Ted Cruz is at it again!

Hey, everybody. Pay attention, now. Totally not-delusional weirdo Ted Cruz has issued a very super-important report that is totally serious, you guys. Seriously, for real!

And you can see how important it is because he went with this cover:




instead of his first choice:

 

  Anyway, it is entitled:

THE LEGAL LIMIT: THE OBAMA ADMINISTRATION’S ATTEMPTS TO EXPAND FEDERAL POWER

Because apparently it can be expanded beyond what Bush expanded it to? (but that didn't count because "keeping us safe" and "war on terror" and "fredommmmm!!!!")


And after a long, self-important introduction, which I will spare you. . . oh, hell, I had to read it, so do you! Here's just a little taste.

Of all the troubling aspects of the Obama presidency, none is more dangerous than the President's persistent pattern of lawlessness, his willingness to disregard the written law and instead enforce his own policies via executive fiat.

In the more than two centuries of our nation’s history, there is simply no precedent for the White House wantonly ignoring federal law and asking others to do the same.

Except for that one guy who decided habeus corpus was optional and that warantless wiretapping was only illegal  unless he really really wanted to, and that torture was perfectly fine as long as you didn't call it torture. . .




"Enhanced Fondling." Perfectly legal!


anyway, then he lists the various categories of supposed misdeeds:

Governing by Executive Fiat
National Security
Obamacare
Economy
Executive Nominees and Personel
Free Speech and Privacy
Other Lawless Acts
Other Abuses of Power

Let's have a look at a few of these totally illegal lawbreakings, shall we?

1. Disregarded 1996 welfare reform law in granting broad work waivers for work requirements of Temporary Assistance for Needy Families (TANF).

Wow, right out of the gate! That's a lie. Or Mr. Cruz is stunningly misinformed, either way it is just not true. And this is the Very first misdeed on the misdeed list! You'd think you'd begin with actual wrongdoings before you have to resort to blatant falsehoods to pad out the list.

5. Extended federal marriage benefits by recognizing, under federal law, same-sex marriages created in a state that allows same-sex marriage even if the couple is living in a state that doesn’t recognize same-sex marriage.

Um, okay, at least that one is true, but how is it an "abuse of power" or "lawlessness" or whatever? It has always been the case that a marriage that is legal in Michigan is legal in Mississippi is legal in Maryland. The fact that some fucktard bass-ackwatrds states choose not to recognize valid legal marriages from other more enlightened states doesn't change that. If the President has decided to honor the principle of equal protection under the law, I don't see how you can say he's doing anything wrong. He's just doing something you don't like.

 NATIONAL SECURITY

1. Falsely portrayed the Benghazi terrorist attack as a spontaneous protest against an anti-Muslim YouTube video, and then lied about the White House’s involvement

Wow, I can't believe he waited this long to go to the #Benghazi, Behghazi, Benghazi!!!

#Benghazi    #tcot

I'm pretty sure that it is not a crime for the intelligence community to say "let's not let the terrorists know that we know it's them, because strategy."  Also, the huge demonstrations which the terrorists used to aid their attack absolutely were spontaneous protests against an anti-Muslim video. Also, fuck you, Ted Cruz. Never heard a peep out of you when Dubya was lying about WMDs. Those lies cost thousands of American lives. "Lying" about Benghazi, and there's no real reason to think that these were even lies, cost exactly zero. But which one are you assholes holding hearing after hearing about, hmm?

4.  Killed four Americans overseas in counterterrorism operations without judicial process.

Oh my God, how are you not leading with this? How is it that on your list of misdeeds, killing 4 Americans without due process is NUMBER FOUR in SECTION TWO? Where are your priorities? This is the only one that seems like an actual crime. (And if it isn't, it should be.) But to you, it's apparently an afterthought, tucked in between "Failed to enforce the Magnitsky Act" and "Continued to give Egypt aid" You have some seriously fucked-up priorities, Cruz.

Then we get in to what is really the most super-illegal impeach-now category of high crimes:

OBAMACARE
2. Delayed the individual mandate for two years.

So, he did what the Republicans had begged/demanded that he do?  Impeach!!!

Also, I'm not sure if you're aware of this, but in our system (not the Canadian system with which you're familiar) the Executive Branch is in charge of implementing laws. If the executive decides that a delay ion implementation is necessary, that's his perogative. He has to administer the laws, hence the phrase "Obama Administration) 

4. Extended the deadline to enroll in Obamacare.

See above.

Also, you are really getting desperate if extending a dealine is one of your "abuses of power!"

 I mean, you could hardly get more ridiculous than that!

 9. Illegally required people to violate their faith via the Obamacare contraception mandate.

 Oh, I stand corrected.

Enforcing the law of the land is illegal now? It's illegal if some uptight Bible-thumpers are uncomfortable with aspects of the law? What about the law that says that Rastafarians are not allowed to smoke pot even though it is part of their religion? What about the law that says you can't be a bigamist even if your brand of Mormonism is totally okay with that? What about fuck you, you don't get to impose your religious beliefs on your employees?

