Let me see if I've got this straight. You're recommending that I spend the day lying in the sun licking myself, then celebrate that achievement by eating a gazelle and fucking a lioness?
No thanks.
Monday, December 16, 2013
Bad Ads -- Crown Royal
Have you really thought this through, Crown Royal?
Let me see if I've got this straight. You're recommending that I spend the day lying in the sun licking myself, then celebrate that achievement by eating a gazelle and fucking a lioness?
No thanks.
Let me see if I've got this straight. You're recommending that I spend the day lying in the sun licking myself, then celebrate that achievement by eating a gazelle and fucking a lioness?
No thanks.
Friday, December 13, 2013
Ready For Hillary? Chapter Two: Told Ya So!
When the ads first started popping up, asking me if I was "ready For Hillary," I said NO, thank you! (http://wwwirritant.blogspot.com/2013/09/ready-for-hillary.html )
Now I've been reassured that I was right in my initial assessment by this article in Politico:
Yes, Hillary Clinton was the featured speaker at a Goldman-Sachs event. Is it fair to judge a person by the company she keeps? I think so.
Also barely existent.
I mean, occasionaly a Democrat will criticize bankers and occasionally it's someone other than Elizabeth Warren, but when's the last time you heard a Republican "bashing" bankers?
No, we didn't! We didn't all get into this mess together. Just like the Glendale Train and Jesse James didn't get into this all together. Pretending that no one is to blame for the financial crisis that was caused by specific people, many of whom are in the room, is a pretty good way to ensure that they will do it again. You're not helping, Ms Clinton!
Except no one IS beating up the financial industry. Some people are making the radical suggestion that they be held responsible for their actions, or that rules be put in place to prevent them from crashing the economy again. If that's what you call "beating up the finance industry," then yes, beating up the industry will definitely help the economy.
Oh, I know, because you poor, persecuted bankers are such pariahs!
Wilderness? What wilderness have you been in? What game have you been out of?
Dow Jones Industrial Average hits new record high of 16,000 during trading
Posted: 11/18/2013
NEW YORK - The Dow Jones industrial average hit another milestone on Monday -- surpassing the 16,000 mark during trading.
Standard & Poor's 500 hit 1,800.
It was another milestone in the market's epic ascent in 2013. The Dow hit 15,000 just six months ago, in May.
The Dow has recovered its losses from the financial crisis.
Wow, sounds terrible.
So, anyway, I feel pretty vindicated. No, I am not ready for Hillary. NO, no, no.
Now I've been reassured that I was right in my initial assessment by this article in Politico:
Lament of the Plutocrats
On a recent afternoon, executives at Goldman Sachs invited a few hundred major investors to the Conrad Hotel in lower Manhattan. The bankers and their guests filed into a large room and turned their eyes to Hillary Clinton.
Yes, Hillary Clinton was the featured speaker at a Goldman-Sachs event. Is it fair to judge a person by the company she keeps? I think so.
But Clinton offered a message that the collected plutocrats found reassuring, according to accounts offered by several attendees, declaring that the banker-bashing so popular within both political parties was unproductive and indeed foolish.
Also barely existent.
I mean, occasionaly a Democrat will criticize bankers and occasionally it's someone other than Elizabeth Warren, but when's the last time you heard a Republican "bashing" bankers?
(Hint: It was him)
Striking a soothing note on the global financial crisis, she told the audience, in effect: We all got into this mess together, and we’re all going to have to work together to get out of it.
No, we didn't! We didn't all get into this mess together. Just like the Glendale Train and Jesse James didn't get into this all together. Pretending that no one is to blame for the financial crisis that was caused by specific people, many of whom are in the room, is a pretty good way to ensure that they will do it again. You're not helping, Ms Clinton!
What the bankers heard her to say was just what they would hope for from a prospective presidential candidate: Beating up the finance industry isn’t going to improve the economy—it needs to stop.
Except no one IS beating up the financial industry. Some people are making the radical suggestion that they be held responsible for their actions, or that rules be put in place to prevent them from crashing the economy again. If that's what you call "beating up the finance industry," then yes, beating up the industry will definitely help the economy.
Goldman’s Tim O’Neill, who heads the bank’s asset management business, introduced Clinton by saying how courageous she was for speaking at the bank.
Oh, I know, because you poor, persecuted bankers are such pariahs!
Certainly, Clinton offered the money men—and, yes, they are mostly men—at Goldman’s HQ a bit of a morale boost. “It was like, ‘Here’s someone who doesn’t want to vilify us but wants to get business back in the game,’” said an attendee. “Like, maybe here’s someone who can lead us out of the wilderness.”
