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Tuesday, December 2, 2014

Why I should never be a parent

because, based on things I've said to or thought about my friends' kids, I'm pretty sure I would say things like this:

Oh, sorry  kiddo. Didn't you hear? Yeah, the Disney Channel went off the air. But don't worry, they're showing a John Ford marathon on Turner Classic Movies!

You don't like Taylor Swift. No, you don't. Now go to your room and listen to your Wilco CDs!

No, they don't make Barbie dolls anymore. But here, I got you this cool Michone action figure! Check out her awesome katana!

No, I didn't get you a princess costume for Halloween. You and your brother are going as Franklin and Eleanore  Roosevelt. Yes, again!

Harry Potter? Never heard of him. But since you seem interested in magical realism, may I suggest The House of the Spirits?

The Times was right, it is quite spectacular.


anne marie in philly said...

I was not born with a "maternal instinct" gene; I can't stand kids. most times I want to smack them upside the head and yell "STFU, you whining little bastard!"

yeah, mother of the year material, that's me. ;-)

so I never had one.

Bob Slatten said...

f you were a parent, and you raised your kids like that, I imagine they'd turn out remarkably well.

As I like to say, "I like children ... deep fried with a side of ranch dressing."

My nieces are the exceptions.

Brewella Deville said...

Speaking from experience, if you start giving them Bugs Bunny, Wilco, and Capote from the minute they pop out, they'll have the good judgement to reject a lot of garbage later on in life. Of course, your friends and family will look at you like a two headed calf when you say you don't watch the Disney Channel, but why would you care for the good opinions of those that watch the Disney Channel in the first place?