Feliz Dia' de las Mujeres!

In honor of International Womens' Day, the daily Irritant presents:

American Women that Professor Chaos Admires
(In no Particular Order)

Harriet Tubman: Risked her own life and freedom again and again to lead others to freedom.

Jane Addams: The first woman to win a Nobel Prize, Suffragist, pacifist, and president of the Woman's International League for Peace and Freedom.








Mary Harris "Mother" Jones: Legendary labor organizer and all-around agitator. Known as "the most dangerous woman in America."









Annie Oakley: Star of Buffalo Bill's Wild west Show. Using a .22 caliber rifle at 90 feet (27 m), Oakley reputedly could split a playing card edge-on and put five or six more holes in it before it touched the ground.









Rosa Parks: Stood up for justice by sitting down.









Joan Jett: Rocked when girls weren't supposed to rock. Never gave a damn about her reputation. Became a role model for bands like Bikini Kill and Bratmobile. proved that women could rock as hard as any man.










Amy Goodman: Investigative journalist and host of Pacifica radio's "Democracy Now!"
Absolutely fearless journalist and advocate for progressive values.










Cindy Sheehan: At a time when the war and the president were both extremely popular, Cindy Sheehan stood up and asked "why?" Vilified in the press and subject to death threats, she never backed down.









The Dixie Chicks: Besides being very talented musicians, they took an anti-war message to probably the most hostile audience possible--country music fans. Despite having their music banned by most stations and receiving serious death threats, refused to apologize or recant.






Molly Ivins: Newspaper writer and Author. Credited with giving the nickname "Shrub" to George W. Bush. Muckracker and hell-raiser extrordinaire, and always managed to inject humor into all her work.








Eleanor Roosevelt: Civil rights advocate, Co-founder of Freedom House, she chaired the UN Comittee that drafted the Universal Declaration ofHuman Rights.









And of Course, the perpetually awesome,
Mrs. Chaos.

admittedly, this is an incomplete list, but there is only so much time in the day.
tomorrow, we will return to irritating and annoying things and hopefully try to be funny.

Kanye West

And not just because he dresses like this:

















But because every time he opens his mouth, a fresh new batch of stupid falls out.
Here's the most recent:

According to a Reuters report, at one point during the taping West asked the crowd, "Can't we give Chris a break? ... I know I make mistakes in life." Brown, who was arrested during the Grammys and booked on suspicion of making criminal threats, a felony, has not been charged in the case.

West also reportedly received loud applause when he followed by saying, "Michael Jackson, amazing. Michael Phelps, amazing ... He's a real f---in' person; he makes mistakes." West also made a rather puzzing comment about O.J. Simpson, saying, "O.J. Simpson, amazing. Is he not? What he did, when he did, what he did. Was he not amazing, though?"

Right, give 'em a break! Other than a little domestic violence, child molestation, and the occasional double homicide, what did these guys ever do to be picked on like this?

Now, an ordinary jagoff would just stop there. An average tool would say, okay, that's enough douchebaggery for one day, and retire to his estate in the hills of Dildonia. But not Kanye "I deserve every Grammy ever awarded in every category and a few categories that I have created myself" West. Oh, no! The master chef topped it off with a soupcon of delusion:

The Brown comments were not the only controversy West stirred up on the stage. A Reuters reporter who was reportedly on site during the taping said 'He also tore into Radiohead after singer Thom Yorke allegedly snubbed him backstage at the Grammys five days earlier. The dis hurt because West loves the British band, which he considers one of his few artistic rivals.

Kanye, Kanye, Kanye, have you ever listened to Radiohead? Have you heard any of your own songs? Seriously, you're not in their league. When you get a minute, listen to "Karma Police." Then listen to "Gold-Digger." Ok, see what I mean? You in the same sentence with Radiohead is like Micheal Phelps being in the same sentence with Chris Brown, Micheal Jackson, and OJ. Right? I mean, noone would lump those guys all together, right?

Oh. Never Mind.

Rush Limbaugh

So Bloated, Bloviating Blowhard Rush Limbaugh wants President Obama to come on his show and debate him, which is a little like me challenging Kobe Bryant to a little one-on-one.*
I imagine the debate going something like this:

OBAMA: I believe, that in regard to the stimulus package. . .

RUSH: I hate women!

OBAMA: Yes, I know, but as I was saying. . .

RUSH: You're black!

OBAMA: Excuse me?

RUSH: I'm not going to bend over and grab my ankles for you, just because you're black!**

OBAMA: Good God, I should hope not! Now about the stimulus. . .

RUSH: LaLaLaLa, I can't hear you, LaLaLalLA Socialism, LaLaLaLaLaLa You're a socialist LaLa

OBAMA: Am I being punked?

RUSH: I win the debate! You owe me 1000 oxycontins!

I would rather see old Rush debate Susie Essman from "Curb Your Enthusiasm," because I think the debate might go more like this:

SUSIE: Rush, you fat fuck, shut your goddamned mouth!

RUSH: but, but but,

SUSIE: Fuck You, you drug-addicted cocksucker!

RUSH: But I. . .

SUSIE: Shut up, you lying sack of shit!

Then the ref stops the fight.

*Kobe, if you're reading this, I totally do challenge you to a game!

**Think I'm exgagerating? check this out. Or this.

The Food Network

Someone always has the Food Network on at least one of the TVs in the gym (which is kinda weird to begin with) and I have noticed a pattern. Other than the great Paula Dean, everyone on the Food network is either a strangely large-headed woman( Giada De Laurentiis, Sandra Lee, Rachael Ray) or some spiky-haired dude that's gonna show ya how cooking ROCKS!

Here's a tip: grown women should Never use the word "yummy." It's not cute or endearing, it's cloying and puerile. There is nothing charming about infantilization. Oh, and Racheal, "yummo" is about a thousand times worse.

here's another tip: No one should ever use the word "tablescape" That is not a real word, and it does not make you sound sophisticated. It makes you sound like a person who makes up words. On today's "ridiculous crap with Sandra Lee" Ms Lee said, and I'm paraphrasing here, "This tablescape is what I call Retro-Chic and Ultra-Cool." Really? Because the rest of us call it garish and trailer-park tacky!

Oh, and a tip for Giada de Laurentus: You don't need to tell us every time an ingredient is Italian. "Marscapone Cheese, that's Italian!" "Amaretto, that's an Italian Liquer."
We've all had Italian food. We know what Italian food is. You don't see me going around saying "Oh, look a Volkswagen, that's German! Bratwurst, that's German! Oh, look, skinheads!" well, you get the idea.
And stop pretending that salt and pepper are your special secret ingredients. Everyone uses salt and pepper. They put them on the table at restaurants, for God's sake! We're not idiots!

But, then I guess that if we're watching your show, maybe we are.

Hans Asperger

I'm sorry, but if you discover a disease and your name sounds like ass-burger, you don't get to name it after yourself. No doctor should ever have to struggle to keep a straight face while telling parents "I'm sorry, but it seems your son has Ass Burgers." That's just not right.

Other people after whom diseases may not be named:


Musician Bruce Cockburn

Movie Actor Bob Cummings









Composer/ Pianist Dick Hyman


19th Century French Poet Honore' De Balzac



Race car driver Dick Trickle

"I'm sorry, Mr and Mrs Smith, your son has Dick Trickle's disease."