Saturday, February 16, 2013

Who cares about Marco Rubio's drink of water?


that is some fine h-2-o


 
So he got thirsty. So what? Isn't the relevant topic here that he gave maybe the stupidest speech of all time?
 
 
Because he starts out with standard right-wing boilerplate like
 
More government isn't going to help you get ahead. It's going to hold you back.
More government isn't going to create more opportunities. It's going to limit them.
 
Which you expect from any Republican, and which are presented as if they were obvious facts with no evidence required. But then he goes on to talk about how his neighbors depend on Social Security and Medicare (big government programs) and how "Medicare, is especially important to me. It provided my father the care he needed to battle cancer and ultimately die with dignity. And it pays for the care my mother receives now."
 
And he used the Federal student loan program to be able to attend college, but for you, government is bad and will hold you back and blah, blah, blah. . .
 








And perhaps the stupidest sentence anyone has ever said
 
"When we point out that no matter how many job-killing laws we pass, our government can't control the weather – he accuses us of wanting dirty water and dirty air."
 
So when we make a stupid claim, the President in your imagination says something that in real life he didn't say? The government can't control the weather. What an asinine thing to say. The government can take measures to limit the amount of damage that human activity is doing to the climate, but they can't "control the weather" so why bother? And I don't recall the President saying that you want dirty water and dirty air, but you actually make a pretty good case for that like a minute later when you say: "God also blessed America with abundant coal, oil and natural gas. Instead of wasting more taxpayer money on so-called "clean energy" companies like Solyndra, let's open up more federal lands for safe and responsible exploration."
 
So, fuck clean energy, let's dig more coal - hey, why do you think we want dirty air? 
Actually, nobody thinks that you "want" dirty air. We think that you just don't give a damn whether or not it's clean as long as your donors are making lots of money.
 
And while we're on the subject of energy policy:
 
 "If we can grow our energy industry, it will make us energy independent, it will create middle class jobs and it will help bring manufacturing back from places like China."

Really? Being energy independent will cause manufacturing companies to say "forget paying Chinese slave laborers $2 an hour in shit conditions, now that the US is drilling for more oil, I say we move the factory back to Ohio and pay people a middle-class wage!"
 
 




And re: taxes
"Raising taxes won't create private sector jobs.  And there's no realistic tax increase that could lower our deficits by almost $4 trillion."
Well, first of all, no one said that raising taxes would create private sector jobs. Me going jogging every morning won't create any private sector jobs, but that doesn't mean I shouldn't do it. I mean, I'm not going to, but I should. And come to think of it, I'm going to use that rationale when my wife suggests I get a bit of exercise occasionally: "but honey, that won't create any private sector jobs!"
As to the tax increase, I seem to recall a time when we had no deficit, when we had in fact, a budget surplus. Hmm, what was it that happened to change all that?

 

Oh, right!

 
I could go on, but it doesn't get any less stupid. Marco Rubio, or whoever wrote his rebuttal speech is a goddamm idiot. And that's what should be relevant not the drink of water.
 
Although, now that Rubio has tweeted out a picture of a bottle of Poland Spring water, I do wonder if maybe that wasn't a bit of product placement.

 
Are they a donor?
 

Oh, and also this was weird:

"I needed water, what am I going to do" Rubio told me this morning on "Good Morning America" while pulling out a bottle of water and taking a sip. "God has a funny way of reminding us we're human," he said.

Um, most people don't really need a reminder that they're human, Senator. We're usually well aware of our humanity.



PS It's always worth noting that Marco Rubio voted against renewing the Violence Against Women Act.

It may finally be safe to go to North Carolina

NC bill could mean prison time for topless women



Rep. Rayne Brown, R-Davidson, is proposing a bill to make it a felony - A FELONY!- for any woman to expose, intentionally or otherwise, a "nipple, or any portion of the areola."

But what if it's an accidental "wardrobe malfunction" or "nip-slip?'

