, and unborn, and has permitted the law to discriminate pitting one’s rights against the rights of others; and

When did we ever protect the poor? I mean, FDR did and LBJ, but you guys all called that Communism and said it was bad and would destroy America.
Also, one person's rights are always pitted against the rights of others. For instance, my right to do what I want with my property is pitted against my neighbors' right to not have an In 'n' Out Burger on the front lawn next door to them. It's always about finding a balance. That doesn't mean that America "has allowed the law to discriminate."

I don't know for sure, but I assume you're referring to dickhead bakers having to bake wedding cakes with 2 brides or 2 grooms on top? Their rights to run their business as they see fit is pitted against the gay couples' right to not have service refused in a place of public accommodation. If the courts have ruled against the business owner's "right" to discriminate, that's not the same thing as the law discriminating.

WHEREAS, America now sits in her sanctuary while the rest of the world is falling into turmoil with genocide against Christians and radical Islamic terrorists wreaking havoc; and

Oh, thank God no radical Islamic terrorists have ever wreaked any of their patented havoc here in America!

 

Well, most of us won't.

  

WHEREAS, America’s Judeo-Christian tradition recognized a freedom of religion, the first freedom, that let all religions coexist; and 

 And just to reiterate: NO MOSQUES!

 

WHEREAS, traditional values have been removed from the public square where all values were once spoken; and  

Yes, remember those halcyon days when the public square was full of atheists, communists, free-thinkers and anarchists freely speaking about their values. Oh, those were wonderful times!

 WHEREAS, religious freedom is threatened and God is mocked; and

Um, pretty sure part of religious freedom would be the freedom to mock God if one so chooses.
Also, nobody is threatening the religious freedom of anybody in America! (Except Muslims)

WHEREAS, just as Jesus observed when he drew close to Jerusalem before His crucifixion and wept over the city that thought it knew of the things made for peace, it was now hidden from their eyes and just as high government officials often invoke the name of God, yet they tempt God by abandoning His truths; and

Huh?

 WHEREAS, America must reaffirm her freedom and her faith; and 

Can't really do both. Can't reaffirm our commitment to freedom and also say we're endorsing a religion.

 Also, this is your last "Whereas." Don't put an "and" at the end. This is how it reads:

WHEREAS, America must reaffirm her freedom and her faith; and
BE IT RESOLVED BY THE LEGISLATURE OF ALABAMA, BOTH HOUSES THEREOF CONCURRING,

Did you not take English classes in high school? (sorry, high school is a type of school that most states have kids attend after elementary and middle school. ZING!)
You should say ". . . her freedom and her faith. THEREFORE, be it resolved. . ." Saying "whereas. . .and be it resolved" is just,um, not good writing?

Okay, but anyway, we've gotten through all the "Whereases" and we finally get to the resolution. Ready?

 

 

BE IT RESOLVED BY THE LEGISLATURE OF ALABAMA, BOTH HOUSES THEREOF CONCURRING, That we urge America to reaffirm and protect its freedoms.

 That's it? That was a hell of a long way to go for that. You're in favor of freedom? Wow! Really going out on a limb, there!

 

 More? Okay, Popeil, hit me with it!

BE IT FURTHER RESOLVED, That the fifth day of May 24 2016 be set aside as a day of reflection by the citizens of the State of Alabama who will humble themselves and pray and seek God’s face and turn from their wicked ways so that God will hear from Heaven and will forgive their sins and heal their land.

 

 Heal the. . . ? Dude, it's Alabama! There's only so much I can do!

P.S. I apologize to the good people of Alabama. I've been living in Georgia for a while now, and I'm trying to fit in. I'm pretty sure I'm supposed to disparage neighboring states. Go Dawgs!



P. P.S. when searching for "drumroll, please" I stumbled onto this gif. Enjoy the awesomeness!