Things that make me feel stabby

Thing # 1:

BREAKING: Former VP @joebiden will present this year’s #LibertyMedal award to former President George W. Bush and former First Lady @laurawbush for their commitment to veterans.

The ceremony will take place on #VeteransDay, November 11, in #Philadelphia: https://t.co/jnl1ouWrmk pic.twitter.com/KdcYhDHy31

— National Constitution Center (@ConstitutionCtr) October 10, 2018

Oh my god.
First of all, what the hell, Biden?
Bush 43, like every other Republican monster, has an entire cottage industry devoted to rewriting history to salvage his legacy. We don't need prominent Democrats helping to rehabilitate his reputation.

Oh, and Dubya is committed to veterans now? NOW? As a private citizen? Too bad he didn't spend eight years in charge of the Veterans' Administration. Too bad he was never in a position of  influence over our nation's budget. Too bad he was never in a position to steer more much-needed funds to veterans' services. Oh, and too bad he was never the "decider" as to whether or not the troops were sent in to war on the flimsiest of pretenses. It's really a shame, given his obvious love for the veterans, that he was never the guy who could have allowed the veterans to come home alive and in one piece.

Fuck this guy, he should be in the Hague. He should be getting shackles, not medals. And fuck you, Joe Biden for participating in this glorification and faux redemption of this nasty, stupid, vicious little man.



Thing #2:



This asshole:

GOP House nominee: We can stop rape by ‘educating females’

By

 Emily Crockett

 -

October 9, 2018

That can't really be what he said, right? Right?

During the fifth debate in Virginia’s 5th Congressional District between Riggleman and his Democratic opponent, veteran journalist Leslie Cockburn, an audience member asked both candidates how they proposed to reduce incidences of rape and sexual assault.
Riggleman replied with … this.
“As far as what’s going on on campus … I think a lot of it comes to educating females, specifically in the fraternities and sororities that they’re a part of,” Riggleman said.

I know it's not the point here, it's nowhere near the point, but does this guy think that women join both sororities AND fraternities?

But mainly, fuck this guy. What a scumbag. Although not as big a bag of scum as this guy:


Thing #3:

Pro-Kavanaugh Councilman: ‘Better Get Your Coat Hangers Ready’

I don't even know how to respond to this. Except to say that it's obvious these fuckers don't actually care about preventing abortions, they just want the women who have them to suffer. If you cared about the "sanctity of the unborn" or whatever, you wouldn't make jokes about back alley abortions. Also, if you were any kind of a halfway decent human being, you wouldn't joke about this.

And, as this son of a bitch is clearly not a halfway decent excuse for a human being, it may not surprise you to learn that he is virulently homophobic.



Yep, he's trotting out the old tried-and-absolutely-not-true "gay guys are pedophiles" line. In the 21st Century.

Voters first elected Barber in November 2016, when he ran as a Democrat. He left the party in 2017 and became an independent, accusing Wood County Democratic Party Chairman Daryl Cobranchi of “anti-Christian rhetoric” after Barber refused to a support a non-discrimination ordinance Cobranchi supported. The ordinance would’ve extended nondiscrimination protections to LGBT residents.

There are actually even more things making me feel stabby today, but I am told that I have dinner plans and I must go.

A Worse Ad. Much, Much Worse.

I know, I know, the Kavanaugh debacle is kind of yesterday's news, but I just saw this ad on Twitter.

Catholic moms created an ad in support of Kavanaugh in tribute to their sons who they fear can be attacked one day by lying women claiming sexual harrassment...
"if it could happen to him..." pic.twitter.com/dx5Gge16OV

— ᴿealfarmacist (@real_farmacist) October 7, 2018

It is just astounding to me that there are actual living, breathing women who could have watched Dr. Blasey-Ford's and Bret Kavanaugh's testimony and think, not "that could be my daughter." or "that could be me." or "That was me," but "oh, my God, that could be my son!"


And this video - My God! First of all, you're assuming that your sons are going to grow up to be "Men of Virtue, Integrity and Courage." That's a hell of a leap. Like no son raised by a Catholic mom has ever grown up to be a crook or a coward or oh, I don't know, a date rapist. All sons grow up to be athletes, scholars, firefighters and soldiers. And, as we all know, none of those professions have ever harbored any sexual predators!








And now there's a whole #HimToo thing.




Because, you know, this is a thing that totally happens. Women go around making false accusations of rape because they love getting death threats and being called a whore on Twitter.



Yeah, that's way more scared than the parents of daughters who will be dating the boys you are raising to think that women are a bunch of lying psychos who want to destroy their lives for some reason.