Democratic state Rep. Annie Mobley said she worried that women wearing "questionable fashions” could be prosecuted under the new rules.
But Committee Chairwoman Rep. Sarah Steven (R) suggested that women could use pasties or nipple coverings just to be safe.
“They’d be good to go” with nipple coverings, Stevens said.
"You know what they say, duct tape fixes everything," Republican state Rep. Tim Moore agreed.

Ooh, good one!

Much better that women put duct tape on their breastseses than to take a chance that someone might accidentally see a nipple!



Rep. Rayne Brown, R-Davidson, knows all too well that House Bill 34, her bill defining women’s nipples as indecent, has been the punchline of many a joke this session.
“We’ve had the most fun with this bill for about the past week and a half, and that’s OK. You need to laugh sometimes,” she told the House Judiciary C Committee. “But there are communities across this state, there’s local governments across this state, and also local law enforcement for whom this issue is really not a laughing matter.”

That's right, this is NO LAUGHING MATTER for municipalities that have been struck with the scourge of visible baby-feeding parts! Oh, the horror!

Co-sponsor Rep. Rayne Brown, R-Davidson, told members of the House Judiciary Committee on Wednesday that her constituents are concerned about topless rallies promoting women's equality held the past two years in Asheville, which is located about 130 miles west of Brown's district.


But clearly falls within the borders of her beeswax!




My God, people must have been terrified!
 
 
 
Many cities have local ordinances barring women from going topless, but Asheville does not.
 
I've been to Asheville, and I'm not surprised. It seems like a minding tour own business kind of town. Plus it's too damn cold for toplessness to be much of an issue.
 
Brown said a blanket solution is needed to give law enforcement officers statewide the clear authority to make arrests when nipples are exposed.

I don't see how we can expect to be taken seriously as a society when we are so clearly terrified of boobs. If you don't want to see them, look away. It's not like there are topless women all around, I would venture to guess that there are very very few women who are at all interested in being topless in public. If you happen to run across one who is and the sight of her mammaries is that offensive to you, it doesn't take that much effort to look in another direction. Jeez!

Of course, what Ms Brown, Ms Stephens and the other Republicans who passed this bill through committee may be worried about is ending up looking like this: 

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

An Absolute Disgrace

This is an absolute disgrace. Some teabagger scumbag congressman has invited Ted fucking Nugent to be his guest at the State of the Union. Ted Nugent has made violent threats against Barack Obama, Hilary Clinton, Barbara Boxer and others while waving around his machine gun. In a sane society, a piece of shit like Nugent would never be allowed in the same building as the president.

After choosing inflammatory entertainer Ted Nugent as his plus-one for Tuesday's State of the Union address, Rep. Steve Stockman (R-Texas) explained his decision in an interview with CNN, saying he made the choice based on Nugent's merit.
"He's a very articulate spokesman," Stockman told CNN. "I'm excited to have him. I think he gives a balance to what's being said tonight at the White House.

This is, of course, total bullshit. The only reason for inviting Nugent is to extend a giant middle finger in the face of the President, and the Democratic Party in general. No president has ever had to put up with this level of disrespect, and no person of any stature should have to. And it's not just this one nut. No one from the Republican leadership, your Boehners, your McConnels, your Cantors, no one is going to take this guy aside and say "no, you can't invite that seditious owl-casting of a human being to the State of the Union. Try to pretend to be a decent fucking human being." They may not have had the guts to do it themselves, but they're all okay with it.

“I am excited to have a patriot like Ted Nugent joining me in the House Chamber to hear from President Obama,” said Stockman.  “After the Address I’m sure Ted will have plenty to say.”

Patriot? Patriot?  Here's a quick rule of thumb. Someone who wears clothing adorned with the flag of a nation that has declared war on the United States is not a patriot.



A man who shit his pants to avoid service in a war he supported is not a patriot.

And a man who threatens the elected officials of the US is definitely NOT a patriot.



