The Worst Song I Heard at Work This Week

As previously discussed, the muzak at work provides us with an all-you-can-eat doodoo buffet for the ears. It's not easy picking out one song to earn the title of most annoying, but this week, I think the honor goes to a little ditty called "Life Less Ordinary" by a band with the unlikely moniker "Carbon Leaf.".
(seen here looking all serious with their groovy '70's hair)




But what makes this song more irritating than the others? you might well ask.

Well, I'm glad you asked. (and by you, I mean my imaginary version of you whom I imagined asking.)
Mainly, it's lyrics like this:

The night you came into my life
Well it took the bones of me, took the bones of me
You blew away my storm and strife
And shook the bones of me, shook the bones of me

So, are we to understand that the night you met the young lady she removed your skeletal system from your body, then shook it? Took it then shook it? (Good to repeat the most ridiculous lines for emphasis!)

And these four lines are repeated two more times later in the song, beacause their author was just so gosh-darn proud of them!

Then the line that follows this super-pretentious statement?

By the way, I do know why you stayed away...
I will keep tongue-tied next time

No! You just can't follow that ostentatious, grandiose bit of pseudo-poetry with "by the way," you just can't!

Honey understand (honey), honey understand
I won't rest in stone all alone

"rest in stone?" what the hell does that even mean? Did you just need something to rhyme with "all alone?"

If I could make you dance for joy
Could that be the second-chance decoy?

Oh, you do just throw random words in there to make rhymes. Wow! That's some impressive hackery!

Manufactured Outrage

Oh my God, Oh my God, Oh my God!!!!!!!!

The president shook hands with the president of Venezuela, which is horrific, because, um . . . . .I'm sorry, why is this so bad?

Mr Gingrich?

Everywhere in Latin America, enemies of America are going to use the picture of Chavez smiling and being with the President as proof that Chavez is now legitimate,

Um, Chavez IS Legitimate. He was duly elected by the people of Venezuela three times.

How about you, Joe Scarborough? Maybe you can help me understand why I should be appalled by a handshake?

a president always sends a message to the world. There are -- I know this is hard to believe -- there are very evil people in the world who want to kill Americans, and they look for an opportunity at all times for weakness. When they find weakness, they exploit it. That's the danger. if the president's seen as weak, that can hurt you, me, New York City, everybody.

Right, because nothing says "weakness" like a handshake, I guess. . . Um, maybe Col. Ralph Peters?

What he did by talking to Hugo Chavez and embracing him and fist-bumping and making lovey-dovey in the hotel -- God knows what went on behind closed doors."

Um, eeewww! You're not allowed to talk anymore, Colonel Peters! Can you do any better, Fox News Correspondent Eric Shawn?

Well, it's a defeat for Barack Obama if it's a huge win for Hugo Chavez

Um, Eric, they were shaking hands, not arm-wrestling.

So, if I get the gist of what you all were saying, a US president just shouldn't be friendly with a foreign leader who is less than an all-around good guy?

(George W. Bush with Uzbeki dictator Islam Karimov)

(George W. Bush with saudi dictator Prince Saud al Faisl)

Oh, so it's not even about that, is it? This is just what you're going to be doing for the next 4 or, hopefully 8, years. Trying to pretend that you're outraged at everything president Obama does or doesn't do (flag pin) no matter how innocent. This is all you got? You have no ideas of your own, no legitimate policy alternatives to suggest, so this is all you can do, isn't it?

Pathetic!

Tea parties

So the tea parties are over, for now. Apparently, it will be July 4th when we next see this group of wingnuts out in force. But who are the "teabaggers" and what do they want? Let's take a look:
In addition to the usual conspiracy buffs, the rage-a-holics, the tragically misinformed, and the the willfully ignorant, there are a few particular breeds of folks who populate these gatherings.


You have, of course, the Chronically confused--for instance, those who oppose any cuts to the military, and also oppose the taxes with which the military is funded.

















You have the "birthers," those who refuse to believe that President Obama was born in the U.S. even though his Hawaiian birth certificate is available on the internet for anyone who wants to see it.

























You have your religious fanatics:



























and those who would prefer no income to having their income be taxed.


















But what do they want? There seems to be some confusion over what exactly they are for and against. It reminds me of the scene in "The Wild One" where the guy asks Brando "what are you rebelling against?" and Brando shrugs and answers "what do you got?"

Lets see if we can sort out some of their positions, shall we?

















OK, Clearly they are anti-environment,















Pro-Privatization,



















Pro-free market, anti-free loader











Pro-founding fathers and Anti-fascism.
























