I'm going to miss you, Herman Cain.

Although not as much as the Stock Photo Women  of America.

Women like

Robin Haraway of  Millington, TN

 

who has this to say about Mr. Cain:

"Sir, I firmly believe that you were sent to our nation through Divine Providence

Wow! Divine Providence! Let's say you were the Divine.




No, the other Divine. The Almighty. The master of the Universe. You are capable of creating worlds  by speaking the word. You could send a George Washington, an FDR, a talking platypus with a fedora.

 

and you send Herman Cain? That's not divine providence, it's a cruel prank!

Then there's Stefani Smyrnes of Dunwoody, GA

(actual photo, I'm not kidding)

Who apparently knows a lot about the experiences of slaves in America. (it's possible she may be old enough to have had a few)

"Mr. Cain, To me you are the embodiment of the prayers of every faithful believing slave who turned to ALMIGHTY GOD for deliverance from slavery and inequality.

And ALMIGHTY GOD said "what am I, Lincoln?" and then the Civil War happened.

Also, the embodiment of the prayers? I'm not even sure what that means. Clearly Cain is not the answer to anyone's prayers. Is he the embodiment of their prayers in that they also did not work? Because I gotta figure that all these slaves were praying for a couple of centuries before anything actually happened. So I guess Herman Cain is the embodiment of that sort of long-term futility?

Then there's Joanna Laxton of  Belton, TX

"I am a work from home mom that has had enough of the establishment telling me how I am to feel. Billy and I have 2 son's and are worried for their future's in this country. 

Oh, me too. I worry that there may not be any apostrophes left for their generation if certain people keep using them so profligately. 

And the cake-taker may be Sue Jaycox of Nicholasville, KY

"I was really down after the 2008 election and got involved with Smart Girl Politics. I threw myself into fighting back against Obama's policies in every way I could. Letters, emails, faxes, calls...all to no avail.

Unbelievable! Some kook from Kentucky  sent letters, faxes and e-mails, and the President still didn't reverse course? Maybe he thought that because he had just been elected by a majority of the American electorate, he could just ignore Sue Jaycox's calls?

Then the big pushback on Obamacare and I really got into pushing back hard.

[sic]

I couldn't go to the huge tea party protest in Washington, and was furious when the media completely ignored it, 

 Just like they ignored the O.J. Trial!

and then Congress passed Obamacare. I left all hope for a future for our country behind. I left Smart Girls, left Facebook and only kept myself informed by reading a few blogs.

Let's let the next sentence demonstrate just how "informed" you were keeping yourself:

 Then one day I read about this guy named Herman Cain winning the FL straw poll, and what caught my attention was reading that this guy wanted to repeal Obamacare!! 

Really? You really didn't realize that each and every Republican candidate was vowing to repeal "Obamacare?"  The "Obamacare" issue was so important to you that you gave up all hope for America when the weak, watered-down version was passed and you didn't know that EVERY Republican was running on the promise to repeal it?

So these are the women who are supporting you, eh, Mr. Cain?

Yeah, I'd probably drop out too.

Bad Ads -- Best Buy

I don't get it. Why would anyone want to be shitty to Santa? This is a man who does nothing but try to bring a little happiness to the children of the world. He just gives and gives and asks nothing in return. Why would you want to engage in petty one-upsmanship with a man who has dedicated his entire life to making people happy? He is the most selfless individual on the planet. Her makes Mother Theressa look like Ayn Rand. And yes, he has imprisoned hundreds of elves and forces them to work in his factories, but everyone knows elves are assholes.

So you're going to stand there with that smug, smarmy expression and talk shit to Santa? You're going to relegate him to the role of dog-gift-giver? Fuck you, lady! How dare you? Santa has more class and decency in his little finger than you could ever dream of having in your entire body. I hope you get coal every year for the rest of your life, you miserable witch.

Bachmann May have a point

Michele Bachmann Demands Apology From NBC, Says Michelle Obama Would Have Gotten One

True, she would've. On the other hand, they probably wouldn't have played "Lyin'Ass Bitch" for michelle Obama's walk-on music, which seems fair, considering that she has never claimed that Jimmy Carter caused the swine flu outbreak of 1976 or that vaccinations make you retarded. (based on the extensive research conducted by the Lady I Met in the Parking Lot Institute.)

But surely, the Roots could have made a better choice of songs. Let's see, just off the top of my head. . .

Tebow Time and Other Similar Times

 

 Tebow Time!

Tivo Time!

Devo Time!

Peabo Time!

 

T-Bone Time!

 

Cee-Lo Time!

 

Kneebone Time!

Asshole of the Year

The current front-runner for this year's asshole of the year award is the former CEO of AIG,  Maurice "Hank" Greenberg.

If an asshole had an asshole, that asshole would look at Greenberg and think "Jeez, what an asshole!"

Ex-AIG CEO Suing U.S. for $25 Billion

• By Joe Coscarelli
• 
  Former AIG chief Maurice “Hank” Greenberg's current company has filed lawsuits accusing the government of taking valuable assets from AIG's shareholders without their consent or fair compensation.
  (Scott Eells, Bloomberg / November 10, 2011)
    
• The suits accuse the government of taking valuable assets from AIG's shareholders without their consent or fair compensation, in exchange for the government's 80% stake in the company. The suit says the government's actions violate parts of the 5th Amendment.

Could there be a more perfect representative of the 1%? I drove my company into the ground so fucking hard that it threatened to take down the whole economy. It was so bad that you little tax-paying peons had to bail me out. Now I'm going to sue because I didn't get paid enough for my criminal mismanagement!