Who's Stupider?

Contestant Number One: Mark Kirk



Mark comes to us from Champaign Illinois, where he is a member of the State Bar Association, the Republican Main Street Partnership, and something called, I swear to God, the Federation of Galaxy Explorers.

No fooling.

So what did Congressman Kirk have to say about the President's speech?





Rep. Mark Kirk (R-Ill.), who is running for Obama's old Senate seat, said, "He talked at us. He didn't listen to us."

Yes, Mark "captain" Kirk doesn't understand the difference between a speech and a conversation. Most people know that when giving a speech, the speaker generally does the talking and the audience does the listening, but much like Joe Wilson, mark Kirk just doesn't seem able to grasp that distinction.



Contestant Number Two: Lindsey Graham




Lindsey hails from Central, South Carolina where he enjoys having a girl's name and being suspected of homosexual tendancies. He is a member of The Committee to Elect Lindsey Graham.

So, Lindsey tell us what you had to say following the President's speech.





"I was incredibly disappointed in the tone of his speech,” said Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-S.C.).”At times, I found his tone to be overly combative and believe he behaved in a manner beneath the dignity of the office.

That's right, Lindsey Lohan, oops! I mean Graham, felt that someone was behaving in a less than diginified manner.

Not Shouty McGee


















Not the paper-wavers.















Not even Louis "hand lettered sign" Gohmert.

(seriously, the fucking tea-baggers have more professional signs than Gohmert)












No, according to Lindsey Davenport, I mean Graham, it was president Obama acting undignified.

So it looks like we have a tie. We'll have to have some sort of a tie-breaker to determine who goes on to face returning champion Michele "I can't even spell Michelle correctly" Bachmann.

Hey, Look!

Look how cute my baby is! I bet you humans wish your babies were this fucking cute, huh? Well, eat your hearts out, stupid humans!

It's Just So Predictable

It happens with such regularity that it barely even qualifies as news anymore. The more a politician talks about "family values," the more you can assume that he can't keep it in his pants.

This time, it's California Assemblyman
Mike Duval (R [of course]-Yorba Linda)
According to the Orange County register, "he has received a 100 percent rating for his “family values” voting record from the Capitol Resource Institute, an anti-gay lobbying group based in Sacramento."
So it should come as no surprise that the married Mr. Duval was caught on tape bragging about his TWO MISTRESSES. And using R-Rated language to boot.

WARNING: Audio is NSFW






If you don't want to play the audio, here's a little excerpt:

“She wears little eye-patch underwear. So, the other day she came here with her underwear, Thursday. And so, we had made love Wednesday — a lot! And so she’ll, she’s all, ‘I am going up and down the stairs, and you’re dripping out of me!’ So messy! … So, I am getting into spanking her. Yeah, I like it. I like spanking her. She goes, ‘I know you like spanking me.’ I said, ‘Yeah! Because you’re such a bad girl!’

It Just Goes to Show Ya

Breaking News

Former Congressman Mark Foley Begins Talk Radio Career In West Palm Beach

Yes. That Mark Foley.

The Pervy Guy.

The Chickenhawk.

That Mark Foley. He's getting his own radio show.

"Inside the Mind of Mark Foley" will expose the inner workings of Washington D.C.

Someone alert the FCC! If you think Howard Stern is offensive just wait until Mark Foley gives you a glimpse inside his mind. I assume most of what goes on in there has to do with high school football team locker rooms and the charming older men whom the team just can't resist!

WSVU's general manager Chet Tart says, "During these incredibly changing times, it's important that we hear the voice of a true Washington D.C. insider."

yeah, usually the term "insider' refers to one who is on the um, inside. Since Foley is no longer a part of the Washington DC milieu, I'm not sure that he really qualifies.

"You're going to be amazed," said WSVU spokesman Joseph Raineri of Foley. Raineri said that "with everything that's going on with healthcare and everybody questioning what's happening in Washington, DC, we thought who better to explain what's going on than Mark Foley."

You mean besides almost anyone?

It just goes to show ya, as long as you're a rightie, there is nothing you can do that will stop the gravy train. There will always be someone willing to throw money at you. Usually it's one of the so-called "think-tanks" like Heritage Foundation, the Hoover Institute, the RAND Corporation, etc. but this time it's the media. Damn Liberal Media!
The same Damn Liberal Media that gives shows to criminals like G. Gordon Liddy and Oliver North. But mark Foley? Really? Wow.

Red Shirt Fridays

By all means, support the troops. I don't want to imply that one should not support the men and women who face death every day in service to their country. Supporting the troops is a noble goal.

But this shit is just fucking stupid.



That's right. They bleed red, so we wear red. Well, I guess that makes us even then!

Something is wrong with our society if we have convinced ourselves that wearing a red shirt is somehow helping to support the troops. How did we get to the point where we can feel like wearing a certain shirt or putting a ribbon-shaped magnet on our car is actually doing something?

Let me explain something, Red-Shirters.




These are the troops.















They are over here











And here.












You, on the other hand,






Are here.






And the troops can not see what color shirt you are wearing, what with them being over there.

And if they could somehow see your red shirtHow exactly do you suppose that the color of your shirt would make one Goddamn bit of difference in their lives.

"Well, it sure does suck being shot at all the time in this God-forsaken desert, but hey, Doug from Ohio has a red shirt on! Let's get 'em, boys!"

No, wearing a red shirt only helps you. It gives you the illusion that you are somehow doing something to help our brave men and women in uniform. But you aren't. Your shirt does nothing. Neither does your bumper-sticker. Just like me wearing my lucky Giants shirt didn't help the Giants win last night. (Which they did!)

All your stupid red shirt does is lets you strut around as though you are contributing to the war effort and feel superior to the imaginary people who don't support the troops.
Here's what they say on the Red Shirt Fridays Website:

We care only about making our support of our servicemen and women known to our fellow Americans and the world. We are a silent majority that does not wish to remain silent anymore.

See, they want to make their support of the troops known to other Americans. In other words, they want to look good and noble to other people, not help the troops.

If you really want to support the troops, try giving money to one of these organizations

a non-profit organization

Disabled American Veterans
Building Better Lives for America's Disabled Veterans

Help us Send Care Packages to our Troops in Iraq, Afghanistan, and the Gulf!

'Sponsor A Package'

Want to send your support to a Soldier in harm's way,

but have no idea of what to send, who to send it to, or how to send it?

And there are plenty of others. If you want to actually do something for the troops, take the money you were going to spend on a stupid fucking red shirt and give it to one of these organizations. Then keep giving until it hurts. And leave the red shirts for freshman quarterbacks.