Thursday, December 15, 2016

2016: The Year in Television, Part I



If you know me at all, and you certainly do NOT! you know I love me some TeeVee. And so it has become a December tradition here to take a look back at the year in television. The hits and misses, the shows that made us smile and the shows that displeased us. And now, without further ado, we present

2016: The Year in Television

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Surprise of the Year:  Channel Zero

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 While Netflix's Stranger Things was absorbing all the buzz, reveling in the accolades of viewers who said "A show set in the 1980's? Brilliant!", SyFy Channel quietly slipped this horror anthology show into Prime Time with zero fanfare. I know, I know, SyFy! Believe me, I was skeptical too, to say the least. But once someone talked me into trying it, I got hooked.  It's slow-moving which allows the creepiness and suspense to build to a slow boil and actually had a satisfying conclusion which is hard to do with horror. Generally, once you show the monster, it isn't scary any more, but they did make it work.
It's not perfect. Some of the dialogue is a bit clunky and Paul Schneider (Parks & Rec) is just not a good actor, but it keeps you guessing for most of the season, which is only 6 episodes, so it's not a huge investment of time. Check it out, if you like spooky shows.







Mistake of the Year:   Tyrant  killed off Jamal

You knew from the get-go that seemingly mild-mannered Bassam "Barry" al-Fayed was going to become the Tyrant of the show's title, the Walter White-esque character arc was going to be hard for the producers to pass up. but from the beginning, Jamal was he stronger character. A man who had been raised against his will to be a tyrant, who struggled with his conscience, destined by his dna and his upbringing to repeat the atrocities of his late father, Jamal was by far the more compelling character.



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 And it didn't hurt that he was played by the incredibly charismatic actor Ashraf Barhom.


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 Admit it. You love him! You know he's evil, but you can't help it!

The show still works. The introduction of an ISIS-style caliphate army has taken things to a new level, but I miss Jamal. And I miss the tension between Jamal and Bassam. And Jamal ended last season in a coma. You could have left him alive, unconscious in the hospital until you needed him again.  Hopefully Ashraf Barhom gets his own series.




Revelation of the Year:  Louie Anderson on Baskets

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If you had told me that there was going to be a show starring Zach Galifinakis and that Zack Galifinakis would not be the funniest person on the show, I'd have thought you were nuts. And if you told me that the funniest person on the show would be Louie Anderson. . . well, I'd have figured you were pulling my leg. Louie Anderson? I never thought much of him as a comedian, I certainly didn't anticipate him  stealing every single scene he's in opposite Zach Galifinakis. But he does. He's fantastic. He's probably the best reason to watch the show.



Best Reason to get Netflix:  Paranoid


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 Actually, let's say British cop shows in general.
There are so many great ones on Netflix.

There's Broadchurch

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                  Happy Valley

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 Whitechapel

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 Ripper Street

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 (at least the first two seasons)

And a bunch more I'm forgetting (Luther, Prime Suspect, Wallander, etc)

But this year's favorite was the Netflix original Paranoid, about a seemingly random murder which turns out to be - well, no spoilers here. But it's good keep-you-guessing mystery. The only real complaint I have with the show is that for some reason, they feel it's important to show what a wreck the main female detective's personal life is and what an emotional wrecking ball she can be to those who get close to her. It doesn't really add to the plot and just makes her kind of obnoxious. Other than that subplot, it's a terrific, tense conspiracy-driven murder mystery. And it's only on Netflix.

Biggest disappointment of the year: Scream Queens Season Two

I loved season one of Scream Queens. It was funny and original and had a story line that kept you guessing who the villain might turn out to be. So I was looking forward to another season. But holy god, what a belly flop this show took this year. I could only watch the first 2 or 3 episodes. Bringing back the same characters was probably a mistake as they were all abit two-dimensional and had started to wear thin by the end of season one. I don't know. Maybe they lost some writers, too? But this season was just unbearable.



