Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Terrible Ad Campaigns

Coors Light.



First of all, This is just a bad product.
How desperate for a buzz would someone have to be to pour this unpleasant-tasting fluid into his mouth? But that's not even the point.

The marketing campaign. That's the point.

First off, they're going with the tagline "Cold as the Rockies?" Is anyone falling for this? Your "beer" is exactly the same temperature as any other brand in the cooler. If you leave it out it gets warm, just like any other beverage. Put it in the fridge, it gets cold. Same as any other beverage.

Is anyone seeing this and thinking "Gee, I do enjoy beverages that are cold, I guess I'll give this Coors Light a try--aw, crap! It's horrible!"

Then there's this astounding innovation:

http://www.coorslight.co.uk/uploads/2008/12/coors-light-thermo-6-sheet.jpg

The label turns blue so you know its cold. Seriously. This is what their R+D people spend their time coming up with. You know how everyone else tells whether their beer is cold? They TOUCH THE BOTTLE! It's really not that tricky. If the bottle feels cold, the liquid inside the bottle is probably also cold. So, I guess the target market for this campaign is people who are too stupid to figure out the "touching it" trick, actually believe that one brand of beer is colder than another, and have no taste buds.

Actually, yeah, that's probably going to be a pretty successful campaign. Good job, Coors.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Crazy Candidate of the Day

Today's crazy candidate is Colorado's Dan Maes.

http://blogs.denverpost.com/thespot/files/2010/02/danmaes1.jpg

What's so crazy about him? Oh, I don't know, how about this:

CO Tea Party candidate: Bike-sharing is a ‘well-disguised’ effort to turn Denver into a ‘United Nations community.’

No, really.

(from Think Progress)

Republican gubernatorial candidate Dan Maes is warning voters that Denver Mayor John Hickenlooper’s policies, particularly his efforts to boost bike riding, are “converting Denver into a United Nations community.”

“This is all very well-disguised, but it will be exposed,” Maes told about 50 supporters who showed up at a campaign rally last week in Centennial.

Maes said in a later interview that he once thought the mayor’s efforts to promote cycling and other environmental initiatives were harmless and well-meaning. Now he realizes “that’s exactly the attitude they want you to have.”

Oh My God! BICYCLES!!!!!


http://ridingpretty.com/blog_images/steampunkrobot.jpg

I'm frightened! Hold me!


Well, let's not be too hasty, maybe his words were taken out of context or something:

MAES: Well, the Denver Post article that you might have learned this from, it took a lot of comments out of context. The bike program in and of itself is fine. I’m a biker, I rode the seat off my mountain bike last year myself.

Okay, see, he's probably not that nuts.


But what we’re concerned about is this is just one piece of a larger UN program titled ICLEI, communities for sustainability. . . So the bike program isn’t in and of itself bad. What I’m concerned is what’s behind it all.

http://www-personal.umich.edu/~graceyor/un60/unflag.gif

Dum-Da-Dummmmmm!!!!!!!

We’re trying to differentiate myself from the mayor. If I win the primary and when I win the primary tomorrow, people are going to say what the difference is. We’re both business people. When a mayor signs onto a program sponsored by the United Nations, that should bring concern to people as to how the program may or may not be compatible with our state constitution.

And apparently, this guy has a chance to win tonight. What the hell, Colorado? Tired of Minnesota getting all the attention?

http://graphics8.nytimes.com/images/blogs/greeninc/bachmann2.jpg




Monday, August 9, 2010

Cute Animals Explain The Family Circus

First Slide, Please.


http://www.peteykins.com/sparklepics4/FamilyCircus020608.jpg



See, it's funny because kids don't always know the right word for things!

Family Circus Cartoon for 08/01/2010

It's Funny Because All His Hard Work Got Ruined!


Family Circus Cartoon for 08/09/2010

It's Funny When Children Hurt Each Other!


Family Circus Cartoon for 07/11/2010

It's Funny Because Little Kids Aren't Good At Doing Simple Things!

Family Circus 7-21-2007

What the Hell? They're watching a show about street signs?

https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjiYmgPtl_xkw7k4WAPcYhWNLZtD-i8_goHKy-eWx-CXrQKyqMKu6w3I184K4YaZ6SxDWJrvAhOFFQIglTs9YEgrFFWhXOvtSd3kdmJ7NgfBVulNoKvvAVjhgB8BvbQda6wfVn_un511vPG/s400/Family_Circus.gif

It's Not Funny! It's Just Terrible!   I want nothing to do with this!

http://bigredsicecream.com/images/Family_Circus%20Cotton%20Candy.gif

Goddammit, I'm Serious! It's Not Funny! Leave Me Out Of This!

http://ldc.upenn.edu/myl/llog/FamCirc1.jpg

That's It! I'm Outta Here! Get my Agent on the Phone! This is Bullshit!

Another Celebrity Endorsement!



http://www.dur.ac.uk/assassins.society/images/guild/atia.jpg

Hail, citizen. Atia of the Julii, here.

