Wednesday, April 1, 2009
The American family Association
Somehow, these loonies got my e-mail address, so my inbox keeps getting filled up with stuff like this:
I'm not sure why the word "bisexual" is in quotes. Maybe they think that bisexuality is fictional? At any rate, the headline is clearly meant to shock and horrify the reader. It seems to be taken for granted that anyone on the mailing list will be terrified by the thought of students possibly seeing two men kiss!
The Article Begins:
Okay, so the secularist teacher would have to invite his students to the ritual, AND invite them to attend? That's how the scenario would work? And there is no greater evidence of the Times bias than the hullabaloo imagined by Frank Russo. That does it for me, cancel my subscription! Gosh, I hope frank Russo never imagines me having an affair. My wife would divorce me!
Clearly the Times would not report the imaginary occurrence in the same way as the actual one. How do I know? Because Frank Russo has declared it to be so!
Yeah, I'm guessing that Frank struggles to understand a lot of things.
"
One imagines that Frank's mind is often boggled. Seriously Frank, what you don't understand would fill the Encyclopedia Brittanica.
Gender Identity Disorder? Those are awfully big words, Frank. I'm pretty sure you're not qualified to make that diagnosis. How can I be so sure ? Well, for starters, you got it wrong.
here is what WebMD has to say about Gender Identity disorder.
How about this? Instead of encouraging parents to keep their kids away from the ceremony, how about you have a nice cool glass of shut the fuck up, and the parents can decide for themselves whether to be hateful and bigoted? Hmm? How would that be? Nice glass of shut the fuck up? Doesn't that sound nice, hmm? Shut the fuck up?
'Bisexual' teacher invites students to same-sex ceremony
I'm not sure why the word "bisexual" is in quotes. Maybe they think that bisexuality is fictional? At any rate, the headline is clearly meant to shock and horrify the reader. It seems to be taken for granted that anyone on the mailing list will be terrified by the thought of students possibly seeing two men kiss!
The Article Begins:
A self-proclaimed bisexual male teacher in New York has invited his seventh-grade students and their parents to witness his commitment ceremony to another man.Okay, what's with the "self-proclaimed"? What is that? Is there some dispute as to the legitimacy of the guy's designation as a switch-hitter? Is there some organization that's supposed to officially verify his status?
The New York Times reports 32-year-old Chance Nalley gave slips of paper to his entire seventh-grade class at Columbia Secondary School, inviting them to the upcoming ceremony
Frank Russo of the American Family Association of New York calls the Times' report biased. "If a secularist teacher in a school invited his or her students over to a ritual of initiation into becoming a Christian and invited his students to attend this, I could just imagine the hullabaloo that you'd see," he contends, "and The New York Times would not report it in the same fashion as it reported this."
Okay, so the secularist teacher would have to invite his students to the ritual, AND invite them to attend? That's how the scenario would work? And there is no greater evidence of the Times bias than the hullabaloo imagined by Frank Russo. That does it for me, cancel my subscription! Gosh, I hope frank Russo never imagines me having an affair. My wife would divorce me!
Clearly the Times would not report the imaginary occurrence in the same way as the actual one. How do I know? Because Frank Russo has declared it to be so!
Russo admits he struggles to understand Nalley's motives behind the invitations.
Yeah, I'm guessing that Frank struggles to understand a lot of things.
"
For a teacher to invite his students -- seventh graders, typically 12-years-old, possibly 13 -- to attend a gay marriage is mind-boggling to me that he would do that."
One imagines that Frank's mind is often boggled. Seriously Frank, what you don't understand would fill the Encyclopedia Brittanica.
The family advocate is also encouraging parents not to take their children to a ceremony that he believes "honors" a gender identity disorder.
Gender Identity Disorder? Those are awfully big words, Frank. I'm pretty sure you're not qualified to make that diagnosis. How can I be so sure ? Well, for starters, you got it wrong.
here is what WebMD has to say about Gender Identity disorder.
Adults with gender identity disorder often display the following symptoms:
- Desire to live as a person of the opposite sex.
- Desire to be rid of their own genitals.
- Dressing and behaving in a manner typical of the opposite sex.
- Withdrawal from social interaction and activity.
