Why I Hate The Associated Press (chapter 2)

Here is an AP article from today's Atlanta Journal Constitution:

Cheney says politics behind CIA probe at Justice

By LARA JAKES

The Associated Press

A more accurate headline might be

"FOX Continues to give disgusting war criminal Dick Cheney a forum to spew his evil, self-serving bullshit."

Enabling The Big Lie Since 1996

Anyway, the article reads like this:

WASHINGTON — Former Vice President Dick Cheney says politics are driving the Justice Department's decision to investigate whether CIA interrogators abused terror suspects detained after the Sept. 11 attacks.

Now if the AP was doing serious reporting instead of stenography, the next sentence would read: "Mr Cheney was, of course, lying."

But no. The next sentence is just a quote from Cheney.

"I just think it's an outrageous political act that will do great damage, long term, to our capacity to be able to have people take on difficult jobs, make difficult decisions, without having to worry about what the next administration is going to say," Cheney said in an interview aired on "Fox News Sunday."

So now, if the AP understood what the job of a journalist is, they would explain why what Cheney just said was complete bullshit.

But no.

At issue is Attorney General Eric Holder's decision to look into abuse allegations after the release of an internal CIA inspector general's report. President Barack Obama has said interrogators would not face charges if they followed legal guidelines.

Now might be the time for the AP "reporter" to point out that looking into allegations of war crimes is the JOB of the Attorney General.

But no.

However, the report concluded that some CIA interrogators went beyond Bush administration rules that gave them wide latitude to use severe tactics against detainees such as waterboarding, a simulated drowning technique that critics call torture. Three high-level suspects underwent waterboarding scores of times.

One might be tempted to point out that this report illustrates just how full of shit Cheney is when he claims that the investigation is politically motivated.

But no. Not if one works for the AP.

Cheney called the techniques "good policy," saying he was comfortable in cases where interrogators went beyond what they were specifically authorized to do. The CIA report found they included cases of interrogators threatening a detainee with a handgun and an electric drill.

This might be a good time to point out that whether or not the criminal thinks that the crimes were "good policy" is completely fucking irrelevant.

But, no.

Cheney said those techniques were "directly responsible for the fact that for eight years, we had no further mass casualty attacks against the United States."

One might point out here that there is absolutely no proof of this and in fact quite a bit of evidence to the contrary.

But no. Cheney's outrageous claim is left to stand unchallenged.

He noted that the Justice Department, during the Bush administration, approved the harsh tactics in legal memos to the White House.

You might think that an astute reporter might point out that during the Bush administration, the Justice Department was crawling with partisan hacks like John Ashcroft, John Yoo and Alberto Gonzales.

But no.

"Now you get a new administration and they say, well, we didn't like those opinions, we're going to go investigate those lawyers and perhaps have them disbarred," Cheney said. "I just think it's an outrageous precedent to set, to have this kind of, I think, intensely partisan, politicized look back at the prior administration."

Isn't this about the time that even the laziest reporter contacts someone for an opposing view? Isn't that how it's done these days? If you have a report which states that 99.9% of legitimate scientists are warning about the impending danger of global warming, you then have to quote some troglodyte like James Inhofe and conclude that Well, Gosh! There's still a lot of controversy, I guess the jury's still out on global warming! It seems like you could at least present an opposing viewpoint when the main subject of your article is Obviously Lying.

But, no.

Cheney was striking out at a Justice Department that has reeled from accusations of bending to White House politics for years, most recently under the Bush administration.

A decent reporter might have written that the Justice Department was never seen as being bent to the political will of the White House UNTIL the G.W. Bush administration. A decent reporter might point out that the DOJ was politicized in an unprecedented way by the G.W. Bush administration.

But no.

Anyway, it goes on like this for a few more paragraphs. It could have been written by Dick Cheney's public relations team. It's pretty pathetic.

It made me wonder how the new AP would have covered some other major stories.

Hmmmm...... I think it might have gone something like........ (wavy lines).....

"Lincoln Had it Coming!" States Booth

"Sic Semper tyrannis!" Stated famed actor John Wilkes Booth in an interview on FOX Telegraph Service. "Mr. Lincoln had no business winning the Civil War, and I think it's just disgusting the way the press is making me out to be the bad guy!"

Booth was referring to newspaper reports which have often referred to him as an "assassin," especially in the days following Mr. Lincoln's death.

"If every time I kill a tyrant, I'm going to be second-guessed by a bunch of Monday-morning quarterbacks, I'm afraid that might have a chilling effect on future tyrannicide," Mr. Booth continued. "Obviously, if future tyrant shooters have to look over their shoulders, wondering if they might be blamed for killing the President, well, I fear for the safety of this country."

Acclaimed Actor

John Wilkes Booth

Mr. Booth went on to point out that the U.S. has not experienced any Civil Wars since his shooting of Mr. Lincoln. "I don't think that's a coincidence," said Booth.

Guess Whose Back!

Give Up?

It's 1960's Record producer Joe Meek!

















I'm sorry, I'm being told that that is actually 1988's
Mr. Universe, Joe Meeko.

That's Joe Meeko's back, not Joe Meek's.

Sorry.

On Vacation

Mrs. Chaos and i will be in Montreal, Canada for the next week, so I probably won't get a chance to post much. While in Canada, I will try my best to get sick so that I can report back about what a real healthcare system looks like.

