Important News! About God and sex stuff! (Ewwww)

So apparently there is a group out there called the Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood.

     
 

I know, ewwwww already, right? Their board contains these manly specimens of heterosexual manliness

            

  Jeff Purswell  Board Member                            Daniel L. Akin  Board Member

Jason Duesing

Editor, JBMW Board Member

It may surprise you to learn that the board includes exactly zero women!

I mean, they're only the council on "manhood" and "womanhood." Why would you need any women having their womanly input? What do women know about womanhood?


Anyway, this no doubt charming little group has issued a manifesto of sorts setting out their - I mean God's - views on the whole man/woman thing and if it's any more insightful than "boys have wieners and girls have hoo-hoos" I will be truly shocked.

We are proud to release today The Nashville Statement, a coalition statement on biblical sexuality https://t.co/oNkHLEcHB0

— CBMW (@CBMWorg) August 29, 2017

Ewwwww! "Biblical sexuality?" Ewwwww! ew ew ew!!!

Evangelical Christians at the dawn of the twenty-first century find themselves living in a period of historic transition. As Western culture has become increasingly post-Christian, it has embarked upon a massive revision of what it means to be a human being. By and large the spirit of our age no longer discerns or delights in the beauty of God’s design for human life. Many deny that God created human beings for his glory,

Wait, hold up. Are you saying God made the entire human race just to show off? Just to get some glory? And he's happy with the result? He hasn't ever said "hey look what I can make. . . oh man. Uh, look over there! I made dolphins!"

And if he made us for purposes of self-glorification, why do so many of us look like this?

I mean, come on. If you had made any of these guys, would you be basking in the glory right now?

Anyway. . .

We believe that God’s design for his creation and his way of salvation serve to bring him the greatest glory and bring us the greatest good. . . Therefore, in the hope of serving Christ’s church and witnessing publicly to the good purposes of God for human sexuality revealed in Christian Scripture, we offer the following affirmations and denials.

Article 1

WE AFFIRM that God has designed marriage to be a covenantal, sexual, procreative, lifelong union of one man and one woman, as husband and wife, and is meant to signify the covenant love between Christ and his bride the church.

WE DENY that God has designed marriage to be a homosexual, polygamous, or polyamorous relationship. We also deny that marriage is a mere human contract rather than a covenant made before God.

Oh, that's original! Yeah, totally didn't see that one coming.

You really took all the time and effort to put together this proclamation and your lead is "Yup, same as always. One dude, one lady. Exactly like we've always said." That was time well spent.

Article 2

WE AFFIRM that God’s revealed will for all people is chastity outside of marriage and fidelity within marriage.

WE DENY that any affections, desires, or commitments ever justify sexual intercourse before or outside marriage; nor do they justify any form of sexual immorality

Seriously, did you just cut and paste this from every other statement every other evangelical group has ever made on the subject?

Article 6

WE AFFIRM that those born with a physical disorder of sex development are created in the image of God and have dignity and worth equal to all other image-bearers. They are acknowledged by our Lord Jesus in his words about “eunuchs who were born that way from their mother’s womb.” With all others they are welcome as faithful followers of Jesus Christ and should embrace their biological sex insofar as it may be known.

WE DENY that ambiguities related to a person’s biological sex render one incapable of living a fruitful life in joyful obedience to Christ.

Okay, that's one I've not heard before. But really? People who are born with ambiguous or possibly no genitalia still have to conform to your rigid gender roles? You can't even give that person a break?

Article 7

WE AFFIRM that self-conception as male or female should be defined by God’s holy purposes in creation and redemption as revealed in Scripture.

WE DENY that adopting a homosexual or transgender self-conception is consistent with God’s holy purposes in creation and redemption.

So. . . we insist that you live as God made you. Unless he made you gay or trans. Then it's up to you to cover for him and pretend you're not.

Anyway, this thing has a total of 14 articles all of which add up basically to "boys have wieners and girls have hoo-hoos and that's the way we like it!"

And you know someone is paying these grifters to put out this stupid missive about how they still believe the same things, no changes, but divided into "Articles" to make it seem important. Oh, here's a surprise - there's a "Donate" button!



Because whatever creepy families/organizations are funding these conmen aren't paying enough, they need gullible old people to endorse their social security checks over to them so that they can, I don't know, is it still the "homosexual agenda?" Is that still what they're fighting? Maybe Sharia Law or something? I don't know. But here's why they so desperately need your money:

In the months and years to come, the mission of CBMW will include distributing The Nashville Statement and developing resources to equip pastors and churches to stand firm for the Bible’s teaching on marriage and sexuality. One way you can be involved is to join us in prayer for the Lord’s blessing on our efforts, as well as to make a financial gift in support of this very important work.

So. . . they need to print up some copies at Kinko's and, um I guess buy stamps? And then pretend that "developing resources to equip pastors and churches to stand firm" is a real thing and that it is a thing that costs money?

Kellyanne Conway is Ridiculous -- Again.

It's hard to say what the most ridiculous part of this is.And it's only a minute and a half.

“It’s way over the line.” -@KellyannePolls reacts to James Clapper questioning Pres. Trump’s fitness for office pic.twitter.com/w4Db17t6g5

— FOX & friends (@foxandfriends) August 24, 2017

I'm sorry you had to see that.