Like what is it these people think is going to happen? Like a boy is going to go on a date with a girl and then she'll say "Aha! You fell for my little trap! Now I shall go to the police with a false accusation and DESTROY YOUR LIFE!!!!  For, um . . . some reason. I guess, really, at the end of the day, I've just always wanted to destroy some random dude's life. That's just how we girls are, ya know?"

yeah. It's a really scary time for dudes right now.

Bad Ads -- Popeye's

Warning: Swears ahead.

Okay, first of all, this is just not clever. It's not exactly an original idea to have some ambient noise drown out a speaker when he/she uses an expletive.
It's been done.
And it's been done with much more likable, charismatic speakers. (At least once on an episode of Seinfeld).

But putting that aside, Is this really supposed to make me want to try your new sauce? Because every time I hear "____ Sauce," my brain automatically autocompletes it to "shit sauce." I mean, it's a one-syllable expletive, there aren't a lot of good oiptions.

Also it looks like this.

And it's "%@$#" sauce, so I assume that's four letters. So what is the least unappetizing word it could be?

Dick Sauce?





Fuck sauce?







C**t Sauce?




There's really no good option.
I guess maybe "Hell Sauce" if it's super hot? But you really don't need to censor the word "Hell." Not even on network TV in primetime.

Popeye's has a terrible ad campaign anyway, with the lady who's trying to walk the line of sounding like she could plausibly be from Louisiana without sounding like some kind of stereotype. (Spoiler alert: She can not) But this is a whole new level of dumb.

No Conservative Will Ever Argue Anything Honestly

No conservative will ever argue anything honestly.
No conservative will ever say "here's my viewpoint and here's why I think that you're wrong/"

Conservatives will never, for instance, say "here's why I think that the ACA is a bad idea. Here are the flaws I see in this proposal." No, they'll say "DEATH PANELS!" and "Tyranny!" and "fascism/communism!"

No conservative will ever say "here is a legitimate reason why I think the capital gains tax should be lowered." No, they'll say "You shouldn't have to pay taxes on the same money twice." Which is true, but is not at all what the capital gains tax does and they goddamm well know it.

But this guy takes conservative disingenuoussness, spuriousness, and general bullshittery to a whole new level.

.@dbongino calls for the FBI to investigate top Democrats for their rudeness. pic.twitter.com/SZLvyHRFxS

— NRATV (@NRATV) October 3, 2018

First he starts with the straw man claim that the FBI is being tasked with investigating Brett Kavanaugh's "rudeness." Actually a straw man would be more convincing. This is like a poorly-drawn stick figure argument. And everything else in this short clip is based on this laughable ludicrous lie.

He shows a short clip of Barack Obama mentioning that the Iranian hardliners have made "common cause with the Republican caucus." He claims, both before and after the clip, that Obama "compares Republicans to the terrorists who chant death to America." Which is obviously not at all what the President said. He said they were "making common cause."  This is like if you were an animal-rights supporter and despised hunting, but you applaud the efforts of a group like "Ducks Unlimited" to preserve wetlands. You both, for very different reasons, want to preserve the environment. That doesn't make you a hunter, and it doesn't make the hunters animal rights activists. It does mean you have a common cause. Bareack Obama definitely did not say that the Republicans were like, or similar to, or analogous to Iranian hardliners. (Although he would have had a point if he would have said that.) But it soesn't matter because now we're on to Hillary Rodham Clinton's famous "deplorables" comment.

This Gun fellater makes the claim that she said "you're all deplorable," when she clearly says "about half of Trump's supporters" belong in the deplorables basket. You could call that rude, I call it generous.

Then Maxine Waters. Okay, I'll concede that what she is advocating in that clip would amount to "rudeness." I wouldn't compare it to, say, mocking a survivor of sexual assault. Or mocking a disabled reporter. Or mocking a man who spent years being held as a POW in service to his country. But sure, yelling at truly horrible people in a restaurant is technically rude.

It is a bit rich to hear the "fuck your feelings" crowd getting this worked up over "rudeness," though.

And all this nonsense. all this bullshit, all this dishonesty hinges on acceptance of the absurd premise that the Democrats want the FBI to investigate not Kavannaugh's numerous "alleged" sex crimes, but his "rudeness." It's strikingly ludicrous. But that's par for the course for conservative political "arguments."

By the way, this guy does not blink.

What, never? 

.Hardly EVER!!!

He blinks maybe like once a minute.
That is not normal.

They Just Keep Getting Dumber

I thought the Kavanaugh supporters had reached peak stupid when they all got excited over that guy who used Googl;e maps ans Zillow to "prove" that it couldn't have been Kavanaugh who assaulted young Christine Blasey (Ford) and was, in fact, another guy who maybe sorta resembled  Kavanaugh - which is libel and I hope to God the "doppelganger" sues the hell out of that idiot.
 I thought that was as dumb as they could get.
Then I went on Twitter.
And I was introduced to some person or persons called "Well Aware 1."