More tomorrow.

By the way, if there's any shows you want to reccomend, please do so in the comments. Bear in mind, I don't get HBO, but I would love to find my next tv addiction on Netflix, Amazon, or basic cable.









Wednesday, December 14, 2016

You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.




Trump: I Don’t Meet With The Press Because They Mangle My ‘Beautiful Flowing Sentences’



Well, I guess if by "flowing," you mean something like this:


http://thumbpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/Summer-GIFs-2.gif








Girlfriend of Alaska Teen Allegedly Killed for Smoking Friend’s Weed: He Was an ‘Old-Fashioned’ Gentleman

harrietsokmensuer,People Tue, Dec 13 1:03 PM PST Comm

Um, "Gentleman?" The weed-stealer was a "gentleman?" I'm not sure what your definition of the word "gentleman" is.



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I say, I say, suh! A gentleman never pilfers his bosom companion's intoxicants!







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Blake Shelton Wants Gwen Stefani Back on The Voice for ‘Obvious’ Reasons: ‘She Is Special,’ Says the Singer

Lindsay Kimble,People 7 hours ago 

I think the word you're looking for is "annoying?" Or "irritating?" Maybe "talentless?"





TV icon Alan Thicke dead at 69




Icon? Has the definition of the word "icon" been expanded to include guys who haven't been on TV since their stint playing second fiddle to this guy ended?

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Tuesday, December 13, 2016

Fixing political Reporting


So I saw this today and I thought it was kind of funny.





(for the non-sports fans out there, the Rams used to represent St. Louis before moving back to Los Angeles. Apparently some St Louisisans are a bit bitter about this)


Anyway, it got me to thinking.



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I think we could solve a lot of the problems with political reporting if we did one thing. Fire all the political reporters and let sports reporters take over. Because sports reporters understand how objectivity works.

For instance:

Last night there was a football game.


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The final score was New England 30, Baltimore 23. Now if you turn to any newspaper sports section, or to ESPN or your local news channel, every one of them will tell you that New England defeated Baltimore. because that is objectively what happened. None of them will say "well, both teams were able to put points on the board last night," or "Quarterbacks for both teams threw interceptions, here to debate which turnovers were more costly to his team is our panel of experts. . ."


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Even if you live in Baltimore, your local reporters aren't going to tell you that the Ravens won. They may begin the story with "ugh, what a lousy night for the Ravens. . ." but they won't be able to spin the results into a Baltimore victory. Nor will they try.  And they certainly won't say "New England is claiming victory in last night's game, but Baltimore is saying 'not so fast.' Here are a couple of players from each team making their case that their side was the winner, and I guess we'll just never really know for sure! Agree to disagree!" Because objective reporting means you report what the actual facts are, not that you are required to make the story equally favorable or unfavorable to both sides.

If sports reporters covered a debate in which one candidate came prepared with facts and figures, demonstrating knowledge of a wide variety of subjects while the other shouted "WRONG!" a lot, they would just tell you that the first candidate had in fact won the debate. They wouldn't feel the need to speculate about how much of a problem it might be to show up "over-prepared" or whatever.

Sports reporters are allowed to differentiate between the truth and a lie. They don't have to pussyfoot around. They can just come out and say that, for instance, certain baseball players were lying when they claimed never to have used steroids.


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Also, they're better at analysis than political reporters. Take for example this breakdown of the 49ers passing offense. There's more scrutiny of factors of causation in these two sentences than in the entirety of most political reporting.

Vanishing after halftime is too common a trend under Colin Kaepernick, who produced only 4 passing yards in the second half before going 2 of 3 for 13 yards in overtime. Although the 49ers should reconsider Kaepernick’s starting role, he is not the only culprit here, including Chip Kelly’s conservative calls, unreliable receivers and costly injuries to Joe Staley, Daniel Kilgore, Vance McDonald and Torrey Smith.


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Oh, God. It's true! All of it! Oh they're so terrible! 



