Just sayin'

Dershowitz hits back, seeks to disbar accuser's lawyers in sex abuse case

The U.S. criminal lawyer wants to discredit two attorneys representing a woman who says he abused her when she was underage

Or, in other words. . .

               

Please Ignore

Madonna sparks outrage with Mandela, Martin Luther King Jnr 'Rebelheart' images

Bang Showbiz | 04 January, 2015 09:52

This is what she does.
Whenever she hasn't been getting sufficient attention she does something "shocking" to get her name back in the zeitgeist.

Madonna is not stupid, ok? And I don't think she's delusional. Does she think that she is the same type of rebel/martyr figure as Martin Luther King or Nelson Mandella?



Of course not. She's not stupid. But she knows  this will get her attention.

This is a woman who once published an entire coffee table book of naked pictures of herself.


When people weren't talking enough about her, she walked topless down the runway at a Jean Paul Gaultier show.

This is a family blog.

When her star had faded again, she kissed Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera at some awards show just to get people talking about her. And it worked because there's a sucker born every minute.

 

Women kissing? That's not something you see every day. 

Unless you have a computer. Or a television.

 And remember this trainwreck?

So, no. Madonna doesn't actually think that she's an MLK or Mandella-type figure.

Also, she knows she's not Che.

 She's not stupid. She knows exactly what she's doing. And when you take to the Twitter or the Tumblr of the Facebook to express your OUTRAGE!!! at her latest stunt, you're giving her exactly what she wants. She's like the cliche' child who doesn't care if she gets positive attention or negative attention as long as she gets attention.


 So, please, just ignore Madonna. There is no point in condemning her, as long as you're typing her name she's happy.

And, geez, it's not like we didn't already know how low she'd stoop to get a little publicity!

Headlines that sound like The Onion

American Achiever of 2014: Sarah Palin

By M. Joseph Sheppard

Um. . . Achiever? 


 

 2014? 

 

Sarah Palin?      

You know, I could see naming Ms Palin "achiever of the year" for whatever year she won the gubernatorial race in Alaska. That was quite an achievement for an empty-headed, spite-fueled mayor of  methtown.  But 2014? What the hell did she achieve in 2014?

Well, she did manage to go the entire year without having another baby. Or grandbaby. So that's something.

And she was handed yet another "reality" show by the lib'rul lamestream media, although it is on a channel no one watches and she looks to be one of three "hosts" even though her name is above the title. So I guess having name enough name recognition that a huntin' & fishin' channel will pay you to try to drum up some interest in some piece of crap show is sort of an accomplishment?

And I think that there was that one time she managed to form a coherent sentence.

Also, she finally dislodged that piece of popcorn from between her teeth. She found her car keys.  She did a load of laundry in which all the socks matched up.

She remembered to wear her underwear on the inside.

 

Some folks still haven't got the hang of it!

But let's just see what accomplishments she's actually being honored for.

It would be the height of churlishness for even the most inveterate leftist to deny the import of someone who made Time magazine's "100 Most Influential People" list, and then the Smithsonian Institution's "100 Most Significant Americans Of All Time" list.  Both affirmations were earned by former Alaska governor and vice-presidential candidate Sarah Palin.

What the fuck? Most significant Americans of all time? She made the top 100? She's on a list that presumably includes George Washington, Martin Luther King Jr, Henry Ford and Joan Jett? What the hell is wrong with the Smithsonian?

Let me look at that list. 

Okay, among the first three names listed are a Brit and two Italians, at least one of whom never set foot in America.

Trailblazers
Christopher Columbus
Henry Hudson
Amerigo Vespucci


So, I'm not sure that I'm going to give this list all that much weight.

Especially since this list does not include Cesar Chavez,  Woody Guthrie, Miles Davis, Mario Savio, Orson Welles, or Gloria Steinem. 

Also, the traitors Benedict Arnold and Robert E. Lee made the cut, so inclusion on this list is not necessarily a compliment. Seriously, Lucky Luciano, John Wilkes Booth and Charles fucking Manson all made the list. 

So, anyway, I'm not sure that making this list really makes you that much of an "achiever."

To then accept Governor Palin as "American Achiever of the Year 2014" would be for most, if not all on the left (and to be fair, many in the GOP) no doubt a bridge too far. 

Well, no, it would just be silly. Let's not get all dramatic.

 

Palin achieved what such luminaries as President Obama did not: a place in the Smithsonian's prestigious "Most Significant" list. 

And?

After being written off by many in the media, and especially the left, as "irrelevant" and predicted by MSNBC's Krystal Ball as "not going to have an effect on the [2014] midterms," Palin's record of success of her endorsed candidates was nothing short of phenomenal. Governor Palin endorsed 22 candidates for various offices during the midterm finals, including senators, governors, lieutenant governors, congressmen, and attorneys general.  Of those so endorsed, an incredible 20 were elected

Oh. And we're pretending that she had something to do with their success, is that it? She endorsed a bunch of Republicans in an off-year election in which Republicans won handily with extremely low turnout. So ipso facto, they won because of her. Obviously.  I mean, it's not like anyone else was endorsing these candidates, right?

Also, I think maybe it was these candidates who achieved something more than the person who "endorsed" them. I mean, it's like making me sportsman of the year because I rooted for the Giants and they won the World Series. 

