Crazy Candidate of the Day

Today's Crazy candidate is Nevada's own David Lory VanDerBeek.

Nevada’s Next Governor David Lory VanDerBeek

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Like most of you, I had never heard of David VanDerBeek before today, when his political party came up in a story about pompous free-loader Cliven Bundy deciding that even the teabaggiest factions of the Republican Party weren't sociopathic enough for him, so he's joining the "Independant American Party of Nevada" because why even make any pretense at relevance?

Anyway, David VanDerBeek, or "The Beeker" as I assume he likes to be called, is running for governor of Nevada. And why wouldn't he be considered a legitimate candidate, given that he is the man who has posted stories like this one:

VIDEO Missile Used In Texas Fertilizer Plant Explosion? Nevada Governor 2014 David Lory VanDerBeek

Posted on April 25, 2013 by David Lory VanDerBeek

So why should you vote for the Beekester? well, let him explain in his own words, which are quite well-written,assuming that English is not hos first language:

VanDerBeek for Governor for you means a great career and income, world-class education, world-class healthcare, retirement in comfort and prosperity with your loved ones, and preservation and expansion of personal freedoms. Governor VanDerBeek will take office after the 2014 election in Nevada and has the support of the entire USA and around the world in restoring Constitutional law, natural rights, the rule of law, and freedom in all choices.

You may have thought that he was a complete unknown, but he has the support of the ENTIRE USA! And also of "around the world."

Most importantly, VanDerBeek for Governor means the Government based of  [sic] the Constitution, NOW and FOREVER, in defiance of all opposition and all tyranny.

Now, one might assume that he has some sort of an editor or proofreader looking over the copy before it gets posted to his official campaign website, but one would apparently be wrong.

Let's have a look at D-Van's platform positions, shall we?

My platform can be summed up in one phrase: Restoring Your American Dream. VanDerBeek for Governor means Restoring Your American Dream. The top priority of my campaign is to focus on those truths which will help you find a great career and income, get a world-class education, get world-class medical care, and retire in comfort and prosperity with your loved ones.

[emphasis in original]

So, you're saying that your plan is to undo the damage of the Reagan and post-Reagan years? Re-invest in our schools and infrastructure?  Go back to having affordable, first-class public universities? Increase Social security benefits? Just kidding, of course that's not what you mean.
Let's see the specifics:

1.Restore Nevada Lands to the People. The American people are being herded physically into the cities, because the federal government is stealing state lands in the name of various projects. 

Right. People don't move to the big cities because that's where the jobs are, or because city life is more interesting than farm life. No, it's obviously because the government owns too much barren wasteland in Nevada. And also the government is physically herding people into cities? I thought they were supposed to herd us into FEMA camps? Anyway, if the government would just quit owning land, everyone in Nevada would just run out and start their own farm, obviously.

2. Nevada State Bank.  All taxes that are taken in by the State will be funneled back into Nevada businesses in the form of low interest loans as is done in North Dakota who is enjoying record surpluses while lowering taxes. North Dakota is the only State that never suffered a recession and has the highest per capita income in the nation because of their stable financial system

Oh, that's why the economy in North Dakota is doing well. Here I thought it was the oil and gas booms they're currently experiencing, but obviously it must be the way they loan money to businesses. Although, I must say, that if all taxes taken in by the state are used for business loans, those businesses are going to have a hard time moving product to market with no roads. And they'll probaly have a hard time finding qualified job applicants when there are no schools. but details, details. . .


3. Multi-Currency Free Market System. While the State government is required to pay all of its debts in gold and silver, any thing free citizens deem of value in the free market can be used as a currency when the parties agree. This will facilitate an explosion of economic activity. 

 

Is that what's been holding back the explosion of economic activity? The fact that people have been, up until now, required to use actual money? The economy will skyrocket once we can begin buying things with twigs and pebbles!