Meanwhile, enjoy J Church, the best band no one has ever heard of.
They started out in San Francisco in the Nineties (taking their name from a San Francisco streetcar line) before relocating to Austin, TX

Tragically, singer/guitarist/songwriter Lance Hahn dies last year of kidney failure, but he leaves behind a legacy of great indie-rock songs.

The sound isn't the greatest on these live recordings, but I think the songs come through Ok.

Charles Krauthammer Update: Still An Idiot.

When I opened the Op-Ed section of the paper this morning, I saw this headline over Krauthammer's column:

Let's Be Honest About Death Counseling

And I thought, Honest? Well this will be a refreshing change of pace!
Then the column begins:

Let's see if we can have a reasoned discussion about end-of-life counseling.

And I thought, Yes! Finally! Let's do that! Let's have a reasoned discussion.

We might start by asking Sarah Palin to leave the room.

Oh my God! Has Charles Krauthammer gained some semblance of sanity? (clouds open, angels sing)

I've got nothing against her.

Really? Nothing? Not the fact that she's a bald-faced liar? Not the fact that she is the one who injected the term "death panel" into our national political discourse? Not the fact that she stood silently smiling when attendees at her rallies shouted "kill him!" at the mention of Barack Obama? Not the fact that she fleeced the taxpayers of Alaska, abused her power for personal vendettas and then quit before her first term was up?




I've got nothing against her. She's a remarkable political talent.

Really? You mean in the same way that William Shatner is a remarkable musical talent?

She's a remarkable political talent. But there are no "death panels" in the Democratic health-care bills, and to say that there are is to debase the debate.

Okay, back on track. Let's have our reasoned discussion now.

We also have to tell the defenders of the notorious Section 1233 of H.R. 3200 that it is not quite as benign as they pretend. To offer government reimbursement to any doctor who gives end-of-life counseling -- whether or not the patient asked for it -- is to create an incentive for such a chat.

Oh, here we go. I knew it was too good to be true.

First of all, the only reason that Section 1233 is "notorious" is because of the lies spread by dimwits like your pal Sarah. And do you really think that doctors are going to spring end-of-life counseling on patients that haven't requested it? "well, your test results look fine, Mr. Smith, have you ever considered a DNR? Ka-Ching! I spoke about end-of-life issues, pay up, Medicare!"



What do you think such a chat would be like? Do you think the doctor will go on and on about the fantastic new million-dollar high-tech gizmo that can prolong the patient's otherwise hopeless condition for another six months? Or do you think he's going to talk about -- as the bill specifically spells out -- hospice care and palliative care and other ways of letting go of life?

Right, because doctors HATE expensive, life-prolonging procedures. They make way more money letting their patients slip unfettered into the sweet embrace of death.

No, say the defenders. It's just that we want the doctors to talk to you about putting in place a living will and other such instruments. Really?

Yes, Really.

Really? Then consider the actual efficacy of a living will. When you are old, infirm and lying in the ICU with pseudomonas pneumonia and deciding whether to (a) go through the long antibiotic treatment or (b) allow what used to be called "the old man's friend" to take you away, the doctor will ask you at that time what you want for yourself -- no matter what piece of paper you signed five years earlier.

A living will is for times when a patient CAN"T speak for himself. You can't really believe that a doctor would tell a patient " sorry, fully conscious patient, I know you say now that you want to live, but I've got a paper here that says otherwise! Nurse! To the death chamber with this man!" Idiot!

You are told constantly how very important it is to write your living will years in advance. But the relevant question is what you desire at the end -- when facing death -- not what you felt sometime in the past when you were hale and hearty and sitting in your lawyer's office barely able to contemplate a life of pain and diminishment.

Yes, and if you are able to make your wishes known at the time, they will of course be honored. Again, living wills are only brought into the picture when a patient is unable to speak or otherwise communicate his wishes. The point is to avoid ending up like Terry Schiavo, lying brain dead in the hospital for years while the family is torn apart fighting over what your final wishes may or may not have been.

My own living will, which I have always considered more a literary than a legal document, basically says: "I've had some good innings, thank you. If I have anything so much as a hangnail, pull the plug."

Then what the hell are we talking about? You have a living will, so you must understand that it is not a contract that can be enforced against your will.

I've never taken it terribly seriously because unless I'm comatose or demented, they're going to ask me at the time whether or not I want to be resuscitated if I go into cardiac arrest. The paper I signed years ago will mean nothing.

That's what I've been saying! Why am I even here? You're arguing both sides of the issue against yourself!

And if I'm totally out of it, my family will decide, with little or no reference to my living will.

Oh shit! You just keep getting stupider! Why would you bother having a living will if you expect everyone to ignore it? You obviously have strong feelings on the issue, why would you want other people deciding for you?

Why? I'll give you an example. When my father was dying, my mother and brother and I had to decide how much treatment to pursue. What was a better way to ascertain my father's wishes: What he checked off on a form one fine summer's day years before being stricken; or what we, who had known him intimately for decades, thought he would want? The answer is obvious.

