Oh, my God! This is so ridiculous, it looks like a Saturday Night Live parody. Except funny.
I don't know where to begin with this ad. Maybe the lady screaming "I'm Korean!!!!" for no apparent reason? Or maybe the candidate reassuring her that being Korean isn't necessarily a bad thing, heck even my wife is Korean!
Could a political ad possibly get any worse?
Haha, of course it could!
I don't know what's the most ridiculous part of this. Maybe it's the worst trash-talking of all time? "Oh yeah? well my dad's a lawyer!" Is that supposed to psych him out? You're supposed to say something like "you can't beat me, you got no game, don't bring that weak shit in here," or something, I don't know, basketball-related?
And "gets shit done" is pretty much the job description of every unemployed baby-daddy on Judge Judy. What do you do for a living? Oh, you know, I do my thing. I get shit done. So, sure, vote for me for Congress!
And when did Patty Duke go insane?
Thank God they cut away before the big gross foursome started. Unfortunately, they didn't cut away before Patty Duke made a bunch of old-lady-pooping-her-pants noises.
Friday, May 13, 2011
Thursday, May 12, 2011
The End Is Upon Us! Oh, wait. False alarm!
From Yahoo News:
This guy is the only one who has figured out this super-secret code written by the Almighty himself. This guy.
Searching for Judgment Day
We've seen a 200 percent jump in searches on Yahoo! for "May 21st." Searches are also spiking for "the rapture," "end of the world," and "Harold Camping."
Oh, my God, really? Tell me that doesn't mean people are taking this guy seriously.
Seriously, that's really him. That's really what he looks like.
So, apparently there's some super-secret hidden code in the Bible and THIS GUY. . .
. . . has cracked it.
This guy is the only one who has figured out this super-secret code written by the Almighty himself. This guy.
So, it seems like one of two possible scenarios is taking place here.
Either a) God has this super-important message about the end of the world that he wants his children to know, but for some reason, he hid it in some elaborate code that makes the Enigma Machine look amateurish.
Or b) God hid this message in super-secret code because he DIDN'T want people to know about it, but haha! He hadn't counted on Harold Camping!
Camping said he pinned down May 21 as doomsday using clues and prophesies he found in the Bible. "It is absolutely going to happen without any question at all," Camping said in an interview. But if you look at his track record, you may not be so convinced. Camping previously predicted judgment day would be in September 1994.
Wow! And from what I gather, there are still people who believe this nut.
You know, at least the Mayans were on to something. At least their doomsday prediction was based on something. Whether or not it has any significance, our sun will be at the exact center of the Milky Way on Dec. 21, 2012.
Mmmm, right in with all the delicious nougat!
Will this cause the world to end? Probably not. But there is some speculation that the gravitational pull of the sun and the other stars and what-not could theoretically cause the poles to shift, which could cause other bad things to happen. I assume this is highly unlikely, but at least it's something.At least the Mayans studied Astronomy and figured out patterns which allowed them to predict a cosmic event which could maybe be significant. It's better than finding some super-secret hidden code in an English translation of a book written in Ancient Hebrew.
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Bristol Palin has already learned to speak Republican.
Bristol Palin: 'It's not plastic surgery!' it's 'corrective jaw surgery'
Riiiiiiight!
Obviously, this was medically necessary surgery.
Also, so was this:
Apparently, the Palin family is just congenitally unable to tell the truth.
Or maybe Bristol has been studying with Frank Luntz. Having your chin and cheekbones reshaped is "corrective jaw surgery," just like the estate tax is the "death tax." Just like allowing more air pollution is the "clear skies" initiative. Just like allowing more clear-cutting is the "healthy forests" initiative.
This is just how they talk. They absolutely refuse to have an honest discussion.
Yes, yeas she does expect you to believe that. Sure, my cheekbones look more defined, after all I lost FIVE POUNDS! And everyone's chin looks thinner after oral surgery! Why not just say "I had a bunch of money from Dancing With The Stars and from my ridiculous abstinence speeches, so I decided to have a little work done." Who would hold that against her? If she didn't like the way she looks and has the money to change it, more power to her! Why lie?