 

10. As of May 2011, over 50% of Obamacare waiver beneficiaries were union members (who account for less than 12% of the American work force).

Um, that is a statistic. Not a scandal. 

I don't know whether it's true, and since the source you cite for this claim is the Washington Times, I doubt that it is, but either way, a statistic is not a crime.

FREE SPEECH AND PRIVACY    
1. Illegally targeted conservative groups for heightened IRS scrutiny. 

Jeezus, how many times does that need to be debunked? 

OTHER LAWLESS ACTS

1. Aided drug cartels instead of enforcing immigration laws—as found by a federal judge. Border Patrol agents, multiple times, knowingly helped smuggle illegal immigrant children into the U.S.

  

What? The border patrol helping drug cartels? And helping the drug cartels by smuggling children. . . what? Where the fuck would you even come up with so insane an idea?

 
Stephen Dinan,

 Border Patrol helps smuggle illegal immigrant children into the United States  Wash. Times, Dec. 19, 2013.

 

Oh, of course.
You do know that the Moonie Times is not a reliable source of. . . oh, never mind. Of course you don't.

2. Illegally sold thousands of guns to criminals, in the operation known as Fast and Furiousand then refused to comply with congressional subpoenas about the operation

How many times does THAT need to be debunked? Seriously, that is NOT what happened. And F&F wasa program initiated by the Bush Administration. And the drug dealers were able to buy weapons of war in Arizona because gun nuts like you have eviscerated Arizona's gun laws to the point that pretty much anyone can buy an assault weapon there.
  

3. Dismissed charges filed by Bush Administration against New Black Panther Party members who were videotaped intimidating voters at a Philadelphia polling station during the 2008 election.

True. Of course, that had a lot to do with the fact that there was no complaining witness. No one reported being intimidated by the Panthers who were legally observing the polling station. But other than that, yeah. Scandal!

 

4. Argued for expansive federal powers in the Supreme Court, which has rejected the Administration’s arguments unanimously 9 times since January 2012

  How is that a "Lawless Act," exactly?
Pleading your case in court? That's lawless now? Better go arrest every lawyer in America!

 

5. Sued Louisiana to stop school vouchers and keep low-income minorities trapped in failing schools.

 

It's unlawful to file a lawsuit? I mean, shit, it has the word "law" right in it! Right before "suit!" How can that be lawless? 

Any way, there are so many more, but who has the strength? The point is, Ted Cruz is a nutty, stupid piece of shit with no soul, no conscience, and very little grasp of reality.

Fill in the blank

Complete this headline from yesterday's Las Vegas Sun:

_______'s message to young girls: Have premarital sex, risk death

A girl in a body bag is taken away Saturday, May 3, 2014, during a performance of “Toe Tag Monologues” that was intended to teach girls about the risks of premarital sex.

Okay, fill in the blank. What fundamentalist Church group was sending this message to girls?
The Southern Baptists?
The Pentecostals?
The Taliban?
Give up?

The Las Vegas Police Department.

No, really.

Here's the original headline:

Metro Police message to young girls: Have premarital sex, risk death

a

 

Ya got me, Jackie. Let's have a look-see:

Girls who “get promiscuous” can wind up dead.
That was the message behind the Metro Police co-sponsored “Choose Purity” event Saturday at the William Pearson Center in North Las Vegas.
“Choose Purity” aimed to show young girls what can happen when they don’t wait until marriage to have sex, according to Officer Regina Coward

Wait.
You can seriously be a police officer with the name "coward?" That's like being named "Doctor Sickness" or "Reverend Atheist" or something.

But anyway. . .

Girls who get promiscuous can wind up dead. Well, that is true. Also nuns can end up dead. And happily married monogamists. And dogs and hamsters and wildebeests - everyone ends up dead at the end (spoiler alert!)

But anyway, how does a police department end up in the purity business?

“Choose Purity” aimed to show young girls what can happen when they don’t wait until marriage to have sex, according to Officer Regina Coward, president of the Nevada Black Police Association, who said she’d been asked by her church, Victory Outreach Church, to create a community event to go along with its abstinence message.

Oh. That seems totally Constitutional. Of course police departments, paid for by the taxpayers, should be in the business of promoting the moral values of a particular religious group. Just as the Founding Fathers intended.

 So what does Coward say happens? Typically four things: sexual assault, gangs, drugs and prostitution.

 I know, right?
Wouldn't that mean that like 90+ percent of young people should be drug-addicted gang-banging prostitutes?

 Avoid sex and avoid those perils, Coward said.

 Wow! So, among other things, you're saying that the victims of sexual assault could have been spared that trauma by simply "avoiding sex?" That is just a whole new level of victim-blaming.

 The room of about 125 parents and children watched recorded interviews with a pimp and prostitutes, learned modern-day slavery exists in the form of the sex trade, and saw grisly images of people who’d suffered at the hands of hard drugs — such as a woman who’d lost limbs in a methamphetamine lab explosion and a man who’d had his face partially gnawed off by a meth user.

And what does the horror of women and girls being forced into sexual slavery have to do with consensual sex? And what the fuck does either have to do with meth labs?