Ok, let me give you an example. Terry Schiavo. (yes, again!) Her husband, who had known her intimately (hopefully more intmately than you and your brother had known your father) believed that her wishes were to not be kept artificially alive by machines. Her parents believed the opposite. It ended with the courts, the media, and a bunch of imbecilles in Congress being involved in what should have been a private family tragedy.
Hopefully, you and your brother came to the same conclusion regarding your father's wishes, but a lot of families won't. And, not for nothing, but you and your brother might have both been wrong.

Except for the demented orphan, the living will is quite beside the point. The one time it really is essential is if you think your fractious family will be only too happy to hasten your demise to get your money.

That statement is too disgusting to merit comment.

So why get Medicare to pay the doctor to do the counseling? Because we know that if this white-coated authority whose chosen vocation is curing and healing is the one opening your mind to hospice and palliative care, we've nudged you ever so slightly toward letting go.

Why would you assume that the doctor, whose vocation is, as you say, curing and healing, would be inclined towards pressuring his patients to forgo medical treatment which is, by the way, how he earns his money?

It's not an outrage. It's surely not a death panel. But it is subtle pressure applied by society through your doctor. And when you include it in a health-care reform whose major objective is to bend the cost curve downward, you have to be a fool or a knave to deny that it's intended to gently point the patient in a certain direction, toward the corner of the sickroom where stands a ghostly figure, scythe in hand, offering release.

No, you'd have to be a paranoid lunatic or a filthy liar to say that it is. Or an idiot like Charles Krauthammer.

My God, You're Witty, Rush!

The legendary Limbaugh wit was on display again earlier this week. I would have mentioned it sooner, but every time I think about it, I start laughing too hard to type.

Remember when Barney Frank asked Crazy McLooneypants what planet she lived on? Well, Rush and his razor-sharp wit did him one better!

He said on his radio show (and you should probably just go ahead and start holding your sides now) he said "But the killer for me was, here's Barney Frank [asking] "what planet do you live on" to this woman. Isn't it an established fact that Barney Frank himself lives around Uranus?"

Ha! Uranus!
See, what he did there was he crafted this bon mot around the fact that the planet Uranus sounds a lot like "your anus!" See, and Barney Frank, well Barney is gay, see! And a lot of gay men actually do engage in anal sex. Which involves the anus! So he turned the whole planet theme around on him while simultaneously making a gay joke!

Listening to Rush Limbaugh's radio show must be like attending a dinner party with Oscar Wilde, Mark Twain, Will Rogers, Winston Churchill and Groucho Marx! And a guy who makes ass jokes.

Well, Rush, you've thrown down the gauntlet, I will accept the challenge and try to construct some clever repartee that can stand up against your own rapier wit.

Let's see, um. . . "It's ironic that Rush Limbaugh would make jokes about planets, since his head is permanently lodged in Uranus!"

No, that's no good. How about "It's strange that Rush Limbaugh would joke about Barney Frank since Rush is such a lying sack of dog shit."

"It's odd that Rush Limbaugh would joke about the town hall meetings. You'd think he's be too busy sending his maid to score Oxy-Contin."

Or "Funny that Rush Limbaugh would have a radio show when he is so clearly a flaming bag of poo on the doorstep of intelligent discourse."

No, Rush, I could never match your gift for the plaisanterie amusante. I must concede. What a clever, clever man you must be!

Intersting news From the AFA

I got another e-mail from the American Family Association today. Apparently, someone who doesn't care for the Rev. Wildmon's message has attacked him and put him in the hospital. The chief suspect? GOD.

As has been reported, my dad, Don Wildmon, was admitted to the North Mississippi Medical Center over the weekend and diagnosed with a serious case of meningitis. He has been in intensive care for three days, but has shown some signs of improvement in the last 24/48 hours. We are taking it day by day. We thank all those who have let us know they are praying for Dad, our family and the AFA/AFR family. Dad has served the Lord for many years and he is in His hands.

Repent, Wild man! Stop spreading your hate and claiming it comes from Me! Or I shall smite thee with another pestilence!







In the meantime, AFA will continue to tackle the moral issues confronting our country and give leadership to those who have trusted us for over 32 years now.

So the hate will continue? What a relief!

Why I Love Barney Frank

We need more Barney Franks in DC.

Rest In Peace, Robert Novak

Ha! Just kidding.

Burn in Hell, you twisted, evil zombie!

Thomas Sowell is a Fucking Liar

Thomas Sowell

Rose and Milton Friedman Senior Fellow The Hoover Institution Stanford University Stanford, California 94305

With these sterling credentials, you know you're getting a loonie or a liar. It's generally a good rule of thumb that anyone associated with the Hoover Institution should be implicitly distrusted.

But here's Mr. Sowell's column on healthcare that ran in today's paper:

Whose medical decisions?

By Thomas Sowell

Let's see how many lies we can find, shall we? The column begins:

There was a time when rushing a thousand-page bill through Congress so fast that no one has time to read it would have provoked public outrage.

That time must have been pre-PATRIOT act, but this sentence is not technically a lie.

The current "health care" bill threatens to take life-and-death decisions out of the hands of individuals and their doctors, transferring those decisions to Washington bureaucrats.

That is a lie. It is a lie because life-and-death decisions are NOT currently in the hands of doctors, they are in the hands of insurance company flacks whose job it is to minimize payments. So there's one.

The mainstream media are again circling the wagons to protect Barack Obama, but this time it may not work.

