If you've ever been to Florida, then you know that pretty much everyone who lives their is just nuts. It's the kind of place where it makes perfect sense that of course Aaron Hernandez and Tim Tebow would be teammates and probably besties.
Forget it, Jake. It's Florida.
So of course Florida is the gun-humpinnest state in the Union. (nice try, Tennessee)
Well, it turns out, this being Florida, after all, that even the damn cops can't be trusted with guns!
This weekend, deputies from Escambia County, Florida shot an unarmed man who went to grab cigarettes from the car parked in the driveway of his mother’s home. A neighbor called police at 2 a.m. because he suspected 60-year-old Roy Middleton was stealing the car.
Roy Middleton, 60.
Doesn't look dangerous, but he might have been wearing a hoodie!
Why would sheriff's deputies shoot an unarmed man who wasn't even suspected of anything violent? Trick question, because it's fucking Florida!
Things quickly escalated when two deputies arrived and ordered Middleton to “get your hands where I can see them,” the Pensacola News Journal reports:
[Middleton] said he initially thought it was a neighbor joking with him, but when he turned his head he saw deputies standing halfway down his driveway. He said he backed out of the vehicle with his hands raised, but when he turned to face the deputies, they immediately opened fire. “It was like a firing squad,” he said. “Bullets were flying everywhere.”
The deputies reportedly fired about seven shots at the unarmed man;
Now here's the one positive thing about this being Florida is the cops fired seven shots and only connected once.
Several neighbors said they heard the commotion, but weren’t entirely sure why events unfolded the way they did.
"Oh, right, because we live in fucking Florida," they later added.
A teenage girl who said she witnessed a portion of the incident said she never saw Middleton provoke the deputies. “He wasn’t belligerent or anything,“ she said. Middleton, too, said he doesn’t understand how or why the incident escalated so quickly. He also said deputies never offered him an explanation or an apology.
Several years ago, when we still lived in Northern California, we took a drive up to Oregon to visit the Missus's parents. In the area just above and below the CA/OR border, we saw several signs welcoming us to the State of Jefferson, the 51st State.
The most interesting state in the world
From what we could gather at the time, the concept of Jefferson was that people in the far north of California and southern Oregon didn't feel like they were adequately represented in their respective state capitols and so wanted to break off into a new state of their own. Apparently, this idea goes back a long way. According to the Jefferson Public radio website:
The first recorded "rebellion" of Jeffersonians was quite serious and occurred in 1852. At the first California state legislature a bill was introduced to create a "State of Shasta" which encompassed much of what is now Jefferson. The bill died in committee but only because of the pressure of other legislative business.
Anyway. . . the only real reason I even bring this up is because of a flyer that Jeffersonians circulated in the 1940's which has maybe the funniest line ever written in a secessionist manifesto:
You are now entering Jefferson, the 49th State of the Union.
Jefferson is now in patriotic rebellion against the states of California and Oregon.
This State has seceded from California and Oregon this Thursday, November 27, 1941. Patriotic Jeffersonians intend to secede each Thursday until further notice.
(emphasis added by me because that is freakin hysterical!)
Now the people of Jefferson had some legitimate beefs back in the day. They paid their taxes same as anyone else, but they were kinda getting stiffed on government services, especially roads. And they had some fairly clever slogans along those lines like:
"OUR ROADS ARE NOT PASSABLE, HARDLY JACKASSABLE""THE PROMISED LAND -- OUR ROADS ARE PAVED WITH PROMISES." "IF OUR ROADS YOU WOULD TRAVEL, BRING YOUR OWN GRAVEL."
Sure, they weren't misspelt racist, or paranoid, but still, pretty clever.
Wouldn't have lasted 10 minutes in Jefferson
But, even thought their beef was legitimate, they never did end up seceding, the end.
Now, North Colorado, on the other hand. . .
Proposed new state in northern Colorado gains traction
FoxNews.com
A proposal backed by several Colorado counties to form a new state called North Colorado is getting public support. More than four dozen people showed up Thursday at the first public meeting to discuss a proposal to form a 51st state. Nearly all of them said they support secession.
Four dozen people! Wow! That's almost as many people as the number of donuts eaten at the last meeting I attended! What a formidable group four dozen people is! Do you k=have any idea what 4 dozen people look like all gathered in one place?
In fairness, this is actually 55 people.
I mean, if this many people are in support, it's bound to pass!
But it's so sadly predictable. Every time right-wingers don't get their way, they want to take their bat and ball and go home. They had 8 years of GW Bush, six of those with Republican Congresses, and the minute the other guy takes office, you got your Rick Perrys and your Todd Palins wanting to secede from the damn Union. They don't like Obamacare, they want to shut down the entire government. Because majority rule is apparently only a guiding principle when they are in the majority.
So what long train of abuses and usurpations is causing 4 dozen people to dissolve the political bonds which have connected them with another?
I think people, when they feel disenfranchised, when they feel that their voices are not being heard, I think that’s a problem in a representative form of government,” Weld County commissioner Sean Conway was quoted as saying.
