Thursday, July 18, 2013

The most pathetic, ridiculous person in the World!


Remember Suzanne Venker?


I think she's the granddaughter or niece or something of part-time harpy and full-time H.P. Lovecraft character Phyllis Schlafly. When last I was aware of her existence, she was writing about the "War on Men" which frightened me a little until I realized that her extreme depths of self-loathing had simply driven her stark mad and of course there was no such war.

PHEW!

Anyway, she's Ba-aaaack!!



And more ridiculous than ever.

Men -- the new second class citizens


And, yes, she's dead serious.

Men are now second-class citizens. And she's got proof!

The most obvious proof is male bashing in the media. It is rampant and irrefutable.

Irrefutable! Odd that something which is obviously a matter of opinion could be considered irrefutable. Also, something which could be easily refuted, but I'm just going to assume that irrefutable is just not a word that she really knows.

What I don't know could fill a dictionary!

It is rampant and irrefutable. From sit-coms and commercials that portray dad as an idiot to biased news reports about the state of American men, males are pounced on left and right. And that’s just the beginning.


Also the end! 
You know, I will readily concede that a lot of sit-coms and commercials portray dads as bumbling oafs, and that is kind of annoying, although more annoying as lazy writing than as any kind of actual harm being cause to anyone, but I would submit that for every sit-com husband portrayed as a n incompetent boob there is a sit-com wife portrayed as a bitchy shrew, so I'm not sure that either gender really comes out ahead in that equation.

 
Never mind, we have a winner!
 


The war on men actually begins in grade school, where boys are at a distinct disadvantage. Not only are curriculums centered on girls’, rather than boys,’ interests, the emphasis in these grades is on sitting still at a desk.


Okay, first of all, the plural of curriculum is curricula, which I would think you would know had the grade school you attended been so totally focused on the interests of girls. Also, I had no idea that girls were so interested in readin' writin' and 'rithmetic. The girls I knew in grade school were more interested in playing kickball at recess and going home to watch cartoons, same as the boys, but I guess times have changed. Also, are you saying that sitting still at a desk is something that only girls are good at?


Plus, many schools have eliminated recess.


Which I thought was a result of budget cuts, but I guess it could be part of the vast anti-boy conspiracy?

many schools have eliminated recess. Such an environment is unhealthy for boys, for they are active by nature and need to run around.


Um, have you ever met any girls? they run around all the time. I know my nieces sure as hell did when they were little. You know, it's not usually girls that have to be pried away from World of Warcraft and Cool Ranch Doritos to be forced to spend one goddamm minute out in the fresh air and sunshine.

 
So active by nature!
 

they are active by nature and need to run around. And when they can’t sit still teachers and administrators often wrongly attribute their restlessness to ADD or ADHD. The message is clear: boys are just unruly girls.


Um, that may be the least clear message I have ever heard. How are boys unruly girls? If girls become unruly enough, do they become boys? Do ADHD medications turn boys into girls?

 
 
 
Things are no better in college. There, young men face the perils of Title IX, the 1972 law designed to ban sex discrimination in all educational programs. 


Um, I went to college in the late '80's. And most of the '90's. (I wasn't the best student), and I don't remember facing any peril of any kind, certainly not from Title IX. I somehow managed to get through my entire college career on several campuses without ever being put in peril by the women's basketball team.


Under Title IX, the ratio of female athletes is supposed to match the ratio of female students. So if not enough women sign up for, say, wrestling and ice hockey, well then: no more wrestling and ice hockey. 


Okay, let's pretend that that's how Title IX works, since you clearly have no idea how it does work, is that really what you consider "peril?" Really? 'Peril?" The University cancels ice hockey? Oh, no! How will men survive? I mean, you do know what peril means, right?

 

Definition of PERIL

1 : exposure to the risk of being injured, destroyed, or lost : danger peril


 Anyway, up to this point, Venker's article is really just silly. But fasten your safety belts, it's about to get horrifying:

Title IX is also abused when it comes to sex. In 1977, a group of women at Yale used Title IX to claim sexual harassment and violence constitute discrimination against women
.

Wait. Sexual harassment and violence DON"T constitute discrimination? I mean, I guess you could say that discrimination is not strong enough a word to describe sexual harassment and violence, but I'm going to go ahead and guess that that's not what you mean.

