Terrible Marketing - MIO

 

I don't know whether MIO "water enhancer" is a good product or not. I don't really even know exactly what it is. I suppose it adds flavor to water, which makes it glorified Kool-Aid, I guess? I don't know.

But here's what I do know. 

A) This looks like blood.

 

Specifically, it looks like someone chumming the water to attract sharks for the Discovery Channel cameras. And. . .  B) when they do this with the yellow flavor, it looks like pee.

I'm sure this flavor is lemonade or some other pleasant yellow-colored flavor, I don't know, French's Mustard? But come on, it looks like pee.

But that's not even the worst visual problem with this product. There's . . .C) the logo.

 

I know, it's a perfectly innocent letter 'M" with a water drop. I know. But if you've ever spent any length of time perusing the wall drawings in public men's rooms, it looks a lot like something a whole lot less innocent. 

Picture it with feet.

It bears a definite resemblance to a crude sketch of a woman's legs and groinal region. I don't know if this is intentional or not, but it definitely makes the association with blood and urine a whole lot creepier.


And it really makes slogans like this:


Seem to be in really bad taste.


Again, I have no idea if this is intentional or not, but I'm guessing someone at the ad agency is tryinjg to do a little subliminal marketing.

And THIS:









I have no idea. Why does the center of the "M," the part that resembles a crotch, resting in a puddle of yellow liquid? These ad guys are seriously messed up.

Goddammit, Weiner!

 

Do you have any idea what you've done? Sure, you may have torpedoed your own political career, and, if your beard wife  has any backbone, destroyed your marriage, but that's nothing. Who cares about your stupid career? Do you know what you have done? 

We were finally getting to the point where Andrew "the angriest turd" Breitbart could be dismissed out of hand. Even the incredibly gullible corporate media had to be starting to have some reservations about this shitbag's utter lack of credibility and decency. And then you go and PROVE HIM RIGHT? You idiot!

Now, for the rest of his scum-sucking life, any time Breitbart comes out with one of his vile and vicious slanders, people are going to say "well, he was right about Weiner!"

It's like when Drudge turned out to be right about the blue dress. No one remembers all the times he's been dead wrong, they remember the fucking dress. Now, no one is going to remember that the ACORN smear was a malicious libel, and the Shirley Sherrod defamation was a savage fraud, and the NPR hit piece was a malevolent distortion. They'll just remember "he was right about Weiner!" Way to go, genius! What the hell were you thinking anyway? Why would you send pictures. . .

. . .Oh. I see. 

I guess if I were someone with a public image like this:

  

I could see where I might really really want people to know about this:

But still.

I'd probably just let this picture speak for itself:

I could go the rest of my life without staying at a Bed and Breakfast ever again.

Over the weekend, Team Chaos visited the Ocoee River in Southern Tennessee. As the hour was getting late, we tried to book a hotel room, but for some reason, every hotel we called was booked up. Except one. This one place with available rooms turned out to be a very pleasant B&B in Blue Ridge, GA - just across the GA/TN border.

I can not for the life of me understand why anyone chooses to stay at a B&B. Because, A: I just want to pay the fee and go to my room. I don't want to know how long you've owned the place. I don't care that each rtoom has its own unique decor. I don't want your fucking life story. I just want to go to the room, watch TV and fall asleep. But at a B&B, that's just too much to ask.

Staying at a B&B is like being a guest in someone's home, which is fine if that someone is a friend or relative, but really uncomfortable if that person is a complete stranger. And when that complete stranger's wife is cooking you breakfast while you are forced to share a table making awkward small talk with other strangers, how could anyone be comfortable? And of course, the couple who own the place are very nice. And the other strangers at the breakfast table were perfectly nice, too, but that doesn't mean I want to chit-chat with people whom I will never see again before the caffeine kicks in. I don't get the appeal. It's not like you're going to be making friends with these people. The one couple is going back to Florida, and the other is going back to some little town I've never heard of in South GA, and none of us will ever see or hear from each other again, so the awkwardness is really for nothing.

And when the lady of the house and her daughter are cooking and serving breakfast, it's a little uncomfortable to say, "I'd like un-sweet tea*" knowing that they are going to have to go into the kitchen and make it specially for you. You feel like a jerk. I'll take a regular hotel any day.

*  For those of you outside of Georgia, there are two kinds of iced tea -- Sweet and "un-sweet." "Un-sweet" is what is known in California as "iced tea." It's made of water and tea bags. Sweet tea is made by boiling sugar and water together until the water becomes super-saturated with sugar, then brewing tea with the water/sugar solution. Yes, it's very tasty, but after one sip, your teeth hurt, and by the end of a glass you're diabetic.

Fun With the Wall Street Journal

Someone left a copy of the Wall Street Journal lying around at Chic-Fil-A the other day, and since I had nothing else to read, I decided to flip through it.

