Dating advice for creepy weirdos

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Catching up on this week

Well, some crazy shit happened this week (which I guess is pretty much the new normal) and I haven't been online a whole lot, so let's see about getting caught up here, hmm?

Let's see, well Doug Jones defeated kiddy-diddling theocratic racist Roy Moore in the race for Alabama's open Senate seat, and of course conservatives took the loss with dignity, licked their wounds , and vowed to do better next time - ahahaha, of course they didn't!

I am hearing rumors that black voters from MS were encouraged to cross over into AL and vote. Anyone else hearing this? Anything to it? That might explain the 30% turnout higher than population percentage. Just reporting the rumor.

— Bill Mitchell (@mitchellvii) December 13, 2017

Because the only way this disgusting sexual predator, who was already an embarrassment to the state before his predation became well known, could possibly have lost is by some sort of cheating! Ordinarily you'd expect people to line up around the block to vote for a guy who molested girls too young to drive!

Obviously, the only logical explanation is that someone(not naming names, but maybe rhymes with Schmoros?) got thousands of Mississippians to drive across the border, somehow get registered to vote in a state with strict voter ID laws despite not having Alabama addresses, somehow all get to the DMV and con someone into issuing them drivers' licenses in time for the election, then somehow got their new IDs mailed to. . . I don't know I guess whatever hotels they were all staying in? Or to their home addresses in Mississippi somehow? I don't know. And then turn up to vote for Jones, all without raising any suspicion in the Republican Secretary of State, or Republican board of elections, any part of the Republican-dominated state government who just somehow didn't notice this sudden surge in the voting population. I mean, think about it, it's the only thing that makes sense! Wake UP, sheeple!!!


Or maybe there's an even more logical explanation:

Kevin Swanson Blames Roy Moore’s Loss On Alabama’s Love Of Pornography

By Kyle Mantyla | December 15, 2017 10:34 am

On his radio program yesterday, extremist anti-LGBTQ pastor Kevin Swanson reacted to Roy Moore’s loss in the Senate election in Alabama earlier this week by blaming it on the state’s love of pornography, which he also warned is turning children gay.

Turning. Children. Gay.
Wow!

You know, if watching porn turned people gay there wouldn't be a hetero man left in the fucking world. Which, honestly, would probably be an improvement.

Swanson, who interviewed Moore on his program earlier this year, told his audience that Alabama was among the states where people spent the most time on the website Pornhub in 2016, which lead him to conclude that it was no coincidence that Moore lost because “that state probably has significant sexual problems, especially since Doug Jones is so in favor of sexual perversion, transgenderism and homosexuality. Evidently, the state of Alabama must have a problem with sexuality. It’s obvious.”

Yes. Sexual perversion. Not wholesome loving sexual activity like feeling up a frightened 14-year-old or trying to force a 16-year-old to blow you in an alley.

“Unless there is a spiritual awakening,” Swanson added, “I think these conservative states are going to become liberal in their moral values within another five, 10, or 20 years."

If the fathers are doing pornography, the kids are going to turn into homosexuals. The fathers will hide their sin and the children will come out of the closet with it. By the way, the top porn search word in Alabama and Mississippi is ‘lesbian.’ So another indication that the father’s generation is dabbling in porn, the children’s generation will go head over heels for some of the most egregious sexual crimes that men ever engage in.”

Yeah. . . um, I don't know how to explain this politely, but men don't engage in "Lesbian" anything. Also, the reason a lot of hetero men search for lesbian porn is because they specifically do not want to see any dicks while they're jerking off, so I'm really confused as to how this is gonna turn their kids gay. Also, too, there is just absolutely zero logic to any of your thesis.


Let's see, what else?
Oh,  a lot of women have been using the hashtag #MeToo to share their experiences with sexual assault/harassment. And a lot of people have been offering their shitty takes on this trend. If you had Laura Ingraham in the "who is going to have the shittiest take on this phenomenon" pool, congratulations! 'Cause I think she did.

Laura Ingraham: Is The #MeToo Movement ‘Killing All the Fun of Christmas’?