 

 If only they'd practiced abstinence!

 Wide-eyed youngsters watched as two girls gave dramatic performances told from the perspective of one girl who had died after abusing diet pills and one who had died after contracting a sexually transmitted disease as a prostitute. The monologues concluded with each girl getting on a gurney and into a body bag.

Jesus Christ! Youngsters? What the fuck is wrong with you? Do you really want these little girls growing up so terrified of sex that. . . oh, right. Of course you do.  Because you're terrible.

When asked whether she’d recruited the “Toe Tag Monologues” to perform to send the message that engaging in premarital sex meant risking death, Coward said, “Yeah, because that’s what’s happening.”

No. No it isn't. I mean, yes, you could end up dying from AIDS or something from engaging in premarital sex. You could also die from crossing the street if a drunk runs a red light. You could die from going to the movies if a lunatic with an assault rifle decides today is the day. But the odds of any of those things are pretty astronomical. And the odds that engaging in consensual sexual activity while unmarried is going to cause a meth lab to blow your arms off or  that you will wake up the next morning enslaved to a pimp is pretty much zero. Yes, some people get harmed by meth, and yes some girls end up as sex slaves but neither of those things are at all related to consensual sex.

Coward said the event. . .  had to happen because Metro doesn’t have a detail that deals with abstinence.

Wait, you're telling me that the Las Vegas Police Department has a homicide division, a robbery division, even a Special Victims Unit, but doesn't have an abstinence squad? How can this be? You mean young people are just going around having sex with each other and not getting arrested?

Sending a message of abstinence is crime prevention, Coward said.

How?
I mean, you do know that the thing from which you're asking these kids to abstain isn't actually a crime, right? Even if you convince every young person in Nevada to abstain from sex until their wedding night, the crime rate will not be affected at all because consensual sex is perfectly legal you freak!

Coward said she is passionate about the issue because she became pregnant at 16 and wonders whether her life might had been different had she been taught she could say, “No.”

Oh my God. That is totally different. That is absolutely a message you should be sending to young women. You should absolutely let them know that they have every right to say "no," and that they should never allow anyone to pressure them into having sex if they don't want to. But that's not what you're saying. You're not saying "you have a choice, you can say no." You're saying "you must say no or you will die a horrible death of prostitution in an exploding meth lab with your gang." 

 The worst part is that this has a real possibilty of what I call the "Reefer Madness" effect. Back in the day, adults used to tell kids that if they ever took a puff of a "Jazz Cigarette" they would end up a hopeless addict and probably insane and all sorts of other horrible things. Well, once one kid in the neighborhood tried pot, or had an older brother or cousin or whatever who tried pot, and did not become insane, the kids figured out pretty quickly that the grownups were lying to them. So when the grownups warned about the actual dangers of drugs like heroin and cocaine, the kids rolled their eyes and thought "you said the same thing about pot."  And kids need accurate information about drugs so they don't end up like Jim Carroll who said he started shooting heroin because he thought that heroin was pretty safe and non-addictive as opposed to marijuana which was highly addictive and easy to od on. If he had better information, he might have spared himself years of addiction. But then he wouldn't have written "The Basketball Diaries" and "People Who Died," so it's a trade-off.

Anyway, if you teach these youngsters that having sex will kill them, how long before someone knows someone who tried it and she's not dead or in a gang, so I guess Officer Coward was lying to us, let's all go get laid! And then they won't have the information they need to prevent stds or pregnancies, which would be a real tragedy. Even worse than the imaginary tragedies of limbless meth-heads and hooker gangstas.



a

Bad Ads - Hot Pockets

So hot? That's all you got?
You just took it out of the damn microwave, of course it's fucking hot! If you put your shoe in the microwave, it would come out hot. How is hot supposed to be a selling point? We should buy your product because it gets hot when exposed to heat? So does everything. Shouldn't you at least pretend it tastes good?

Bad Ads -- Amazon Fire

This is in really bad taste.


 You know, Gary Busey actually has brain damage. He was in a horrible motorcycle accident and has permanent brain damage. He's not just s weird guy, he's not just eccentric. He has brain damage and that's not funny. It's in incredibly bad taste to make a joke of his odd demeanor or behavior or whatever.

Holy God, Bill Kristol is a moron!

Conservative pundit Bill Kristol on Sunday urged people to judge NBA team owner Don Sterling by his “deeds,” and not to “go hysterical over two or three sentences” where he tells his girlfriend to stay away from black men.

Okay, fine. Fair enough, let's judge him by his deeds.

 In November of 2009, Sterling settled the suit with the US Department of Justice for $2.73 million, the largest ever obtained by the government in a discrimination case involving apartment rentals. Reading the content of the suit makes you want to shower with steel wool. Sterling just said no to rent to non-Koreans in Koreatown and just said hell-no to African-Americans looking for property in plush Beverly Hills. Sterling, who has a Blagojevichian flair for the language, says he did not like to rent to “Hispanics” because “Hispanics smoke, drink and just hang around the building.” He also stated that “black tenants smell and attract vermin.” (source)

Okay. I think we're done here.