Genuine harassment and violence should be punishable offenses, obviously.

Whoa! Whoa! What are you trying to do, get fired by FOX?

Genuine harassment and violence should be punishable offenses, obviously. But the college campus is a breeding ground for sexual activity, which makes determining wrongdoing (and using Title IX to prove it) extremely difficult.

Actually, it's pretty easy to determine wrongdoing. In the real world where the rest of us live, it's incredibly easy to distinguish between, say, consensual and non-consensual sexual contact. If you're having difficulty, just find a normal person and ask her.

Sexual misconduct does not necessarily constitute harassment—and women have as much of a role to play as men do.


Oh, wait. I get it now. You're one of those people. Those people who consider any non-,marital, non-procreative sexy funtimes "sexual misconduct." So for you, I guess it would be difficult to assess who is to blame for a consensual hook-up. It's just that the rest of us don't see a need to assign any "blame" for a consensual encounter. For non-consensual sex, assigning blame is really really easy.

Here again men are in an impossible situation, for there’s an unspoken commandment when it comes to sex in America: thou shalt never blame the woman. If you’re a man who’s sexually involved with a woman and something goes wrong, it’s your fault. Simple as that.


Um, are you at all familiar with the internet? Because if you are, may IO recommend that you go to any news story that concerns abortion, contraception, or sex at all and scroll through the comments. See how long it takes you to find the "stupid slut should have kept her legs shut" section. Should take about 7 seconds, especially at your employers' site.

Also, what kind of a sick fuck refers to rape or sexual assault as "something goes wrong?"

Now I'm sure you're probably all thinking at this point that Venker has hit rock bottom. Keep digging!

When men become husbands and fathers, things get really bad. In family courts throughout America, men are routinely stripped of their rights and due process. The Violence Against Women Act (VAWA) is easily used against them since its definition of violence is so broad that virtually any conflict between partners can be considered abuse.




You just. . . You think you've heard everything. . .and then. . . Oh my God!

If a woman gets angry for any reason, she can simply accuse a man and men are just assumed guilty in our society,” notes Dr. Helen Smith, author of the new book, "Men on Strike." This is particularly heinous since, as Smith adds, violence in domestic relations “is almost 50% from men and 50% from women.”


Who the fuck is Helen Smith? How are there two of these women? I would have thought you'd be hard pressed to find ONE woman to be an apologist for domestic violence. There are TWO?  I am shocked!

Shocked? If so, that’s in part because the media don’t believe men can be victims of domestic violence—so they don’t report it. They would rather feed off stories that paint women as victims. And in so doing, they’ve convinced America there’s a war on women.

Oh my God!

And sure, the media would NEEEEEVER report on men being victims of domestic violence! You know how they hate a man bites dog story like that!






CALIFORNIA | LOCAL
April 4, 2002 | From Times Staff Reports
Actress Tawny Kitaen Finley was charged Wednesday with injuring her husband, former Anaheim Angels pitcher Chuck Finley, during an argument.
 
 
 
 
 
 

Lionel Richie's Wife Beat Him Up After Catching Him Cheating


18. Lionel Richie's Wife Beat Him Up After Catching Him Cheating
                                               

 Yet it is males who suffer in our society. From boyhood through adulthood, the White American Male must fight his way through a litany of taunts, assumptions and grievances about his very existence. His oppression is unlike anything American women have faced

You know, I gotta think Mr. Venker's got it pretttty sweet.

Hon, what time are you going to be home?
Goddammit, Suzanne, stop oppressing me!
Oh, I'm sorry you're right. I'm so darn insensitive to your plight!


Um, Honey, whose undies are these I found in your car?
Oh, here we go! I guess I'm just a second-class citizen around here, right? Society just automatically assumes I'm guilty!
Oh, I'm sorry, dear. You've obviously suffered enough. You go ahead and bang whomever you like if it will help make up for the hurt that womankind has heaped upon your people lo these many years.



Ladies and gentleman, presenting Suzanne Venker.
The most pathetic ridiculous person in the world!






Wednesday, July 17, 2013

I know I could use some good news.



