Tuesday, January 7, 2014
Charlie Crist is terrible at apologizing
Former Florida Governor Charlie Crist Apologizes for Supporting Anti-Gay Marriage Amendment
And he starts out really good.
Dyer: When you first ran for governor in 2006, you said that a ban on same-sex marriage was unnecessary, but then you signed a petition to place Amendment 2 [banning same-sex marriage] on the ballot…
Crist: … and I’m sorry. I’m sorry I did that. It was a mistake. I was wrong. Please forgive me.
That's great, Gov. Just leave it there. You're sorry, you want to be forgiven, that's how you do it.
But he goes on.
Crist: I was a Republican. . . The examples you cited were examples of me trying to be a good Republican.
And you just blew it. You can't say "I'm so sorry I worked against your rights, but you gotta understand, it was politically expedient!" I mean, I guess you could say that if you were retiring from public life, but if you are again running for public office, you can't say "vote for me, I will betray my principles if I think it will help me win." And you certainly can't say "Sorry about hurting people, but it was more important to me to keep the knuckle-draggers of my party happy than to stand up for what I knew was right. Crist 2014!"
Bad Ads - Verizon
So the point of this ad seems to be that the more Verizon products you buy, the bigger bag of douche you become?
Sure, you might be an unassuming little nerd, but with enough Verizon products, you can become a guy who looks like he's trying to dress as Axl Rose for Halloween and thinks air guitar is acceptable!
Monday, January 6, 2014
Oh, God. Here we go again.
Once again, a right-wing politician has decided to insert himself into a private family tragedy.
About two weeks ago, a young lady named Jahi McMath went into an Oakland hospital for a routine tonsillectomy and somehow ended up losing so much blood that her brain ceased all functioning. Horrible. Just horrible. But while her parents have had to go through the agonizing process of coming to terms with the loss of their daughter, shameless con man Mike Huckabee has decided to turn this tragedy into a political soapbox for his "pro-life" views.
(via)
Because of course he fucking did!
I mean, once you've gotten used to the idea of the Affordable care Act as Nazi-style tyranny, it's a pretty easy leap to seeing a hospital as Auschwitz.
Apparently, the similarity between the hospital in Oakland and concentration camps in 1930';s Europe is based on the hospital's plan to remove the already brain-dead girl from machines keeping her heart and lungs functioning artificially. Which is pretty much the same thing, now that I think about it.
Here are some of his comments:
(source)
Except that she can't possibly be saved because she is completely brain-dead. Which is tragic enough without some scam-artist pretending that she could be saved but someone just doesn't want to.
But what would the hospital know? They're just a bunch of "doctors" and "scientists" and "medical professionals." I'm a former minister and current asshole talk-show host!
But I'm sure as hell not going to let that stop me from pretending that I know what the fuck I'm talking about and weighing in with my half-assed opinion!
Oh, by all means, then. Proceed, governor!
Regardless of whether she was already dead.
Well, I'm fairly certain that they didn't say NO risk. It was surgery, after all. And no matter how badly the surgeon might have botched the operation, I'm sure they can read a brain scan. And there isn't going to be another doctor who comes in like Billy Crystal in the Princess Bride and says "lucky for you, she's only MOSTLY dead!"
So, you're saying that if this girl is taken off life support, next thing you know there will be abortions?
Um, okay, sure. With you so far. Any time a young person dies tragically, that's the same thing as China forcing women to have abortions. That pretty much goes without saying. But what about the concentration camps?
Wow! Unless the hospital intentionally botched the operation because they actually wanted this girl to die, I really don't see a comparison here. But I guess that's not really what's important. The important thing is that you got your name in the papers and your fat ugly face on tv so you could keep feeding your fame addiction, and if you've made the family's suffering even worse, or maybe led some of your less stable followers to make death threats against the hospital or the doctors involved, well that's a small price to pay for dragging out your 15 minutes a few more days. Hey, maybe you can find a way to turn this private family tragedy into a fundraiser, too! Then everybody wins!
About two weeks ago, a young lady named Jahi McMath went into an Oakland hospital for a routine tonsillectomy and somehow ended up losing so much blood that her brain ceased all functioning. Horrible. Just horrible. But while her parents have had to go through the agonizing process of coming to terms with the loss of their daughter, shameless con man Mike Huckabee has decided to turn this tragedy into a political soapbox for his "pro-life" views.
(via)
Mike Huckabee Compares Oakland Hospital To Nazi Concentration Camps
Because of course he fucking did!
I mean, once you've gotten used to the idea of the Affordable care Act as Nazi-style tyranny, it's a pretty easy leap to seeing a hospital as Auschwitz.
Apparently, the similarity between the hospital in Oakland and concentration camps in 1930';s Europe is based on the hospital's plan to remove the already brain-dead girl from machines keeping her heart and lungs functioning artificially. Which is pretty much the same thing, now that I think about it.
Here are some of his comments:
(source)
The decision of a judge in CA has given the family of 8 year old Jahi McMath until January 7 to prove that she is worth at least attempting to save.
