Crankshaft

Crankshaft is technically a comic strip, although i have yet to find the "comic" part.
It's about a grumpy old man who is really grumpy, but deep down has a heart of gold which is also grumpy.

Here's a typical strip. It happens to be from July 3, and so Old Crankshaft is setting off fireworks! Oh, the hijinks that are bound to ensue! I can hardly wait!

See, it's funny because his neighbor got mad when Crankshaft shot fireworks into his yard. It's funny when people get angry for completely understandable reasons!

Later in July, Crankshaft fills in for his fiend driving an ice cream truck His friend's name is, get this, Rocky Rhodes! Where do they come up with this stuff?

It's funny because the old guy likes to look at pretty young women! And that's funny, because well, haven't we all known an old guy who was, you know, heterosexual?

Oh, Crankshaft, you'll never get any business that way! But maybe that's what you intended? Oh, ho, ho Crankshaft! You're incorrigible!

Ho, ho! No, it sure doesn't! You tell 'em Crankshaft!


Oh, Crankshaft, under that crusty exterior, you're just an old softy, aren't you?

CEOs Rate Obama!

Apparently, Yahoo News thinks we should give a damn what a bunch of scumbag CEOs think about Obama's first six months in office. So we get this.

CEOs Rate Obama's Performance

by Joseph Weber, Christopher Palmeri, and the BusinessWeek staff Monday, August 3, 2009

First up:

Angela F. Braly

CEO, WellPoint, the nation's biggest health insurer

Employers are struggling to provide health benefits while remaining competitive in the global economy and many Americans worry an illness will devastate their financial security.

Yeah, you know what could fix both of those problems? Getting rid of crooks like WellPoint and going to a Canadian-style system. Just a thought.

Both are already bearing the brunt of an existing cost shift to private insurers from Medicare and Medicaid. Unfortunately, many in Congress are proposing to shift the burden even further by expanding government-run health care.

Apparently, making a lick of sense is not a prerequisite for becoming a health care executive. If the burden is being shifted from Medicare & Medicaid to private insurers, wouldn't expanding government-run health care alleviate some of that burden? By Ms. Braly's logic, I might complain the the Giants organization puts too much emphasis on pitching and not enough on offense, and now they've made it worse by trading pitching prospects for quality hitters.

The President is doing the right thing by bringing in leaders from hospitals, physicians, nurses, employers, advocacy groups, and private insurers, among others. Only by working together will we be able to develop a sustainable solution for America's health care system.

Yes, he's definitely doing the right thing by bringing in Private Insurers to shit all over any chance of meaningful reform.

. . .Meanwhile, at the Hall of Justice,
















the Superfriends have shrewdly invited Lex Luthor and the Joker to join the fight against crime!

Next up, Michael Dell, who has promised to refer to himself with the royal "we" throughout his appearance here.

Michael S. Dell

Founder and CEO, Dell

There are some aspects of what is in the economic recovery act around broadband, healthcare, and IT spending that we think are good things. We're concerned, like many, that one word that seems to be missing from a lot of discussions is "competitiveness." How do all of these things make America more competitive? It's a word that should be used more in Washington.

Well done, Michael Dell! You are indeed a horse's ass!

Next up:

Mohamed El-Erian

CEO and co-chief investment officer of Pimco

I've never heard of "Pimco," so you are dismissed.

I said good day, sir!

Who else do we have?

Duncan L. Niederauer

CEO of NYSE Euronext, operator of the New York Stock Exchange

A place where I do not think they struck the right chord was on the tax proposal involving overseas earnings of multinational corporations headquartered in the U.S. The overwhelming view from that constituent group is that if that proposal were to go through, it would at best require a lot of U.S.-headquartered companies to eliminate jobs to reduce costs to make up for the increased tax burden.

Oh, no! If we have to pay taxes on our obscene profits after we've taken the time and effort to hide the money in the Caymans, well, I guess we'll have to fire a few people just to get our spirits back up.

I believe we have time for one more.

Donald J. Trump

CEO, the Trump Organization

Ah, Jeez, who the hell let Trump in here?

I would hire him.

Mm-hm, and how many bankruptcies have your businesses gone through again? Yeah, three. I thought so. So, see your endorsemsent - it's not really helping. Yeahhh. . . um could someone show Mr. Trump out? Thanks!

Worst Idea Ever

This came from Newsweek, which I'm pretty sure used to be a legitimate publication.

Stand In

Why Obama should make George W. Bush his Mideast envoy.

Wow! I don't think I could come with a stupider proposition on a bet. Why would someone think that this was a sane idea?

