Dick of the Day

Facebook Co-Founder Eduardo Saverin.

Eduardo Saverin, one of the founders of Facebook, officially defriended the United States in September, giving up his American citizenship for the more tax-friendly residency status of Singapore.

Mr. Saverin, who was born in Brazil and has lived in Singapore since 2010, plans to remain in the Asian island nation indefinitely. Singapore has a maximum personal income tax rate of 20 percent and no taxes on capital gains. He gained American citizenship in 1998.

Well, Mr. Saverin, it's a good thing that you didn't need the US to be successful. It's a good thing that you didn't need the United States' intellectual property laws, or the US court system that enforces them. Good thing that you didn't need the United States military to develop the internet. Good thing you don't need the public airwaves of the US to make wireless internet access feasible. Yeah, there's certainly no reason why you should have to pay anything back in taxes. Clearly you made it all on your own.Why don't you go live in fucking Galt's Gulch with all the other dickwads who don't owe anything to society.



Yeah, I'm going with "dick."

Eduardo Saverin, you are the dick of the day.

A One-Minute Movie Review

Today we rented the Hangover Part II from Redbox.

I have had actual hangovers funnier than this movie.
And less painful.
Honestly, 90 minutes of me saying "do we have any Alka-Seltzer?" and "Uuuuuuugh. . ." might make a better movie than the Hangover Part II.

The first "Hangover " wasn't bad.

When did society go this far off the rails?

Girl Scouts under scrutiny from Catholic Bishops
David Crary, AP National Writer

Long a lightning rod for conservative criticism, the Girl Scouts of the USA are now facing their highest-level challenge yet: An official inquiry by the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops.

Really? Is that true? Have the freakin' girl scouts, the adorable little darlings who bring us cookies, been attacked by right-wing loonies before this year? I guess I shouldn't be surprised  by anything anymore, especially anything that involves right-wing religious nuts being afraid of anything female.

At issue are concerns about program materials that some Catholics find offensive, as well as assertions that the Scouts associate with other groups espousing stances that conflict with church teaching.

Some of the concerns raised by Catholic critics are recycled complaints that have been denied by the Girl Scouts’ head office repeatedly and categorically. It says it has no partnership with Planned Parenthood, and does not take positions on sexuality, birth control and abortion.

But they could, the point is that they could partner up with Planned Parenthood and teach little girls about abortion, so I think it's important that we go ahead and fly into a blind, stupid rage right now just in case.

Sure, right now they look like this:



But what's to stop them from becoming this:

 

or even this?



Hmmm?



Although that's not as scary as the idea of a girl playing baseball, apparently.



Team forfeits due to female opponent
Updated: May 11, 2012, 6:05 PM ET

PHOENIX -- Instead of playing in a championship baseball game, Paige Sultzbach and her team won't even make it to the dugout.

A Phoenix school that was scheduled to play the 15-year-old Mesa girl and her male teammates forfeited the game rather than face a female player.

You know, that might make sense if it was football or wrestling or something, but baseball? Why would you refuse to play against a girl in baseball?

Paige, who plays second base at Mesa Prep, had to sit out two previous games against Our Lady of Sorrows out of respect for its beliefs.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure that those are not beliefs worthy of respect. Why should the girl have to sit out because of the other team's idiocy?

Officials at Our Lady of Sorrows declined comment. In a written statement Thursday, the school said the decision to forfeit was consistent with a policy prohibiting co-ed sports.

The statement also said the school teaches boys respect by not placing girls in athletic competition, where "proper boundaries can only be respected with difficulty."

Also, we don't really understand what the word "respect" means.

So basically, proper boundaries means what, exactly? Boys and girls shouldn't be within 60' 6" of each other?

 

Actually, that is pretty scary!

Of course, girls playing baseball may be controversial to some, but surely not as controversial as the new Canadian $20 bill!

