News that can't possibly be true, can it?

Please, God let at least some of this be #FakeNews!


1. This ad that showed up in my e-mail today.

I guess just thank God Joe Strummer isn't alive to see this shit.


2.This religious proclomation

Catholic Church: Women are to Blame for Pedophile Priests

Claims 'feminizing' church has caused problems

Seriously? You're talking about men. Abusing children. The only people who are not involved in this scenario at all are women. So, how exactly are they to blame? I mean besides that time that naked lady ate the wrong apple?

One of the Catholic Church's high-ranking clerics has spoken out about the problems facing Catholicism today, and in particular, the epidemic of pedophilia, claiming that women are the root cause. According to Pope Francis's former competitor for the role of the Vatican's leader, Cardinal Raymond Burke, the rampant crisis of pedophile priests was brought on by women who "feminized" the church and discouraged "manly" men from participating in clerical life.

Okay, A: since when do women have any influence over the catholic Church? and B: Was there seriously a time when Catholic Priest was up there with prizefighter and oil rig worker in the pantheon of manly professions?

Serving mass is a "manly" job argues the Irish American Cardinal, as he claims that the participation of women and girls into the daily life of the church has a chilling effect on priests, causing them to turn to "immoral and unpriestly vocations" such as "abusing minors"

So. . . having young girls around is what causes priests to want to fuck little boys? That's some insane fucking reasoning right there. I've read that sentence about 10 times trying to make sense of the logic and I can not make heads or tails of it. Although I guess I shouldn't expect a lot of sense from someone who considers "abusing minors" a "vocation."

Speaking to a group called The New Emangelization, Burke claims that introducing altar girls changes the dynamic between priests and altar boys: "Young boys don't want to do things with girls. It's just natural," "It requires a certain manly discipline to serve as an altar boy in service at the side of priest, and most priests have their first deep experiences of the liturgy as altar boys.” "If we are not training young men as altar boys, giving them an experience of serving God in the liturgy, we should not be surprised that vocations have fallen dramatically,"

Honest to God, I can not figure out how this is supposed to work. They have altar girls now, so there are fewer altar boys than there used to be, so fewer boys are growing up to become priests, so ipso facto priests are going to molest children? The fucking mental gymnastics these scumbags will go through to absolve child rapists of any responsibility is beyond sickening.



3: This is just bizarre:

These Nine States Will Require Passports For All Domestic Air Travel Starting In 2018

Danny Cox

• Kentucky
• Maine
• Minnesota
• Missouri
• Montana
• Oklahoma
• Pennsylvania
• South Carolina
• Washington

Can they do that? Also, why would they do that?

So if I want to fly from Seattle to Pittsburgh, I would have to get a passport as if Pittsburgh is not in the United States? That makes no sense. Something sinister is afoot here, and I have no idea what. Maybe this is #FakeNews?



4: This new requirement:

Chicago Mayor Rahm Emanuel announced a new graduation requirement for Chicago Public Schools (CPS) high school students. During a press conference on Wednesday, Emanuel unveiled his plan that would require CPS students to show an acceptance letter to a university, community college, job or apprenticeship, trade school, internship, the armed services, or even a “gap year” program, in order to get a diploma.

So, in order to get your high school diploma, you have to get a job. And of course, n othing makes getting a job easier than not having a high school diploma!
Oh, but it's okay. If you can't find a job and you can't afford college, and you don't have the connections to get a paid internship and can't afford to take an unpaid one, and if you discover that apprenticeships kind of went out around the 19th Century, you can always join the Army and go risk your life in some country you know nothing about for no earthly good goddamm reason other than the US has decided that a permanent state of war is really the way to go for the foreseeable future! .
God Damn, I hate Rahm Emmanuel.