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Thursday, April 1, 2010

Thanks, I Feel So Much Manlier Now!

Did you know that there is a "Manhood Academy" on the Internet?

No? Well, you're probably a sissy-pants, that's why!

If you're a real stud-man like me, you can enter the academy here:

What? The Village People were totally Macho! One of them's a cowboy, for God's sake! Sheesh!

Anyway, here's what these dudes are all about:

Men around the world- Welcome aboard!

Manhood Academy is the first training and research center of its kind. Backed by a global community of men, we've worked to reestablish a healthy male culture that can effectively address its social expectations.

Sounds vaguely positive, go on.

There are too many emasculated males around the globe who don't have any resources to help them establish their lives and identities; these men don't know how to attract women. They don't know how to build male friendships. They don't know how protect their rights as men. They don't know how to stand up for themselves. They don't even know the meaning of Manhood.

AAGH!! Emascu-what now?

See, I didn't even know that my man-rights were under attack until I ran across these guys.

Anyway, here are their goals:

Expose Feminism: On the surface, feminism appears to be concerned with equal rights for women. But in reality, this dangerous social philosoophy has damaged the proper relationship structure between men and women.

They have a point. Women with rights? Sounds pretty dangerous to me. Pretty soon they'll want to drive cars and have control over their own bodies! Insanity!

Retrain men: Too many men have been emasculated by Feminism. They don't know how to lead women, socialize with other men, make decisions, meet their needs or stand up to the emasculating "bitch" behavior of dysfunctional women. By retraining men to effectively wield their authority, we hope to improve their lives and make them effective leaders.

Ack! What's with all the castration imagery? But, yeah, most men have no idea how to socialize with other men. That's why you never see a sports-themed bar or hunting / fishing supply shops anymore. Gone, all gone. Replaced by girlie places like Hooters and Cigar bars.

men doing manly things by lilfloridagirl83.

Retrain women: Too many women have been cheated by Feminism. They have been erroneously taught to compete with men by usurping male authority. This completely neglects the importance of fulfilling different gender functions. These functions are meant to complement rather than than compete with each other; men should be in charge of women as a means of caring for female needs. . .

This one actually goes on for quite a while, but I think the main point is that it's just silly to think that women could take care of their own needs. I mean, what are they going to do, get jobs? Buy their own stuff? Have satisfying non-sexual relationships with non-men? It's crazy, right?


Support male culture: Only healthy, happy, competent men are in a position to properly care for others. Yet Feminism's constant assault on male culture along with its demonizing of male sexuality and belittling of male leadership makes this virtually impossible.

You know, there's really no need to go around assaulting male culture. Just because male culture sometimes includes date rape and the occasional domestic assault, I mean come on! Boys will be boys!

So, anyway, to save you the trouble of clicking on to the website, I copied a list of their FAQ's and I will try to answer them myself, so you wimpy guys don't have to embarrass yourselves in front of real men.

Q: Why was Manhood Academy created?

A: Duh, to get a bunch of men who are having doubts about their manliness together to do manly things like, say, wrestling.

View Image

Q: What is manhood? What's it for? Why do men even need to be aware of it?

A: What's it for? To compete with other men. To see whose manliness is bigger. Or firmer. Or more. . . um, you know, competition. Like sports!

View Image

yeah, sports!

Q: Why are you guys against Feminism? Do you hate women?

A: No, of course not! Not all women! We like the ones who will have sex with us and/or make us food! The other kind, yeah we kinda do hate them.

View Image

We don't hate these women!

Q: Why should a woman "submit" to a man? That sounds like outdated, blatant sexism?!

A: You say that like it's a bad thing!

Q: Why do you guys use misogynistic terms like "cunt" and "bitch"? Isn't that hate speech? Why resort to name-calling?

A: Um, because it's easier than coming up with well-reasoned arguments!

Q: What if I strongly disagree with something on this site? Am I allowed to respond to anything said on here?

A: Sure, queer. Go ahead and disagree, homo!

Q: I read something else that interested me, and I want to try some other method/system. Hopefully this will work better than the Manhood Academy.

A: You're gay!

Q: I'm offended by your misogynist terminology. Why do you use such hateful speech?

A: Because fuck you! What are you a girl?

View ImageAaahhh, manliness!


sunshine said...

Well I liked the picture of the spanking and the boys wrestling! :P
He Man is cool too.

This was a great post! Loved it, very funny. :)


jadedj said...

I was with you all the way till...the last photo. I mean, the guy upside down...flatulence for sure. Look at the cretin's expression. But then you knew that. Har, har, har!

Anonymous said...

Hey emasculated emo faggot, they posted a link to your blog. So funny to watch sad faggots like you work up a lather with your grade school sarcasm. Now go slice your wrists emo faggot LOLOLOL :)

skyewriter said...

Loved this, professor. What most of these types don't understand is that "real" women (from this chick's perspective) want a man who doesn't act like a tool, start fights, and demean women or others with balls-out idiocy.

I thought only ten-year-olds and homophobes used the words "emo" and "faggot", anonymous...

Professor Chaos said...

funny thing is, I'm actually too old to know what "Emo" even is.
I know it's some sort of musical subgenre, something to do with black nail polish and bad haircuts?

Anonymous said...

skyewriter u must hang around a lot of homophobes and ten-year-olds.... and not other people besides them -__-

Anonymous said...

I love how these manginas misrepresent things out of their indocrination... it's not about removing women's right to vote or get a job you diwmits, it's about not letting feminist cunts bludgeon us with legal clouts, blaming us for everything that's wrong with their lives and villifying men in gneral.

Professor Chaos said...

Ow! My feelings! Geez, Anonymous, I may not exactly be the Marlboro man, but at least I'm not the kind of whiny little crybaby who complains about being "bludgeoned" by women, or the kind of pathetic man-child who is so afraid of strong women that I have to convince my wife that she should "submit" to my "authority" so I can feel like an adequate male. And seriously, who uses words like "Mangina?" You're such a self-parody that there's really no room for satire.

jadedj said...

"bludgeoned" by women? Female cunts? Har, har, har...what the fuck is that? This guy's got some issues which may be related to early potty training, Chaos.

libhom said...

Those guys have more issues than the Palins. Same for the Anonymous guy.

Anyway, loved the pics of the hot wrestlers.

Shayna said...

Excellent... glad to meet the other person on the Igorant Men Holding Hands and Hating Feminists' post (can't go so far as to use the term 'manhood' in relation to these fruit loops) :-) When I found their site (i.e. when they started posted ridiculous strings of profanity that I thought were spam on my blog), I thought it was a joke at first... oy

You can find me at talking about women, the wage gender gap, and why groups like this are so retarded ;-)

GG said...

wow these fags got PWNED on their podcast. big LULs :)

IhateFATTIES said...

That fat tub of shit Shayna got OWNED on their podcast too hahahaha :D

Anonymous said...

OMG Manhood Academy is soooo terrible!!! they made this video it's sickening!!!!! DO NOT WATCH IT!!!