A compelling argument

So, after yet a few more mass gun slaughters in Gilroy, Dayton and El Paso, some people had started getting the radical idea that hey, maybe allowing every nut, racist, and incel to buy any type of military-grade weaponry they want might not be the best idea after all! And talk has begun to circulate that maybe it isn't a coincidence that large gun massacres weren't a regular occurrence during the ten years that we had an assault weapons ban in place. And maybe we oughta think about maybe not having a bunch of assholes strutting around the aisles of Wal*Mart with sub-machine guns strapped to their backs? Even thought it might hurt their feelings?


Naturally, there are counter-arguments, as you would expect. For instance:

TALLAHASSEE — Florida National Rifle Association lobbyist Marion Hammer warned state economists Friday that a proposed assault rifle ban would be devastating to gun manufacturers lured to the state over the last eight years.

Wow! See, now, that's something I hadn't considered. I mean, just because your business model relies on your ability to sell weapons of mass murder to unstable angry white men is no reason that you should not stay in business, is it?

Okay, I'm being told that. . . yes. Yes it is a good reason you should not stay in business.

You know, there's always unintended consequences. Like if we have a crackdown on heroin, just think of the deleterious effect on the drug cartels!

Hammer, speaking for the first time since back-to-back gun-related massacres in El Paso and Dayton two weeks ago, denounced the controversial amendment meant to address gun violence in Florida.
The amendment would ban the future sale of assault rifles in the Sunshine State and force current owners to either register them with the state or give them up.

Well, I guess I see why this law would be controversial.I mean, since the law would mandate seizing everyone's guns and criminalizing gun-owners, and. . . wait. . . what? You'd just have to register your AK? You'd still get to keep your massacre gun, you'd just have to register it? Like you should have to for every gun? That's it?

But Hammer said the proposed amendment doesn’t protect the more than 150 major gun manufacturers in the state, of which many produce weapons that would be outlawed by the ban.

Sure, I mean, it might do something to protect children in schools. And Wal*Mart shoppers. And moviegoers. And concert attendees. And nightclub custoimers. But it does nothing -- NOTHING -- to protect the truly vulnerable. The poor, defenseless death merchants!

Those companies would be forced to move because they couldn’t possess any new assault weapons, she said. “If I were the owner of one of these firearm manufacturing companies, I wouldn’t wait to see what voters do,” she said. “If this were allowed to go on the ballot, I’d say, ‘I’m outta here.’”

And, were I a Florida resident, I would say "don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out!"



So, that's a pretty compelling argument for why we should take no steps at all to try and reduce the number of massacres that occur regularly in this dumbass country. But this next argument may be even more persuasive:

The NRA's top lobbyist in Florida argued against a proposed assault weapons ban, complaining that if the law passes, young children might not get rifles for their birthdays.
"How do you tell a 10-year-old little girl who got a Ruger 10/22 with a pink stock for her birthday that her rifle is an assault weapon and she has to turn it over to government or be arrested for felony possession?" asked Marion Hammer 

Wait, Marion Hammer?




This is the same lady?
Holy crap, this woman is prolific! She should really be teaching dialectics at some Ivy League institution.

But, my fanboi-ing aside, let's look at her critical question here.

"How do you tell a 10-year-old little girl who got a Ruger 10/22 with a pink stock for her birthday that her rifle is an assault weapon and she has to turn it over to government or be arrested for felony possession?

Yeah, how do you tell her that?
I guess you could have her new foster parents explain it to her after she is removed from the home for her own safety?

I guess they could say something like "I know you think this is a neato toy, but your parents are complete psychotics and what they gave you for your birthday is actually a weapon of mass death. You know how there are soldiers who fight the bad guys. right? Well, honey, this is what those soldiers use to mow down dozens of bad guys in just a few seconds. Yes, that's right, sweetie. this machine creates dead people. Lots and lots of dead people. And it kills people whether those people are the evil terrorists, or whether they are children just like you who are just trying to go to school.
This might be a big grownup word, honey, but do you know what a  "psychopath" is? Yes, it's like a crazy person. A crazy person who likes to hurt people. That's very good. Well, only a psychopath would ever have a gun like this when he wasn't in a war zone. You understand, don't you, kiddo?"

And maybe you could show the little girl this Washington Post headline:


At least 265 people were accidentally shot by kids this year


I mean, if she's mature enough to handle a semi-automatic rifle, she ahould be mature enough to read the headline from a grownup newspaper, right?
And maybe you could explain to her that "you know, kiddo, if you were to accidentally shoot your brother with a bb gun, it would hurt. And he would probably cry. But he would be all right after we put a bandaid on it. But if you were to accidentally shoot your brother with an assault rifle, those bullets would tear through his flesh, shatter his bones, and leave gaping exit wounds that he probably wouldn't survive. You understand the difference, right?"


You know what, let me tell you a story. A few years back, a friend of mine bought his wife a set of multi-colored kitchen knives fro Christmas.

 

He bought her nice things, too. He's not a dolt.

When he was wrapping up gifts for the family, he accidentally put his daughter's name on the to/from tag on the knife set. When his little daughter opened the box and saw all the pretty colored knives, she was thrilled. And my friend, not being stupid or insane, had to tell her "no, sweetie, you don't get to keep those. Those are for Mommy." I'm sure she was disappointed, but she fucking got over it. And last time I saw her, she still had all her fingers. Because that's what responsible parents do. They take dangerous things away from their children. So they don't hurt themselves or anyone else. Because they're children. And what kind of demented, unhinged psychotic gives a weapon of war to a ten-year-old?

This kind, I guess.