- Feelings of isolation, depression, and anxiety.
How about this? Instead of encouraging parents to keep their kids away from the ceremony, how about you have a nice cool glass of shut the fuck up, and the parents can decide for themselves whether to be hateful and bigoted? Hmm? How would that be? Nice glass of shut the fuck up? Doesn't that sound nice, hmm? Shut the fuck up?
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Going Galt
All across the nation, literally dozens of angry, misinformed dimwits are staging "tea parties" to protest policies which they don't understand. These differ from the original Boston Tea Party in that the colonists who staged the original protest boarded British ships under cover of darkness to destroy British cargo, denying tax dollars to the English monarchy, knowing that they risked their freedom, if not their lives, by displaying defiance in the face of the British Empire, while modern "teabaggers"* buy bags of Liptonat the supermarket and then throw them into trashcans.
No. You are not. Really.
The people who would, theoretically, be in a position to "go Galt" um, they're in Wahington begging for government handouts.
And if anyof you don't feel like slogging through all 1084 pages of Ayn Rand's diatribe, lhere's how it ends. John Galt and the other wealthy industrialists all move to a deserted valley in Colorado and start their own society, building new railroads, factories, etc. Does that sound like something you could do?
You are not Atlas. If you shrug, the world will shrug back. Unless you are really going to drop out of society and start your own country, just shut up and go back to work.
Oh, and do a google search for the term "teabagging." You'll be glad you did.
*I swear to God, this is really how they refer to themselves.
Um, I don't think that word means what you think it means.
One of the most popular activities at these "tea parties" is threatening to "go Galt" This refers to the fictional character John Galt from the book Atlas Shrugged. Look, guys, I read the book, and if someone were to edit out about 100 pages of repetition, it would be a decent work of fiction. But Ayn Rand is like the Jimmy Stewart character in "Rope." Her ideas may be fun to bandy about at cocktail parties, but you don't try to actually put them into practice. (In the case of the character from Rope, because you will end up in jail for committing murder. In the case of Ayn Rand, because her ideas are stupid.
Since most of you teabaggers have apparently not read it, let me explain something to you. John Galt was an titan of industry who bestrode the world like a colossus. You, on the other hand, are, um, not. Honestly, if you "went Galt," if you stopped producing out of spite, no one would notice - except your kids who would ask why there is no money for food.
Since most of you teabaggers have apparently not read it, let me explain something to you. John Galt was an titan of industry who bestrode the world like a colossus. You, on the other hand, are, um, not. Honestly, if you "went Galt," if you stopped producing out of spite, no one would notice - except your kids who would ask why there is no money for food.
No. You are not. Really.
The people who would, theoretically, be in a position to "go Galt" um, they're in Wahington begging for government handouts.
And if anyof you don't feel like slogging through all 1084 pages of Ayn Rand's diatribe, lhere's how it ends. John Galt and the other wealthy industrialists all move to a deserted valley in Colorado and start their own society, building new railroads, factories, etc. Does that sound like something you could do?
Oh, and do a google search for the term "teabagging." You'll be glad you did.
*I swear to God, this is really how they refer to themselves.
Monday, March 30, 2009
Gwyneth Paltrow
Yes, Apple, I'd cry too.
First, she names her daughter Apple. Look, I know you must be bitter about being saddled with the ridiculous name Gwyneth, but don't take it out on the kid.
Then, she prances around with a Madonna-level fake British accent saying crap like “I like living here because I don’t fit into the bad side of American psychology. The British are much more intelligent and civilized than the Americans,” Which, granted, is probably true, but you don't say it out loud.
But now I find out that she has an ultra-pretentious website called "GOOP"
Yes, GOOP. Maybe she let Apple name it.
The site has six categories: "make" "go" "get" "do" "be" and "see'.
In other words, the great Gwyneth will tell you what to make, tell you where to go, what or who to be, etc.
Then, she prances around with a Madonna-level fake British accent saying crap like “I like living here because I don’t fit into the bad side of American psychology. The British are much more intelligent and civilized than the Americans,” Which, granted, is probably true, but you don't say it out loud.
But now I find out that she has an ultra-pretentious website called "GOOP"
Yes, GOOP. Maybe she let Apple name it.
