Goddammit, Weiner!

 

Do you have any idea what you've done? Sure, you may have torpedoed your own political career, and, if your beard wife  has any backbone, destroyed your marriage, but that's nothing. Who cares about your stupid career? Do you know what you have done? 

We were finally getting to the point where Andrew "the angriest turd" Breitbart could be dismissed out of hand. Even the incredibly gullible corporate media had to be starting to have some reservations about this shitbag's utter lack of credibility and decency. And then you go and PROVE HIM RIGHT? You idiot!

Now, for the rest of his scum-sucking life, any time Breitbart comes out with one of his vile and vicious slanders, people are going to say "well, he was right about Weiner!"

It's like when Drudge turned out to be right about the blue dress. No one remembers all the times he's been dead wrong, they remember the fucking dress. Now, no one is going to remember that the ACORN smear was a malicious libel, and the Shirley Sherrod defamation was a savage fraud, and the NPR hit piece was a malevolent distortion. They'll just remember "he was right about Weiner!" Way to go, genius! What the hell were you thinking anyway? Why would you send pictures. . .

. . .Oh. I see. 

I guess if I were someone with a public image like this:

  

I could see where I might really really want people to know about this:

But still.

I'd probably just let this picture speak for itself:

I could go the rest of my life without staying at a Bed and Breakfast ever again.

Over the weekend, Team Chaos visited the Ocoee River in Southern Tennessee. As the hour was getting late, we tried to book a hotel room, but for some reason, every hotel we called was booked up. Except one. This one place with available rooms turned out to be a very pleasant B&B in Blue Ridge, GA - just across the GA/TN border.

I can not for the life of me understand why anyone chooses to stay at a B&B. Because, A: I just want to pay the fee and go to my room. I don't want to know how long you've owned the place. I don't care that each rtoom has its own unique decor. I don't want your fucking life story. I just want to go to the room, watch TV and fall asleep. But at a B&B, that's just too much to ask.

Staying at a B&B is like being a guest in someone's home, which is fine if that someone is a friend or relative, but really uncomfortable if that person is a complete stranger. And when that complete stranger's wife is cooking you breakfast while you are forced to share a table making awkward small talk with other strangers, how could anyone be comfortable? And of course, the couple who own the place are very nice. And the other strangers at the breakfast table were perfectly nice, too, but that doesn't mean I want to chit-chat with people whom I will never see again before the caffeine kicks in. I don't get the appeal. It's not like you're going to be making friends with these people. The one couple is going back to Florida, and the other is going back to some little town I've never heard of in South GA, and none of us will ever see or hear from each other again, so the awkwardness is really for nothing.

And when the lady of the house and her daughter are cooking and serving breakfast, it's a little uncomfortable to say, "I'd like un-sweet tea*" knowing that they are going to have to go into the kitchen and make it specially for you. You feel like a jerk. I'll take a regular hotel any day.

*  For those of you outside of Georgia, there are two kinds of iced tea -- Sweet and "un-sweet." "Un-sweet" is what is known in California as "iced tea." It's made of water and tea bags. Sweet tea is made by boiling sugar and water together until the water becomes super-saturated with sugar, then brewing tea with the water/sugar solution. Yes, it's very tasty, but after one sip, your teeth hurt, and by the end of a glass you're diabetic.

Fun With the Wall Street Journal

Someone left a copy of the Wall Street Journal lying around at Chic-Fil-A the other day, and since I had nothing else to read, I decided to flip through it.

 

Dude, I am so sorry!

The first item I see is this:

Sociology and Other 'Meathead' Majors

By Harvey mansfield
 
Okay, so this guy doesn't like sociology. So what's his criticism of this field?
 

 That great American democrat Archie Bunker used to call his son-in-law "Meathead" for his fatuous opinions, and Meathead was a graduate student in sociology.

No, really.

Really?

That's really part of your argument against sociology? That a character on a TV show used to make fun of another character on that TV show? A TV show, by the way, the point of which you seem to have missed entirely. The whole joke is that Archie is generally wrong about everything because he is narrow-minded and prejudiced, and My God, have you ever seen All in the Family?

Archie also used to call his son-in-law a "dumb Polack." Should we use this to build an argument against Poles?

Part of the problem is the political correctness responsible for "Gender Studies," a politicized major that has its little echoes in many other departments, and that never fails to mislead.

 

When they said we were going to get to study women. . .

Well, I call that misleading!

 

More fundamental, however, is the division within the university today, in America and everywhere, between science and the humanities. Science deals with facts but the humanities also have to deal with values. This is where the problem of bad choices arises. We think that one can have knowledge of fact but not of values—the famous "fact/value" distinction.

The distinction so famous, you'ver never heard of it!


Science has knowledge of fact, and this makes it rigorous and hard.