Anyway, what is the most ridiculous part?
Is it maybe when she complains about news channels not reporting straight news but trotting out a parade of pundits to "opinionate" and "pontificate" while she's speaking to FOX AND FRIENDS, on a network that is built entirely on blowhards opinionating and pontificating and of course no one sees the irony at all.

Maybe it's the idea that Clapper's assessment of Il Douche's fitness for office is "way over the line," when no one on this network seemed to think it was over the line to question the previous president's  patriotism, honesty, intelligence or citizenship. It was not, apparently "over the line" to claim that the previous president had "a deep-seated hatred of white people," And it was certainly not over the line to call our last president a Marxist. And a fascist. And a Nazi. And a Maoist. And a Bolshevik. And a Trotskyite.

Is it when she claims that the media was "way too afraid" of the Obama administration? Like sure, that was 8 solid years of no criticism of the administration. Yeah, you never heard anything negative about Barack Obama in the media!

I would say the part about the press not being scared enough of Orange Julius Caesar was pretty ridiculous, but it's also kinda scary.

Or is it the verbal eyeroll she gives when she talks about the press doing their jobs and reporting facts and holding people accountable as if that's some sort of absurd idea.

Is it that Democrats are supposedly "whispering" that they wish Hillary Clinton would not have written a book, that she should "make herself useful" or "go away," like you know who's privy to the whisperings of the Democratic Party? Kellyanne fucking Conway! Yeah, of course, whenever a Democrat has a problem with the direction of the party, they go right to the most dishonest member of the Dolt 45 talking head brigade.


I guess the most ridiculous part is when she reflexively shits into "yeah, well what about Hillary?" mode.

"Where is her big c4 trying to help women and children?' Um, you mean the CLINTON FOUNDATION?

"Where's her bi-partisan effort to help with infrastructure?" You do know she's OUT OF OFFICE, right? What the hell is she supposed to do? Somehow she's going to be the one to get Republicans to get off their asses and produce some sort of bi-partisan legislation even though the entire idea of any kind of bipartisanship is anathema to your entire party? A party, by the way, that controls both houses of Congress and the White House and can pass whatever it wants even without Ms Clinton's help. And by the way, her name is "Secretary Clinton." Show some goddamm respect, you little hack. We would also accept "Ms. Clinton," "Ms. Rodham-Clinton," "Senator," or "Mrs. Clinton." What makes you think you're on a first-name basis with a person of actual accomplishment?

Oh, and Kellyanne? You say you're working on the opioid crisis every single day? Wow, you're doing a bang-up job!

Oh, Canada! I expect better from you.

I know you're not perfect, Canada. You probably have some flaws. I can't really think of any except maybe curling? Oh, and you did give us celine dion and Justin Bieber, but you also gave us Kids in the Hall and kd Lang, so I guess we're even on that score. Oh, and Leonard Cohen! I almost  forgot Leonard Cohen, forgive me, gods of music.
Anyway, I know it's unfair to expect you to always be better than us in every way, but really - THIS?

Canadian town refuses to remove swastikas from park as mayor defends local history

Okay, why in the Hell are there swastikas in a Canadian park? Canada fought on the right side of WWII. My late father-in-law dropped bombs from a RCAF plane onto those Nazi bastards. Who the hell is putting swastikas in your parks, Canada?

A Canadian village has refused to remove swastikas from a local park after an activist tried to paint over the controversial symbols.
The Nazi emblems are on an anchor that is on display in Pointe-des-Cascades, about 50 miles west of Montreal in Quebec.

Oh. Okay, maybe I'm wrong. Is this an anchor from a Nazi warship that was sunk by the Canadian Navy? It's a war trophy? Because that would change everything.

Corey Fleischer, founder of a group called Erasing Hate, was trying to paint over the symbols last Thursday when he was stopped by the local mayor, Gilles Santerre, who called police to have him removed from the park.

Seriously? The mayor doesn't have bigger fish to fry? The Mayor is out patrolling parks looking out for vandals?

Stressing it was part of the area's local history, he said the anchor, which belonged to a merchant vessel, predated the Second World War and was discovered by divers 25 years ago.

Oh yeah, you gotta preserve that local history. Let us never forget that time in 1992 that a couple of local fellas found that anchor. That was pretty cool, right? You know, cuz it was pretty old, like an antique or something. We will never let anyone take away that moment of glory!

He cited a Radio Canada article that said the swastika was a symbol of peace before 1920.

Yes, and the word "f__got" used to mean " a small bundle of sticks," but no decent person would be okay with that word being thrown around in a public park.

 The mayor sad the symbols would not be removed, but promised to place a more descriptive plaque next to the anchor to clarify its history.

 Oh, yeah. You gotta clarify that this well-known symbol of hatred and murder has an important place in your town's history, having been stumbled upon by a couple of scuba divers and all.

David Ouellette, of the Centre for Israel and Jewish Affairs, said Mr Fleischer should not have acted without consulting the village but said it was important the anchor's history was made clear to the public.
"If you're going to display publicly the swastika, it's important to give the full context," Mr Ouellette told the CBC.

Or you could, ya know, just not display the goddamned swastika!

Come on, Canada! People down here look up to you. You have to set a better example. Remember, you're a role model.