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Thursday, April 11, 2013

Bible-Thumper doesn't understand Bible

joebarton.jpg
Rep Joe Barton (R - etarded)


Congressman Says Bible Proves Climate Change Isn't Man-Made

Forget for a moment that the Bible doesn't prove anything, that in fact it demands to be taken on blind faith, just look at this flawless logic:

"I would point out that if you're a believer in in the Bible, one would have to say the Great Flood is an example of climate change and that certainly wasn't because mankind had overdeveloped hydrocarbon energy." 


Wow!
Just stunning!

See, if you believe in the Bible's flood story, you would believe that this was absolutely NOT an example of climate change. Rather, it is an example of what happens when God gets mad at people. When Old Testament God gets upset, folks are gonna die!





See, in the Biblical flood story, God decides that people have become so obnoxious that the entire population of the earth needs to be drowned to death, including all the animals, but I guess fish were probably cool. And dolphins. But anyway, for whatever reason, God decides to kill 'em all and let himself sort them out, but he keeps one human family and a couple of each animal alive on a whopping great boat because do you know how long it would take to re-create all those species? Like six days!



Anyway, the flood occurs not because of global warming, melting ice caps, rising sea levels, etc. No, it occurs because God purposely makes it rain 40 straight days and nights and sends all the underground springs to the surface to intentionally flood the entire planet. This is literally what the insurance companies call an "act of God," and if any of them had survived they would have denied all claims because of it.


So, what does any of this have to do with our actual, real-world present day climate situation? I don't know. But Barton also had this to say:

Rep. Joe Barton (R-TX) said you can have "an honest difference of opinion" of what's causing climate change without "automatically being either all in that's all because of mankind or it's all just natural," BuzzFeed reports.



Sure, reasonable people can disagree as to whether to base their "opinion" about global warming on the work of countless actual scientists, or on a weird misunderstanding of a 5,000-year-old folk tale. Just like we can disagree on whether or not thunder is caused by the hammer of mighty Thor!

 
Okay, I guess that answers that!

7 comments:

Debra She Who Seeks said...

I was told that thunder is the sound of angels bowling. Was that incorrect?

Professor Chaos said...

Heretic!
Angels bowling! The very idea!

Earthquakes are caused by angels bowling.

Kellie @ Delightfully Ludicrous said...

I think I'm going to go with the Pastafarian theory on global warming. It's obviously due to the reduction in the number of pirates.

jadedj said...

Professor Chaos this is probably the most brilliant observation regarding the Noah myth I have ever read..."...because do you know how long it would take to re-create all those species? Like six days."

CraveCute said...

According to wiki answers, it says that thunder can cause earthquakes. So there you go,both Debra and the Professor are correct!

Professor Chaos said...

As, shucks! *blushing*

Professor Chaos said...

Really? That doesn't seem like it could possibly be right.