The humanities have their facts bent or biased by values, and this makes them lax and soft.






This fact—or is it a value?—gives confidence and reputation to scientists within the university. Everyone respects them, and though science is modest because there is always more to learn, scientists sometimes strut and often make claims for extra resources. Some of the rest of us glumly concede their superiority and try to sell our dubious wares in the street, like gypsies. We are the humanists.



Wait. You're not in one of the "hard sciences?"

 

Please! No more boner jokes!

.



Mr. Mansfield, a professor of government at Harvard, is also a senior fellow of Stanford's Hoover Institution.

Government? A professor of government? Jeezus Christ, you're a social scientist! How is government any more hard or ridgid or. . .

. . .than sociology?

Just as Gender Studies taints the whole university with its sexless fantasies, so economists infect their neighbors with the imitation science they peddle. (Game theorists, I'm talking about you.)

Okay, I'm a little confused. How can the study of gender be "sexless?"
And if it's "sexless," how is it a fantasy?

Also:

 

Heeheeheee, you said "taint!"



Now the belief that there can be no knowledge of values means that all values are equally unsupported, which means that in the university all departments are equal. All courses are also equal; no requirements can be justified as fundamental or more important. Choice is king, except that there can be no king.

So quit mocking the Government Department, you asshole scientists!

Know How I Know?

 1) Know how I know that Anthony Weiner is innocent?

Because Andrew Breitbart is involved.

In the same way that if Hugh Heffner is involved with something, it's going to involve naked women, if Andrew Breitbart is involved, it's a dishonest slander. Not that that's going to keep CNN from having him on and pretending he hasn't been shown over and over again to be a baldfaced liar. Damn liberal media!




Honest to God, how does the coversation in the newsroom not go something like:
"Hey, a congressman is involved in some sort of dong-related scandal!"

"Oh, that could be big news, who's the source?"

"Oh, it's Breitbart, never mind."

You might as well report stories form The Onion. At least there's an off-chance that they might accidentally be true.
But no, you bring this pile of sleaze onto your show to spout even more scurrilous allegations about Rep. Weiner supposedly having "relationships with young women?"

Also: This guy?


This guy is getting lots of young women? This guy? Really?

2) Know how I know that Gov. Rick Perry has ZERO chance of ever being president?

Because Bill Kristol thinks he would be "formidable."



Remember the last wingnut governor that Kristol thought would be a powerful national political force?



How'd that work out again?

 

Oy. Don't remind me!

Oh, and also this:

“If [Hillary Clinton] gets a race against John Edwards and Barack Obama, she’s going to be the nominee. Gore is the only threat to her, then. … Barack Obama is not going to beat Hillary Clinton in a single Democratic primary. I’ll predict that right now.” —William Kristol, Fox News Sunday, Dec. 17, 2006

So, even if Gov. Perry hadn't flirted with the idea of secession, even if he hadn't done this:

Texas, which may balance its budget by firing thousands of teachers, plans to commit $25 million in state funds to Formula One auto racing each year for a decade.

Even if he didn't look like this:




He would still have no chance just because the laws of nature dictate that anything coming from the mouth of William Kristol is necessarily  going to be incorrect. If God Himself had planned on making Rick Perry president, he would have to change his plans after hearing William Kristol put his stink on Perry.

 

Kristol said "formidable?"

Augh, now I have to send Perry to a crushing, humiliating defeat!

Four Things I Missed in the Last Few Days

1. Eric Cantor pulls into the lead for biggest asshole in the Congress.

“When a family is struck with tragedy — like the family of Joplin … let’s say if they had $10,000 set aside to do something else with, to buy a new car … and then they were struck with a sick member of the family or something, and needed to take that money to apply it to that, that’s what they would do, because families don’t have unlimited money. And, really, neither does the federal government,” Mr. Cantor said.

So if you want to help out the folks whose homes were destroyed, that spending has to be offset with cuts somewhere else. Okay, that might make sense in a horrible way, I guess. But it makes a little less sense when you consider that Cantor never demanded offsets for the Bush Tax Cuts, the Iraq War, the Medicare prescription drug boondoggle, or any of the other crap that added to the defecit over the last 10 years. But helping disaster victims, well that frivolous expenditure will have to be offset. What an asshole. Almost as big an asshole as. . .

2. Mayor Jack Scott, mayor of Cordova, AL who won't allow FEMA trailers in his town.

 

(Artist's Rendition)

 Ala. town hit by tornadoes bans FEMA trailers

By JAY REEVES, Associated Press Jay Reeves, Associated Press – Sun May 29, 7:40 pm ET



CORDOVA, Ala. – James Ruston's house was knocked off its foundation by tornadoes that barreled through town last month and is still uninhabitable. He thought help had finally arrived when a truck pulled up to his property with a mobile home from the Federal Emergency Management Agency.