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They used to be so good. So good!




 
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Thursday, December 8, 2016

Fun with Headlines


All headlines via Yahoo! News



Tina Fey Has One Answer For Why Hillary Clinton Lost The Election


Does it rhyme with "Schmillary Schminton is a schmerrible schmandidate?"


Report: Illegal Immigrants Using 'Magic Words' to Instantly Enter US

insider.foxnews.com/2016/12/06/illegal-immigrants-using-magi...

 

Washington Times reporter Stephen Dinan said Tuesday that illegal immigrants have been coached to use so-called "magic words" when apprehended by U.S. Border Patrol agents in order to be temporarily released into the country.
 
Hmm. . . I don't know. FOX isn't the most reliable source in the, , ,oh, wait! They're citing the Moonie Times?
Well, now I don't know what to think!

No mistrial for Dylann Roof after church shooting survivor calls him 'evil'

Because of the longstanding legal principle of Duh!



Um, the one who was a little girl is now an adult? Oh, I can't believe it!
And everyone else is dead, so. . .





Bears, Lions have been totally different teams in fourth quarters


Yes. The Bears and the Lions are, in fact totally different teams. Hence the different names.







Celebrities Caught Doing The Walk Of Shame

Oh, fer fuck sake! Are we seriously still using that expression?


Confucius Say "Do This And Live Without Suffering"


 And that one too?

 

Klan leaders charged after stabbing ahead of pro-Trump rally

Goddammit, those sons of bi --  

Two leaders of the Ku Klux Klan group were set to appear in court on charges of stabbing a fellow white supremacist before a parade to celebrate Donald Trump's presidential election,
 Oh. Oh, okay then. Never mind.







 

Wednesday, December 7, 2016

Hypocrite of the Day






Senate leader pushes for extension of coal miner healthcare

Reuters


Really. Health care. This guy?


https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/4/41/Mitch_McConnell_official_portrait_112th_Congress.jpg


This guy is concerned about people losing their health care?

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - U.S. Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell on Tuesday said he is pushing to extend expiring healthcare benefits for retired coal miners by including a provision in a spending bill Congress hopes to pass this week.


Retired coal miners.

The guy who had to be shamed by Jon Stewart into supporting healthcare for 9/11 first responders is concerned about the healthcare benefits of retired coal miners?

In a statement on the Senate floor, McConnell, a Republican from Kentucky, said that in conversations with House of Representatives Speaker Paul Ryan he has insisted that the Continuing Resolution include "a provision to address that issue so these retirees don't lose their healthcare benefit at the end of this year."
 Oh, right. He'd hate to think that something could cause some people to lose their healthcare!

Unless. . .




Obamacare Repeal Would Take Insurance From 30 Million People



Gee, who is that guy, that guy who's been so adamant about wanting to repeal Obamacare? Old guy, looks like a turtle, has no decency. . .Oh, right, it's that son of a bitch Mitch McConnell!

So, McConnell is fine, well more than fine, he's practically erect at the thought of stripping health insurance from 30 million people, he's not all that crazy about providing care for the heroes of 9/11, but he just can't stand the thought of retired coal miners being unable to access whatever it is that passes for medical care in the coaldust towns of  rural Kentucky?


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Pictured: The best hospital in Paduccah


It couldn't have anything to do with the fact that retired coal miners are largely old white men, could it? Or that these old white men are voters McConnell might need in his next re-election bid? I mean,. the 9/11 first responders mostly live in New York and New Jersey, they can't vote for or against McConnell, that couldn't have anything to do with his callous indifference to their health concerns.could it?


Look, it's great that retired coal miners have healthcare. I'm not suggesting that they should forfeit this. I'm just saying that it's sickening that Mitch McConnell doesn't have the same concern for the millions of other Americans who will no longer have access to doctors if/when McConnell actually does what he's been promising/threatening to do and repeal the Affordable Care Act.