The Mustard Thing

This is just pathetic! Are Hannity and co. completely out of straws at which to grasp? How desperate would you have to be to criticize the man's choice of condiments?




And what kind of inbred troglodyte thinks that spicy mustard is some kind of fancy-schmancy luxury item? They have spicy mustard at the fucking ballpark, you idiot! Can you really find nothing legitimate for which to criticize him? He must have made some policy error by now. Is this really what you want to latch on to? He likes mustard on his burger! And doesn't care for ketchup! My God! the man must be some sort of effete aristocrat! Who else could have acquired a taste for a condiment which cost $2.89 at Publix!

I don't know which is more absurd, the fact that Hannity , Ingraham, et al are trying to pass dijon mustard off as some sort of decadent hedonistic indulgence, or the fact that they seem to think it matters. Look, you morons, it wouldn't make a goddamm bit of difference if he had ordered the white truffle burger with fucking caviar relish. He's either doing a good job or he isn't. If you think he's doing a poor job, then let's hear why! Let's not pretend that his mustard preference could possibly make the slightest fucking difference!


Oh, and not that it matters, but President Obama NEVER MENTIONED GREY POUPON!

Perez Hilton

This:










Is not funny.


This:
















Is not clever.




This:










Is not amusing. Or cute. Or the least bit interesting.

How in the Hell is Perez Hilton famous?

Writing comments on photos with all the subtle wit of a learning-disabled 5th grader? That's what gets you celebrity status these days?

Maybe his commentary is a bit more scintillating. let's look at what was under the picture of Kirstie Alley.

We mentioned earlier that Kirstie Alley is fat…well, fatter, and she is hoping to get back onto the dieting wagon.

The Cheers alum might get a little help from pal and fellow spokeswoman of Jenny Craig, Valerie Bertinelli.

When asked about her fellow dieter and her recent bikini pics, Kirstie cited her as being "stunning" and "inspiring". She even told People:

"It’s like the student surpassed the teacher, who is now over there in the corner, fat!”

Hahaha. Fact!

But Bertinelli to the rescue! She wants very much to help Kirstie return to her former weight. She tells People:

"She should come work out with me! She should remember you can't do everything in one day [and] her exercise has to be consistent. She can do this. There's no doubt in my mind."

Somebody swoop in and get this reality show. It would be awesome!

Jeez! I had to grind up and snort No-Doz to stay awake through that. Who the hell reads this guy?

Wanna see how it's done? Check out The Superficial:

No wonder Rihanna fled the West Coast. Chris Brown's lawyer Mark Geragos filed his motion yesterday seeking internal LAPD documents about the leaked photo of a battered Rihanna. He hopes to prove misconduct by the LAPD and get Chris Brown's assault charges completely dropped. Radar Online reports:

( there follows an excerpt from Geragos' press release, then comes the joke)

For brevity's sake, let me sum up the most important part of this post: Rihanna's cleavage. Some stuff might have just happened about Chris Brown's high-priced lawyer getting another celebrity off the hook, but seriously, look at that outfit. I'm a journalist, so trust me, that's the real story here. Wolf Blitzer is stroking his beard in agreement.

Here's another entry about the Lohan sisters:

While everyone famous and important (Including Brooke Shields somehow.) was invited to the Met Gala Monday night, Lindsay Lohan was quarantined to the "Haute & Bothered" launch party which she felt was the proper venue to make out with her little sister. Why not? But, apparently, that's just the tip of the psychological iceberg of how Lindsay is ruining Ali. NY Daily News reports:

(excerpt from NY Daily News interview with some quack shrink)

I'm no psychologist, but ultimately, isn't Lindsay keeping Ali from their mom Dina? I'm trying to figure out how that's a bad thing, but all I end up doing is spraying the interns with champagne. Don't get me wrong, Ali will be snorting dump trucks full of blow and doing porn with Lindsay by 18, but that's at least a good three, maybe even five, years later than Dina's plan. You gotta accentuate the positive here.

See? It's funny. Fun-Nee! Get it? So how is Perez famous and whoever writes the Superficial is not? How is that possible? I'm going to bed now. Righteous anger really takes it out of you.

Miss California, Revisited.

