Thursday, January 4, 2018

Credit where credit is due.

So Il Douche was congratulating himself for there being no airline fatalities this year - the same number as last year, and the year before and the year before. . .but this time the lack of deaths was directly attributable to the um, thing. . . that Cheeto Mussolinin um,. . . did since taking office.

So what other tragedies have been averted due to the quick thinking and bold decisive action of Orange Julius Caesar?

1. Zero Americans have been mauled by tigers this year.
   Outside of zoos.

2. No parents had their children stolen and replaced with changelings in all of 2017.

3. Zero incidences of radical Amish terrorism.

4. No American tourists were drowned in the Court of Neptune Fountain, as far as we know..

5. Poltergeist activity down 53 percent!

6. A complete eradication of pizzeria child sex rings.

7. Chemtrails replaced by pine-scented air freshener.

8. Treasured American actor Ashton Kutcher 100% un-murdered during the entire year.

9. The embdiment of evil, the Los Angeles Dodgers, were prevented from winning a single World           Series championship in all of 2017.

10. Zero attacks from the dreaded moon men!


Bob Slatten said...

Thank god the Fat Bastard has spared us from all those evils ...., well, except for the Fat Bastard himself, his family, and the entire GOP.

Debra She Who Seeks said...

What would America do without him?

anne marie in philly said...

I survived the entire year without sex, thanks to the orange mofo!

brewella deville said...

I call b.s. on #4. Someone has been sneaking into my bedroom while I'm out and ripping the stitches out of my wedding quilt. I've been married for almost twenty-five years, why the heck else would the quilt be falling apart?