Okay, to be fair, I have never had a favorite wrestler before because I think professional wrestling is really really stupid and also gross and offensive, but Stone Cold Steve Austin just made my day.
And also I just remembered hearing Mick Foley on Air America back in the day and he was pretty fucking great, too.
There sure have been a lot of dick bills being proposed and/or passed lately. And by "dick bills," I mean bills that don't actually accomplish anything positive, but are proposed by some legislator just because he wants to be a dick. (Or she. Ladies can be dicks too)
A bill that would allow regulated
electric utilities to impose a surcharge on customers who install
rooftop solar panels or small wind turbines passed the Oklahoma House of
Representatives on Monday.
So if you live in Oklahoma and you decide to save some money on your electric bill by putting a solar panel on your roof or a windmill in your back yard, the state of Oklahoma says " Ha! Not so fast! You have to pay the utility company anyway, because fuck you!"
I mean, that seems to be the only purpose of the bill. I don't see anyone who benefits by this other than the electric company. Maybe I'm missing something. . .
The bill was supported by the state’s major electric utilities, but drew
opposition from solar advocates, environmentalists and others.
Hmm, nope. That sounds like pretty much what I thought.
But boy, howdy that must have been some debate in the Oklahoma statehouse, with defenders of utility company profits going head to head with people who are concerned about the environment. Must have been quite the donnybrook!
Senate Bill 1456 passed 83-5 after no debate in the House.
In a targeted swipe against Attorney General Eric Holder, Rep. Blake Farenthold (R-Texas) announced legislation Tuesday that would prohibit federal employees found in contempt of Congress from receiving government paychecks.
And, yes, honest-to-God, Blake Farenthold actually looks like that. I thought maybe it was a bad picture, so I did a Google image search and came up with these:
But anywayyyyy. . .
This bill would allow the Angry Simpleton Caucus that currently controls the House to decide that they don't like someone like, say, Eric Holder, and find him in contempt and then declare that he doesn't get to have any monies. And it's not like there would have to be any sort of legitimate reason to find someone in contempt, I mean this is the Congress of Darrell Issa, for God's sake, they have absolutely no qualms about using their power for petty spiteful grandstanding. Also, pretty much anyone could be found to be in contempt of this Congress nbecause contempt is a natural reaction to a group this contemptible.
. . . the city of Ft. Lauderdale, Florida is on the cusp of passing a new regulation
that would make it illegal for anyone to store their personal things on
public property. Specifically, it would empower police to confiscate
any personal possessions stored on public property, provided they have
given the homeless person 24-hours notice. If the homeless people wish
to retrieve their items, they must pay the city “reasonable charges for
storage and removal of the items,”
So, unless the city fathers truly believe that taking away a homeless person's meager possessions is going to help that homeless person stop being sop homeless all the time, this bill serves no purpose except as a means of being a total dick to homeless people. Naturally, the proposal passed unanimously because Florida.
Now I know this sounds like just the normal amount of churlishness one would expect from a Republican governor, like a refusal to raise the state's minimum wage, but this goes that extra step into total dick land.
OKLAHOMA CITY (AP) — Cities across Oklahoma are now prohibited from
establishing mandatory minimum wage or vacation and sick-day
requirements under a bill signed into law Monday by Gov. Mary Fallin.
Yes, that's right. It's not enough for Mary Fallin (told you ladies could be dicks) to refuse to raise the state's minimum wage, this law would prevent any city that wanted to do the decent thing from doing the decent thing. No matter that the citizens of Anytown, OK might decide that they would like their town to require businesses to pay a living wage, the state has decided that that is not to be allowed, because Conservatives have so much respect for local governance, don't ya know.
So other than just being total dicks, what benefit do the bill's supporters claim it will have?
Supporters say the measure would prevent a hodgepodge of minimum wages in different parts of the state
Although they are apparently unable to explain why that would present a problem. (hint: because it wouldn't)
Those against the bill also say it specifically targets Oklahoma City,
where an initiative is underway to establish a citywide minimum wage
higher than the current federal minimum wage. Organizers have been
gathering signatures to support raising the city's minimum wage to
$10.10 an hour.
Ah. That explains it. The people of Oklahoma City were trying to do a decent thing and obviously that must be prevented. obviously, the State Government must step in to prevent a city from trying to do something positive.
God damn it, if I hear one more fucking word about Boston or the marathon or Big fucking Papi I swear I'm going to scream
Or "Boston Strong," for that matter.
Apparently, we're all supposed to be just super-impressed that after a really bad thing happened in Boston the city, what. . . continued to exist? The entire populace didn't just weep in the fetal position for the rest of time?
Does Boston have any idea what weenies they look like making such a melodramatic spectacle of themselves after New York managed to survive NINE-FUCKING-ELEVEN? Oh, wow, Boston, you managed to pick yourselves up and dust yourselves off and go on with your lives after an entire three people were killed in your city? That's a slow afternoon in Chicago. And Three THOUSAND lives were lost on 9/11, so it's kinda hard to really feel like you had that big an ordeal. Hell, Sandy Hook had twenty children murdered in one day and you don't see them on tv every five minutes bragging about being "Sandy Hook Strong."