That is a lie. They are doing no such thing. The mainstream media insists on presenting this as a "debate" or "controversy" as if those on Mr. Sowell's side of the dispute are putting forth reasonable arguments for their position rather than screaming COMMUNISM! and DEATH PANELS! So that's lie number two.

One of those front-page editorials disguised as a news article in the New York Times begins: "The stubborn yet false rumor that President Obama's health care proposals would create government-sponsored 'death panels' to decide which patients were worthy of living seemed to arise from nowhere in recent weeks."

See, that's an example of a newspaper stating an obvious fact. That this particular fact happens to be that the president's opponents are LYING about "death panels" does not mean that the Times is rallying around the president. They are just telling the truth. (I know that's a foreign concept to you Hoover Institution types, but look it up in the dictionary.)

Nowhere? Dr. Ezekiel Emanuel is "Special Advisor for Health Policy" for the Obama administration. That's nowhere? He is also co-author of an article on Americans' "over-utilization" of medical care in the June 18, 2008 issue of the Journal of the American Medical Association. Is that nowhere?

I don't know if that's technically a lie so much as it is just fucking stupid, so I'll give Mr. Sowell the benefit of the doubt.

Dr. Emanuel's article points out that Americans do not visit doctors or go into hospitals more than people in other industrialized countries. In fact we go to both places less often than people do in those other countries, which include countries with government-controlled medical care. As the article points out, "It is more costly care, rather than high volume, that accounts for higher expenditures in the United States."

So, in other words, DEATH PANELS!!!!!!!!

There are more Magnetic Resonance Imaging (MRI) devices per capita in the United States, more coronary bypass operations and Americans use more new pharmaceutical drugs created within the past 5 years.

Americans also have more of what the article calls "amenities" with their medical care. "Hospital rooms in the United States offer more privacy, comfort and auxiliary services than do hospital rooms in most other countries."

In other words, it is not quantity but quality that is different — and more expensive — about American medical care. This is what Dr. Emanuel's "over-utilization" consists of.

Ok, so?

At one time, it would have been none of Dr. Emanuel's business if your physician prescribed the latest medications for you, rather than the cheaper and obsolete medications they replaced. It would have been none of his business if you preferred to have a nice hospital room with "amenities" rather than being in an unsanitary ward with inadequate nursing care, as under the National Health Service in Britain.

That is a lie. Hospital wards in Great Britain are certainly not unsanitary. "Inadequate nursing care" is a matter of opinion, so that is technically not a lie, but it can probably be classified as bullshit.

The involvement of government gives Dr. Emanuel the leverage to condemn other Americans' choices

Actually, anyone can condemn other Americans' choices. Watch, I'll do it now: I condemn the choice of many Americans to subject themselves to the asinine drivel of Thomas Sowell. See? No government involvement.

As for a "death panel," no politician would ever use that phrase when trying to get a piece of legislation passed. "End of life" care under the "guidance" of "some independent group" sounds so much nicer — and these are the terms President Obama used in an interview with the New York Times back on April 14th.

Technically not a lie. No politician would use the term "death panel" and 'end of life care" does sound nicer. But clearly intellectually dishonest. Just because those two statements are technically true doesn't mean that they form any sort of larger truth in tandem. It's like saying "adorable, fluffy bunnies" sounds a lot nicer than "prison rape." True, but if you're implying that "adorable fluffy bunnies" is somehow code for prison rape, as in "Tony da weasel got adorable fluffy bunnied in da showers," then you are full of shit.

But when you select people like Dr. Ezekiel Emanuel to give "independent" guidance, you have already chosen a policy through your choice of advisors, who simply provide political cover. The net result can be exactly the same as if those providing that guidance were openly called "death panels."

That is a lie. Actually several lies. The first lie is that end-of-life counseling would be provided by the doctor of one's own choosing, probably one's primary care physician. But not by Dr. Emanuel. Dr. Emanuel is an advisor tho the president, he certainly would have neither the time nor the authority to make end-of-life decisions for every senior citizen in the country. Nor would he want to. (full disclosure, I have never met Dr. Emanuel, I am simply going with the assumption that he is not a drooling maniac)

It is also a lie that the net result of end-of-life counseling would be the same as "death panels." That is a disgusting lie, and Mr. Sowell should be ashamed of himself. Doing end-of-life counseling has to be extremely difficult for any doctor, especially when he or she has established a relationship with a long-time patient. Doctors go through this emotionally draining process in order to minimize the suffering during the patient's last days on Earth. To equate this with "death panels" is not only dishonest, it is morally offensive.

So that's what, six lies? In one column? Not counting weaselly half-truths, and disingenuousnesses. (I think that's a real word)

Given the evidence, I can come to only one conclusion.

Thomas Sowell is a Fucking Liar.

Why is Ignorance Just so Darn Funny?

I know, I should be more mature, but "NO PUBIC OPTION?" That just makes me giggle.

I Don't Know

Is Posh the New Paula?

Larry Busacca / Getty

Idon't know, is "who gives a fuck?" the new "I don't care?"

Meet Steve Shepard

Yesterday, I was fortunate enough to meet a great artist.
His name is Steve Shepard, and he's from New Orleans.
I met him at the Slotin Folk Art Fesival in Atlanta.