Here's my theory. I once saw an interview with Rosanne in which she said that she had cosmetic surgery because she didn't like to look in the mirror and see the face of her abusive father. I think Bristol couldn't stand looking in the mirror and seeing Sarah the Quitter, but she's scared enough of sarah to not want to admit this publicly, so she made uo this whole "corrective jaw surgery" story knowing that her mom is dumb enough to believe it.
Oh, she may well have actually had this jaw realignment, but I'm guessing that she told the doctor, "hey, as long as you got me under, how about fixing these cheekbones and chin?"
Riiiiiiight!
Obviously, this was medically necessary surgery.
Also, so was this:
Apparently, the Palin family is just congenitally unable to tell the truth.
Or maybe Bristol has been studying with Frank Luntz. Having your chin and cheekbones reshaped is "corrective jaw surgery," just like the estate tax is the "death tax." Just like allowing more air pollution is the "clear skies" initiative. Just like allowing more clear-cutting is the "healthy forests" initiative.
This is just how they talk. They absolutely refuse to have an honest discussion.
Bristol Palin admits her recent change in appearance was due to a procedure — but not plastic surgery.
The 20-year-old daughter of 2008 GOP vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin tells Us Weekly that she underwent corrective jaw surgery in December, a month after she finished third on ABC's "Dancing with the Stars." Her face now appears thinner, with higher cheekbones and an angular jaw.
The new look, complete with Palin losing 5 pounds, was unveiled April 30 at the White House Correspondents' Association dinner in Washington, D.C.
"Yes, it improved the way I look, but this surgery was necessary for medical reasons," she told the magazine for its May 23 issue, which will be on newsstands Friday.
Palin said she had the procedure so her jaw and teeth could properly realign.
Yes, yeas she does expect you to believe that. Sure, my cheekbones look more defined, after all I lost FIVE POUNDS! And everyone's chin looks thinner after oral surgery! Why not just say "I had a bunch of money from Dancing With The Stars and from my ridiculous abstinence speeches, so I decided to have a little work done." Who would hold that against her? If she didn't like the way she looks and has the money to change it, more power to her! Why lie?
Here's my theory. I once saw an interview with Rosanne in which she said that she had cosmetic surgery because she didn't like to look in the mirror and see the face of her abusive father. I think Bristol couldn't stand looking in the mirror and seeing Sarah the Quitter, but she's scared enough of sarah to not want to admit this publicly, so she made uo this whole "corrective jaw surgery" story knowing that her mom is dumb enough to believe it.
Oh, she may well have actually had this jaw realignment, but I'm guessing that she told the doctor, "hey, as long as you got me under, how about fixing these cheekbones and chin?"
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Schmuck of the Day
It's the Right Reverend Jim Moats of Newville, PA!
Oh, my God. Really? You really went ahead and talked to the press about your made-up Walter Mitty military career? Did it not occur to you that some actual Navy SEALS might read the local rag?
Or maybe you did enough research about the SEALS to be able to put together a realistic account of your made-up time in the elite fighting force?
THIS is the best part:
Wait, what?
There are really a lot of clergymen trotting out the fake Navy SEAL story?
How does that build up the flock?
Why would a minister being a former special-ops killing machine be a selling point for your congregation? If a minister is going to lie about his past accomplishments, shouldn't those accomplishments be a bit more Jeezusey? I've heard of pastors claiming to have been involved in exorcisms, or being able to raise the dead. I could see bragging about how many souls you've saved or what dangerous places you've been as a missionary, but why a Navy Seal?
There's something very wrong here. What kind of person is shopping for a house of worship and says "Hey, I hear the guy at Saint John's has the most confirmed kills?" How is that a criterion for choosing a spiritual leader?
If that's your basis for joining a congregation, you deserve to have your pastor turn out to be the Schmuck of the Day.
Three Days Ago. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Yesterday.
Local pastor made up elaborate Navy SEAL taleOh, that's just a bad idea. There is no way this ends well. Unless you're really good at keeping a low profile, maybe.
By Liz Goodwin Mon May 9, 4:11 pm ET
Moats told his church for five years that he was a former SEAL, and even once wore the elite program's gold Trident medal around town.