Even if he hadn't made threats against the life of the President, Secretary of State, and a couple of Senators, even if he hadn't offered a "new Concord Bridge." Even if he hadn't had a history of racist remarks. Even if he hadn't wished aloud that the South had won the Civil War, a clown like Nugent, a man who made a living flouncing around in a loincloth singing songs about vaginas does not belong at an event like the State of the Union Address.



Seriously, THIS is the guy next to whom you are proud to sit at such an august event?



You're really proud to associate with this person?
Dated a 17-year-old when he was 30, then made himself her legal guardian
Seventeen-year-old Hawaii native Pele Massa was too young to marry Nugent. So Nugent made an agreement with the girl's parents to become her legal guardian. This was rated #63 on Spin magazine's "100 Sleaziest Moments in Rock" list.

You're going to listen to the President of the Goddamm United States of America with the man who wrote these lyrics?

Wang dang sweet poontang
Wang dang sweet poontang
That Nadine, what a teenage queen

She lookin' so clean
Especially down in between
What I like

She's so sweet when she yanks on my meat

But down on the street,
you know she can't be beat
What the hell
Wang dang sweet poontang

Wang dang sweet poontang

This is what the modern Republican Party has devolved into. Some asshole invites this piece of shit to the Capitol and no one in the party will call him on it. What's maybe even more pathetic is that Ted will be offering his "thoughts" after the speech and I'll bet you any money that reporters will show up, not just from FOX, but even from once-legitimate news sources.

Can you imagine this ever happening with any other president? Would any member of Congress have had the balls to invite someone to the State of the Union who had threatened the life of George Bush or Ronald Reagan or even Bill Clinton? The level of outright contempt these people have for a sitting president is an absolute disgrace.

Monday, February 11, 2013

Coming Soon to a Senate Near You

Here are some of the fine candidates who may be running for Senate seats in 2014 because there are no standards, apparently.

Michele Bachmann.
Yes, that Michele Bachmann.



According to Real Clear Politics, "Bachmann is again being mentioned as a candidate for higher office -- this time as a potential challenger to first-term Democratic Sen. Al Franken in 2014."

Oh please, God, let this happen! I would love a front row seat to watch Franken eviscerate this looney moron in a debate.

It should go a bit like this:




Paul Broun

Congressman Paul Broun is probably best known for his statement that everything he learned about science was "lies from the pit of Hell." And he means that quite literally. He doesn't mean like "damnable lies." He isn't using "from Hell" as a figure of speech as in "Ugh, I had the date from Hell last night!" No he means that the Devil is sitting down in actual literal Hell thinking up science stuff to try and lead good folks like Paul Broun astray. So of course, he's on the House science committee, because apparently the GOP believes that the Science Committee should approach science the way the American Cancer Society approaches cancer.





He's also the one who suggested that instead of raising the debt ceiling, we should lower it. And he had this to say about the potential passage of "Obamacare":
"If ObamaCare passes, that free insurance card that's in people's pockets is gonna be as worthless as a Confederate dollar after the War Between The States -- the Great War of Yankee Aggression."


Oh, and he also said this:
"It may sound a bit crazy and off base, but the thing is, he's the one who proposed this national security force," Rep. Paul Broun said of Obama in an interview Monday with The Associated Press. "I'm just trying to bring attention to the fact that we may — may not, I hope not — but we may have a problem with that type of philosophy of radical socialism or Marxism."
"That's exactly what Hitler did in Nazi Germany and it's exactly what the Soviet Union did," Broun said. "When he's proposing to have a national security force that's answering to him, that is as strong as the U.S. military, he's showing me signs of being Marxist."
And this:
He also spoke of a "socialistic elite" - Obama, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid - who might use a pandemic disease or natural disaster as an excuse to declare martial law.
"They're trying to develop an environment where they can take over," he said. "We've seen that historically."



In New Jersey, you may very well be seeing this man running for the Senate:

 
It worked for Scott Brown!
 
 
 Geraldo Rivera

There's really nothing to say about this buffoon that hasn't already been said. Just let this phrase roll around your head for a moment:
Senator Geraldo Rivera.