Here are a few examples of his work:






































In these small examples, it's hard to see how detailed these pictures are, but as you can see, Steve Shepard has a political bent to a lot of his work and a great sense of humor.
And he loves Elvis!














You can see more, and purchase some of his work at: Shepart.net

Please do go to his website. Or you can see him in person at the Kentuck Festival of the Arts in Tuscaloosa, Alabama on October 17 and 18. (link)

Stece Shepard is the Official Folk Artist of the Daily Irritant. When you go to his site, tell him the perfesser sent ya!

Being Subversive

From Politicusa.com:

Liberal Subversion: How to Use the Freedom Works Website to Tell Blue Dog Democrats to Support Health Care Reform

Freedom Works has set up a page where concerned Americans can tell Blue Dog Democrats to vote no to President Obama’s heath care plan. The problem is that the message is completely customizable, so with a few minor changes, you and your friends can use Freedom Works to tell the Blue Dogs to support health care reform. Here is how to do it.

Step one is to go to the Action Alert for the Blue Dog Democrats page, which is here. Once on the page the first thing you will notice is the subject line which is editable so change that to read “Vote YES on Obamacare” do not change the word Obamacare as it may be rejected.

Next the editable text box that contains the body of the email remember that only little changes are needed. I changed the following words “dropping” to “increasing” and in the same paragraph “your opposition” to “public approval”.

In the next paragraph the following needs changes,”resistance to a government takeover of healthcare” to for example, “acceptance of positive healthcare change by the government.” The biggest change will happen in the last paragraph “new taxes that would be required to pay for Obamacare. Given the growing size of our deficits and debt, neither can the taxpayers. Please do not support a government plan that would put a bureaucrat between me and my doctor, nor the trillions of dollars in tax hikes on small businesses that would be used to pay for it” to something like the “ increase of insurance rates that would be required to pay for today’s health care polices.

Given the growing size of rates of insurance policies, neither can the taxpayers. Please support a government plan that would remove the insurance bureaucrat between me and my doctor, nor the trillions of dollars in insurance rate hikes on small businesses that happen every year.

With these few minor changes, Blue Dog Democrats will emails from Freedom Works telling them to vote FOR healthcare reform. Have fun with this. Customize your message to reflect your beliefs. Send it to your friends and family. Let’s show Freedom Works what a real non corporate grassroots effort looks like. One you have sent your email, leave us a comment, and tell us about it.

UPDATE:

I just tried this, and it seems to work. You will get e-mails from freedomworks, though so fair warning.

This Doesn't End Well

"Leaded Tea Party" organizer wants to be able to fire weapons

Combining an orgy of misdirected impotent rage (tea party) with loaded guns? Is there any way anything good can come of this?
(Oh, I just noticed, how many times do you see "orgy" and "impotent" in the same sentence?)

Several days after plans were announced for a Labor Day celebration where people could fire their guns at a shooting range on a Nocatee business’s property, St. Johns County code enforcement officers this week ordered the range closed down by Tuesday.

In response, “Leaded Tea Party” organizer Richard Willich, president of MDI Holdings and the new Florida chairman of Americans for Prosperity, said he has banned all government officials without warrants from the MDI property, west of Ponte Vedra Beach.

Oh, here we go.

“I’m going ahead with my picnic and that’s that,” Willich said. “It has always been my understanding that we have the right to assemble. We have the right of free speech, the right to carry guns. I don’t know when or how the local county code person can say I don’t have those rights. I don’t like it at all.”

Oh God!

The event is planned to include a live band, free food, horse rides for children

Oh, Jeez, there's going to be kids there?

horse rides for children and use of the shooting range for free target practice. The dirt pile has shooting range-type targets set up.

A dirt pile?

Willich said the enforcement officers were “very arrogant and aggressive”
“I think the code enforcement guys are breaking the law; we should arrest them. Yesterday, all government people were welcomed here; today they’re not.”

Shit, this has Ruby Ridge written all over it.

Who is this Richard Willich?
According to this press release, he's the chairman of the Florida Advisory Board for Americans For Prosperity.

What is Americans for Prosperity?
According to Source Watch:

Americans for Prosperity (AFP), a section 501(c)(4) organization, and Americans for Prosperity Foundation (AFP Foundation) , a section 501(c)(3) organization -- are "committed to educating citizens about economic policy and a return of the federal government to its Constitutional limits."^[1]

AFP was one of the lead organizations behind the Tax Day Tea Party protests April 15, 2009.

Oh, my God, Teabaggers! Teabaggers with guns. Teabaggers with guns who believe that they ought to be arresting local government officials.

This does not end well.

Five out of Six men Agree

Five out of Six Men Agree:

The Daily Irritant should be read while fully clothed,

You really Gotta Feel For Doug Manchester

All he ever wanted to do was love his wife and have a successful marriage. His marriage was so important to him, that he spent $125,000 of his own money to get Proposition 8 on the California ballot just so he could keep the gay people from destroying the sanctity of his hetero marriage.

And proposition 8 passed, and all the same-sex marriages in California were dissolved.

So you'd think this would be the happily ever after part of the story, right?

WRONG!

It turns out the gay people are more resourceful than Doug had suspected. Even with their marriages annulled, they were still able to continue being gay! And being gay, they naturally went about figuring out new ways to undermine the institution of boy-girl marriage.

