Crazy Candidate of the Day, Sane Edition

Today's crazy candidate is Colorado's Ken Buck.

The crazy thing is, he's not really crazy.

But once you've cast your lot in with the teabaggers, having a moment of sanity in front of a live microphone is just a crazy thing to do.
From The Denver Channel.com

Ken Buck Calls Tea Party Backers 'Dumb----s'

GOP U.S. Senate Candidate Disparages Those Questioning President Obama's Citizenship

DENVER -- Republican U.S. Senate candidate Ken Buck called Tea Party backers who doubt President Barack Obama's citizenship "dumb----s" to a Democratic operative recording his comments.On an audio tape obtained by The Denver Post, Buck was caught saying, "Will you tell those dumba---s at the Tea Party to stop asking questions about birth certificates while I'm on the camera?"

Ooooh. . . . yeah, bad move, Ken! You really don't want to insult your main base of supporters, no matter how much they're begging for it.

You know, Ken, it's funny. I hadn't ever heard of you until I heard a story on the radio about you telling people they should vote for you because you "don't wear high heels,"



and when I look you up on the interwebs, this is what I find? You trashing the teabaggers?

Don't get me wrong, the teabaggers deserve your trashing. It's just that you've apparently been running as one of them. And trashing the people you're depending on for votes? Well, that's just crazy!

Oh, you know what else is crazy? Check out this snippet:

His Republican primary opponent, Jane Norton, quickly issued a news release Sunday night declaring: "KEN BUCK TRASHES TEA PARTIERS.""Ken Buck is two steps short of a fraud," Norton campaign spokesperson Cinamon Watson said in the release.

Yeah, your opponent is being represented by a person named "Cinamon."

Cinamon.

That might be a cute name for a pony, or a kitten, hell, even a stripper might be able to pull that off (no pun intended), but the spokesperson for a Congressional candidate? Named Cinamon? (and it's not even spelled right?) Now, that's crazy!

An even bigger middle finger

On the way home from Asheville, we were listening to a podcast of the Bugle (and if you haven't heard The Bugle, you're missing out on some good laughs. Check it out here) and either John Oliver or Andy Zaltzman mentioned that using corn to make ethanol was akin to the biggest possible middle finger to hungry people in the developing world. And I thought he was right. Until I got home and saw a commercial for this:

World's Best Cat Litter™ is the only litter made from whole-kernel corn

That's right! Suck on that, hungry children! We've got so much fucking corn, we're letting our cats piss on it! We'd rather that cats pissed on this corn than that it go to feed your family!

God, we're assholes!

Worst TV Show Ever

In Touch Exclusive:
Kate Gosselin and kids to meet Sarah Palin in Alaska!

Forget ex-husband Jon — Kate Gosselin could rename her TLC hit Sarah & Kate Plus 8! In Touch can exclusively reveal that Kate and her brood have traveled to Alaska with cameras in tow to meet up with the northern state’s most famous resident, Sarah Palin.

O, God there is no way this won't be on TV. These two publicity whores don't do anything that isn't designed to bring more attention and/or money their way. (for the record, Jon Gosselin is just as big a whore)

Maybe they could call it: Horrible Parents Profit From Their Kids.
or Soulless Mommies Drag Children Across the Tundra for Fun and Profit!
or Honey, I Exploited the Kids!

“Sarah, Kate and the kids will go camping,” a source says, adding that Sarah’s father, a retired science teacher, and brother, a third-grade educator, will conduct a hands-on natural history lesson for 9-year-old twins Mady and Cara, and 6-year-old sextuplets Aaden, Joel, Collin, Leah, Hannah and Alexis.

What the hell kind of science are they going to learn from this collection of snake-handling tongue -speakers? You know Sarah's afraid of witches, right?

A mother of a big family herself, former vice presidential candidate Sarah is thrilled about the upcoming visit. “She’s excited because it will be fun and educational for the children. Sarah will even teach Kate how to avoid bears!” the insider adds.

Fun and educational for the kids? Really? That's why she's excited? Because someone else is going to have fun and learn something? Not because it's more free publicity for her and probably another fat paycheck from some stupid cable network? Because I don't think Sarah is ever excited for anyone but Sarah. And neither Sarah nor Kate ever go anywhere there aren't TV cameras.