He elaborated on that tale when his local paper contacted him last week as it was reporting a story about the rigors of SEAL training in the wake of the SEAL raid on Osama bin Laden's compound.
Oh, my God. Really? You really went ahead and talked to the press about your made-up Walter Mitty military career? Did it not occur to you that some actual Navy SEALS might read the local rag?
Or maybe you did enough research about the SEALS to be able to put together a realistic account of your made-up time in the elite fighting force?
I would start here.
Several former SEALs wrote into The Patriot-News casting doubt on the reverend's account of his serviceOh, but wait. That's not even the best part.
Retired SEAL Don Shipley said he is one of a few former SEALs who are entrusted by the Navy with maintaining the database containing the names of all SEALS. The database cannot be accessed by the public.
Moats was never a SEAL and never had set foot in Vietnam, Shipley said.
THIS is the best part:
Shipley said Moats’ story about being re-assigned to kitchen duty and about being waterboarded were lifted from the Steven Seagal movie “Under Siege,” while his reference to being hit by SEAL instructors was vintage “GI Jane.”
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!
“We deal with these guys all the time, especially the clergy. It’s amazing how many of the clergy are involved in those lies to build that flock up,” Shipley said.
Wait, what?
There are really a lot of clergymen trotting out the fake Navy SEAL story?
How does that build up the flock?
Why would a minister being a former special-ops killing machine be a selling point for your congregation? If a minister is going to lie about his past accomplishments, shouldn't those accomplishments be a bit more Jeezusey? I've heard of pastors claiming to have been involved in exorcisms, or being able to raise the dead. I could see bragging about how many souls you've saved or what dangerous places you've been as a missionary, but why a Navy Seal?
Oh. I see.
If that's your basis for joining a congregation, you deserve to have your pastor turn out to be the Schmuck of the Day.
Monday, May 9, 2011
Florida pulls back into the lead in "Worst State in the Union" race
Florida Senate approves business tax cut that shrinks unemployment benefits
The Florida Senate approved a tax cut for businesses that will shrink unemployment benefits for those out of work.
By Michael C. Bender
Herald/Times Tallahassee Bureau
Sen. Nancy Detert, R-Venice, suggested her bill was a take-it-or-leave-it offer
“Pigs get fed, hogs get slaughtered,” Detert said. “Learn to like it or get nothing.”
Oh, right on, Ms Detert! People who would like to not be destitute after losing their jobs are such swine!
Although, one would think that Ms. Detert might not be the kind of lady who would want to throw out pig comparisons willy-nilly.
Just sayin'!
The bill cuts by 10 percent the tax rate that businesses pay to cover the costs of unemployment benefits and makes it easier for companies to keep former workers from collecting benefits.
This in a state whose governor has turned down $2.4 billion in stimulus money to build high-speed rail. The sort of building project that would create a whole bunch of, um, jobs.
The Obama administration on Monday announced the reallocation of $2 billion in its signature transportation program to create a national high-speed rail network, including $795 million for upgrades that would permit speeds of 160 mph in parts of the Northeast Corridor.
U.S. Transportation Secretary Ray LaHood made the money available to other states this year when Florida Gov. Rick Scott (R) opted not to accept funds that had been allocated to build high-speed rail between Tampa and Orlando. (Washington Post)
Bwahahahahaaa!!! And I will have my revenge on Harry Potter!
Of course, insane governor Rick Scott wanted to cut corporate taxes even further:
So how insane do you have to be to have Florida Republicans tell you to dial down the irresponsible tax slashing? Florida Republicans! Even Florida Republicans are telling Rick Scott that his tax cutting is going too far. So maybe I was wrong the other day. Maybe there is a worse governor than Rick Snyder.
On Tuesday, Florida's lawmakers blocked Gov. Rick Scott's aggressive plan to cut corporate income taxes by $459 million in fiscal 2012. The legislators, who are Republicans as well, said the state could not handle slashing spending deeply enough to make up for the lost tax revenue. (CNN.Com)
Read more: http://www.miamiherald.com/2011/05/03/2199530/florida-senate-approves-business.html#ixzz1LuLMtXJg
Read more: http://www.miamiherald.com/2011/05/03/2199530/florida-senate-approves-business.html#ixzz1LuK4sVcg
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