Even post-Prop 8, dykes continue to be on bikes!

So no one knows for sure what the gay people did to the Manchester's marriage, but they obviously did something, because:

Manchester's wife files for divorce after 43-year marriage

Somehow, the gays got to them.

Damn it, gay people! Why must you ruin our marriages? What did we ever do to your. . Oh, yeah! Right! Touche', gay people. Well played.

How to be a Ludicrous, Preposterous Nut-Job.

It's easy! Just follow the example of Chuck Baldwin!

Chuck Baldwin

First, Begin with a manifestly, patently false premise:

Why are internment camps being built?

Perfect! Now use the worst evidence possible to back up this claim.

Just a few weeks ago, I was aboard a cross-country flight when the passenger I was sitting next to (a total stranger) asked me to take a look out the window. He asked, "Do those look like internment camps to you?"

Nice! The "guy I sat next to on a plane" method, a classic! This technique is often used by global-warming deniers by adding the phrase "and he was a scientist!" but works equally well for backing up any absurd theory.

We were flying over Colorado, over extreme wilderness terrain, and, yes, right in the middle of nowhere, the buildings and surrounding features that I saw sure looked like internment camps to me.

One time I was on a plane and the guy next to me said "hey, doesn't that fluffy cloud look like a rabbit?' So I looked and OH MY GOD!!! GIANT FLYING RABBITS!!!!

Of course, flying at over 30,000 feet in the sky makes it difficult for any kind of detailed analysis to take place; that is for sure.

Now that's a rookie mistake. If you're going to get anywhere in the world of wingnuttery, you can never admit that your "evidence" might be at all flawed.

Then, a friend recently brought this URL to my attention:

http://www.nationalguard.com/careers/mos/description.php?mos_code=31E

This is an advertisement by the National Guard promoting the Military Occupational Specialty (MOS) of "Internment/Resettlement Specialist." Question: why does the National Guard need to recruit Internment/Resettlement Specialists? What do they know that we should know?

Well done. You can pretty much take for granted that your readership won't take the time to stop and think about the fact that National Guard units are deployed in two war zones and that capturing and transporting prisoners is a regular feature of warfare. Remember, if they're reading your posts, you can't possibly underestimate their critical-thinking skills.

Furthermore, I have had military personnel tell me that many of the US military bases that have been recently "closed" are also being prepared as large-scale "holding areas."

Obviously, the question that begs to be asked is, "Who is the US government planning to intern and resettle?"

Anonymous military personnel, eh? Way to be as vague as possible. Just forget that if these "military personel" exist outside of your imagination, and if they were telling you the truth that the obvious answer would be, um, "the guys from Gitmo, which is scheduled to close by year's end." Just leave the question un-answered and let the reader fill in the blanks with his own paranoid fantasies.

Then, of course, there are those who continue to deny that these internment camps exist at all. But then, were there not thousands of Germans who denied the existence of concentration camps during World War II?

Good! Nazi references are always effective. If you can work Stalin in too, your argument becomes even stronger.
You could also bring the argument closer to home by referring to another American scandal. Something like: "And aren't there millions of Americans who deny the existence of the aliens held in Area 51?" Or "Hey, millions of people insist on denying the existence of Sasquatch, yet there he is in those beef jerky commercials!" Thus, anything that large numbers of people deny is shown to be inescapably true.

Remember, If you state something as an undeniable fact, it becomes true!
Like this:

That our federal government is building large numbers of "holding areas" or internment camps seems to be an established fact. The only questions that remain are "Why?" and "For whom?"

Now the "fact" is only "established" by some guy on a plane, an ad for the National Guard, and the denials of the sane, but now that you have declared it to be an established fact, you may proceed as if it actually were. This is one of the primary rules of nutjobbery, any wild speculatory accusation which is presented as fact shall be treated as immutable truth.

At this point, the imagination can take us anywhere, (I think it already has) but it is not a little disconcerting when the same federal government that is building these internment camps begins categorizing Christians, conservatives, people who support the Second Amendment, people who oppose abortion and homosexual marriage, people who oppose the North American Union and the New World Order, people who oppose the United Nations and illegal immigration, and people who voted for Ron Paul or Chuck Baldwin (referring to yourself in the third person? why not! Professional athletes do it, and no one ever calls them douchebags)
as "extremists," or "potential dangerous militia members."

In fact, an argument could be made that by today's politically correct definition, America's Founding Fathers would be categorized as "paranoid," "extremists," or "potential dangerous militia members."

Of course, the founding fathers did raise an army, go to war with the established government, and declare themselves to be a sovereign, independent nation, so I could see where someone might mistake them for potentially dangerous militia members.

But no wingnut posting can be complete without attacking someone's patriotism. It doesn't have to be a specific person, it can be a group of people, or theoretical people, or whatever.

I would even go so far as to question the patriotism of anyone todaythat is not a little paranoid.

Perfect!

Now for the crowning achievement in wingnut douchebaggery, try believing shit you read on the internet:

The Internet is abuzz with news about the construction of internment camps all across America. . . all anyone need do to begin a serious investigation of the subject of internment camps is Google the phrase "FEMA Camps."