New Canadian $20 Bill Too Provocative for Some
By Lisa Scherzer | The Exchange – Wed, May 9, 2012 3:26 PM EDT

The bill features Queen Elizabeth II, who is celebrating her Diamond Jubilee this year, on the front of the note. The back pays tribute to the sacrifices of Canadian men and women in military conflicts with an image of the Canadian National Vimy Memorial.

However, some people have called elements of the bill "pornographic," while others have noted a resemblance to the Twin Towers that used to stand in lower Manhattan.

How can it be pornographic and also bear a resemblance to two buildings?

This is the bill in question:



So, yeah, the two monuments on the right bear a slight resemblance to the WTC, as do any 2 rectangular objects.

Not cool, man. Too soon.

But where's the pornographic part? Goddammit, I did not go all the way to Canada to come back with freakin' PG-13 money!

The part of the memorial apparently causing some Canadians to blush is a depiction of some of the most senior figures, a group of women — sans clothes — known as the chorus. One person said the naked woman is going to "offend someone." Here's a close-up of the provocative image, depicting the Vimy figures:

That's what passes for porn North of the border?


 This monument, by the way was unveiled in 1936! 1936 and nary a peep. But now it's 2012 and OH MY GOD, TITS!!! THINK OF THE CHILDREN!!!!!

How in the hell are we more bothered by tits now than in 1936? We are less sophisticated than we were in 1936! Think about that! No, don't, it'll make your head hurt.

But the biggest problem may be that the Vimy’s double-columned design, draped with semi-clad classical figures, manages to evoke both the ill-fated Twin Towers of New York City and softcore porn. “When you quickly glance at it, and if I didn’t know any better, it looks like the Twin Towers,” one focus group participant said, according to documents from Toronto market research firm The Strategic Council obtained by Canadian broadcaster CTV News. Critics called special attention to the figures draped revealingly across the top of the monument, meant to represent Justice and Peace. “It’s too pornographic,” a cash handler in Toronto told researchers. “What is the woman on the top holding?”
Read more: http://newsfeed.time.com/2012/05/11/dirty-money-is-canadas-new-20-bill-pornographic/#ixzz1uciBbFpd

And that's in Toronto. Toronto is a major metroploitan um, metropolis. This isn't the Canadian version of  Sisterwife, Utah or something.


We're not only less sophisticated about the female body than we were in 1936, we're more prudish than they were in 100 BC!

 

Oh, sick! Some kind of weird amputee porn!

For fuck's sake, when did society become so terrified of anything female?

Gee, Bristol Palin's Kind of an Asshole!

I guess the nut doesn't fall far from the tree?

Hail to the Chiefs – Malia and Sasha Obama
May 10, 2012 By Bristol Palin

Is anyone really surprised by the fact that President Obama came out of the closet for gay marriage?

Well, I am. I can't remember the last time he had the balls to take a potentially controversial stand on anything.

What was most surprising is when he explained how his position (supposedly) “evolved,” by talking to his wife and daughters:

"Supposedly" because obviously nothing has ever evolved. Duh!

“It’s interesting, some of this is also generational,” the president continued. “You know when I go to college campuses, sometimes I talk to college Republicans who think that I have terrible policies on the economy, on foreign policy, but are very clear that when it comes to same-sex equality or, you know, sexual orientation, that they believe in equality. They are much more comfortable with it. You know, Malia and Sasha, they have friends whose parents are same-sex couples. There have been times where Michelle and I have been sitting around the dinner table and we’re talking about their friends and their parents and Malia and Sasha, it wouldn’t dawn on them that somehow their friends’ parents would be treated differently. It doesn’t make sense to them and, frankly, that’s the kind of thing that prompts a change in perspective.”

Um-hum, and let's see how you can spin a nice family discussion about treating people decently into something horrible. . .

Let’s pause for just one second. When Christian women run for high office, people inevitably bring up the question of submission. Once, Michele Bachmann, for example, was asked during a debate, “As president, would you be submissive to your husband?”

