Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Oh, For the love of God, Will You Please Just Get it Over With!

I swear to God, if I hear one more thing about this fucking royal wedding, I'm going to go mental.

http://www.techdigest.tv/royal-couple.jpg

Why is it that whenever this stupid, inbred, useless family does anything, the US press has to go gaga over them?

Maybe the English have some sort of good reason to cherish the royals, I guess they have some sort of significance to them, I haven't spent much time in England, I don't know, but we live in America. America. The country founded on the principle of "Fuck Royalty." We had a war so that we wouldn't have to put up with kings and queens, but every time there's news about the royals, we have to pretend that we give a shit about these people?

They do nothing, you know. They have no power, no responsibilities, no authority and really no accomplishments past perfecting the sideways half-assed dismissive royal wave. Although "perfected" is not exactly right, because nobody did the royal wave better than Sadam Hussein. Say what you want about Sadam, the man could wave. That man expressed more power with a turn of the wrist than, I don't know, someoneelse making some other hand gesture, the point is, Sadam was the master of the royal wave. You saw that wave, and you were ready to pledge your loyalty to that man!


http://i.cdn.hbo.com/assets/images/movies/house-of-saddam/house-of-saddam-1024.jpg
Anyway, I just wish they would have the damn wedding and be done with it, and we can go back to being America again.

Monday, April 25, 2011

What Websites Would Jesus Surf?

David Barton, the "historian" whom Mike Huckabee said he would like to force people to listen to at gunpoint, knows what Jesus would think about net neutrality. Forget about the fact that the only nets that existed in Jesus' day were for catching fish, it's pretty clear what Jesus's opinion would be.

David Barton: But we talk about it [net neutrality] today because it is a principle of free market. That’s a Biblical principle, that’s a historical principle, we have all these quotes from Ben Franklin, and Jefferson and Washington and others on free market and how important that is to maintain. That is part of the reason we have prosperity. This is what the Pilgrims brought in, the Puritans brought in, this is free market mentality. Net Neutrality sounds really good, but it is socialism on the Internet. 

The Pilgrims? The Puritans? Haven't we always been told that they came to this land seeking religious freedom? You're saying now they came to bring free markets? Did the concept of free markets even exist in the 16th Century? "Wealth of Nations" didn't even come out until 1776. And the colonies certainly didn't operate in a free market system. They were part of Brittain and thus subject to the crown's mercantilism.

And how is the free market a biblical principle?There's no freedom  in the Bible. In the Old Testament, Israel exists as a theocracy, then as a monarchy. In the New Testament, Israel is under the thumb of the Roman Empire. When was there ever a "Free Market" in the Bible?

David Barton: This is the Fairness Doctrine applied to the Internet, and I’ll go back to what I believed for a long time is: fair is a word no Christian should ever use in their vocabulary. Fair has nothing to do with anything. What you want is justice, you don’t want fairness. Fairness is subjective, what I think is fair, what you think, what happened to Jesus wasn’t fair. That’s right, but we needed justice so God did that for us.

Um, what? First of all, I'm pretty sure that justice is just as subjective as fairness. In some places, it's considered justice to behead the infidel. In other places, it's apparently considered justice to hold a man in solitary confinement for months at a time if he is suspected of giving away secret information. Justice is always subjective. Slavery used to be considered just, now not so much.

Secondly, how is it justice to punish the one person who didn't do anything wrong in order to forgive all the people who did do wrong things? It definitely doesn't sound fair, and I don't see how you can say that that constitutes "justice." Also, what does any of that have to do with Net Neutrality?

See, you said it's "the fairness doctrine" and then said that fairness is somehow bad. I could say it's the "ice cream policy applied to the internet" and then say that ice cream is good and that would be just a legitimate an argument. More so, really, because ice cream actually is good.
http://www.thismodernworld.com/weblog/images/icecream.jpg 

David Barton: This is really, I’m going to use the word wicked stuff, and I don’t use that word very often, but this is wicked stuff. 

This is idiotic. I don't use that word very often, but this is idiotic stuff.