So now a new photo has surfaced of Miss CA, Carrie Prejean, from some lingerie ad she did at some point in her life. What most people are taking away from this is that this makes her somewhat hypocritical in terms of being a spokesmodel for "family values" or whatever. But here's the thing that jumps out at me when I see this picture:

prior to the cosmetic surgery, Ms Prejean was pretty. What the hell would make a young lady who looks like the above picture think that plastic surgery was a good idea? What the hell is wrong with the model/beauty pageant subculture that the girl in that picture feels like she needs to take drastic steps to "improve" her looks?


How could the young woman in the above photo look in the mirror and think hmm, maybe some second-rate hackery on the old face is in order. Now where can I find an unlicensed surgeon with the DT's who will work on short notice?

And who could possibly think that this:


is an improvement?

And look at the first picture again. Why would that gal need for pageant officials to pay for her to have breast implants? She has her own perfectly good bosoms. I shudder to think that she could have been so dissatisfied with her appearance that she had the real ones removed and replaced with the fakes.

What the hell did this poor girl's parents do to her?


And now, in the interest of attracting more traffic to this blog, I would like to reiterate that we have been discussing Miss California, her breasts, and topless photos.

Ok, I am really not proud of that last bit. I'm going to go sit in the corner and think about what I've done.

Jeb Bush + Some Dumb Kid

This idiot kid actually says that he thinks people can learn more from listening to Rush Limbaugh than ithey can in high school or college. And NO ONE objects! There's even a smattering of applause! And then Jeb answers the question as if it were somehow legitimate. As if this dunderhead had some sort of a point.
Then Jeb spews out a ridiculous piece of revisionist history about FDR supposedly prolonging the Great Depression, you know, like the way that penicillin prolongs syphilis. (Which, incidentally, you would have to be suffering from to believe this crap.)



WARNING: Place something soft below your jaw before watching this video. Because your jaw will drop.


UPDATE: The idiot group that runs this idiot "listening tour," the National Council of Idiots for a New, More Idiotic America, is about to be joined by Uber-idiot Sarah Palin, who had originally snubbed them, but By Golly knows a good thing when she sees one, you betcha!

Joe The Plumber

Apparently, there are some people not familiar with the principle of "ignore him and he'll go away." And some of those people work for a publication called "Christianity Today."

Since ol' Joe has proven to be such a font of wisdom when it comes to politics, someone over at C.T. figured, hey, I'll bet he's just as super-awesomely smart about theology! Let's ask Joe the Fucktard Plumber to interpret the Word of the Lord for us!

So, let's look at some excerpts from the interview, shall we?

In the last month, same-sex marriage has become legal in Iowa and Vermont. What do you think about same-sex marriage at a state level?

I personally still think it’s wrong. People don’t understand the dictionary—it’s called queer. Queer means strange and unusual.

Ah, I see. And what does ignorant, mouthbreathing redneck mean?

I've had some friends that are actually homosexual. And, I mean, they know where I stand, and they know that I wouldn’t have them anywhere near my children. But at the same time, they’re people, and they’re going to do their thing.

Yeah, some people don't understand the dictionary. Like some people don't understand that the word "friend" doesn't refer to someone who knows you wouldn't have them anywhere near your children.

Who do you see as the emerging Christian leaders?

James Dobson. I love Dobson.

Ok, do you know what the word "emerging" means? James Dobson is Seventy-Three Years Old! He just stepped down as chairman of "Focus on the Family," the organization he founded in 1977! Dobson is an emerging leader? Wow! Even for you, that's stunningly ignorant!
Why does conservatism appeal to you as a Christian? Conservatism is about the basic rights of individuals. God created us.

Um, what do those two factoids have to do with each other? Can you elucidate a bit?

As far as the government goes, the Founding Fathers based the Constitution off of Christian values. It goes hand-in-hand. As far as the Republican Party? I felt connected to it because individual freedom should not be legislated by the federal government.

Now I'm even more confused. The government should not be legislating individual freedom? I can't even tell if that makes you pro- or anti-freedom!

Do you have plans to run for public office?

Not right now. God hasn't said, "Joe, I want you to run."

Yeah, and He won't. Really. There's an old expression: If you talk to God, that's prayer. If God talks to you, that's schizophrenia.

God said, "Well, you know, listen—I set you on a path, and go to it. See what you can do."

Really? God gave you the most vague instructions anyone has ever given to anyone? And God says, "Well, you know" ? Really? God talks like W? I don't think that's God you're hearing.

I feel more important to just encourage people to get involved, one way or another. If I can inspire some leaders, that would be great. I don't know if I want to be a leader.

God Forbid!