Once/inevitably, tomato/tomahto!

Ms Bachmann was asked that question because she has expressed those kind of trogolodyte fundamentalist views before, not for whatever insidious fake reason you're going to assume.

People automatically assume that a Christian female President isn’t capable of making decisions without her spouse’s stamp of approval.  (I should add female Republican candidates –liberal women don’t get the same kind of questions.)

 

Goddamm right we don't, bitch!

Maybe because people know that liberal women are unlikely to espouse such ridiculous beliefs?

So are all those reporters who feared excessive family intervention in the White House all up in arms over the President’s announcement yesterday?  Um.  Not quite.

Because it's totally the same thing, a president listening to his family's point of view and a president having to get her decisions approved by a self-loathing closet queen. Yeah, totally the same.

 So let me get this straight – it’s a problem if my mom listened too much to my dad, but it’s a heroic act if the President made a massive change in a policy position that could affect the entire nation after consulting with his teenage daughters?

Jeezus! How did you work your mom  into this? You do know Michele Bachmann is not your mom, right? I know other people get them mixed up, but you. . .

 

See, the stupid, empty-headed one is. . . no, that's not helpful.

Um, the batshit crazy one. . . oh, never mind.

.
And no one ever said that the problem with your mom was that she listened to your dad. She's got 99 problems, but your dad ain't one. No one ever accused your mother of listening to anyone except the voices in her head.

While it’s great to listen to your kids’ ideas, there’s also a time when dads simply need to be dads.
LEVI!!!

In this case, it would’ve been helpful for him to explain to Malia and Sasha that while her friends parents are no doubt lovely people, that’s not a reason to change thousands of years of thinking about marriage.

Yes, we must continue to think about things the way our anestors did thousands of years ago, That's why w must throw virgins into volcanoes to kep them from erupting, and consult the goat entrails before going into battle.

Or that – as great as her friends may be – we know that in general kids do better growing up in a mother/father home.  Ideally, fathers help shape their kids’ worldview.

         LEVI!!!

 In this situation, it was the other way around.  I guess we can be glad that Malia and Sasha aren’t younger, or perhaps today’s press conference might have been about appointing Dora the Explorer as Attorney General because of her success in stopping Swiper the Fox.

Yes, because the actual living, breathing, human parents of their friends are exactly the same as a cartoon character.

Sometimes dads should lead their family in the right ways of thinking.  In this case, it would’ve been nice if the President would’ve been an actual leader and helped shape their thoughts instead of merely reflecting what many teenagers think after one too many episodes of Glee.

I'm sorry, how many episodes of Glee does it take to give someone the idea that gay people are, um, people? People who should have at least the same rights as an ignorant hillbilly hatemonger whose sole accomplishment was figuring out a way to make money off of getting knocked up by a human meth PSA?

 

Not Even Once.

Don't let the door hit you on the way out, ya nut, ya.

Michele Bachmann becomes a Swiss citizen
By Joel Roberts | The Ticket – 19 hrs ago

Buh-bye.

What better way for Michele Bachmann to show her love for 'Murica than to leave and bring her wingnuttery to another country. I would have suggested Pakistan or China, or some other country that has it comin', but I'll take it.

Wait, what?

The Minnesota congresswoman and former Republican presidential candidate was recently granted dual citizenship, Bachmann's office confirmed Tuesday night, according to CNN.

Wait, she's not leaving?

"Congresswoman Bachmann's husband is of Swiss descent so she has been eligible for dual-citizenship since they got married in 1978," spokeswoman Becky Rogness said in a statement. 

"Also, because of her husband, she is eligible for citizenship in closetland," she did not add.

 "However, recently some of their children wanted to exercise their eligibility for dual-citizenship so they went through the process as a family."

Oooohh, now it makes sense. Her children are so embarrassed that they want to flee to another country. Well, can't blame them there.