“Is the #MeToo movement becoming a spoiler for this season’s Christmas parties?” Ingraham asked during a segment on last night’s The Ingraham Angle.
Speaking to conservative comedian Jimmy Failla, Ingraham wondered aloud if the recent spate of powerful men being outed for sexual misconduct and harassment would make for a less festive mood this holiday season.
“No alcohol and no fun and no lampshades and, I don’t know, maybe that’s better,” she noted. “Is this just killing all the fun of Christmas?”

Oh my God, yes! I mean, music, food and drinks, secret-Santa gifts, those are all fine and good, but if you can't even grab a co-worker by the p**sy, I mean, what's the point of Christmas anyway?

The reason for the season!

What else? Oh, Matthew Peterson, who ostensibly attended some law school somewhere humiliated himself in front of Congress with his inability to answer any basic questions about law.

#MatthewPeterson testifying about his qualifications: pic.twitter.com/0rpc2i2lyH

— Professor Chaos (@akaProfessorCha) December 17, 2017

Oh, and Orange Julius Caesar commemorated the 5th anniversary of the Sandy Hook gun massacre by inviting the depraved, sociopathic head of the NRA to party in the White House. MAGA, motherfuckers!

Headlines that are not from the Onion

Trump Allies Sent a 12-Year-Old Girl to Interview Roy Moore

Okay, this has to be a joke, right?
Right?

Roy Moore interviewed by 12-year-old girl from pro-Trump PAC

And there was no one in Moore's campaign team to say "uh, this might not be a good look for you, Judge Pervert?"


First she talks to Moore's campaign manager who tells her he wishes that the 11 to 12-year-old demographic was their main support. Which, if I'm honest, I also wish, I wish that the bulk of Judge Molester's support came from people too young to vote. But from this guy, that's just weird.





And oh my GAWD, Moore trying to explain illegal immigration? Priceless!
". . .stop immigration. Well, not immigration. It's not illegal immigration, it's illegal aliens coming across the border, which is illegal. It's not legal [unintelligible] immigration."




Also, I'm pretty sure he didn't mean to say "NOT an inexpensive way to do it." "Not inexpensive" is generally not a selling point for any policy.


And he mentions this wacky quote which he attributes to Madison (I don't know if Madison ever said this or not, but I kinda figure he probably didn't) but he says that Madison stated that if we lose 'religious liberty' then 'they' become tyrants and we become slaves, and our intrepid reporter doesn't think to ask "speaking of slaves, do you really think that America was great during slavery? And do you really favor getting rid of the 13th amendment?"



Not that I would expect a 12-year-old kid to ask that kind of question, I mean, she's a child, not a grown woman of 14 or 15!

And it might be cute for a Senatorial candidate to be interviewed by a child if a: he wasn't refusing to do interviews with actual reporters and b: he wasn't a goddamm child molester!

Oh, and when she asks what the characteristics of a "really, really good Senator" are, the first thing he says is "follow the Constitution?!?!?" The one thing this asshole is famous for (okay, now it's two things, including being a sexual predator) is his refusal to follow the Constitution. His whole thing is defying lawful orders from the Supreme Court, in direct violation of the Constitution's supremacy clause, and defying those orders in service of his violating the separation of Church and State.

The interview goes on a bit from there, but I couldn't take any Moore. Ha! See what I did there? I'm so clever!

So I have 2 questions about this. One: did no one learn anything from the last kid to get famous at CPAC? Remember Jonathan Krohn? The big future superstar of the right who made a stupid speech at CPAC and now is pretty liberal and regrets allowing himself to be used as a tool of propoganda? Wanna bet the same thing happens to poor Miss Millie, who seems like a perfectly nice kid?

And question number two:

Are you sure this isn't the Onion?

Okay, who is this lady?

So I see Janet Porter was on the teevee again. this time with Anderson Cooper.