4. Nevada to Stop All Payments to the IRS. It was shown conclusively by President Reagan’s Grace Commission Report that ZERO of the taxes collected by the IRS on income return to the citizens in the form of services or benefits. 

 

Where would you come up with this?
I don't have time to look up the Grace Commission, but I really don't need to.  Because no matter what the Commission may or may not have said, just look out your  fucking window. That's a fucking highway. It was paid for by monies collected by the IRS. You know what else is paid for by monies collected by the IRS? Oh, just the Army, the Navy, the Air Force, the Marine Corps, the FBI, the CIA, National Parks, the Coast Guard. . . how the fuck do yolu think those things get paid for? Private donations?

All of the taxes are consumed by the IRS bureaucracy and paid as interest to the private banskters behind the Federal Reserve bank. Nevada residents will no longer send any further payments to the IRS because there is no purpose in doing so. 

Well, not being arrested might be considered one purpose for doing so.

 Nevada law enforcement will be employed in arresting any agent of the federal government who attempts to collect IRS taxes from a Nevada resident. 

Oh, well. Problem solved, then. I'm sure local PD will be perfectly happy to get into a war with the Federal Government so that Nevadans can willfully violate federal law. Why wouldn't they?

America was built without an IRS or an income tax.  

And the circumstances today are precisely the same as they were in 1789.

The IRS is just a collection agency for the Federal Reserve, which is not federal and has no reserves and is just our national branch of the global banking cartel. We must just STOP paying them. We will bring economic warfare against the IRS and collapse it. 

It's good to set realistic goals.

 5. Replace and Phase Out All Taxation.

Right. Achievable, measurable goals.

7. Nevada Energy Independence. . . Once Nevada has recovered its stolen lands from the federal government, the state government will be able to lease and sell those lands to energy developers. Nevada will only give rights to Nevada-based energy companies to explore and develop our reserves of oil, coal, and natural gas in clean ways that preserve the sanctity of our land and wildlife. This will create jobs and keep the money in Nevada. At the same time, Nevada can encourage alternative energy sources such as solar and Tesla towers.

What could possibly go wrong?

 8. Minimize Business Taxes and Regulations and Eliminate Corporate Welfare.

 Minimize? You've already given up on replacing and phasing put ALL taxation?


14. Expansion of the Second Amendment. We must preserve the 2nd Amendment right to bear arms first, because it protects all of the rest of our rights. Freedom grows out of the barrel of a gun. As Governor, I will not enforce any of Mr. Obama’s gun regulations. I have taken the Oathkeepers oath and my own greater oath that I will fight to preserve  History shows that tyranny and mass murder by the government always follows disarmament of the people. If Obama sends police to take guns by force, there could be another civil war.

 Wow. where to begin? First of all,"Freedom grows out of the barrel of a gun?" You're paraphrasing Mao?

Second "I will not enforce any of Mr. Obama’s gun regulations.?" That'll be easy since there are exactly fucking ZERO.

Third "I have taken the Oathkeepers oath and my own greater oat?" The hell you have. there is no greater oath than the oath of the oathkeepers! Wait, did I say greater? I meant more insane.

Fourth "the right of Nevadans and all Americans to bear arms according to the original intentions of the founders in the Constitution." Great, so you will support the right od=f well-regulated militias to keep and bear single-shot muskets. No objection.

 Fifth " History shows that tyranny and mass murder by the government always follows disarmament of the people?" [Citation needed]

Sixth " If Obama sends police to take guns by force, there could be another civil war?' Be careful what you wish for. If you think your county sheriffs are going to stand a chance against the greatest military power the world has ever seen, I just don't know what to tell you, except that it's lucky for you that President Obama has shown ZERO interest in taking your guns.

Anyway, it goes on and on, but I'm getting tired. Let me just sum up by sayiong that if you live in Nevada and are completely bug-eyed. poo-throwing insane, consider casting your vote for David Lory VanDerBeek.! Then get professional help.