Peace Partners: Bush and Obama could play good-cop, bad-cop with Israel

By Gregory Levey | Newsweek Web Exclusive

Seriously?

They want Israel to stop expanding settlements; to stop building Jewish neighborhoods in East Jerusalem; and for hawks in the government to chill out while the U.S. is negotiating with Iran. And yet, odds are, they'll come back to Washington empty-handed, for reasons having to do as much with atmospherics as policy: Team Obama just doesn't have Israel's full trust.

But there is someone who does—someone who could use a job, someone who argued straightforwardly for a Palestinian state, and yet someone who has the implicit admiration and regard of Israel. President Obama needs a new envoy to the region who can get results—and George W. Bush is his man.

Of course, while Bush was in office, Isreal did all those things, but if he were a special Middle-east envoy, well sure, he could get them to stop.

Obama has ruffled feathers in Israel by calling for a halt to settlement growth and talking openly about an equitable fate for East Jerusalem, which both Israelis and Palestinians claim as their capital. He has elicited deeply felt unease about how much the American president can be trusted to safeguard Israel's basic security.

Why is it the American president's responsibility to safeguard Israel? Israel is 50 years old, shouldn't they be able to stand on their own two feet now? And maybe they wouldn't need so much protection from Uncle Sam if they weren't constantly building new settlements on other people's land, just saying.

But, as odd as it sounds, channeling Bush wouldn't be such a bad thing. To help get Israelis behind the new American president, it would behoove the White House to show more urgency on the Iranian threat—and to openly press Arab countries for their own concessions, such as more diplomatic relations with the Jewish state. Having collected political capital, it's time Obama began spending it.

Right, no need to spend political capital on health care, or fixing the economy, or repairing the nation's infrastructure. No, the top priority has to be getting Isrealis to like him. And this could be accomplished by sending the bumbling chimp as an envoy? Hey, Gregory Levey, stop writing. You've lost your having-your-viewpoint-heard privileges. Seriously, this is the stupidest idea I've heard since New Coke.

Mike Enzi has got Some Freakin' Balls!

When I first saw a headline with his name in it, I thought "Who the fuck is Mike Enzi?"

Well, as it turns out, he is one of three Republican senators working on bipartisan health-care legislation. So why is he suddenly so important?

Well, according to Bloomberg:

[Enzi] said he won’t agree to a plan before the Senate adjourns next week, setting back the measure’s progress even as it advanced in the House.

“The bill is not ready for prime time, so I don’t know of any way it can be completed today or next week or before the August break,” Senator Mike Enzi, a Wyoming Republican and member of the finance committee, told reporters after leaving a meeting of Republicans. “There’s a train wreck that’s going to happen” if Democrats keep pushing for faster results," he said.

Now that takes some balls, being in the minority party, to think you're going to dictate the timeline for legislation being pushed by the majority. But wait, it gets better!
This is from the senator's own web page:

“I will need to see complete language and a final estimate from the Congressional Budget Office before I can agree to any health care reform bill,” said Enzi

How is this little putz in any position to be making demands?

“I also need commitments from Senator Reid and Speaker Pelosi, as well as the Administration, that the bipartisan agreements reached in the Finance Committee will survive in a final bill that goes to the President.”

So not only are you going to try to dictate terms to the Senate majority leader, you're also going to strong-arm the speaker of the House and the Frickin' President? Where do you get the balls?
No way is the majiority leader going to let you push. . .oh, wait. It's Harry Reid. Yeah, you'll probably get everything you want. Never mind.

Would someone please explain to Harry Reid that he has the majority? He doesn't have to give the Republicans ANYTHING. It's nice to try and be "bi-partisan" and all, but I don't think Harry Reid has any idea what that means. Someone Please explain to him that bi-partisan means you have the other side in the room, listen to their suggestions, and if any of them seem good, you can even adopt one or two, but you don't just give them everything! Were you guys in the minority so long that you just roll over on everything out of force of habit?

Now I'm hearing that there may not even be a public option in the final bill. What a disgrace! Health care is one of the reasons the American electorate chose to put Democrats in the majority. So now we won't even get that? At least when republicans were running everything we had some hope of "someday, the other guys will win and they'll make things better." Now we don't even have that. Would someone please talk to Harry Reid? I can't talk to the guy. I can't even stand to look at him.

Glenn Beck is Not a Douche

A douche serves a useful purpose
and poses no real danger to anyone.























Beck, on the other hand, is more like a Giant dildo.





















A dildo this size:
It serves no useful purpose,
If you did try to make use of it, you'd only end up harming yourself,
And if someone saw it in your home, you'd be embarrassed.