After the absolute horror of the Zimmerman verdict and the even more sickening spectacle of scumbags celebrating it, I know I could use some little bit of news that might make me feel a bit less hopeless about this human race.


Oh, here's something:

2:29 pm July 15, 2013

‘Ex-Gay Pride Month’ Event Cancelled Because Of Gays Doing Invisible Terrorism







Read more at http://wonkette.com/#VrxBx7LORbvxmr70.99 

Yes, due to the extremely real threat of "anti-ex-gay" bullying, and not at all due to the fact that no one was going to show up, and also totally not due to the concern that the event might turn into a big gay orgy, the "Ex-Gay Pride" Event has been cancelled.

Well, not exactly cancelled, just moved to an "undisclosed location" where no prying eyes will be able to see whether or not anyone has shown up or whether it has in fact become a big gay orgy which it most certainly will not have. But let "Voice of the Non-Existent Voiceless" spokesman Christopher "I love boobies" Doyle explain:
(VIA: http://www.voiceofthevoiceless.info/ex-gay-pride-still-alive-despite-anti-ex-gay-extremism/)

Due to some anti-ex-gay extremism that has occurred since we first announced Ex-Gay Pride 2013, the July 31 Lobbying Day on Capitol Hill and Evening Dinner/Reception at the Family Research Council has had to be moved and postponed to an undisclosed location in September.

Truth Wins Out director Wayne "I have no problem admitting that I don't much care for boobies" Bessen has issued a statement challenging "VOV" to name any or all of the supposed persons or organizations that have been intimidating or bullying or threatening the Ex-Gay community. Shockingly, VOV has yet to respond in any way, probably because they fear even more retaliation from "that guy I made up," and "that group that that my friend's cousin said he had heard about from some guy he made up."

And here is my favorite part from the statement issued by Voice of the Voiceless Who Have No Voice Because They Don't Actually Exist:
The closing paragraph states:
July’s First Annual Ex-Gay Pride Month is only the beginning. September’s Ex-Gay Awareness Month in schools across the country is only a start. Our voices will be heard. We will no longer be shut out. We will no longer hide in the shadows.

Which is only funny if one hearkens back to the first paragraph of the press release which states that the "ex-Gay" event  "has had to be moved and postponed to an undisclosed location in September." Which kinda sorta feels like hiding in the shadows, but hey, what do I know?





Cheered up yet? Only a little? Well, how about this headline?

Athens tea party group to hold fundraisers to get $65,000 owed to event speakers





Yes, the Athens, GA Tea Party (and apparently, even the home of Micheal Stipe, Fred Schneider, and Kim Basinger has a fucking tea party) found out the answer to the age-old question "what if they gave a douchenozzle rally and no one came?" Or more accurately, no one came except for people who were getting paid to be there. Or to be even more accurate, people who thought that they were going to be paid to be there but then there was no money to pay them because no one bought any tickets because this may be Georgia, but this is Athens!



Keyantwon Stephens, the 17-year-old chair and founder the Athens-Clarke County Tea Party Patriots, said a press conference is planned for today to address the matter in more detail.


The 17-year-old chair!




 
17-year-old chair and founder. . . who could possibly have foreseen this not going well?

After the Classic Center canceled the event, organizers moved it to the Comfort Inn and Suites, where they paid in cash, Stephens said. He said the final tally for the event was 92 people

Jack Nicholson lol gif

hahahahaha Ninety-Two!

Wright told Athens-Clarke police that the crowd was supposed to be about 2,500, a size others working with the convention said they expected.


lol gif


O my God. . .they thought. . .A-ha-ha-ha-ha. . .they thought 2,500. . .Ba-ha-ha-ha-ha!  2,500 people!
 A-ha-ha-ha-ha!!!



The Athens-Clarke County Tea Party Patriots formed in April 2012 and has 127 member, Stephens said.

 lol laugh laughing lol laugh laughing

A-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!!! They have 127 Members! HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA! 127 Memebers and they still only sold 92 tickets!!! They couldn't even get half their own members to show up!!!!

lol laughing laugh lol laughing laugh

Monday, July 15, 2013

Might want to Stear Clear of Missouri for a While



Because it looks like there's apt to be a bunch of 7-year-olds running around with guns.