Dammit, that shoulda been me!

Beyond the success of her endorsed candidates lies a much deeper reason for Palin being seen as "Achiever of the Year": those Palin endorsed in their respective primaries who then went on to win the general election battles.  As in the past with, among others, senators Ted Cruz, Kelly Ayotte, and Deb Fischer, and Governor Nikki Haley, who owe their elections in their primary campaigns to Palin's endorsement at a critical juncture, so too could new senators Ben Sasse and Joni Ernst, and new Alaska governor Bill Walker (and, remarkably, his Democrat lieutenant governor Byron Mallott) be considered to owe all or a substantial part of their nominations to Palin's endorsement. 

Really? Do you have any evidence that any of these politicians were helped by Palin's endorsement? Seriously, do you think the voters in these awful states were thinking, I'm not going to vote for this extremist right-wing nutjob. . .oh, wait. Palin's endorsing her? Well, the hog-castrator's got my vote!

You really think anything like that happened? Do you have any polling data to back that up? Any evidence at all?

 For all her detractors’ cries of "irrelevance" and "she's just a reality show entertainer" (those two being among the nicer epithets), Palin goes on, election cycle after election cycle, populating Congress with her endorsed candidates in a cost-effective manner, and in such numbers that the likes of Karl Rove with his 1% success rate can surely view only with hidden admiration, if not downright envy.

 

Wow. Okay, I'll give you that one. She's more relevant than Rove. Jeezus, who isn't these days?

In what is perhaps the most interesting aspect of Palin’s year of achievement, in instance after instance where Palin was ridiculed for a straightforward statement (e.g., "death panels" or the true history of Paul Revere), her most strident critics have agreed, in whole or in part, with her views. 

Well, now you're just lying. That's just a big fat lie. She was dead wrong (lying) about "death panels" and she was dead wrong (ignorant/stupid) about Paul Revere. Yes, I know someone did a bunch of mental gymnastics to come up with a way to say that she was technically not altogether wrong about Paul Revere, but yes she was. She was wrong. 

But, hey, you want to make her your "achiever" of the year? Go right ahead. It's no skin off my nose. Just know that everyone who reads your column is going to be laughing at you.

a

a

A random thing that just occurred to me

Imagine the horror of being Hamilton Burger.


(for those of you too young to know, he was the fictional district attorney who was bested each week by Perry Mason)

Just think for a moment what it must have been like for him. It's not bad enough that you lose every week. Every case. You're the Washington Generals of the legal profession. And every time you step into a courtroom to try a case you hear, "Perry Mason for the defense, your honor" and you think Jesus Christ, again? I mean what are the fucking odds? Is he stalking me? Does he somehow find out what cases I'm prosecuting and then contact that defendant and ask to represent him just to fuck with me? How can it possibly be him every god damned time? It's statistically impossible, but yet, there he is again! Does God hate me? I mean, it's got to be a nightmare going down to defeat week after week after week. . .

But that's nothing compared to the real weight you carry. After every one of those defeats, you have to be thinking "my God, I nearly sent an innocent man to the chair!" I have this enormous responsibility to ensure that the guilty are punished and the innocent are not and I came this close to costing an innocent man his life!

And the only reason that I don't have this innocent man's blood on my hands is that Perry Mason is so much better at lawyering than I am. My inability to secure a conviction is the only thing that keeps me from destroying the lives of innocent people. And next week I'm going to try another case and I have absolutely no reason to think that the defendant will not once again be an innocent man wrongly accused. I'm a monster. And my only saving grace is that I'm an incompetent monster.

I owe such an enormous debt of gratitude to the man that kicks my ass over and over again each week, he's the only thing preventing me from being a mass murderer.

How did he live with that? How does he go through life with that weighing on his conscience? It's unimaginable.

So next time you're having a rough day, next time you're feeling like you're not doing all the good you should be doing in the world, just think about poor Hamilton Burger. And thank your god that you aren't him.

How Not to Share Your Religion

Found at http://christiannightmares.tumblr.com/


Geez, where to begin with this guy?

Okay, first of all, you're not "witnessing." What you're doing is forcing some poor Taco Bell employee to shout out something uncomfortable while you smirk.
And what is it you think you're going to accomplish here? Do you envision the Taco Bell lady shouting "order of cinnamon craps for Jesus Christ is Lord" and someone looking up from his "taco" and saying "he is? He 's Lord? Well, get me to the church on time, for from this day forth I. Am. A. Christian! I know not what choices others may make, but as for me and my hose, we shall serve the Lord!"

Also, this isn't so much "witnessing" as it is blaspheming. If I were working at Taco Bell and someone asked me to address him as "Jesus Christ is Lord" and especially if the condescending prick talked to me like a parent encouraging a toddler "be sure to say it all loud so I can hear you all the way in back" I have to think my response would be something like "no, I will not say that, it would be incredibly disrespectful. I am not going to shout out 'I have an order of cinnaturds for Jesus Christ. I will also not call you "Allah," "Buddha," "Krishna," or "Lord Xenu." Well, no I take that back, I will refer to you as "Lord Xenu," in fact every time you come in here, I will shout out "nice to see you again, Lord Xenu!"

And also, too, if you're going to try to convert people to your religion, it's probably best not to act like a smug, smirking, self-impressed asshole. Just sayin'