Oh, that does sound pretty bad. I can't imagine what that must feel like, as someone who opposed the war in Iraq and the bank bailout and wanted single-payer healthcare, I imagine it must be awful to not have your voice heard!
Anything more specific?
The five Weld County commissioners at the meeting said they support including the 51st state initiative on the county's ballot in November, The Greeley Tribune reported. Commissioners say legislative efforts to crack down on energy drilling and gun laws are prime reasons for the movement. “We believe there’s an attack on oil and gas,” commissioner Barbara Kirkmeyer said. “We believe there’s an attack on agriculture. I don’t think those down in Denver understand any of it.”
Oh, sure. Now it makes sense. You're going to secede from the state of Colorado because you feel so strongly that you must defend the rights of the oil and gas companies and gun manufacturers. Now I get it!
One other thing. For FOX, when thousands of protestors show up to occupy Wall Street, that's just an insignificant little group of hippies, but when an entire FOUR DOZEN show up to fake-secede from Colorado, that's an idea that is "Gaining Traction!"
Remember when George W. Bush said that God told him what to do?
God would tell me, 'George go and fight these terrorists in Afghanistan'. And I did. And then God would tell me 'George, go and end the tyranny in Iraq'. And I did." (source)
Well, turns out he's not the only one with a messiah complex.
Ted Cruz's Father Tells Him 'God Has Destined You For Greatness' Submitted by Brian Tashman on Monday, 7/22/2013 1:20 pm -
Yeah, this guy. Obviously!
Here's what his wackadoo father had to say in an interview with David Broder:
Cruz: Yes, but you know something, it is not something that started a couple of years ago. Let me just go back to when he was maybe four. When he was four I used to read Bible stories to him all the time. And I would declare and proclaim the word of God over him.
Whast the fuck does that even mean, "Proclaim the Word of God over him?" I was raised in a fundamentalist household where we had little Bible lesson things every evening and I have no fucking idea what it means to "proclaim the Word of God over someone." I know what it means to proclaim the word of God TO someone, but why OVER him?
And I would just say, ‘You know Ted, you have been gifted above any man that I know and God has destined you for greatness’
Um, you just said he was FOUR YEARS OLD, and he's gifted above any man you know? Do you know any men? Sorry, all the men that Cruz Senior knows, his four year old totally kicks all your asses.
I was on the state board of the Religious Roundtable, so when my son Ted was eight years old, all we talked about around the dinner table was politics because I was so involved with the Reagan campaign. So during that time is when I asked him so many times, ‘You know Ted, when I lost my freedom in Cuba I had a place to come to. If we lose our freedoms here where are we going to go? There is no place to go.’
Except for maybe Canada, where you were when Ted was born.
Or England.
Or France
Or Germany
Or Sweden
Or Portugal
Anyway, there are lots of places where one can go to be free. But sure, no place to go!!!!!
And soon even America will not be safe for freedom unless Ted Cruz, God's Favorite Four-Year-Old, can save her!
Or maybe Steve King, who is the closest thing to Jesus that Steve King has ever seen!
Truly this man was the Son of God!
In reference to having been asked "you didn't really say that thing about calves like cantaloupes, right? I mean no one would actually say that, not even someone as ridiculous as you, I mean you didn't actually mean that, right?" he comes up with this:
As you remember, Mr. Speaker, the high priest said to Jesus, did you really say those things? Did you really preach those things? And Jesus said to the high priest, as the Jews were watching, ask them. They were there, they can tell you. That was, Mr. Speaker, the assertion by Jesus that he had a right to face his accusers. That principle remains today in our law that we have a right to face our accusers. And when he said ‘ask them, they were there, they can tell you,’ he’s facing his accusers and demanding they testify against him rather than make allegations behind his back.”
Yeah, that's totally the same thing. Being asked if you want to clarify your offensive comments is exactly like being on trial for your life in front of the Roman prefect. Obviously, if you say the wrong thing to the speaker, you could literally be nailed to a board and left to die in the hot Jerusalem sun.
Also, I'm no theologian, but I don't think that Jesus was "asserting his right to face his accusers." At all. One thing about Jesus, he pretty much never asserted his rights. And his accusers were right there, he was already facing them. That's why he's able to say "ask them." To whom do you think he's referring to by "them?"
The former police lieutenant who became the target of worldwide ire after dousing Occupy UC Davis protesters with pepper spray, John Pike, is appealing for worker’s compensation, claiming psychiatric injury caused by the Nov. 18, 2011, incident.
I don't even have a joke here. What a horrible, and yet pathetic, person.
Okay, in fairness, I haven't seen the entire movie, but that's mainly because it was so boring I fell asleep before the end.
First, the most obvious problem with this movie, the shockingly racist performance by Mickey Rooney.
And you can say all you want about how "it was a different time," but there could not possibly have ever been a time when this insulting caricature could ever have been remotely acceptable.
But Rooney aside, I think, and this is where the real blasphemy comes in, the biggest problem with this movie is that Audrey Hepburn is horribly miscast.