Wilderness? What wilderness have you been in? What game have you been out of?
Dow Jones Industrial Average hits new record high of 16,000 during trading
Posted: 11/18/2013
NEW YORK - The Dow Jones industrial average hit another milestone on Monday -- surpassing the 16,000 mark during trading.
Standard & Poor's 500 hit 1,800.
It was another milestone in the market's epic ascent in 2013. The Dow hit 15,000 just six months ago, in May.
The Dow has recovered its losses from the financial crisis.
Wow, sounds terrible.
So, anyway, I feel pretty vindicated. No, I am not ready for Hillary. NO, no, no.
Thursday, December 12, 2013
Horrible Person is also Nuts
Vile, despicable Congressman Steve Stockman (R-You kidding me?), the man who brought the loathsome Ted Nugent to the State of the Union address because threatening Senators' lives is what makes a great American or something, has decided to throw his tinfoil- tri-cornered hat into the ring for Senate, challenging sitting Senator John Cornyn. Why, you ask? Um, because Cornyn is practically a communist, duh!
Check out his totally not-insane announcement:
I'm running for Senate against liberal John Cornyn
Dear patriot,
You are in a foxhole fighting to save our constitutional Republic… …and the last thing you need is a Republican bayonet in your back. But that’s what liberal John Cornyn has been doing to you every day.
And I mean literally. John Cornyn has literally been running around this country stabbing patriots in the back with an old-timey bayonet!
Also, from what are the "patriots" trying to save our republic? He doesn't say, so I'm just going to assume healthcare?
I’m conservative Congressman Steve Stockman, and I am running for United States Senate against liberal John Cornyn.
I am honored to be called the most fearless conservative in Congress, and proud of my perfect 100% lifetime conservative rating. I am leading the fight for our values.
But John Cornyn wakes up every morning and works to make the Senate a more liberal place
And he's doing a bang-up job, by the way, what with his ZERO PERCENT rating from NARAL, ONE HUNDRED PERCENT rating from National Right to Life Committee and EIGHTY-NINE PERCENT RATING FROM THE JOHN MOTHER-FUCKING BIRCH SOCIETY!!!
Liberal John Cornyn betrayed Ted Cruz by abandoning Republicans during the Obamacare filibuster
You mean the phony filibuster that wasn't even really a filibuster that even Ted Cruz eventually got bored with and quit? That filibuster? Is that the one he abandoned? The one that wasn't ever going to accomplish anything but get Ted Cruz more camera time? What a betrayal!
Liberal John Cornyn betrayed Ted Cruz, and you, by voting to fund Obamacare.
I don't know if that's even true, I doubt that it is, but even if it is, why should he owe any loyalty to Ted Cruz? Seems like Steve Stockman has the same kind of relationship with Ted Cruz that Huck has with Olivia Pope. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scandal_(TV_series))
But liberal John Cornyn is now doing what he always does, spending four years voting like a Democrat, then spending the two years before an election pretending to be Republican.
Yes, voting like a Democrat. Which is why he received a whopping thirteen percent rating from the National Organization of Women and a puny Ninety-One percent form the Concerned Women for America!
And if we let John Cornyn back in the Senate he will go right back to betraying Republicans, and with a vengeance.
Well, I’m sick and tired of being bayoneted in the back by someone in my own foxhole.
Gettin' kinda creeped out by the whole foxhole/bayonet thing. Might want to dial down that imagery a bit.
Texas is a conservative state. Texas needs a conservative senator.
(They have two)
That is why I am running to be Texas’ no-compromise conservative champion in the United States Senate.
I have a 100% lifetime pro-life rating.
Oh, my God, so does Cornyn!
I was the original sponsor of the Sanctity of Life Act and will block any federal judge who is not 100% pro-life.
Do you not watch the news? The filibuster is gone.
I am sponsoring the Sanctity of Life Act again, H.R. 2764. It would automatically overturn Roe v. Wade, protecting human life between conception and birth
Oh my God. . . That is not how it works. You can't overturn a Supreme Court decision with a new law. It doesn't work that way. Go take a high school civics class.
I have a 100% lifetime pro-gun rating.
Oh my God, so does Cornyn!
I worked with Senator Rand Paul to introduce legislation blocking Obama’s gun-grabbing executive orders.
To block those orders that don't exist and never will and have no possibility of ever existing? What a fucking hero! Oh, don't forget to block Sharia Law!
I have also introduced legislation to block and nullify all anti-gun UN treaties.