See more at:
http://nevadagovernor2014.com/

Apparenly, the Mall was Fairly Empty

Video captures President Obama on D.C. stroll surprising parkgoers

"The bear is loose," the president joked, during walk around the Ellipse

President Obama took a stroll through the Ellipse in Washington, D.C., on Wednesday morning, en route to a meeting at the Department of the Interior. Along the way, he stopped to shake hands with a few tourists and locals who happened to be in the right place at the right time. 

Gosh,didn't all the American Spring participants get in his way?

 

How did he manage to walk along the elipse with all those millions of patriots demanding his resignation?



I mean, I realize that probably ony a million or so were going to hang around for the long run, but still. That doesn't leave much room.

Bad Ads - Miller High Life

Forget for a moment what a shitty product this is. The fact that no one with functioning taste buds would ever pay money for this carbonated mop water unless the bar was sold out of everything else, the aquarium was empty, and the dog is guarding his water dish.Even if this was a goodproduct, this is just an awful ad.

The whole point of this ad is that everything in this guy's life is a really shitty version of the things he's talking about. His view of the park is actually a sidewalk. The country club is a dive bar. His butler is some stupid smelly dog.
 So when he says that he drinks "the Champagne of Beers," what are we to think except that the Miller beer he's actually drinking is really a pale substitute for good beer.

Which it is.

So, points for truth in advertising, I guess.

I stand corrected

THIS is the most ridiculous homophobic comment ever:

Kevin Swanson Warns 'This Whole Lesbian Whatever' Has Turned People Into 'Feces-Eaters'

          

Submitted by Brian Tashman on Wednesday, 5/21/2014 2:35 pm -

Um, what?

 

Not seeing anyone eating any poop here.

Maybe. . .


Nah, look at those teeth. They've obviously never eaten any poop.

So who's doing all the poop-eating?

On Monday, “Generations Radio” host Kevin Swanson warned that “this whole lesbian whatever, the Neronic agenda” — the term he regularly uses to describe the LGBT rights movement — has helped plunged society into “dysfunctionality” and turned people into “feces eaters.”

Oh, so it's not the lesbians who are eating the poop, they're somehow causing society in general to go around eating poop? Damn you, you devious lesbians, always one step ahead of us!

“There’s not just divorce: people are eating their own feces, there’s incest everywhere,” Swanson lamented. 

Oh, and incest too? Okay, lesbians, you win! We'll give you whatever you want, just please stop making us eat poop and fuck our sisters!

He said that only churches like his can draw the feces-eaters back to God: “There’s a contrast between the feces-eaters and the church and I think the feces eaters look at the church and go, ‘Whoa, they don’t eat feces, they’re different, they’re weird.’

 Oh, my God, I was just saying that the other day. Our neighbor invited us to his church and I asked him "your denomination does eat poop, right?" and he says "no, we don't ever eat any poop," and I'm all like "woah, weirdo cult alert!"

Yes they do see the church as weird and our communities will see our churches as weird, but some will say, ‘But they’re doing better than we are.’”

Doing better than the incestuous poop-eaters? Ha! I'd like to see that!

By the way, this guy refers to a "Neronic agenda?" What the fuck does that even mean? I actually thought it was "Necronic" and had something to do with death, but according to RWW, it refers to the Roman Emporor Nero for some bizarre reason.

Following a discussion of how same-sex weddings are “Neronic weddings” as they were developed by Nero. . .

Um, I did what now?

Is there any truth to that? Who fucking knows? The only scholar of ancient history I know is my father-in-law, and I'm not about to call him up and open that whole can of worms, so I'm just going to assume it's total bullshit. If it were true, I don't really think it would be at all relevant, either. Should we give up the violin because Nero played one?

 

Just think what we'd have to give up because of Caligula!

 

Nope, still no poop!

Most Laughable Homophobic Comment Ever?

And I know that there is nothing funny about homophobia, but sometimes its practitioners are just soooooo ridiculous that I can't help but laugh.