The Stupidest Question I've Heard in a While

From some stupid website called "Big Journalism"

does anyone really believe that Andrew Breitbart would intentionally distort a video clip to make a one-day splash?

Aha. Ahahaha. BaHaHaHa!!!!!!

Risk his growing reputation with a deliberate, easily refutable distortion?

Growing Repu. . . BAHAHAHAAAA!!!!

Oh, God! Stop, you're killing me!

Risk his growing reputation! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

Okay, no, I'm sorry! Would Breitbart intentionally distort a video? Just to make a one-day splash? Seriously? That's like asking if John Dillinger would intentionally rob a bank just to get money! Oh, the very idea! As if Dillinger would risk his sterling reputation just for the financial gain he might expect from bank robbery! For shame! Why, robbery was the furthest thing from Dillinger's mind! He only asked the teller to put the relevant currency in his bag, if she misunderstood and accidentally gave him all the money in the bank, well how was he to know?

Would Andrew Breitbart intentionally distort? How is that even a question? The only way I could see anyone even half-seriously posing that question is if. . . hang on a second, let me check something. . .




Oh, okay. Now it makes sense.

Oh, how could anyone think that Mr. Burns would do something dishonest?!?!
Who could suggest such a thing?

So good going Breitbart, you got someone who works for you to defend you. Great job. Maybe you can call him as a witness when Shirley Sherrod sues you for defamation of character. Hopefully after ACORN finishes suing you for libel, and every ACORN employee who was made to look like a criminal in your fraudulent bullshit pimp 'n' ho video sues you for defamation.

Things I Miss About San Francisco -- Elvis Edition

To be fair, this post should really be things I miss about California since a couple of these are from LA, but anyway. . .

Unusual Elvises, in order of unusualness:

#1: TORTELVIS


http://www.dreadzeppelin.com/index2.html
The lead singer for the band Dread Zeppelin, Tortelvis is the self-described "Rock N Roll Singer Inna Reggae Style." The band started out doing reggae versions of Led Zeppelin songs (hence the name) then mixed in Elvis, Disco, and whatever else they thought needed to be taken down a peg.

And lest you think they aren't paying proper respect to Led Zeppelin, here's an endorsement from none other than Robert Plant:




Anyway, here's a sample:





#2: El Vez, the Mexican Elvis


http://www.elvez.net/evFrameset.html





#3: Elvis Herselvis, the Drag King



Elvis Herselvis is the alter ego of Leigh Crow. The Elvis Herselvis website is still under construction, and I couldn't find any clips of her band "Elvis Herselvis and the Straight White Males," but this is her other band, the Mighty Slim Pickins:






#4: Extreme Elvis.




Extreme Elvis was born in the 1990's when a San Francisco-based performer thought "what if Elvis had lived? And continued to just let himself go?" The answer would horrify everyone.

I'm not going to post any videos of EE, because I don't want to scare off anyone, but if you're interested, there are plenty here. But I will warn you that none of them will be safe for work. Or home. Or prison. They are not for the easily offended, or the easily sickened. Here is a description of EE from Earpoke.com:

Extreme Elvis is possibly the greatest living Elvis tribute artist alive today. If he’s still living, that is. His site was permanently shut down years ago by the FBI and Homeland Security for copy write infringement and other heinous crimes…or was it? Reality becomes a blur. Aside from a few online interviews, a story in Gigs From Hell and fading memories of the fascinating biography from his old site, nothing remains but a small handful of unforgettable performances which remain seared into my brain.

Extreme Elvis burst on the about scene eight years ago, leaving a trail of carnage, urine stained blue suede shoes, feces soaked mikes and broken hearts.

Apparently, the part about the FBI is true, this is what you get if you open his homepage:

THIS SITE

HAS BEEN PERMANENTLY SHUT DOWN BY THE FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION AND U.S. IMMIGRATION AND CUSTOMS ENFORCEMENT

Individuals involved in the operation and use of the Extreme Elvis network are under investigation for criminal copyright infringement

Anyway, if you're interested in a good freak show, check him out, but proceed with caution. And remember the Extreme Elvis motto:

Every generation gets the Elvis they deserve.

(in the interests of full disclosure, I should mention that Extreme Elvis once felt me up at Kimo's and I'm still not completely recovered)