Jeeeeezus. . . IT DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY! You can't just nullify UN treaties. That's not how it works. You can vote against ratification, but you don't get to just nullify existing treaties. How do I know that and I'm just some guy?
Every Republican who works to fund Obamacare kills freedom twice as quickly as when a Democrat does it.
Yes. Twice as fast. Let's do the math here, two times zero equals. . .?
These next six years will determine whether our constitutional Republic lives or dies.
Oh for fuck sake, you people say that every election year. According to you people, we should have become Soviet Russia like 20 years ago. You're the Harold Camping of predicting the end of Democracy.
Anyway it goes on and on in this vein (Benghas1 Benghazi Benghazi!!!!) but here's my favorite part:
As we saw last year when Ted Cruz became a senator, Texans want conservative champions to represent them in the United States Senate.
They do not want compromising leftists who undergo election-year conversions, then back again – and liberal John Cornyn is the worst offender.
In every poll liberal John Cornyn always loses to any conservative the voters have heard about.
EXCEPT YOU! Cornyn is CRUSHING you in the polls!
Don't quit your day job, Steve.
And keep fucking that chicken!
(Source for John Cornyn's various ratings: http://votesmart.org/candidate/evaluations/15375/john-cornyn#.UqpcS5oo7mI)
Check out his totally not-insane announcement:
I'm running for Senate against liberal John Cornyn
Dear patriot,
You are in a foxhole fighting to save our constitutional Republic… …and the last thing you need is a Republican bayonet in your back. But that’s what liberal John Cornyn has been doing to you every day.
And I mean literally. John Cornyn has literally been running around this country stabbing patriots in the back with an old-timey bayonet!
Got another one!
Also, from what are the "patriots" trying to save our republic? He doesn't say, so I'm just going to assume healthcare?
I’m conservative Congressman Steve Stockman, and I am running for United States Senate against liberal John Cornyn.
I am honored to be called the most fearless conservative in Congress, and proud of my perfect 100% lifetime conservative rating. I am leading the fight for our values.
But John Cornyn wakes up every morning and works to make the Senate a more liberal place
And he's doing a bang-up job, by the way, what with his ZERO PERCENT rating from NARAL, ONE HUNDRED PERCENT rating from National Right to Life Committee and EIGHTY-NINE PERCENT RATING FROM THE JOHN MOTHER-FUCKING BIRCH SOCIETY!!!
Liberal John Cornyn betrayed Ted Cruz by abandoning Republicans during the Obamacare filibuster
You mean the phony filibuster that wasn't even really a filibuster that even Ted Cruz eventually got bored with and quit? That filibuster? Is that the one he abandoned? The one that wasn't ever going to accomplish anything but get Ted Cruz more camera time? What a betrayal!
Liberal John Cornyn betrayed Ted Cruz, and you, by voting to fund Obamacare.
I don't know if that's even true, I doubt that it is, but even if it is, why should he owe any loyalty to Ted Cruz? Seems like Steve Stockman has the same kind of relationship with Ted Cruz that Huck has with Olivia Pope. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scandal_(TV_series))
But liberal John Cornyn is now doing what he always does, spending four years voting like a Democrat, then spending the two years before an election pretending to be Republican.
Yes, voting like a Democrat. Which is why he received a whopping thirteen percent rating from the National Organization of Women and a puny Ninety-One percent form the Concerned Women for America!
And if we let John Cornyn back in the Senate he will go right back to betraying Republicans, and with a vengeance.
Well, I’m sick and tired of being bayoneted in the back by someone in my own foxhole.
Gettin' kinda creeped out by the whole foxhole/bayonet thing. Might want to dial down that imagery a bit.
Texas is a conservative state. Texas needs a conservative senator.
(They have two)
That is why I am running to be Texas’ no-compromise conservative champion in the United States Senate.
I have a 100% lifetime pro-life rating.
Oh, my God, so does Cornyn!
I was the original sponsor of the Sanctity of Life Act and will block any federal judge who is not 100% pro-life.
Do you not watch the news? The filibuster is gone.
I am sponsoring the Sanctity of Life Act again, H.R. 2764. It would automatically overturn Roe v. Wade, protecting human life between conception and birth
Oh my God. . . That is not how it works. You can't overturn a Supreme Court decision with a new law. It doesn't work that way. Go take a high school civics class.
I have a 100% lifetime pro-gun rating.
Oh my God, so does Cornyn!
I worked with Senator Rand Paul to introduce legislation blocking Obama’s gun-grabbing executive orders.
To block those orders that don't exist and never will and have no possibility of ever existing? What a fucking hero! Oh, don't forget to block Sharia Law!