Now you've got 'em, 'cause If you have to accept that things you read on the internet might not be true, then you'd have to think that maybe there aren't hundreds of single women in your area who want to meet YOU and are totally not prostitutes at all.

So, if you follow these simple guidelines, you'll have an internet post that no one could help but believe. Let's see how our example worked out for Chuck Baldwin. Here's what he had to say:

I have had numerous readers contact me, saying that they have personally witnessed the transportation of construction materials used for internment camps

Damn, Chuck! You've got these stooges so shook up that seeing a cement truck drive by looks like proof that the gulags are being built.
Now, beginning wingnuts probably can't expect to get that kind of result right away, but if you keep at it, one day you may find your work gracing the pages of Renew America

The views expressed by RenewAmerica columnists are their own and do not necessarily reflect the position of RenewAmerica or its affiliates.

(See RenewAmerica's publishing standards.)

---

Oh, they have standards? Really? That must be new.

R. I. P. Les Paul

The legendary Les Paul passed away today at the age of 94. Not only one of the all-time great guitarists, Les literally invented the electric guitar and modern recording techniques like overdubbing. The word "Genius" gets tossed around a lot, but in Les Paul's case it is an understatement.

Here's Les paul performing at the age of 91 and still better than everyone else:



And Here's Les with Mary Ford back in the day:




Rest in Peace, Les Paul. There'll never be another one like you!

Cognitive Dissonance

So that's the reason these people object to a National Health care system! They're actually afraid that too many people will be insured! Wow! She'd rather have her fellow Americans have no access to doctors than for her to have to wait to get an appointment.



(source and more great photos here)



What always strikes me as odd whenever these folks talk about "rationing health care" is that these are the same people who are always complaining about the Federal Government's reckless, profligate spending and running up deficits. Why would they think that suddenly, in this one area, the government is going to have an attack of frugality? When has the government ever said, "Oh, sorry, we can't afford that"? Even if the healthcare funding pool was to run dry, why would you think that this would be the one time in our nation's history that the federal government would say, "gosh, we can't spend money we don't have"?

I guess these people just don't have a problem with cognitive dissonance. These are the folks that have no trouble believing that Barack Obama is a socialist and Barack Obama is a fascist. They don't have any problem believing that Barack Obama is a Muslim and Barack Obama is a follower of Rev. Jeremiah Wright and a godless communist.

They can understand that Barack Obama's mother and grandparents were white and still believe that he hates white people.

Many of them see no contradiction in stating that they want no part of a government-run healthcare program, they'll stick with Medicare, thank you very much.

Of course they also believe that the government is secretly building concentration camps in the desert, manipulating the stock market and keeping the martians under wraps, but isn't competent to run a healthcare program.

Trying to hold these kinds of contradictory beliefs in one's mind simultaneously should make your head hurt. But I guess if you keep yourself busy shouting and stomping and shaking your fists, there's really no time to reflect on these sorts of incongruities.

It's Funny Because. . .

It's funny because it's factually inaccurate!

I believe it should be Legal. . .

. . .to waterboard anyone seen wearing this T-shirt.

Why I hate the associated press

Obama says health care critics use 'scare tactics'

You know what, AP? These people are not "Health care critics." A Health care critic is someone who is concerned that a government plan would cost too much, or be run inefficiently, or would result in large tax increase. Those are legitimate concerns which could be addressed with reasonable discussion.The mouth-foaming poo-throwers who are disrupting town halls are gullible paranoids driven by blatant and malicious lies. When someone like Sarah Palin (and Oh, My God, is there no depth to which she will not sink?) says that she's afraid that Obama's death panels will decide to euthanize her Downs syndrome child, she is not a critic of the presidnet's plan, she is a liar. She is a baldfaced pants-on-fire liar. I know she's not especially bright, but she's not that stupid. She has to know good and goddamned well that there are no death panels, will never be any death panels, no one has ever suggested any death panels and yet she's out there on the facebook pretending that she thinks death panels are a real possibility.

She knows that there are people out there who take her seriously. And that those people are unstable. And heavily armed. She doesn't care. She will do whatever she has to do to keep up her popularity with the lunatic fringe of the right wing of the Republican party, and keep those donations rolling in to SarahPac!

Now when something happens like what happened today, a nut shows up at the Town Hall with a firearm, carrying a sign which refers to bloodshed,*

I'm looking at you, Palin. And you, Beck, and you, Limbaugh, etc. etc. Because you are riling these people up.



See, if any of the bullshit you liars are spouting about forced euthenasia and death panels and whatnot were true, then these people's panicked, angry reactions would be fairly reasonable. Now most of us have enough sense to know that you guys are full of shit, but there are people out there dumb and paranoid enough to believe you. And it's inevitable that some of these folks will turn to violence to defend the country from these imaginary threats. If someone was going to kill my Grandma, I'd go get a gun too. So when one of these people end up actually killing someone, which they will, it will be at least partly your fault.

And it's probably too late to put the genie back into the bottle. Even if, say Sarah Palin were to come out now and say, "Oh, gosh folks, turns out I was wrong about there being death panels, don't ya know, just forget I said anything," most of the nuts would just say, "Oh shit! They got to Palin!" and become even more paranoid. But at least you owe it to the country to try. Maybe you could, um, quit makin' stuff up?