Case in point,  Florida (of course) State Representative Charles Van Zant
(Presumablyno relation to Townes. Or to Little Steven) who offered up this gem:

These people, that will now receive $220 million from the state of Florida unless this is stopped, will promote double-mindedness in state education and attract every one of your children to become as homosexual as they possibly can. I’m sorry to report that to you.

The part that makes me laugh is the "as homosexual as they can possibly be" line. Because I picture some sort of gayness coach saying things like "Okay, so you're attracted to members of your own gender, that's great. But I know you can be more homosexual than that. Come on, kid you can do it!"

Better!

Keep working. . ..

 

Getting there. . .

C'mon kid, I need you to be as homosexual as you possibly can! 

Yeah! I knew you could do it!

Oh, by the way, the thing that's going to make Florida's children all turn as gay as they possibly can be? Common Core.

No, really.

Or, more specifically, the company that will be administering the tests.
Seriously.

Rep. Charles Van Zant says testing company promotes homosexuality

Lawmaker stands by comments in interview with Channel 4

I don't know how creating testing materials is supposed to turn kids gay. I could see how a paranoid troglodyte might think that a teacher could slip enough pro-gay propaganda into class materials to somehow influence little hetero kids into thinking "girls sure are purty, but have I ever really given dick a chance?" But how the testing company is supposed to do that is beyond me.

ORLANDO, Fla. -
A state lawmaker from Clay County claims the company charged with creating new state standardized tests in Florida promotes homosexuality.

“Please, go on their website. Click the link to what they’re doing with youth and you will see what their agenda really is," said Van Zant. "They are promoting as hard as they can any youth that is interested in the LGBT agenda and even name it 2-S, as they define as having two spirits. The Bible says a lot about being double-minded."

It does? double-mindedness? That's something that comes up a lot, does it? Because in all my Bible-studyin' years, I don't remember that term ever coming up. But okay, I'll click the link, why not?
American Institutes for Research

• Home
• Our Topics
• Social Development

LGBT Youth

Adolescence marks a time of tremendous opportunity for positive growth and development as young people transition into adulthood. Exclusion, rejection or bias can make this journey perilous. A disproportionate number of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender youth experience physical and emotional abuse at home, in school and in their communities simply because of their identity.

 Ooh! What a controversial stance! Many LGBT youth get treated shitty by people? That translates into "soon you will all join us on the dark side, by which I mean the gay side, bwah hah hah hah!!" ?

A Guide for Understanding, Supporting, and Affirming LGBTQI2-S Children, Youth, and Families

A new guide provides information for educators, human service providers and allies about supporting the health and well-being of children and youth who are lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, questioning, intersex and/or two-spirit (LGBTQI2-S) and their families. 

Or, in other words. . .

 

Join me, and together we will rule the Castro!

 Also, it may be worth noting that they pretty specifically do not call homosexuality "S-2" or "two spririts. That is mentioned as a seperate category of being "intersex." Which is pretty different, I think. I mean, I'm not the biggest expert in what the scary non-breeder people are up to to try and destroy America, but I'm pretty sure that intersex and gay are two separate things.

Anyway, it may shock you to learn that while the AIR website says many positive things about treating LGBT youth like decent human beings, nowhere on the page does it mention anything about how to turn straight kids gay, let alone how to get them to be as homosexual as they can possibly be.

 

D'oh! Why did I provide a link to a page that shows how full of shit I am?

 Oh, right. Florida!

Van Zant confirmed he made the comments at an event two months ago, although he did not know he was being recorded on video. He said Common Core could introduce homosexuality to children, something he said should be left to parents to discuss with their kids.
“I don't think that has any place being introduced in Florida schools,” Van Zant said.

And neither does science! Or History. Or  Geography. The only textbooks we need are the Bible and everything by David Barton!

  

Who, perhaps not coincidentally, looks like the guy who kidnapped Helena on Orphan Black.

Anyway, here's the video, via Think Progress, in case you don't think that anyone could be this fucking weird and stupid.



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