The site has six categories: "make" "go" "get" "do" "be" and "see'.
In other words, the great Gwyneth will tell you what to make, tell you where to go, what or who to be, etc.
This week we have a BE that focuses on the question of how to BE with one’s children. There are some familiar voices below, but I have also enlisted the wisdom of two other incredible women, Heidi Butz and Camila Batmanghelidjh. Their responses made me realize that we are all always in the process of evolving, and you do not need to have children to benefit from these ladies’ amazing insights. Simply regard yourself as the child we are asking about, no matter your age, and see what comes up for you.
Thank God! Thank you, God! Parents everywhere were wondering how to raise their children. It seemed so cruel to deprive them of the guidance of a second-rate actress. Oh, please God, tell me there's more!
And if I can humbly add one small idea to their thoughts..
No, I don't believe you can humbly do anything, but do go on.
it has been my personal experience (both as a child and a mother) that children are like little radios picking up our frequency. They know the real truth about what we are feeling versus what we are presenting and it is incredibly isolating to find a major discrepancy between the two. When in my grown-up sphere I am confronted with disappointment or my own intolerance and a bad mood to boot, I often name what is going on (in other words, I say, "Mommy is having a hard day, and I am feeling upset") so that the very mundane human “bad” feelings do not turn into some grim phantom in the room with me. Sometimes I don’t have the maturity in the moment, and when it fails me, I apologize at bedtime when my children and I are having a talk. I have felt my daughter’s whole body sigh in relief when I have simply and very specifically voiced regretting my own behavior.
AAAUUGH!! My Gag reflex!
Ok, enough "be," let's try something else. Tell us, Oh Gwyneth, where should we go?
New York
Ok, New York. That should be Ok, I think. You're not going to ruin it for us, are you?
As much as I am a product of many places, I am a New York girl through and through. I did most of my growing up in this glorious city and it is a part of who I am. I was an uptown kid and a downtown grownup and this duality helps define me. I still get an indescribable buzz when I am in New York. I suppose it's the feeling that so many worlds co-exist, that you can lose yourself in any one of them at almost any hour of the day. There will be more newsletters on this great city, with love letters to match. In this issue of GOOP, we will start with restaurants and hotels. I ♥ NY.
Oh, God Damn it! Now I don't think I can ever go to New York! I thought you didn't like America. New York is America, you know.
What about movies? Everyone likes movies. What should we see?
I’m not one of those film people who can tell you who the cinematographer was on On The Waterfront or who most influenced Truffaut. When it comes to knowledge of film history, I’m semi-rubbish (a friend of mine once left the dinner table when I admitted I had never seen one of the most famous and most well-regarded films of all time).
Oh my God, you actually have a friend more pretentious than you?
And no one, ever has used the phrase semi-rubbish. I know it's important to you to try and sound British, but come on.
The films I love best usually contain a breathtaking female performance (The Reader, Sophie’s Choice, Klute), as the genius of a creative woman inspires me in all areas of my life.
Oh, great. You've just put me off actresses. Great. now the only movies I can watch are Sleuth and Lawrence of Arabia. Thanks.
I can see why you prefer to live in a country where no one has a gun. I'm fighting the urge to purchase a .38 and a one-way ticket to London.
JP Morgan Chase
Embattled bank JPMorgan Chase, the recipient of $25 billion in TARP funds, is going ahead with a $138 million plan to buy two new luxury corporate jets and build "the premier corporate aircraft hangar on the eastern seaboard" to house them, ABC News has learned. The financial giant's upgrade includes nearly $120 million for two Gulfstream 650 planes and $18 million for a lavish renovation of a hangar at the Westchester Airport outside New York City. The Gulfstream 650's are described by the manufacturer as the "fastest," "widest" and "most comfortable" private jet ever with superior cabin amenities, an optional stateroom, and 12 interior designs to choose from.
That is it! I can't take any more of this shit! My head is in the process of exploding! These ratfuck bastards drive the economy into a ditch, demand that we bail them out, then they spit in our faces. Give us our fucking money back, you sons of bitches! If anyone sees one of the JP Morgan executives, please, I beg you, kick him square in the balls. I'll make it worth your while. Seriously, I'll buy you donuts.
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