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Monday, November 9, 2015

How to be an asshole



Look at this asshole:










So, first you make up a totally fake bit of bullshit to wind yourself up about. This particular sack of bullshit this asshole is trying to gin up phony outrage about is that Starbucks changed their winter coffee cups from this:

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/a4/e6/c5/a4e6c5f0bfedf4a3324ea4f62346ab86.jpg

To this:

http://www.blogcdn.com/slideshows/images/slides/368/982/9/S3689829/slug/l/2015-red-cup-brewed-coffee-1.jpg

So, as you can plainly see, they must really hate Jesus.
Because the old cup had snowflakes and an elk pictured on it which is obviously a way of praising the Christ-child, and the new one is just red. You know,  red like communists are.

https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/a/a9/Flag_of_the_Soviet_Union.svg/2000px-Flag_of_the_Soviet_Union.svg.png 
And you know who else is red?

 http://www.chud.com/nextraimages/snllovitz007.jpg

So now you've got your ginned-up fake agrievement. Now you go take it out on a bunch of people who are just trying to do their jobs and pay their rent and have no control over what the company does to their cups. Try to embarrass these kids who have to shout out "Merry Christmas" in the first week of fucking November, when you'd really be jumping the gun by saying "Happy Thanksgiving."

Then, act like you've somehow outsmarted the entire anti-Christmas-industrial-complex. Be really smug about it. Like this is a real accomplishment. Just wallow in your own absurdly inflated sense of acheivement, having "tricked" some teenager making 10 bucks an hour into saying something that he doesn't find remotely objectionable and probably says all the time IN LATE DECEMBER WHEN IT'S FUCKING APPROPRIATE!

Lastly, "challenge" other like-minded simpletons to do the same. As if it were some sort of an act of bravery to give the coffee lady a fake name. Like it isn't just a stupid joke that people do all the time. Like Bart Simpson has done about a million times.



http://31.media.tumblr.com/b6bc2496a10d1c39fb834990130bb448/tumblr_murn8qxKSV1rnde1eo3_250.gif

Except that your fake name isn't clever or funny and the Starbucks employee isn't fooled by it because it doesn't sound like a real name.

And that's how to be an asshole!

6 comments:

Lowell said...

It's hard to realize how far we have fallen as a country into a kind of religious/hatred/fauxChristian abyss. None of these people, including Der Bennie Carson, pay any attention at all to what their Jesus taught. The prevailing moral/ethical system of these types seems to be "if it's done for Jesus, anything goes."

It's all very simple. If you think Starbucks ought to reference Xmas on their paper coffee cups during the Xmas season, and are offended when Starbucks neglects to do so, don't patronize Starbucks. Buy your coffee somewhere else.

Don't make a mockery of your faith or your Jesus by mocking Starbucks or threatening to boycott Starbucks or by implying that the owners of Starbucks are evil people. Don't, as you say, be an asshole.

anne marie in philly said...

xmess is a PAGAN holiday, you fucking stoopid xstains!

and who gives six fat fucks about a red cup and sees something sinister in a red cup? if it were a rainbow cup, the xstains would still be bitching!

not everyone celebrates xmess/kwaanza/hanukkah. GET THE FUCK OVER IT, XSTAINS!

Bob Slatten said...

THIS is why i loathe people.

Debra She Who Seeks said...

These people really need to get over themselves.

jadedj said...

Hey, douchebag, you're drinking too much coffee. Your teeth are turning brown.

OK, I've already pointed this out on several other sites, but...the motif of the cup is RED and GREEN. Sooooooo, Mr. assholeo-you're-so-ferking-clever Joshua Feuerstein, what day of the year do we associate with...RED and GREEN? I'll give your peckerwood brain a clue...it ain't Halloween. It ain't Thanksgiving...nor is it Easter. Yup, that "X" thingy day.

The sooner the sky dude raptures these morons...the better.

Tal Hartsfeld said...

Just think: This 30-something-going-on-10 is probably married with kids and fully employed.
Society truly takes care of its "best of the best".