*The guy's sign says, "time to water the tree of liberty" which seems to refer to the quote from Thomas Jefferson: "The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time, with the blood of patriots and tyrants."

Welcome, 666th Visitor!

Well, well, well. I see we've had or 666th visitor to our little "blog" haven't we?

I wonder who could it have been?

Oh, I don't know, could be anyone really.

Could be someone we know, maybe a friend,

maybe a family member, maybe a complete stranger.

Maybe even, Oh I don't know, I'm just taking a wild guess,

Could it have been





SATAN?

Oh, My God! They Exploited Kenny! (You Bastards!)

A young man named Kenneth Gladney is being held up as a martyr by the anti-healthcare folks because he was supposedly "beaten and kicked by union thugs" at a town hall meeting.

Stomping and kicking black conservatives–

Although he was too weak to speak after his beating on Thursday, black conservative Kenneth Gladney attended the SEIU rally. Kenneth was beaten, kicked and called racist names by Russ Carnahan’s SEIU supporters after a town hall meeting on Thursday.

This would be a really sad story if it were, um you know, what's the word, um, TRUE!

Here, via Sadly, No! is video of the incident. You can see Kenny fall down, get back up, and confront someone about "Why did you hit my hand?" He's obviously fine in the video, but now he's being paraded around in a wheelchair. Pathetic!




But that's not the funny part.

A bunch of teabagger idiots showed up to protest at the local SEIU offices. The offices were closed. They protested anyway.

On Saturday, Gladney sat in a wheelchair, his knee bandaged, holding a flag that read: “Don’t Tread on Me.” Others who gathered at the union offices held signs with a slightly different version of the message: “Don’t Tread on Kenny.”

The union offices weren’t open, and the union didn’t send members to attend. The Associated Press

But that's not the funny part.

Here's the funny part:

[Gladney's lawyer] Brown finished by telling the crowd that Gladney is accepting donations toward his medical expenses. Gladney told reporters he was recently laid off and has no health insurance.

That's right, even if your injuries are totally fake, you still get a bill from the Emergency Room where you went to give your fake injuries the veneer of non-fakeness. And the new poster boy for leaving corrupt, greedy insurance companies in charge of our health care? H doesn't have insurance, and is reduced to BEGGING STRANGERS for money to pay his medical bills!
















See, this would never happen in Canada, Or England, or France, or Germany, or Japan, or Sweden, or The Netherlands, or pretty much any civilized country but the good old U.S. of A. Uh-oh. I think I just made it not funny anymore!

I Go in Search of Celebrity Endorsements

It's Horror Movie Star Belial!

What do you think of The Daily Irritant?






GRRZLX! ZIZZRRL!
RRRRRRGL!











Well, that was time well spent!
The search continues.

Baby Glutton: What the Hell?

When I first saw the news item, I thought the doll was kinda creepy:

Spanish toy manufacturer, Berjuan, has introduced Bebe Gloton, purportedly the first-ever breast-feeding doll, for children to enjoy (and for toy stores to display next to the bottle-feeding babies). Translated Baby Glutton, it comes with a snazzy halter top for the doll's owner to wear. The top is adorned with two daisies, strategically designed to fall over the nipples. "When the doll is lifted near the flowers it makes sucking sounds," according to ParentDish. Voila! You're nursing!

But nowhere near as creepy as the reaction from the yahoos at FOX

And one of these morons is a freakin Congressman!
He thinks that somehow "affirm[ing] the supremacy of GI Joe" will put a stop to. . . what exactly, I don't know. Breastfeeding in general? Little girls playing mommy with their dolls? Dolls that simulate breastfeeding? I'm not sure .

Check out this idiot's website (link)

Here's a clue to what a dolt this guy is, he proudly displays the stunningly ignorant letters sent to him from "Greg from Milford" on his site. Here's a taste of what Greg has to say:

Dear Congressman McCotter,
I would love to talk before Congress and the Senate. I would like to
talk to them about the deplorable, reprehensible, and egregious waste they are
considering with our tax dollars.
You see, I just lost my job. The company I worked for is eliminating 700 sales
positions nationwide, about 15 will be affected in Michigan.
I would like to ask the Congress and Senate if they know what it’s like to sit at the
dinner table and tell your 11 year old daughter that she can’t get a school
yearbook because we need the money to buy groceries. And the stimulus
package wants to give $4 Billion to ACORN, a company, I believe, that is under
investigation for voter registration fraud. What jobs are they creating?
Do they know about the guy I just met whose entire company just took 20% pay
cuts so they wouldn’t have to lay off employees? And this stimulus bill wants
$200 Million for sod on the new mall that’s already $600 million over budget. How
is that creating jobs?

That's a selection from the first letter, dated Feb. 13
There's no date on the second letter, but Greg writes back to say he's found a new job!

Greg from Milford Now Has a Job, No Thanks to the Stimulus

(Read his new letter here)

That's right, Greg losing his job is anecdotal proof that the stimulus isn't working, and Greg getting a new job is also anecdotal proof that the stimulus isn't working. And that's what this halfwit displays prominently on his webpage. I guess Greg from Milford is going to be this nincompoop's own personal Joe the Plumber, cuz you know, that worked out so well for John McCain!

Boy, I hope for the sake of the Republican Party they didn't put this stooge into any sort of important leadership position.

Ouch!