What Roy Moore's spox couldn't answer on @ac360
- whether Moore thinks Obama was born in US
- whether he thinks Muslims should be in Congress
- whether Moore thinks homosexuality should be outlawed
- whether 9/11 happened bc US distanced itself from God https://t.co/prz7kQ5wid

— Manu Raju (@mkraju) December 7, 2017

She is apparently an official spokeswoman for Roy Moore who knows pretty much zero about Roy Moore, except that all the allegations against him are false.

And she combines so many of the right-wing talking head styles into her own melange.
She's got some of the Mike Pence "I'm just do disappointed in you" condescension.
She's got a bit of the Kellyanne Conway "I've practiced this lie in the mirror so many times that I've started to believe it" dead eyed  cult-member affect.
There's a soupcon of the Ross Perot "Can I get a word in edgewise?" whine.
And a heaping helping of the Sarah Huckabee-Sanders "How dare you question this great man?" umbrage.
Oh, she's a pip, all right!

“Does Judge Moore still believe that homosexual conduct should be illegal and homosexuality is still the same thing at beastiality?” Cooper asked.
“I can’t answer that question,” she replied.


“Does he still believe 9/11 may have happened because, quote, we distanced ourselves from God?” Cooper continued. “That’s what he said in the past. Does he still believe that?”
“I don’t know the answer, no,” Porter finally admitted.

“Does he still believe Barack Obama wasn’t born in the United States?” Cooper asked.

“You know what,” Porter replied, waving the question away, “that issue has kind of come and gone.”

Oh, that is just bang-up work there! Great spokeswomaning, Janet!

“Does he still believe that the U.S. is ‘the focus of evil in the world’ because of same-sex marriage?” Cooper queried. 

“You can ridicule his biblical beliefs if you want,” Porter replied,

I can? Cool!
Okay, here goes.
Ahahahahaha!!!You believe that all of the world's problems are the result of a naked lady taking some bad advice from a talking snake! Ahahahaha!!!

You think that the Almighty ruler of the universe has nothing bigger to worry about than what people do with their wee wees and hoo hoos! Ahahahahaha!.

Ahhhh, that was fun. Thanks, Janet.

Anyway, this all got me wondering who is Janet Porter?

Well, according to Wikipedia:

Janet L. Folger Porter (born October 13, 1962)^[2] is an American conservative activist who is the founder and president of conservative group Faith2Action. . . She has also written a column for WorldNetDaily since 2007,

Wing Nut Daily? Ahahahahaha!!! What, was the Weekly World News not hiring?

 



Okay, so what is "Faith2Action?"
Well, for starters, they seem to be sponsored by some incredibly honest advertisers:


Because, as we all know, this is exactly what a 6-week-old fetus looks like.
Aww, he's so adorable! Let's look at another of these little cutie pies

But obviously this heartbeat bill organization is on the up-and-up, because when you click on the adorable baby, you get this:

Send cards to every Member of Congress!

(535 personalized, printed, color cards, will be mailed to each office from you) $59.95

So it's not like they have some sort of ulterior motive or anything.

 And on the Fath2Action website's "About Janet Porter" section, I found this bit of biographical information:

Janet has authored five books including: The Criminalization of Christianity, True to Life, and What’s a Girl to Do While Waiting for Mr. Right?  Janet has received an Honorary Doctorate Degree in Christian Humanitarian Service from the South Florida Bible College and Theological Seminary. 

 

Because she couldn't get into Hollywood Upstairs Medical College?

So she's an author, eh? Well I went to Amazon to check out one of her fine, well-written, not at all insane screeds books.
(This was written under her maiden name, Janet Folger)



Here's the blurb:

There is a war going on for the future of our country. Most people know that. What they may not know is that if Christians lose, the result won't merely be enduring public policy we disagree with - it will be a prison sentence for those who oppose it. [claim based on nothing] We've all seen the attack coming. First the Supreme Court said kids can't pray in school. [untrue. Kids can pray all they want, their teachers just can't lead them in prayer. Every classroom in America is filled with kids praying "please don't let her call on me."]Then the Ten Commandments were ripped from the classrooms. Now pastors are being removed from their pulpits and put in jail for speaking out against homosexuality [except that that has never happened once in the history of the U.S. Not once.] (Sweden). [oh. I thought you said this was a battle for OUR country. Also, I doubt that happened in Sweden either] And things are only getting worse. How in the world did we get to this place? And why is it that Christians are singled out in this assault on morality? Serving as a wake-up call for America, this book will expose the truth that Christianity is being criminalized - and that we must stand up against it

Oh my God, that is horrible. Those poor Christians! It must be so hard being as persecuted minority that . . .I'm sorry, what? Majority? A slim majority? Oh, Christians make up the vast majority of the population of the United States? Really?