Your terrorist attack was closer top the Atlanta Olympic bombing. Two people died in Centennial Park and a hundred-plus were injured, and you didn't see anyone talking about "Atlanta Strong" or saying that the Braves had to win the World Series so that the nation could heal.
A very bad thing happened in your city. Get over it. Bad things happen everywhere. Right now, as you read this, someone is being murdered somewhere in the US. And that's tragic. But the city in which that person is being killed is not going to see this murder as an opportunity for obnoxious self-aggrandizement.
PS, no one gives a shit that an American won the Boston Marathon this year, because no one has ever given a shit about who wins any marathon because marathons are relentlessly boring and no one cares. And because the assholes who bombed the finish line at the Boston Marathon weren't actually angry at marathons, or eager to prevent people from running them, so it's not really that big a fuck-you to those scumbags to have an American win.
Utah high school teacher who had kids brainstorm genitalia slang gets paid leave
Wait, what? Genitalia slang?
“We had some students who reported to administration that a teacher was
having an exercise where they were put into groups, male and female, to
come up with names for genitalia,” Weber School District spokesman Nate
Taggart told the Standard-Examiner. “These were any names that the kids could come up with, and then they were listed on the board.”
And you didn't see any potential problems with this?
You didn't think anyone was going to be offended by having your students come up with new versions of "dick" and "pussy?" In UTAH?
When the concerned students told school officials about the exercise, the officials rushed to William’s classroom.
“It was still on the whiteboard,
and they had her erase it immediately,” Taggart told the
Standard-Examiner. He also noted that the school district found the
lesson inappropriate.
Inappropriate? Jeezus Christ, Larry Flynt would find that inappropriate!
Okay, no he wouldn't. But still. . .
A spokesman for the local teachers union, Matt Ogle,
Wait. Ogle? Seriously, Ogle?
Okay, anyway. . .
Matt Ogle, explained that Williams got the idea to have students share
colloquialisms for male and female genitalia when she attended a Career
and Technical Education conference at which other teachers imparted
their favorite classroom strategies.
Wait. There's at least one other teacher using the "weiner/coochie" technique? And she's out there recommending this to other teachers? And they invite this teacher to Education conferences?
Okay, I must be missing something here, maybe this “Adult Roles and Financial Literacy” class is about sexual anatomy? Or maybe the "Adult Roles" class has a module on behaving like children?
A course description obtained by the Standard-Examiner explains that the
course is designed to prepare students to “understand the nature,
function and significance of individual and family relationships
integrated with general financial literacy.”
Oookay. So much for that idea.
The class offers concurrent college credit to enrolled high school students.
I'm assuming you can get credit from the University of South Carolina?
Or maybe Oregon State?
The union spokesman noted that Williams won’t have students brainstorm about sex organ monikers in the future.
So apparently there was something called the "Freedom Summit" in New Hampshire whee various Republican 2016 hopefuls paraded theur various delusions for some of the donor class, and out of a lineup which included Ted Cruz, Rand Paul and Donald Trump, who would have guessed that Mike Huckabee would have distinguished himself as the nut of the day?
And this is, of course, the position he wants to be in. Huckabee is presumably angling to be this year's Herman Cain. For "candidates" like Huckabee, your best bet is to position yourself as the craziest asshole in the field. That's rthe kind of attention you want. You don't want to actually win the Republican primary, because then you have to do mre work and you're going to lose anyway. You want to finish maybe 2nd or 3rd, do well enough to pretend you were a serious contender and keep yourself fat and happy on wingnut welfare and never have to worry about holding any actual public office again, because that's hard work. Anywayyyy. . . . here's what Huckabee said to put him in first place in the insane idiot race:
“My gosh, I’m beginning to think that there’s more freedom in North
Korea sometimes than there is in the United States,” he said in his
remarks. “When I go to the airport, I have to get in the surrender
position, people put hands all over me, and I have to provide photo ID
and a couple of different forms and prove that I really am not going to
terrorize the airplane – but if I want to go vote I don’t need a thing.”
Wow.
I mean, just . . . wow!
More freedom in North Korea? Please feel free to go there!
You do realize that you just talked about how you get to vote, right? You know they don't get to do that in North Korea, right? I mean, I guess they get to go to a polling place and fill out a ballot, but it only has one fucking name on it, and that one name somehow ends up with more votes than there are people in the entire country, but on the other hand, you have to show ID at the airport! Tyranny!!!!
And no one is putting their hands all over you at the airport, no matter how desperately you try to look you might be hiding something down your pants. No TSA agent gets paid enough for that.
And when do you ever have to show more than one form of ID at the airport? I have been on a few airplane flights in my day and my Georgia Driver's License is all I've ever had to show for a domestic flight. My passport is all I ever have to show to fly international. No one is asking you for multiple forms of ID, you liar.
Also, the reason you have to show ID at the airport, but not at the voting booth (for now) is beacuse flying is not a fundamental right of citizenship like voting is (for now).
And all those TSA regulations, the full body scans and pat-downs and what-not, those were all put in by your friends in the Bush Administration. But sure, it wasn't an impingement on your FREDOMMMMMMM until January of 2009, right?
