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Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Ask GOPPY, the GOP advice elephant!

Note: GOPPY is not an actual elephant. He represents the personification of the problem-solving skills of today's G.O.P.

Question #1:
Dear GOPPY, the Bush tax cuts created huge deficits. What should be done to correct this?

I know, make the tax cuts permanent!

Question #2: 
Dear GOPPY, de-regulating the banks led them to take huge risks with other peoples' money, crashing the economy and leading to a taxpayer-funded bailout. How can we ensure that this doesn't happen again?

Hmm, let me think. . .

I know, fewer cumbersome regulations! 

Question #3:
Dear GOPPY,  A bunch of kids got killed with guns.
What would you recommend to prevent this from recurring?


That's an easy one! More guns!

Question #4:
 Dear GOPPY, My marriage is in trouble because my husband can't forgive me for having an affair.
What can I do to regain his trust?

HMM. . .That is a difficult issue. . .

I know! You should fuck a bunch of different dudes!

Question #5:
Dear GOPPY, I think I may be an alcoholic. I want to stop, but I'm afraid I can't. What should I do?

Try drinking lots of booze!

Goppy the GOP elephant! Doubling down on bad ideas since at least 1980.


Debra She Who Seeks said...

Goppy must be Dumbo's cousin!

Professor Chaos said...

Dumbo would be very offended.