Monday, August 24, 2015

Wait, Trump supporters are racists?





Donald Trump may have to hold his next rally in Nuremburg.


Trump Supporter Screams ‘White Power’ At Mostly-White Alabama Rally

With Trump’s outlandish claims that Mexicans are criminals, threats against a black civil rights movement, and unapologetically bigoted attitude, it was bound to happen – someone in the audience screamed “White Power” about 7 or 8 times.




The reason I was even aware that Trump was having a rally in Alabama is because the restaurant we were in on Friday had CNN  playing in the background and they were covering this white-shoed clusterhump the way ESPN covers the fucking Superbowl. There was no other story, just breathless "oh my Gawd, Trump's almost here" fanboy masturbation and interviews with random Trump fans occasionally interrupted by promos for the upcoming interview with Trump himself! He couldn't have paid for more fawning coverage.

 But anyway, one of Trump's supporters started chanting "White Power" so I'm sure Trump will be called upon to "refudiate" this guy just as strongly as he did the two volunteer Brown Shirts who beat up a Mexican man in Trump's name.


“It would be a shame. . . . I will say that people who are following me are very passionate. They love this country and they want this country to be great again. They are passionate.”





Wednesday, August 19, 2015

Stupid is as stupid says

Well, the 2016 presidential campaign is still in its infancy, but I'm pretty sure we already have a winner for dumbest thing said by any candidate this round.




Donald Trump Claims 14th Amendment Is Unconstitutional: ‘It’s Not Going To Hold Up In Court’


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Oy!
An amendment to the Constitution is "unconstitutional."
I can't even come up with an analogy for how absurd that is.
I got nothing.


Oh, wait. Huckabee might have just topped him!

Huckabee: Martin Luther King Would Be ‘Appalled’ by #BlackLivesMatter


Okay, first of all, fuck you, Huckabee.

https://theselvedgeyard.files.wordpress.com/2009/12/johnny20cash20finger202.jpg?w=700


Fuck you for invoking Rev. King to try to discredit black activists. And second, fuck you in general.

Seriously, though? Dr. King would be "appalled" by people who share not only his goals but his commitment to non-violence? How do you figure that?

Never mind, please don't answer that.



Tuesday, August 18, 2015

Conservatives and Child Abusers

(Trigger warning: child sex abuse)


Remember Justin Harris? He was the Arkansas state representative or whatever who adopted a couple of little girls, then decided that parenting is really hard, so he gave them away like kittens to a man who sexually abused them. Or, as he put it, he "re-homed" them, because their behavioral problems were obviously the result of demon possession and he ain't no exorcist.Oh, and he blamed DHS for not letting him return the two girls, even though he kept the receipt. Because none of this could possibly be his fault.
Anyway, you'd think that after this whole sordid tragedy became public, Harris would have slunk away into anonymity. Maybe even stopped being the proprietor of a goddamm pre-school. But, no. You have under-estimated the courage of Justin Harris.
Courage? you might ask, through rage-clenched teeth, courage?
Apparently.

Justin Harris Getting “Courage” Award Tonight From Ted Cruz After Rehoming Adopted Daughters With Rapist


Which just goes to show ya, for righties, it doesn't matter what you do, as long as you say the right things, hate the right people, fight for the right team. Whatever horrible deeds you may have committed can be forgiven, justified, rationalized, or overlooked as long as you condemn the misdeeds of others. Especially misdeeds committed by anyone on the Left.

Need another example?


Jim Bob And Michelle Duggar Want To Personally Counsel Sex Abuse Victims In New Reality Show

AUTHOR:  AUGUST 18, 2015 4:04 PM

Seriously.
You'd think that they would shun the public eye after admitting that they helped cover up their son's sexual abuse of their daughters. Or at least, you'd think that sexual abuse would be the last topic they would want to address. But no. They've actually found a way to try and turn this sick moral cesspool  into a new revenue stream. And a way to keep being famous!

Counseling sex abuse victims? Where the hell do they get the balls? And I shudder to think of what kind of "counsel" they would be dishing out, seeing as how the advice to their daughters consisted basically of "look on the bright side," "maybe pray?" and "snitches get stitches."

There is no low to which you can not sink and still be treated as positive role models by someone like Mike Huckabee. As long as you are on the Right, it doesn't matter what you do, only what you say.


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Monday, August 17, 2015

Bad Ads -- Food Sex

It's becoming a disturbing trend.

Carl's JR/Hardee's has been doing it for years.






Trying to make the eating of a hamburger into an act of unbridled eroticism. Which must be working, because they've been doing this for years. I have to imagine that a lot of teenage boys are getting very disappointed when they bite into a burger and find it to be nearly entirely unlike sex with Kate Upton. ( I assume.)

And the green M&M has been around for a while.




But it seems to be getting worse.

Recently, Payday candy bars started running ads implying that their peanutty treats have genitalia.




And that they want to engage in some mutual exhibitionism with you.




Then there's this Klondike Ice Cream Kandy Bar ad which. . . well, see for yourself.






