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Tuesday, December 20, 2016

South Carolina to fight scourge of self-love

Bill seeks to put porn block on computers sold in SC

Okay, that seems reasonable. Every computer has to have porn-block software so that parents can switch on the blocker when their kids have access to the computer. Seems fair that people should have that option. Oh, wait. This is South Carolina. I must be missing something.

An Upstate legislator is hoping to prevent anyone who buys a computer in South Carolina from accessing pornography.
State Rep. Bill Chumley, R-Spartanburg, said the Human Trafficking Prevention Act would require manufacturers or sellers to install digital blocking capabilities on computers and other devices that access the internet to prevent the viewing of obscene content.

 Okay, first of all, Human Trafficking is an extremely serious problem. It's an incredibly heinous crime and for you to lump consensual adults getting it on on camera in with this atrocity is not only dishonest, but really shitty.

 The bill would fine manufacturers or sellers that sell a device without a digital blocking system installed. But any manufacturer or seller that didn't want to install the system could pay a $20 opt-out fee for each device sold. 

How is that a law? You must do this. Unless you don't want to bad enough to pay twenty bucks. 

 Any buyers who want the filter lifted after purchasing a computer or device would have to pay a $20 fee, after verifying they are 18 or older.

 Best twenty bucks this guy ever spent!

 So not only do you have to pay money to not have the thing you didn't want in the first place, but you have to swear out some kind of statement verifying that yes, I am over 18 and I enjoy jerking it! South Carolina may not be able to legally prevent their citizens from masturbating, but they can at least shame them for doing it.

 Chumley said the effort, co-sponsored by state Rep. Mike Burns, R-Greenville, would combat crimes against children and protect children from exposure to sexually explicit materials.

 Right, because it's not like young people could figure out a way around a filter. No one is less computer savvy than kids!

“If we could have manufacturers install filters that would be shipped to South Carolina, then anything that children have access on for pornography would be blocked,” Chumley said. “We felt like that would be another way to fight human trafficking.”

Um, I'm sorry, what exactly is the connection here?
How is preventing children from seeing pornographic images (a laudable goal) connected to fighting human trafficking (another laudable goal)?

Ha! trick question. It isn't.

Look, South Carolina, just come out and say it. You want to stop folks from pleasuring themselves. You are just so afraid that someone might have a non-reproductive, non-marital climax that you're willing to pass laws putting blocks on computers because oh my god, what if someone see a boob?

Why, they might get impure thoughts! And a man might be tempted to touch his own penis! And honestly, a man touching a penis? How is that not gay? Looking at naked ladies might turn men gay! And then where would we be? All our men leaving South Carolina to move to San Francisco or New York City or wherever those types live! It's a slippery slope from seeing a boobie to the entire population of South Carolina dying out!

Plus, it might make Jesus sad, and isn't that the real reason we have legislators? To make laws that keep Jesus happy?


Debra She Who Seeks said...

Hey Professor Smartypants, I don't know why you're convinced that porn has something to do with masturbation. Some of us watch it for the PLOT, you know.

Lowell said...

I swear to whatever gods that exist that we have raised the biggest crop of fucking idiots ever! And most of them live in the South. I'd say it must be something in the water, but I live in Florida and I know I'm not crazy so it's got to be something else. Perhaps these creeps have been with us all the time, and now, because Russia put da Trumpf in the White House they feel they can come out and show us their true colors and their black hearts.

And it appears about 99% of our Repugnican politicians have neglected to read our Constitution and the other 1% just don't give a damn.

Bob Slatten said...

South Carolina .... where it's not the heat, it's the stupidity.

anne marie in philly said...

and isn't it always the redumblicans who watch the most porn and commit lewd acts with children and have multiple affairs/wives? THOUGHT SO!

brewella deville said...

It has nothing to do whatsoever with the children or human trafficking, it has more to do with South Carolina Republicans being able to tar anyone who votes against such a poorly written b.s. piece of legislation as pro-human trafficking. What are the odds there's an undeserved pay raise connected to the bill too?

D. said...

Device-smuggling: How retired bootleggers, etc., could keep busy...

(Also, when do we open the betting book on Rep. Burns having massive quantities of downloaded porn?)