They are clearly in favor of the truth being proclaimed courageously















and clearly opposed to being trod upon.



























They firmly oppose socialists working in cahoots with Wall Street




















And firmly support ridiculously unrealistic tax schemes.
























They stand firmly against Big Business, Large Labor Unions, and tiny, underfunded associations of homeless advocates.



















They are for deliberation


















And against correct spelling.


























They are opposed to living in 18th century Colonial America,



































But would like to live in an era before the federal reserve bank came into existence























They care about little porky things, and want Chuck to be aware of this.






















They are in favor of long, long, boring books.

And against having a coherent point.

They enjoy pointing out obvious facts

And hate being trampled by a pig.






















They love wearing costumes





































and making kids hold up signs they couldn't possibly understand.




But Most of all. . . . . .




They're just batshit fucking crazy!





















































































Oh, and dicks. They're also total dicks.

Rush Limbaugh

Obviously Ol' Rush has a problem with the current President. We know his fondest hope is that Obama fails, even if that means that the whole country fails. That's to be expected from a buffoon like Ol' Rush. But now, it really looks like the gasbag king has gone off the deep end. Now he's rooting for the pirates!




No, that wouldn't be that strange.



OK, that would be a little odd, creepy even, but no, not that pirate.





I don't think she's really even a pirate.






I mean, real pirates. Murderous, kidnapping, theiving Goddam PIRATES!

These assholes:

Somali Pirates. Rushie has a lot of sympathy for Somali pirates. Don't believe me? Well, that's understandable. Any normal person would think "No way. Even Rush isn't that big a dickwad. No one was rooting for the scumbag pirates in their stand off with the US Navy. It's not possible for any human being to be such a turd that he sees the hostage-taking criminals as the good guys!" Well, that's because you're thinking like a normal person. Rush is NOT a normal person. Really. Here's what he has to say about the pirates.

They were kids. The story is out, I don’t know if it’s true or not, but apparently the hijackers, these kids, the merchant marine organizers, Muslim kids, were upset, they wanted to just give the captain back and head home because they were running out of food, they were running out of fuel, they were surrounded by all these U.S. Navy ships, big ships, and they just wanted out of there. That’s the story, but then when one of them put a gun to the back of the captain, Mr. Phillips, then bam, bam, bam. There you have it, and three teenagers shot on the high seas at the order of President Obama.

They were kids! Oh boo-hoo-hoo, they were just kids! Why? Why did these poor youths have to be shot down in the prime of their lives? Just because " one of them put a gun to the back of the captain, Mr. Phillips," Oh, boo-hoo!!!!

Seriously, when the hell did Rusharoo become such a bleeding-heart, soft-on-crime weenie?

If only President Obama had known that the three Somali community organizers were actually young black Muslim teenagers, I’m sure he wouldn’t have given the order to shoot. That’s the correct way to look at it. If only Obama had known.

Well thanks, Baron Jackovsky, but i think I'll look at this the way EVERYONE ELSE IN THE REAL WORLD looks at it, which is: The Navy Seals are fucking heroes who rescued an innocent man from the clutches of barbarous pirates.

Besides which, it's a pretty safe bet that President Obama DID know that these teens were Muslim since EVERYONE IN SOMALIA IS MUSLIM! I know it's hard to get used to a president who's not a total ignoramus, but I'm pretty sure this president was aware of this.

God Damn It, Rush would you just shut the hell up?

One News Now

Some weirdo organization named "One News Now" has been flooding my in-box with rather bizarre emails. Here is a selection from their latest report from Bizzaro-World:

U.S. security report a 'political hack job'

A conservative Christian leader says a new Department of Homeland Security report warning of a potential rise in "right-wing extremism" is nothing but a "political hack job" by the Obama administration to silence its conservative critics.

What do you wanna bet the "conservative Christian Leader" is notorious nut-job Rev. Donald Wildmon?

Dr. Don Wildmon, chairman of the American Family Association, says he is ashamed the U.S. government would issue such a report.

Pay up, Suckers!

"This is nothing in the world but using tax dollars to belittle anyone who disagrees with the current administration's social policies," he exclaims.

Um, wild-man? Would it make any difference if the report you're all in a tizzy about was commissioned by the Bush administration? Cuz it was. Really. Check CNN.com If you don't believe me. Scroll down to the last sentence: "Both reports were initiated during the administration of former President George W. Bush."

Not that facts really matter much in Bizzaro-World!