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Monday, April 4, 2011

Now This Takes Some Freakin' Balls!

Mon Apr 4, 11:22 am ET

Transocean awards safety bonuses to execs

 I'm sorry, what kind of bonuses?

. . . executives at Transocean—which owned the Deepwater Horizon platform  that blew up and claimed the lives of 11 oil workers while touching off the BP oil spill—are collecting safety bonuses for their performance in 2010.

Safety? But what about the whole Gulf thing? With the 11 people killed? And all the oil in the water?

While noting "the tragic loss of life" in the incident that led to last summer's Gulf disaster, the company said in a regulatory filing that it would pay two-thirds of a possible safety bonus to senior managers because—outside of the Deepwater Horizon explosion—the company's 2010 safety record was "exemplary," claiming it was "the best year in safety performance in our company's history."

The best year in company history, other than the biggest oil spill in US history?

That's like saying Bush did a great job on security, except for 9/11.

I know. I know, people really do say that.

Other bonuses given out include:

To Charlie Sheen for most sober year in Hollywood history.

To Rutgers University for best year booking guest speakers.

IMAGE: Snooki
Brendan McDermid  /  REUTERS
Reality TV star Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi earned $32,000 to speak at Rutgers University recently, $2,000 more than Nobel Prize winning author Toni Morrison will receive to speak at the school's graduation.

And the award for mother of the year goes to. . .  

. . . This Lady!

Beauty Pageant Mother Injects 8-Year-Old Daughter with Botox and Takes Her Waxing.

 According to The Sun, "beauty-pageant obsessed single mum" Kerry Campbell gifted her daughter Britney with Botox injections for her eighth birthday last year. Botox injections are now a regular part of Britney's beauty regime – once every three months – which also includes waxing.

 "I know one day she [Britney] will be a model, actress or singer, and having these treatments now will ensure she stays looking younger and baby-faced for longer."

 "My friends think it's cool I have all the treatments and they want to be like me, says Britney. "I check every night for wrinkles, when I see some I want more injections. They used to hurt, but now I don't cry that much…I also want a boob and nose job soon, so that I can be a star."

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