"I mean, this is crazy stuff," Barton said. "This is redistribution of wealth through the Internet and it really is redistribution. This is socialism on the Internet."

Good point. Other than the fact that no wealth is being redistributed and it has nothing to do with socialism, Other than that, though, spot on!

By the way, the Bible seems to kinda like the whole socialism thing:
Remember this verse?
“When you gather the grapes of your vineyard, do not glean what is left; it shall be for the alien, the orphan, and the widow” (Deuteronomy 24: 21)
That's God redistributing your grapes.
Or this verse?
"During the seventh year, let the land lie unplowed and unused. Then the poor among your people may get food from it, and the wild animals may eat what they leave. Do the same with your vineyard and your olive grove." (Exodus 23:11)

That's God redistributing your land once every seven years.
"When you reap the harvest of your land, do not reap to the very edges of your field or gather the gleanings of your harvest. Leave them for the poor and the alien. I am the LORD your God." (Leviticus 23:22)
That's God redistributing your crops.
 "At the end of every three years, bring all the tithes of that year's produce and store it in your towns, so that the Levites (who have no allotment or inheritance of their own) and the aliens, the fatherless and the widows who live in your towns may come and eat and be satisfied." (Deuteronomy 14:28-29)
That's God redistributing your food.

So honestly, I can't see how you can say that the Bible opposes "socialism" and favors "free markets."

Well, this is going to ruin "Wait,Wait, Don't Tell Me!" for me

For some reason, advice columnist Amy Dickinson was featured in a panel discussion about media bias.
Apparently, she's just horrified at how "left-leaning" MSNBC has become, but she has no problem with FOX.
Also, she listens to Glenn Beck and Rush Limbaugh daily and she thinks it's kinda sad that when Glenn or Rush make up a stupid untrue story, it takes "literally days" before the mainstream media decides to join in.






Also, Mary Matalin tells us a lot about herself when she says that she loves listening to NPR but hates having to pay for it.

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Mudcaturday

Danny "Mudcat" Dudek Live at the Northside Tavern in Atlanta,
just down the street from the Chaos Compound



And appearing at the WRFG Festival in 2009




For more Mudcat, visit Cafe' Chaos

https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5wXzl_tgnZ6QJrjfAJ882FqAmfOohmTpXORGqlA0kdC1ydWCaWgCDp-Mz44I8fNpI-yWhPHYMVxg797nYBs69XKfTiADfM0yt2FEWY-Cr_UVbJKUjqps8F514KLFjc25swURXDJkI9wMF/s400/IMGP3662.jpg

Please, No More!

Activia:
Please no more poop yogurt commercials. We get it. Your yogurt makes people poop. Do we really have to be subjected to the idea that women sit around talking about poop with their friends all day? Or do women really do that when us fellas aren't around? Oh, good no boys - let's talk about poop!

http://www.visit4info.com/sitecontent/LG/fullZZZZZZTVC071013095813PIC.jpg 
I'm pooping right now!

And jeezus, Jamie Lee Curtis! What the hell are you doing pimping poop yogurt? You're a successful actress. You have a career, or you did before these ads started. Now you're just the talkin' 'bout poopin' lady.

http://media.cleveland.com/consumeraffairs/photo/-c73d584c23ac48ce.jpg  
You know, now I can never watch "Halloween" or "Trading Places" without thinking "Oh, hey it's the poop lady!" I don't want to think that.

http://www.thedevilsdemons.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/10/halloweenh20a.jpg 

Micheal! I'm trying to poop in here!

Also, do we need the arrow?

http://cdn-www.cracked.com/phpimages/article/7/4/3/20743.jpg?v=1 

That's just gross! And unnecessary. We know what direction food travels. You don't need to illustrate it for us. 

http://cdn-www.cracked.com/phpimages/article/7/4/2/20742.jpg?v=1 
Step one: Food is jumble up in stomach.

http://consumerist.com/activia.JPG

Step two: Eat poop yogurt
(maniacal grin optional)

http://cdn-www.cracked.com/phpimages/article/7/4/3/20743.jpg?v=1 
Step three: Food heads for butt!

Gross! Please, Activia, no more! I'm begging you.