 



 So. . . it's like apartheid? Where the minority group has all the power and oppresses the majority? Like, I'm sure there must be no Christians in Congress, right?



Hmmm. I'm beginning to think her thesis may not be sound.


Maybe she's more coherent on other subject matters. Let's take a look at some of her columns.

How same-sex marriage points to end of the world

Exclusive: Janet Folger looks to rabbinical wisdom,
New Testament to interpret California's court ruling

Published: 05/20/2008 at 12:00 AM
Read more at http://www.wnd.com/2008/05/64769/#M1aULFtgiilR6UJ1.99

As I wrote about in my book, “The Criminalization of Christianity,” Jeffrey Satinover, who holds an M.D. from Princeton and doctorates from Yale, MIT and Harvard, was on my radio program one day and I asked him about where we are in history. He explained that according to the “Babylonian Talmud” – the book of rabbis’ interpretation of the scriptures 1,000 years before Christ, there was only one time in history that reflects where we are right now. There was only one time in history, according to these writings, where men were given in marriage to men, and women given in marriage to women.

And if anyone had a firm grasp of social history, it was Babylonian rabbis in 1000 BC!

Want to venture a guess as to when? No, it wasn’t in Sodom and Gomorrah, although that was my guess. Homosexuality was rampant there, of course, but according to the Talmud, not homosexual “marriage.” What about ancient Greece? Rome? No. Babylon? No again. The one time in history when homosexual “marriage” was practiced was … during the days of Noah. And according to Satinover, that’s what the “Babylonian Talmud” attributes as the final straw that led to the Flood

I mean, sure, it isn't mentioned in the Bible. At all. But what else could have gotten God so mad? It's basic logic! Whenever something is not mentioned in Scripture, just go ahead and assume it's gay marriage.
Now, is there any historical record of any antediluvian societies allowing same-sex marriage? Well, no, silly! These records got super water-damaged what with all the flooding and whatnot. But I think we can fill in the blanks.

Does it look like I got room for records storage in here?

But, he said, the Talmud’s writings reveal that “before the Flood people started to write marriage contracts between men, in other words, homosexual ‘marriage,’ which is more than homosexual activity – it’s giving an official state stamp of approval, a sanctification … of homosexual partnership.”
In fact, he said, “the writings indicated that it wasn’t even so much the ‘straw that broke the camel’s back,’ but that the sin in and of itself is so contrary to why God created the world, so contrary to the order of God’s nature, that God said then and there ‘I have to start all over … to annihilate the world and start from the beginning. …'”

hhhhh

Augh! I forgot I was going to put the hetero gene in everybody this time!

Okay, so I guess she's not an expert on gay marriage ending the world. What else does she got?

Communism scheduled for a vote in Senate

Exclusive: Janet Porter shares 1992 account about Soviet 'Barack' being groomed

Published: 02/10/2009 at 12:00 AM

Ohhhhh. She's just a lunatic! Got it. Makes perfect sense.

America is done

America is done because this is a thing that can actually occur in this country now:

Spokeswoman Defends Roy Moore By Touting ‘Non-Accusers’

 An actual paid spokeswoman for an actual United States Senate candidate, a candidate with an actual good chance of winning, mind you, can actually go on an actual news program and say this:

Discussing the multiple allegations against Moore, Jane Porter told CNN’s Poppy Harlow “we need to make it clear, there’s a group of non-accusers, that have not accused the judge of anything illegal.”

WHAAAAT????