I have also introduced legislation to block and nullify all anti-gun UN treaties.
Jeeeeezus. . . IT DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY! You can't just nullify UN treaties. That's not how it works. You can vote against ratification, but you don't get to just nullify existing treaties. How do I know that and I'm just some guy?
Every Republican who works to fund Obamacare kills freedom twice as quickly as when a Democrat does it.
Yes. Twice as fast. Let's do the math here, two times zero equals. . .?
These next six years will determine whether our constitutional Republic lives or dies.
Oh for fuck sake, you people say that every election year. According to you people, we should have become Soviet Russia like 20 years ago. You're the Harold Camping of predicting the end of Democracy.
Anyway it goes on and on in this vein (Benghas1 Benghazi Benghazi!!!!) but here's my favorite part:
As we saw last year when Ted Cruz became a senator, Texans want conservative champions to represent them in the United States Senate.
They do not want compromising leftists who undergo election-year conversions, then back again – and liberal John Cornyn is the worst offender.
In every poll liberal John Cornyn always loses to any conservative the voters have heard about.
EXCEPT YOU! Cornyn is CRUSHING you in the polls!
Don't quit your day job, Steve.
And keep fucking that chicken!
(Source for John Cornyn's various ratings: http://votesmart.org/candidate/evaluations/15375/john-cornyn#.UqpcS5oo7mI)
Wednesday, December 11, 2013
Bad Ads - Ford
I don't know why Christmas time seems to bring out the worst advertisements. But Jeezus Christ, they get worse every year. This year's leader so far is the Ford "Dream Big" campaign.
There are bad ads, the kind of ads that make you think "I will never buy that product," and then there are ads like the Ford "Dream Big" ads that make you think "I will never buy that product and I hope everyone involved in these ads dies a long slow painful death."
Have you seen these fucking ads?
Is it wrong that I want to punch that child's face into the back of his head? And then flog both his parents? Yeah, I guess so, but Jeezus!
Who decided that having kids talk like douchy adults was cute? It's not. And the kids in these ads take that to the extreme: obnoxious, arrogant, disrespectful, and snotty. What would make anyone think that loathsome, despicable little brats would make anyone want to buy a truck? Unless it's to run these little creeps over.
And when did it become cute for kids to demand things from Santa instead of asking for them? This kid says "It's F-150 or Nothing?" Guess what, it's nothing you little prick! You're getting coal. No, you're not even getting coal, Santa is going to come down your chimney and literally take a shit in your stocking. Or he would if I were him.
The girl isn't as hateful as that little boy, but she's still obnoxious and not making me want to buy a Ford. Certainly not for her. Because I hate her.
And this one is kind of racist:
Why does the black kid have to say things like "my smooth" and "as fly as me?" And why does Santa assume he wants "new sneakers?"
So, heck of a job there, Ford. I'm sure folks must be lining up at your dealerships after these ads!
[Gagging sound]
There are bad ads, the kind of ads that make you think "I will never buy that product," and then there are ads like the Ford "Dream Big" ads that make you think "I will never buy that product and I hope everyone involved in these ads dies a long slow painful death."
Have you seen these fucking ads?
Is it wrong that I want to punch that child's face into the back of his head? And then flog both his parents? Yeah, I guess so, but Jeezus!
Who decided that having kids talk like douchy adults was cute? It's not. And the kids in these ads take that to the extreme: obnoxious, arrogant, disrespectful, and snotty. What would make anyone think that loathsome, despicable little brats would make anyone want to buy a truck? Unless it's to run these little creeps over.
And when did it become cute for kids to demand things from Santa instead of asking for them? This kid says "It's F-150 or Nothing?" Guess what, it's nothing you little prick! You're getting coal. No, you're not even getting coal, Santa is going to come down your chimney and literally take a shit in your stocking. Or he would if I were him.
The girl isn't as hateful as that little boy, but she's still obnoxious and not making me want to buy a Ford. Certainly not for her. Because I hate her.
And this one is kind of racist:
Why does the black kid have to say things like "my smooth" and "as fly as me?" And why does Santa assume he wants "new sneakers?"
So, heck of a job there, Ford. I'm sure folks must be lining up at your dealerships after these ads!
Tuesday, December 10, 2013
Bad Ads - Kay Jewelers
Kay ads are always offensive with their "every kiss begins with Kay" bullshit, but this time they've outdone themselves. This is the creepiest thing I have ever seen.
I mean, it's not just me, right? That guy is super skeevy, right? I'm not the only one getting the impression that he married the woman to get access to the daughter, am I?
Uggggh, this just makes my skin crawl every time I see it!
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