I don NOT want to think about the food I'm about to eat having sex with other food. How is that not creepy? And you're eating their baby? The Klondike guy and the candy bar lady get it on and then she gets pregnant, delivers a half-ice cream / half chocolate bar baby and you eat that?

Then there's this:




They're just coming right out and saying that a chicken fucked a box of french-fries and the abomination of "chicken fries" is the unnatural, ungodly bastard offspring of this coupling. And you should eat it.
Well, no thank you.
I don't want to think about the chicken I'm eating maybe having had sex with another chicken, let alone the level of depravity with which this hen hath debased herself. - conceiving the spawn of, not just another species, but a different classification of nature, a plant which is, by the way DEAD! It's been chopped up and fried. And she has lain down with this tuberous corpse and produced its ungodly spawn? She should be burned at the stake! Or at least on a rotisserie, maybe with a nice garlic and sage rub, after being brined overnight? Mmmmmmmm. . .

Wednesday, August 12, 2015

A few Thoughts



So I heard the audio of the Republican debate (the big-boy debate, not the junior varsity debate).  The Majority Report did a sort of Mystery Science Theater thing with the livestream on the podcast which made it bearable.

 So. . . couple things.
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First off, sorry Republican Party, but the only one on that stage who made any impression at all was the buffoon Donald Trump. It's honestly hard to remember anything any of the other candidates said.

And speaking of Trump, this thing with him and Megyn Kelly is kinda odd. First of all, Megyn Kelly took him to task over his sexism, which is good, someone should. But a few minutes later, she was busting chops on some of the other candidates for not being sufficiently anti-choice. So it's unacceptable to say bad things about women but perfectly laudable to actually legislate against them?



And then Trump gets dis-invited from the Erick Erickson ass-jamboree because his comments about Kelly were just beyond the pale. And they were, no doubt. But Erick Erickson is the man who called a justice of the Supreme Court a "goat-fucking child molester," and he gets to pretend to be offended by Trump's comments?

Oh, and by the way, congratulations Republicans. This is your party. All your top presidential candidates flocking to Georgia to kiss the ring jammed onto the porcine hoof of a man who coined the slur "Abortion Barbie" to describe Wendy Davis. And also called a Justice of the Supreme Court a "goat-fucking child molester." You must be so proud.

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Also, it's amazing how glib Trump is about his role in government corruption. He proudly boasts about how he gives money to all kinds of politicians because when he needs something from them, they're there to help him. And when he talks about giving money to candidates in order to buy favors from them, I heard a few of the other candidates say "well, I hope you'll give to me!" as if he wasn't talking about legalized bribery. And then he says that this shows that the system is broken. Well, truer words were never spoken, but how is it that you can just stand up there and say "I'm a big participant in this corruption, vote for me and I'll put an end to it.?"

http://img.pandawhale.com/107097-Lana-Archer-nope-gif-Imgur-30H1.gif


And of course, they all agree that the "system is broken," but none of them have a single word to say about what they would do to fix it, besides cutting taxes and regulations. Not a single mention of Citizens United. No one says the words "campaign finance reform," but they all pretend like they're just soooo disappointed with how the "system" is "broken" The system that has allowed most of these guys to hold political office at one time or another.

And it's the same thing with "Obamacare." Everyone says that we must "repeal and replace" it, but not a single word about what they would replace it with. Except from Trump, who surprisingly admits that single-payer works well in Canada and Scotland and then bizarrely claims that it would have worked well here several years ago, but not now. (???) And then says he prefers a "market-based system" which is pretty much another name for Obamacare.


Ben Carson gets the award for most bizarre suggestion of the day, as expected. He proposed a flat tax, which is nothing new, but his flat tax would be 10% across the board BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT GOD REQUIRED FROM THE ISREALITES IN THE OLD TESTAMENT!


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And it doesn't seem to occur to him that God doesn't have an army to run, or schools to fund, or roads to build, or really He has pretty much no overhead at all, which is why the ancient Isrealutes could take their tithe and burn it on the altar because God doesn't actually need any money whereas governing a nation is fucking expensive. And no one laughed at him. No one said that there's no fucking way that you can run a modern superpower on a 10% flat tax and the Bible is not an economics textbook and the Bible doesn't even claim that the tithe was keeping the Kingdom of Israel in the black because the King was definitely collecting taxes from his subjects, and slaughtering a calf in the Temple ain't going to keep Solomon's 700 wives in gemstones and fancy underpants.

John Kasich says he attended a gay wedding. Wow, that must have been awkward! He is on the record opposing marriage equality, but says basically that he has to accept that the Supreme Court has made it legal, and oh, congratulations Jim and Bob! I'm thinking both grooms or both brides were having a long "I thought you invited him. Me, why would I invite that dick?" kind of conversation.

At the end, they actually asked each candidate whether God had spoken to them to tell them what to do as President. As if this were a legitimate question to ask people. Unless maybe it was meant to weed out the schizophrenics? Anyway, after a couple candidates answered, someone must have been screaming "abort, abort!" in Megyn Kelly's earpiece because she suddenly made up a phantom audience member who wanted to ask about veterans. I'm sure any veterans in the audience must have been honored to have been included as an afterthought.