Even more than usual.

New Missouri Law Would Allow First Graders To Take NRA-Sponsored Gun Class

EDDIE EAGLE GUNSAFE PROGRAM: Each school district and charter school may annually teach the Eddie Eagle Gunsafe Program to first grade students, or use a substantially similar or successor program of the same qualifications. The purpose of the program will be to promote safety and protection of children and emphasize how students should respond if they encounter a firearm. School personnel and program instructors must not make value judgments about firearms. Firearms are prohibited from the teaching of the program. Students with disabilities will participate to the extent appropriate. (Section 171.410)


Hey, Missouri. Let me save you a little time here. Here's the Professor Chaos gun safety class for first graders.

DON'T EVER TOUCH A GUN

Feel free to use this curriculum at any of your schools. No charge!
You're welcome.

P.S. Here's something I didn't know about Missouri. If you are incarcerated in one of their prisons, they will bill you for your stay there, like a fucking hotel.


(also from the text of SB-75)

Under current law, prisoners in a county jail must pay the costs of their board. This act requires the circuit clerk in each county to report to the Office of State Courts Administrator the names of people certified by the sheriff as being delinquent in the payment of money owed for a period of imprisonment in a county jail. Whenever a person has satisfied his or her debt or begun making regular payments to the sheriff, the sheriff must notify the clerk that the person is no longer considered delinquent. (Section 221.070)


So when you get out of the hoosegow (as they probably still say in Missouri), not only do you have a record hanging over your head, making it difficult for you to re-start a new life on the straight and narrow, you also have this debt hanging over your head so that when you do manage to find someone who will hire an ex-con, it will be even more difficult to make ends meet, which is totally not a recipe for a return to a life of crime!


Thursday, July 11, 2013

Don't tackle Jesus!




Someone is selling this weird little tchotchke on the net:



Which is weird enough to begin with, but check out the kid on the right. He's tackling Jesus!

Fuck you, you little bastard, you don't tackle Jesus!

Also, someone painted this:



Hey, asshole. Jesus is calling for a lateral! When Jesus calls for a lateral, you goddamm well lateral that ball to Jesus! Don't be a fucking ball hog!



Apparently, Jesus is big into sports. Who knew?



Ha ha! I'm so much taller than you!
 
Dammit, Jesus, this is no fun!

He plays a lot of basketball:

 
Bitch, you can't guard me. You got nothin'!
 
 
And hockey:
 
 
 
Verily, I say unto thee: Helmets are for pussies!




His hands-on approach to baseball coaching gets a little creepy:

 
 



And the less said about this, the better:

 
Yeah, I don't think that's really Jesus. Have you seen any ID?

 
 
He's the one that made Romo fumble that snap in 2007:
 
 
 
 
Ha ha, I had the Seahawks and the points!


He coaches karate!
Wait, he coaches karate?



 

Turn the other cheek method! If done right, can not defeat!

He even makes up his own sports!

Okay, Jimmy, you take the snap from center, pass it to Jenny who whacks it with a bat, then Suzie scores a three-pointer. It can't miss! 




I said I like sports. I didn't say I understood them!




Wait a minute. He's fighting a girl. That boy is fighting a girl? How can Jesus sanction this bout?

Jeesus Christ, Google. What the Fuck?


(via GRIST)


Google hosts fundraiser for climate-denying Sen. Jim Inhofe




Oh, for the love of. . . Are you fucking serious, Google?

Didn't Google's corporate logo used to be "don't be Evil?" I guess they've decided that it's not strictly "evil" to be a huge bag of butts and shockingly pignorant (copyright 2011, Chaos Industries)

The lunch, at the company’s Washington, D.C., office, will benefit the Oklahoma Republican Jim Inhofe, who has made a career of dismissing climate change as a “hoax” on the Senate floor.
Proceeds of the July 11 lunch, priced at $250 to $2,500, will also go to the national Republican Senatorial Committee.

You know, it would be one thing if James Inhofe was merely an embarrassment to a once-great (arguably) nation and a walking punchline to a joke about inbred Oklahomans, but his fucktarded assholery has real-world consequences for this planet and the people condemned to live upon it (oh, shit. That's us!)
 