Then he got the call: Single-wide mobile homes, like the FEMA one, are illegal in the city of Cordova.

Obviously, this is just a formality, and there will be a waiver issued right away, because. . .wait, really?

Scott has heard all the complaints, and he isn't apologizing. He said he doesn't want run-down mobile homes parked all over town years from now.


"I don't feel guilty," he said. "I can look anyone in the eye.

Jeezus, you know it's Alabama, right? Show me a town in Alabama that doesn't have run-down mobile homes parked all over town.

Residents whose homes were destroyed assumed they would be able to live in one of the hundreds of long, skinny mobile homes that FEMA is providing as temporary housing for tornado victims. After all, the Cordova Police Department, a pharmacy, a bank and City Hall all have moved into similar trailers since the storm.


But the city enacted a law three years ago that bans the type of mobile homes provided by FEMA, called single-wide trailers. Older single-wide mobile homes were grandfathered in under the law and double-wide mobile homes are still allowed, Scott said, but new single-wides aren't allowed and a tornado isn't any reason to change the law, even temporarily.

 
Actually, that is exactly a reason to change the law. Which, honestly is a dick law to begin with. How do you have a law banning single-wide trailers? A law that basically says "there's a limit to how poor you're allowed to be in this town. The people who can afford a double-wide are the absolute limit of poorness we're going to allow. We don't want any of those single-wide white trash in our town!"
And it's apparently OK for a bank or a pharmacy or City Hall to move into one of these trailers, it's just people who aren't allowed this kind of relief. What a fucking scumbag! At least as big a scumbag as. . .


3. Pat Boone, who had this to say about Paul Ryan's plan to end Medicare:

Our country needs leadership over politics.  On behalf of the 60 Plus Association, I commend those individuals who have voted for and continue to support the Medicare-saving reforms proposed by Rep. Ryan.

Of course, calling the end-Medicare plan "Medicare-Saving Reforms" is a completely blatant attempt to  misrepresent, mislead and misinform, or am I misunderstanding something here?

“Harry Reid and his cohorts are not fooling seniors with the ‘Medi- scare‘ tactics. Rep. Ryan’s budget will not end Medicare. Instead, it will preserve the offerings of this program for our children and grandchildren. When they controlled Washington, Democrats, led by President Obama, failed to address the solvency issue of Medicare. And they’re still refusing to address the issue. Their ’solution’ is to wait for others to propose a plan – and then misrepresent and attack it.

 Ooooh, Oh I see. It's the people pointing out your lies who are the real liars. Got it.

 This senior isn’t going to take it. I’m going to lace up my white shoes and spread the news far and wide that this administration is trying to mislead and scare seniors.

Ha! remember how I used to wear those white shoes? Boy, those were the days, huh? I used to make a living turning rock and roll songs into acceptable white music! Wasn't that awsome!

No, no it wasn't. You were a sorry prick then and you're a sorry prick now. You would almost be the sorriest prick in the world of showbiz this week it it weren't for. . .

4. Peter Fonda, who was apparently envious of all the negative publicity sister Jane has gotten over the years.

  

Well, my skin is certainly crawling!

Cannes 2011: Peter Fonda encourages his grandchildren to take up arms against President Barack Obama

Peter Fonda, the star of Easy Rider, says he is training his grandchildren to use rifles for a conflict with President Barack Obama.

 

Gee, now that peace sign feels a little insincere!

Peter Fonda, the star of Easy Rider, suggested to Mandrake that he was encouraging his grandchildren to shoot President Barack Obama.

“I’m training my grandchildren to use long-range rifles,” said the actor, 71. “For what purpose? Well, I’m not going to say the words 'Barack Obama’, but …”

Holy God! Isn't illegal to threaten to shoot the president? And isn't it even illegaler to train your own squad of assassins? Isn't this worse than whatever it is Jane did?

Okay, no. This is worse.

He added, enigmatically: “It’s more of a thought process than an actuality, but we are heading for a major conflict between the haves and the have nots. I came here many years ago with a biker movie and we stopped a war. Now, it’s about starting the world.

Yes. That's exactly what happened. You and Dennis Hopper made a dumb movie about motorcycle-riding drug traffickers and the Vietnam War ended. Yes, Easy Rider, that was really the deciding factor.

 

This ended the Iran Hostage Crisis!

"I sent an email to President Obama saying, 'You are a f(expletive) traitor,' using those words... 'You're a traitor, you allowed foreign boots on our soil telling our military -- in this case the coastguard -- what they can and could not do, and telling us, the citizens of the United States, what we could or could not do'."

Ah, I see. So you are also insane as well as being a huge asshole. Good to know.