In Massachusetts,  there has been speculation that "Dr" Keith Ablow may throw his pointy tinfoil hat into the ring.


  

Well, that kid is fucked!
 
Yes, Glenn Beck's favorite shrink, "Dr" Keith Ablow, the man who psychoanalyses people he's never met, from alleged child murderesses to the President of the United States.  
 
And what insight! Why just listen to his analysis of why the President is interested in passing laws that might prevent some children from being gunned down in school:
 
Ablow added that “the autonomy of others did [Obama] no favors as a kid, when he was abandoned again and again by people who were — quote, unquote — ‘responsible’ and supposed to do the right thing like parents. So his belief is: ‘You know what? What good is individual autonomy in decision making? What good did it do me? The collective is what needs to be empowered, and all the better if I am the center of that collective and the most powerful person in it.’” “His solution runs psychologically in the direction of disempowering the individual every single time,”
 
 
It couldn't possibly be that the Prez, like most Americans, is sick of seeing groups of children murdered by psychopaths. No, it must be his deep-seated desire to disempower individuals because his father abandoned him. Occam's Razor!
 
Oh, and he also provided some insight into known sociopath Newt Gingrich:
 
 here’s what one interested in making America stronger can reasonably conclude—psychologically—from Mr. Gingrich’s behavior during his three marriages:

 
Um, he's a narcissistic, self-centered dishonest bum?
 
1) Three women have met Mr. Gingrich and been so moved by his emotional energy and intellect that they decided they wanted to spend the rest of their lives with him.
2) Two of these women felt this way even though Mr. Gingrich was already married.
3 ) One of them felt this way even though Mr. Gingrich was already married for the second time, was not exactly her equal in the looks department and had a wife (Marianne) who wanted to make his life without her as painful as possible. 

(Clearly, she's the asshole here.) 
Oh, right, he's a charming, charismatic, narcissistic, self-centered dishonest bum!

Conclusion: When three women want to sign on for life with a man who is now running for president, I worry more about whether we’ll be clamoring for a third Gingrich term, not whether we’ll want to let him go after one.


So, Mickey Rooney for president?

 

Too dated? Maybe Larry King?


And after his conclusion, he continues on to point #4, because that's a totally normal thing to do!

4) Two women—Mr. Gingrich’s first two wives—have sat down with him while he delivered to them incredibly painful truths: that he no longer loved them as he did before, that he had fallen in love with other women and that he needed to follow his heart, despite the great price he would pay financially and the risk he would be taking with his reputation.


Wow, what a sacrifice! Paying alimony AND having people find out what an asshole he is! So noble! Obviously, the guy who's been fucking around behind his wife's back and is now dumping her to move on to the next temp-wife is really the one who suffers!

Conclusion: I can only hope Mr. Gingrich will be as direct and unsparing with the Congress, the American people and our allies. If this nation must now move with conviction in the direction of its heart, Newt Gingrich is obviously no stranger to that journey.


Yes, hopefully he'll break the news gently to Congress that he's been seeing other legislative bodies! What a fucking douche.




The good news is that none of these assclowns has a snowball's chance of actually being elected. Hopefully they'll stick around just long enough to provide us with a few good laughs and to remind the electorate what a collection of fools and clowns the modern Republican party has become.



Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Quick quiz for gun-buyers

Question #1:

What type of gun are you interested in purchasing?
A) a hunting rifle
B) a pistol
C) a military-grade assault weapon.

If you answered C, you are too crazy to own a gun.





Question # 2:

From what are you hoping to protect yourself?
A) Criminals
B) Bears
C) The United States Government

If you answered C, you are too crazy to own a gun.





Question #3:

Is there any structure on your property which could be described as a "bunker?"

If you answered "yes," you are too crazy to own a gun.




Question #4:

Into which of the following places do you plan on carrying your gun?
A) Your workplace
B) Bars and/or restaurants
C) Church

If you answered anything other than "none of the above," you are too crazy to own a gun.