Also, who hosts a fundraiser at some company's DC office? Are there no banquet halls available in Oklahoma?

 
Oh, right!

Seriously, though, come on, Google. You know, if you really don't understand how dangerously stupid James Inhofe is, you could find out pretty quick with A GOOGLE SEARCH!
 
 
 
I mean, it's not like you guys are actually in favor of environmental destruction, are you?

It’s the second show of support from Google for the anti-climate cause in recent weeks.
Last month, the Washington Post reported that the internet company had donated $50,000 for a fundraising dinner for the ultra-conservative Competitive Enterprise Institute — topping the contributions even of the Koch oil billionaires.

 Oh, for fuck's sake!

The Competitive Enterprise Institute has launched multiple lawsuits aimed at trying to discredit the science behind climate change — accusing scientists of fraud. None has so far succeeded.

Really? That's hard to believe. I mean, if you can't sue someone for doing science, what has our legal system come to?
Seriously, what standing could you possibly have to sue climate science? The fact that they're showing you to be moronically wrong about science maybe equals defamation of character?


 
Well, if we had any character. . .


Come on, Google. You know who James Inhofe is. You know he's dangerously wrong about, well, everything, but especially climatology. You know that. there's no excuse for helping to fuel his destructive idiocy. I don't know what committee he sits on that might affect your future business plans or whatever, but there is no way in hell you're afraid enough of this pinhead to fund him out of intimidation. Just stop it. It's wrong, you know it's wrong, just stop it.

However, a company spokesperson noted that Google maintained data centers in Oklahoma. The spokesperson then sent an email saying:
We regularly host fundraisers for candidates, on both sides of the aisle, but that doesn’t mean we endorse all of their positions. And while we disagree on climate change policy, we share an interest with Senator Inhofe in the employees and data center we have in Oklahoma.

Fuck, you, yes it does mean that you endorse their positions. How much more of an endorsement could you give a candidate than to host a fundraiser on his behalf? You can't say "we're raising a bunch of money to help this guy get re-elected, but we sure hope it doesn't work, 'cuz holy fuck is he a loonie!"

And it's not just his stance on science being wrong because he thinks science is some sort of conspiracy and the Bible doesn't talk about it so it isn't true. He's really just a terrible, awful person:




Wandering off topic a bit, as I seem wont to do lately, you want to know what I (a "normal person") and James Inhofe (not even close) have in common?

Glad you asked!

James Inhofe knows exactly DICK about climate science. I also know pretty much dick. The difference is I'm not smart enough (barely) to realize this. And I understand that the men and women who have spent their adult lives studying climate science know a bit more about climate science than the guy who watched an episode of NOVA once, but it was about string theory and I didn't really understand it that well and I guess it isn't really all that germane to the topic at hand, but I did stay awake through the whole thing.

 Inhofe1




So fuck you, Google. And fuck you, people of Oklahoma who keep returning this anthropomorphic pig's anus to the Senate (Along with Coburn, who's just as bad). This isn't about political differences, this is about how bad the next tornado season is going to be, and all the tornado seasons to come. It's about how n=many people are going to be killed, how many homes are going to be destroyed because we refuse to take any steps to mitigate the damage we as a species are doing to our habitat, and James Inhofe is a big reason why none of those steps are being taken. And, sure if it was just tornados, we could all say "hey, Okalhoma, if you don't mind being Wizard-of-Ozzed all over the plains by giant tornadoes every year, that's your problem. And if we lived there, we'd probably be praying for tornadoes, too,"  but it's also about how many people will be killed by hurricanes in Florida, and how many people will drown in floods throughout the Ohio River Basin, and (and I know this is hard for you to grasp) how many people will die in horrible giant blizzards in the Northeast.
So, knock this shit off, people of Oklahoma. It's not funny. Your actions affect everybody, and so far the effects have been pretty terrible. For fuck's sake, you just had the two largest tornadoes in history, or the tstrongest, or something, I f=don't know but they were pretty awful.  No one's asking you to like Al Gore. Just quit obstructing the people who are trying to save the rest of us from destructive weather patterns, and you can make fun of him for being dull and aft all you want. He probably won't mind, if it means that the Earth might still be inhabitable for his grandkids.