Except that she can't possibly be saved because she is completely brain-dead. Which is tragic enough without some scam-artist pretending that she could be saved but someone just doesn't want to.
The hospital says she’s brain dead and insisted that her life support be discontinued just a couple of days before Christmas.
But what would the hospital know? They're just a bunch of "doctors" and "scientists" and "medical professionals." I'm a former minister and current asshole talk-show host!
Her family has fought in court to prevent the hospital from acting without the family’s permission. I’m not a neurologist and wouldn’t pretend to know the level if any of Jahi’s brain function.
But I'm sure as hell not going to let that stop me from pretending that I know what the fuck I'm talking about and weighing in with my half-assed opinion!
I’m not a neurologist and wouldn’t pretend to know the level if any of Jahi’s brain function. But I am a parent and grandparent
Oh, by all means, then. Proceed, governor!
But I am a parent and grandparent, and I would fight with all within me to hold on to any hope to protect the life of a member of my family
Regardless of whether she was already dead.
And I would probably not be overly confident of the opinion of the hospital that said my daughter’s brain was dead because they also said the surgery that put her in that condition was routine and low risk.
Well, I'm fairly certain that they didn't say NO risk. It was surgery, after all. And no matter how badly the surgeon might have botched the operation, I'm sure they can read a brain scan. And there isn't going to be another doctor who comes in like Billy Crystal in the Princess Bride and says "lucky for you, she's only MOSTLY dead!"
“The road that starts that way in deciding that some lives have less value and are unworthy of protection, that leads to a culture that tolerates the undeserved killing of over 55 million unborn children in this country. . ."
So, you're saying that if this girl is taken off life support, next thing you know there will be abortions?
". . . It leads to China’s birth policy that limits the number of children for a family and enforces forced abortion if they deviate from the state-determined ideal.”
Um, okay, sure. With you so far. Any time a young person dies tragically, that's the same thing as China forcing women to have abortions. That pretty much goes without saying. But what about the concentration camps?
“It’s also that culture that allowed the Nazis to to hideously justify the savage slaughter of millions of Jews, disabled people, old people and those with mental illness,”
Wow! Unless the hospital intentionally botched the operation because they actually wanted this girl to die, I really don't see a comparison here. But I guess that's not really what's important. The important thing is that you got your name in the papers and your fat ugly face on tv so you could keep feeding your fame addiction, and if you've made the family's suffering even worse, or maybe led some of your less stable followers to make death threats against the hospital or the doctors involved, well that's a small price to pay for dragging out your 15 minutes a few more days. Hey, maybe you can find a way to turn this private family tragedy into a fundraiser, too! Then everybody wins!
Thursday, January 2, 2014
Conservative Hero of the Day
Eric Smith (Not his real name) is a student at a large Midwestern college. One sunny day he was minding his own business, hanging out on the quad when he casually shouted "FAG!" at a fellow student.
Suddenly, and without warning Eric was attacked by people he had thought were his friends, who began to shout "dude, not cool" and "don't be an asshole" at him. Silently praying for strength, Eric stood up to the pc police and their gestapo tactics. "No!" he shouted. "You will not take away my Constitutional right to free speech! I will not be persecuted for my religious beliefs!"
Just when he thought he had overcome their prejudice, one of his classmates stepped towards him and unleashed the question "dude, what the fuck are you talking about?" Was he frightened? Of course. But somehow Eric dug deep inside himself and found the strength to stand up to this bully. He looked the aggressor right in the eye and calmly stated "c'mon. That guy's a total fag!"
And for the crime of standing up for his beliefs, this brave patriot was subjected to an unending onslaught of head-shaking and eye-rolls as his former friends deserted him, walking away and returning to class.
Of course it goes without saying that Eric is currently in hiding in an undisclosed location, fearing for his safety and that of his family, as it is expected that gay thugs will of course seek to do him violence, possibly with the assistance of jack-booted government goons. But for standing up bravely in the face of unimaginable intolerance, Eric Smith is our Conservative Hero of the Day!
Suddenly, and without warning Eric was attacked by people he had thought were his friends, who began to shout "dude, not cool" and "don't be an asshole" at him. Silently praying for strength, Eric stood up to the pc police and their gestapo tactics. "No!" he shouted. "You will not take away my Constitutional right to free speech! I will not be persecuted for my religious beliefs!"
Just when he thought he had overcome their prejudice, one of his classmates stepped towards him and unleashed the question "dude, what the fuck are you talking about?" Was he frightened? Of course. But somehow Eric dug deep inside himself and found the strength to stand up to this bully. He looked the aggressor right in the eye and calmly stated "c'mon. That guy's a total fag!"
And for the crime of standing up for his beliefs, this brave patriot was subjected to an unending onslaught of head-shaking and eye-rolls as his former friends deserted him, walking away and returning to class.
Of course it goes without saying that Eric is currently in hiding in an undisclosed location, fearing for his safety and that of his family, as it is expected that gay thugs will of course seek to do him violence, possibly with the assistance of jack-booted government goons. But for standing up bravely in the face of unimaginable intolerance, Eric Smith is our Conservative Hero of the Day!