 

Dude, I am so sorry!

The first item I see is this:

Sociology and Other 'Meathead' Majors

By Harvey mansfield
 
Okay, so this guy doesn't like sociology. So what's his criticism of this field?
 

 That great American democrat Archie Bunker used to call his son-in-law "Meathead" for his fatuous opinions, and Meathead was a graduate student in sociology.

No, really.

Really?

That's really part of your argument against sociology? That a character on a TV show used to make fun of another character on that TV show? A TV show, by the way, the point of which you seem to have missed entirely. The whole joke is that Archie is generally wrong about everything because he is narrow-minded and prejudiced, and My God, have you ever seen All in the Family?

Archie also used to call his son-in-law a "dumb Polack." Should we use this to build an argument against Poles?

Part of the problem is the political correctness responsible for "Gender Studies," a politicized major that has its little echoes in many other departments, and that never fails to mislead.

 

When they said we were going to get to study women. . .

Well, I call that misleading!

 

More fundamental, however, is the division within the university today, in America and everywhere, between science and the humanities. Science deals with facts but the humanities also have to deal with values. This is where the problem of bad choices arises. We think that one can have knowledge of fact but not of values—the famous "fact/value" distinction.

The distinction so famous, you'ver never heard of it!


Science has knowledge of fact, and this makes it rigorous and hard.





The humanities have their facts bent or biased by values, and this makes them lax and soft.






This fact—or is it a value?—gives confidence and reputation to scientists within the university. Everyone respects them, and though science is modest because there is always more to learn, scientists sometimes strut and often make claims for extra resources. Some of the rest of us glumly concede their superiority and try to sell our dubious wares in the street, like gypsies. We are the humanists.



Wait. You're not in one of the "hard sciences?"

 

Please! No more boner jokes!

.



Mr. Mansfield, a professor of government at Harvard, is also a senior fellow of Stanford's Hoover Institution.

Government? A professor of government? Jeezus Christ, you're a social scientist! How is government any more hard or ridgid or. . .

. . .than sociology?

Just as Gender Studies taints the whole university with its sexless fantasies, so economists infect their neighbors with the imitation science they peddle. (Game theorists, I'm talking about you.)

Okay, I'm a little confused. How can the study of gender be "sexless?"
And if it's "sexless," how is it a fantasy?

Also:

 

Heeheeheee, you said "taint!"



Now the belief that there can be no knowledge of values means that all values are equally unsupported, which means that in the university all departments are equal. All courses are also equal; no requirements can be justified as fundamental or more important. Choice is king, except that there can be no king.

So quit mocking the Government Department, you asshole scientists!

Know How I Know?

 1) Know how I know that Anthony Weiner is innocent?

Because Andrew Breitbart is involved.

In the same way that if Hugh Heffner is involved with something, it's going to involve naked women, if Andrew Breitbart is involved, it's a dishonest slander. Not that that's going to keep CNN from having him on and pretending he hasn't been shown over and over again to be a baldfaced liar. Damn liberal media!




Honest to God, how does the coversation in the newsroom not go something like:
"Hey, a congressman is involved in some sort of dong-related scandal!"

"Oh, that could be big news, who's the source?"

"Oh, it's Breitbart, never mind."

You might as well report stories form The Onion. At least there's an off-chance that they might accidentally be true.
But no, you bring this pile of sleaze onto your show to spout even more scurrilous allegations about Rep. Weiner supposedly having "relationships with young women?"

Also: This guy?


This guy is getting lots of young women? This guy? Really?

2) Know how I know that Gov. Rick Perry has ZERO chance of ever being president?

Because Bill Kristol thinks he would be "formidable."



Remember the last wingnut governor that Kristol thought would be a powerful national political force?



How'd that work out again?

 

Oy. Don't remind me!

Oh, and also this:

“If [Hillary Clinton] gets a race against John Edwards and Barack Obama, she’s going to be the nominee. Gore is the only threat to her, then. … Barack Obama is not going to beat Hillary Clinton in a single Democratic primary. I’ll predict that right now.” —William Kristol, Fox News Sunday, Dec. 17, 2006

So, even if Gov. Perry hadn't flirted with the idea of secession, even if he hadn't done this:

Texas, which may balance its budget by firing thousands of teachers, plans to commit $25 million in state funds to Formula One auto racing each year for a decade.

Even if he didn't look like this:




He would still have no chance just because the laws of nature dictate that anything coming from the mouth of William Kristol is necessarily  going to be incorrect. If God Himself had planned on making Rick Perry president, he would have to change his plans after hearing William Kristol put his stink on Perry.

 

Kristol said "formidable?"

Augh, now I have to send Perry to a crushing, humiliating defeat!