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Saturday, October 20, 2012

Things I Should Have Said At Work Today

1. Why, yes. Yes, this is all done. I just enjoyed doing that task so much that I decided to do it a second time just for fun, which is why you see me doing it right now.

2. Directions? Sure. Take 285 to Cobb Parkway, exit North. You'll see a Target store on the right. Go in there and buy a fucking GPS because you are a professional truck driver and being able to find your way from one place to another is a big part of your job description. You're welcome, see ya soon.

3. Really? Do you mean to tell me that there is a Redbox location that YOU were unaware of? Alert the media!

4. Don't take this the wrong way, but that is not my fucking problem and I couldn't give less of a shit.

5. Hmm, maybe it would help if you asked me the same fucking question a fourth time. Maybe I've just been accidentally saying no when I meant yes.

6. Aah, isn't that cute? You're such a big helper! Never mind that I just said I didn't need any help because this is a one-man job. The important thing is that you're helpin' daddy!

7. I can't believe that radio station has been on for four hours and this is only the third time I've heard that song that goes "no lie, no lie, no lie-ee-i-ee-iii. . ." That should really be played at least every minute of every day because it's totally not the worst song in the history of recorded music, and that history includes "Friday" by Rebecca Black.

8. How was my lunch? I'm so glad you asked! Let me regale you with tales of the sandwich. Pull up a chair and I'll try to draw you a mental picture, oh if only I'd remembered to take an Instagram of side of coleslaw.

9. I quit.