When I'm not plotting, scheming, backstabbing and screwing my way through the nobility of Rome, I enjoy reading Irritatum Dailius.

It is the finest amusement in all the Empire!

Friday, August 6, 2010

The AFA sends me things

I get e-mails from the American Family Association from time to time. They generally range from the unintentionally humorous to the outrageously offensive. So this latest was not at all unexpected:



PRESS RELEASE
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Contact: Cindy Roberts
August 4, 2010
AFA condemns marriage ruling tyrannical, abusive and unconstitutional

I would like to at this time condemn your tyrannical abuse of English Syntax, but that's not really germane to the matter at hand. Seriously, though - is that supposed to be a sentence? You would think that the person whose job it is to write press releases would have a working knowledge of sentence structure. Maybe at least a high-school level of competency in English composition. But anyway. . .


Statement from Tim Wildmon, president of the American Family Association, in response to Judge Vaughn Walker’s ruling overturning California’s marriage amendment, also known as Prop 8:

“This is a tyrannical, abusive and utterly unconstitutional display of judicial arrogance. Judge Walker has turned ‘We the People’ into ‘I the Judge.’

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2551/4007391756_ebeb037d35.jpg

Honest to God, Timmy, you people just have no idea how our system works. We have here in America what is known as a Constitutional Republic. It's not set up to be a direct democracy. We have rules set up in a little document that you people pretend to love called the "Constitution." And one of those rules is that if a law gets made and someone thinks it may be in violation of the Constitution, there are courts and judges whose job it is to examine that law and decide whether or not it is allowed by the Constitution. That's how the Founding Fathers set things up. It's called "Judicial Review," and you should have learned about it in school.

And if the courts decide that your little hate law is in violation to the Constitution, but you still really, really want to have your little hate law, there is a mechanism in place to ammend the Constitution so that your law will comply with it. You could change it to say "equal protection under the law except for people that I think are gross."

“It’s also extremely problematic that Judge Walker is a practicing homosexual himself. He should have recused himself from this case, because his judgment is clearly compromised by his own sexual proclivity."


Yes, only a heterosexual judge would be un-biased in deciding whether heterosexuals should have more rights than homosexuals.

http://i.ytimg.com/vi/dLplQWB2S_8/0.jpg
The fundamental issue here is whether homosexual conduct, with all its physical and psychological risks, should be promoted and endorsed by society.


How is that the fundamental issue? I mean, seriously, the fact that you and your fellow nutjobs imagine that there are imaginary "physical and psychological risks" inherent in homosexual conduct should not have any bearing on anything. I happen to think that there are serious psychological risks in living your life as a repressed, hate-fueled, bigoted, self-righteous prig, but I certainly recognize your right to choose that lifestyle.

http://paxarcana.files.wordpress.com/2008/04/bigot.jpg

And why are you people always so afraid that gayness is going to be "promoted and endorsed" by some entity or other. Do you really think that if the gay people come up with a clever enough marketing campaign young hetero people will find themselves talked into switching teams? Society has been promoting and endorsing hetero relations forever, but somehow the gay people remain unconverted. Shouldn't that tell you that it is impossible to convince someone to change their sexual orientation?

That’s why the people and elected officials accountable to the people should be setting marriage policy, not a black-robed tyrant whose own lifestyle choices make it impossible to believe he could be impartial.

“His situation is no different than a judge who owns a porn studio being asked to rule on an anti-pornography statute. He’d have to recuse himself on conflict of interest grounds, and Judge Walker should have done that.

Or, it's no different than a judge who is, say, a Christian being asked to rule on a separation of church and state case. A Christian judge would have to recuse himself, he couldn't possibly be impartial.

Or the next time there's a group of, say, firefighters bringing a reverse-discrimination case, obviously all the white judges would have to be disqualified! I'm just using your logic.

“The Constitution says judges hold office ‘during good Behavior.’ Well, this ruling is bad behavior - in fact, it’s very, very bad behavior

I might go so far as to say that this ruling was very very VERY bad behavior! Although the term "bad behavior" is obviously subjective, obviously a matter of opinion, so I wouldn't be so stupid as to use the phrase "in fact" in my assessment, since no behavior can ever be good or bad as a matter of "fact," only in the judgment of the observer, but don't let that get in the way of a pompous rant.

- in fact, it’s very, very bad behavior - and we call on all members of the House of Representatives who respect the Constitution to launch impeachment proceedings against this judge.”

Yes, if you respect the Constitution, you must impeach any judge who performs his duties as laid out in the Constitution. Obviously, following the rules of the Constitution is unconstitutional!


https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLXSUsHl08B8fTEikAptMkTSZGy7DWOb6VAHvMksGekA85N8xqpSFWad5Otynu_RxfqgGNtF4eUTohV7HdRKxh9tL0MnpvPvkfwkFXVZx5ME8WgLeM8t05jquB0ITKojMmNk11lq3hp_Q/s320/BIGOT!!!.jpg