I thought the defenders of Roy Moore had hit the bottom of the barrel when that minister guy said that while Moore was in Vietnam all the women his age got married to other fellas, so what was he gonna do, NOT feel up a middle-schooler?

“All of the ladies, or many of the ladies that he possibly could have married, were not available then, they were already married, maybe, somewhere,” said Benham.
This meant Moore had to look “in a different direction,” said Benham
“He did that because there is something about a purity of a young woman, there is something that is good, that’s true, that’s straight and he looked for that,” Benham said.

Ohhh my God, that is so horrible! Ohhhhh, I don't even want to think about it. These young ladies are so good and pure and innocent - what 34-year-old man wouldn't want to stick his dick in them?

But anyway, I thought that was the bottom of the barrel until this lady comes out with the "what about all the girls he didn't molest?" defense.

Hey, what about all the banks we didn't rob, hmm? Case dismissed, am I right?

I mean, America is just done. There's no coming back from this.

America is also done because an actual woman could actually write this in 2017 and get it published on a reputable site (at least it used to be.)

The Upside of Office Flirtation?

I’m living it.

By Allison Benedikt

Okay, so there's not necessarily anything wrong with "office flirtation." If Bob from IT flirts with Susan from accounts payable, there's probably nothing wrong with that. As long as they're peers and as long as Susan doesn't tell Bob to get lost.

This on the other hand. . .

When I was 23 years old, my boss would look down the gap at the waistband of my jeans when he walked past my desk. I was an entry-level fact-checker at my first magazine job, and he was an older and more powerful editor. My career, at the time, was in his hands. Once, when we had finished working on a story together, he suggested we get a drink to celebrate. It was a Friday night, and I remember feeling extremely nervous as we sat across from each other in a dark bar. He was flirting with me, I could tell. The next weekend, he asked me out again. A few days later, he kissed me on the steps of the West 4^th subway station without first getting my consent. We’ve now been happily married for 14 years and have three children.

Ewwwwwwww!!!!

Okay, first of all, a creepy lech trying to sneak a peek at your butt crack is NOT "flirting." And a man who "holds your career in his hands" inviting you for a drink is NOT okay. Because you probably felt like you couldn't say "no," right? So it's really not fair, is it? What if this disturbing, lecherous ass-looker hadn't been your dream man? What if you had been, say, a normal person who found his actions repulsive? And you'd still probably feel obligated to go with him for that "celebratory" drink, right? And, being a normal person, you'd probably be creeped out the whole time, right? And then you'd have to decide whether it was worth continuing to work there if this lecher is going to be there every day leering at you and trying to get you to go out with him. And you'd have to think about what would happen if you report him - would they believe you? Would you be fired? I mean, seriously, nothing good comes from a boss asking his employee to go to a bar with him after hours.

If a younger woman asks an older and more professionally powerful man for job advice, and that man ends up hitting on the woman, is that on its own harassment?

Yeah. If she goes to this guy in a professional capacity and he turns that into an opportunity to try to get laid? And he's got all the power in that situation? Yeah, how would that not be harassment?

Is it always wrong when a man is attracted to a woman at work, and acts on that attraction?

 Oh my God, seriously?
No, it is not wrong for a man to be attracted to a co-worker. It all depends on whether they are co-workers or one is the other's boss or outranks the other, and it depends on whether "acting on the attraction" consists of saying "hey, Susan, wanna go out this weekend?" or if you're Matt Lauer walking around the office with your dick out. And I think you know all this.
You know, this is the same bullshit I remember hearing from guys at work during the Clarence Thomas/Anita Hill hearings. "Oh, man, no one know what you can even say anymore." "You can't even give someone a compliment!"And sadly, I expect that kind of bullshit from guys, but from a lady person?

But really, maybe the main reason that America is finished is because of shit like this:

White people are starting to feel oppressed and have started a movement called "It's OK to be White." https://t.co/1UeQ1WkbGf pic.twitter.com/Qj6zUa2VOu

— The Root (@TheRoot) December 3, 2017

When there is a large percentage of Americans who believe shit like "white people are being oppressed," there's just no future for a country like that. And frankly, no future is deserved. 
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