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Thursday, May 3, 2012

Delusions of Grandeur

It's not ridiculous enough that "Joe" the "plumber" is running for Congress, he apparently thinks that the President of the United States (of America!) ought to b able to clear up some time on his schedule to meet with him, because he's so super-important, what with basically being the Snookie of electoral politics and all.

From his sad, stupid little website "Some Crappy Little Bald Guy for Congress or Something"


Dear Mister President:

I stopped by your house the other day because I wanted to talk with you about what's happened since we last met.

Are you serious? Oh, wait. no, you couldn't possibly be. Never mind.

I vividly remember the day you passed through my neighborhood during your 2008 campaign for President. I looked you in the eye and asked how your tax plan would affect a business I was going to buy.

Which I ended up deciding not to buy because it turns out you need money to buy things.

Ultimately, after describing a complicated tax scheme that seemed to require jumping through hoops to avoid being punished for success, you finished by saying that "when you spread the wealth around, it’s good for everybody". Surely you remember that, don't you?

Um, yeah. . . just because you don't understand something doesn't mean it's complicated. For instance, the difference between an important person and a pseudo-plumber who got famous for being used as a convenient political prop by a desperate candidate isn't all that complicated. Just ask a smart person.

In the time since we first met, a lot of folks have lost their job while you got the one for which you were applying. Funny how that worked out: millions of folks out here are living the nightmare of broken dreams, lost livelihoods, and crushing unemployment under your watch while you enjoy the perks of your new job being President of the greatest country on earth.

And those two things are related how? If the Prez stopped enjoying the "perks" would that help create more jobs? Also, a lot of people lost their jobs since you first met, but an awful lot of them lost jobs between the time you met and the time President Obama took office. I shouldn't have to explain to you that those job losses really can't be laid at his doorstep.

It must be nice to get lavish vacations in exotic places for you and your family, playing unending rounds of golf at the world’s best country clubs while most of us Americans are just happy to be able to pay our bills.

If only he would play at the municipal golf course, all our problems would be solved! Oh, wait. A municipal golf course? SOCIALISM!!!

 Your burdensome and punishing regulations made sure that job-creating small businesses suffer like never before.

Okay, I'm calling "name one!" on this bull. Name one regulation enacted by the Obama Administration that is causing businesses to suffer. Go ahead, name one. *crickets*

And yet, through it all, your friends, bundlers, and campaign contributors seem to be doing just fine. Thanks to your "spread the wealth" message, we’ve got people "occupying" legitimate businesses and industries, terrorizing the children of business leaders in their own homes, and calling for government control of everything and everybody. 

You know, it's hard to tell if you're really this stunningly ignorant, or just completely dishonest. You do know that the Occupiers have been very clear about their dislike for Obama's economic policies, right? And it's a little tough to sell the idea that they are calling for government control of everything when the conventional wisdom on the OWS is "no one knows what they want," and "they have no clear message," and "what the heck are their demands?"
Also, you're surprised that the super-wealthy campaign donor class isn't suffering? Really?

Mister President, I think it's time you and I continued our conversation.
I tried early and late, but you weren't home and I couldn't find anyone to take a message. 

Yeah, maybe a little busy being the leader of the free world?

Perhaps you had a good score at the golf course today? Any luck getting more campaign donations? I'm sure that's taking up a lot of your energy.

Ooh, good point! Barack Obama is the only politician who has to spend time soliciting for campaign donations! Zing! Why can't he just get his little daughters to make campaign signs with color crayons and poster board like he was running for student council?

By the way... you may have heard I am running for Congress in the OH-9 district.
 I'm going to win. 
 

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh, sorry. Go ahead.

I'm going to win. Maybe you can stop by my office when you and your family visit DC and I’ll show you around my new digs. We can finish that chat then.

 

1 comment:

tennysoneehemingway said...

Oh dear. Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. Oh honey. There are people still left who are this blinkered? I wouldn't believe it if you hadn't shown me. Oh dear.