Tuesday, December 31, 2013
The Year in Television, Part Two
More shows that have brought us joy or at least staved off the ennui for a short time this year.
Most Intriguing Show:
Rectify.
This show is about a man who, after spending twenty years on death row, is released pending a new trial. It's mostly about his difficulties in trying to adjust to normal life again. The question of his guilt or innocence is never really addressed, and honestly, not much really happens on this show. But somehow, it's just fascinating. They only made six episodes for season one, but it is supposed to be coming back for a second season sometime in 2014. It's on the Sundance Channel, which I guess a lot of people don't get, but it's worth seeking out.
Best Newcomer:
Maron
I have a weakness for shows about neurotic comedians and they don't get much more neurotic than Marc Maron. If you enjoy his WTF Podcast, or remember him fondly from Air America, this show should be right up your alley. I know some people have pointed out (notably Micheal Ian Black) that the show is, shall we say, a bit reminiscent of Louie, but a) That's like complaining that Parks & Rec borrows heavily from the Office, and b) I wish there were a hundred shows that were similar to Louie.
Most Annoying Character on TV
The Sofia Vergara character on Modern Family
I don't even know her character's name, because I've only seen this show a couple of times. I think I would like it, too, if not for her. She seems to be a two-dimensional caricature of the hot-blooded Latina sex kitten stereotype whose main function is to serve as a symbol of the Ed O'Neill charcter's success and affluence. I feel bad saying that her accent is ridiculously exaggerated because I guess it's possible that she really does talk like that, but the exaggerated accent, the exaggerated sexuality always spilling out of an outfit a size too small and the fact that it's supposed to be howlingly funny that she often mispronounces English words all add up to the most annoying character on TV. She does everything but shake maracas, shout cootchy-cootchy and tell Lucy that she has some 'splaining to do. Feh!
Other notable shows:
The Bridge
Definitely flawed, but a good suspenseful murder mystery
The Americans
A relationship drama wrapped in an espionage thriller coated in moral ambiguity.
Orphan Black
A tight, keep-you-guessing mystery based on a sort of silly premise but it totally works, thanks in large part to Tatiana Maslany who plays at least a half-dozen different characters and nails them all.
The Walking Dead
I never was into zombies, but this is really a story about survival, and what people will do to survive, what kinds of moral choices they have to make. It works. And Michone is my favorite tv bad-ass ever. Actually, this show has probably had more strong, tough female characters than any other I can remember.
Lowbrow Comedies
It wasn't the best season for any of these shows, but I still laughed at all of them. I'm not proud of that fact, but there it is.
Most Intriguing Show:
Rectify.
This show is about a man who, after spending twenty years on death row, is released pending a new trial. It's mostly about his difficulties in trying to adjust to normal life again. The question of his guilt or innocence is never really addressed, and honestly, not much really happens on this show. But somehow, it's just fascinating. They only made six episodes for season one, but it is supposed to be coming back for a second season sometime in 2014. It's on the Sundance Channel, which I guess a lot of people don't get, but it's worth seeking out.
Best Newcomer:
Maron
I have a weakness for shows about neurotic comedians and they don't get much more neurotic than Marc Maron. If you enjoy his WTF Podcast, or remember him fondly from Air America, this show should be right up your alley. I know some people have pointed out (notably Micheal Ian Black) that the show is, shall we say, a bit reminiscent of Louie, but a) That's like complaining that Parks & Rec borrows heavily from the Office, and b) I wish there were a hundred shows that were similar to Louie.
Most Annoying Character on TV
The Sofia Vergara character on Modern Family
I don't even know her character's name, because I've only seen this show a couple of times. I think I would like it, too, if not for her. She seems to be a two-dimensional caricature of the hot-blooded Latina sex kitten stereotype whose main function is to serve as a symbol of the Ed O'Neill charcter's success and affluence. I feel bad saying that her accent is ridiculously exaggerated because I guess it's possible that she really does talk like that, but the exaggerated accent, the exaggerated sexuality always spilling out of an outfit a size too small and the fact that it's supposed to be howlingly funny that she often mispronounces English words all add up to the most annoying character on TV. She does everything but shake maracas, shout cootchy-cootchy and tell Lucy that she has some 'splaining to do. Feh!
Other notable shows:
The Bridge
Definitely flawed, but a good suspenseful murder mystery
The Americans
A relationship drama wrapped in an espionage thriller coated in moral ambiguity.
Orphan Black
A tight, keep-you-guessing mystery based on a sort of silly premise but it totally works, thanks in large part to Tatiana Maslany who plays at least a half-dozen different characters and nails them all.
The Walking Dead
I never was into zombies, but this is really a story about survival, and what people will do to survive, what kinds of moral choices they have to make. It works. And Michone is my favorite tv bad-ass ever. Actually, this show has probably had more strong, tough female characters than any other I can remember.
Lowbrow Comedies
It wasn't the best season for any of these shows, but I still laughed at all of them. I'm not proud of that fact, but there it is.
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