According to Well Aware 1, Brett Kavanaugh could not possibly have assaulted young Christine Blasey because Christine Blasey -Ford DOES NOT EXIST!

Not only is the woman purporting to be Dr. Christine Blasey-Ford N OT CDr. Christine Blasey Ford, the deep state or whoever is trying to "take down" poor sweet innocent Brett, hired an actress to pretend to be her.

And not some unknown aspiring thespian that no one would recognize. No, they went out and hired television and film star Amy Schumer to play the part!






Yes, as teens, Christine Blasey and Amy Schumer had very similar-looking smiles. So why would you think it matters that their eyes and noses are different? And their cheekbones/? As any police detective or prosecuter will tell you "if the smile is the same, you've got the same dame!"



And it's not just this one photo, just listen to all the sciencey parts that make up this airtight case of  face science:

For facial landmarks, we have to look at the structure due to the makeup used, and we can see the glabella and philtrum are a match.  Its impossible to change the distance between the eyes but it can be done with lens distortion.  So a single means of biometric measurement cannot be used to count out a person, but it can be used along with other methods to confirm.  The sum of the biometric information in this investigation is unquestionable.

A graphic Jon from our team created to demonstrate the facial shape is the same. Even her hair growth pattern is the same.  Or her style with her extensions has not been changed is more the case.

Look, it's pretty obvious that if you cut out some parts of Dr. Balsey-Ford's face and paste them over Amy Schumer's face, Amy Schumer starts to look an awful lot like a certain Dr. Blasey-Ford. Wake up, sheeple, the proof is staring you in the face!

Not enough proof for you? Well check THIS out:




Yeah, that's right. They Both Have Teeth! Can that be chalked up to "coincidence?" Hardly! How many women do you know with incisor, canines AND bicuspids?

But here's where it gets weird.

Add the additional biometric test to the list. Like the others, it is a 100%  match as well. The foreshortening of the thumb is due to camera perspective.  So don’t be fooled by a single screenshot. We can even see where the makeup ends and her natural skin begins across the neckline.

Okay, it's weird enough that the Mission Impossible fake skin ends exactly where Well Aware drew the red line. 

What makes it super freak, and thus obviously supertrue, is that if I hold up mu hand, I have the same lines on my palm as the ones diagrammed on Dr. Ford's and Amy Schumer's! Someone got to me! This goes all the way to the top!

ADDITIONAL EVIDENCE
A statement I make all the time to people who are on the fence is “When in doubt, check the spouse”.
When these actors are hired to play the roles of people who we are to believe are actual people, they need to support their claim by using photos of their past.  We see in order to keep the number of people in the know as low as possible they tend to use their family members to play those supporting cast.  We see Amy’s spouse is being shown to us as the spouse of Ford.  They will choose photos that depict the individual to look as different as they can.  Think about how many photos of you that have been taken that you appear to look nothing like how you really look.

My God, he's right! The man on the left somehow (Trick photography?) manages to look absolutely nothing like either of the men pictured on the right, one of whom is AMY SCHUMER'S ACTUAL HUSBAND! How did they manipulate these photos of what is obviously the same man to look like two completely different men? We've known for some time now that the top levels of the military intelligence milieu have a photgraph-manipulating technology called "Photoshop." It would appear that that technology has been deployed here.

The Sister-in-law (Mother)

We are told by the media that this is Christine Blasey Ford’s sister-in-law. But knowing that Christine Blasey Ford is really Amy Schumer we see the sister-in-law is being played by Amy’s mother.

 So not only does Christine Blasey-Ford's sister-in-law look creepily like Christine Blasey Ford, she somehow manages to not look at all like Amy Schumer's mother who we know she really is because we have already established that Amy Schumer is playing the part of Dr. Blasey-Ford, so who else would they get to play her sister-in-law but a woman who is a generation older than Amy Schumer? 

Also, check out this flawless syntax:

By using an ELA test (Error Level Analysis) you can see if items have been layered on a photo.  Guess what we find in the images the media tells us are of Ford?  Which I will remind you of a statement I have made several times on numerous radio shows I was the guest of, “If an event is real, there is no need to fake anything.”

Could a nut use such perfect sentence structure? 








Okay, I don't understand how that shows the sunglasses are "photoshopped on," but the real question is the caption under the first photo. Are they saying this is supposed to be Christine Blasey-Ford attampting to flee the US? Because that is clearly McCovey Cove behind the right field wall at AT&T Park, where fans gather hoping to catch a home run ball.
But you know what, thinking that she is trying to flee the US on a surfboard really isn't any dumber than the rest of this.