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Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Jillian Micheals is Coming to the Fabulous Fox Theater

Which seems sort of odd, because , being only vaguely aware of her existence, I wasn't aware of her having any sort of marketable talent other than being remarkably physically fit. And as far as I know, no one is going to pay $40 to watch someone be physically fit.
 
 
Check out these fuckin' abs!
That'll be 40 bucks, please! 
 
For those of you not familiar with the Fox theater, it is this:
 
 
 
 
One of the last of the great old movie palaces of the 1930's.
 
Over the years, the Fox has hosted luminaries from Jack Benny to Liberace, to Tom Waits to Leonard Cohen. Although it is mostly famous for being the theater that most people think hosted the premiere of Gone With The Wind. (It actually debuted at the Lowes Atlanta)
 
 
Holy fuck! Sixteen Bucks?
 
 
So what is Jillian Micheals going to do at the Fox? Does she fancy herself a singer? An actress? A stand-up comic? No. She's doing this:
 

Are You Ready?

Jillian Michaels is hitting the road with her first-ever “MAXIMIZE YOUR LIFE” tour, a unique LIVE experience designed to help you build the life of your dreams.
 
 
 
Which couldn't possibly be a scam! Apparently, she's banking on their being enough gullible boobs in each city who are just that eager to be parted from their money.
 
You’ve watched her on TV and witnessed the powerful life transformations Jillian Michaels has helped so many achieve. Now, it’s your turn! Don't miss this intimate and uniquely personal LIVE experience coming to 34 cities in the United States and Canada this spring. Let Jillian show YOU how to harness your potential, kick-start your goals, and live the exceptional life that you’ve always wanted, but thought wasn’t possible.
 
 
 Hmm, sound like a lot of hype and empty promises to me. Probably no results, either.
 
No hype, no false promises: just results.
 
So how does she accomplish this life transformation process? She doesn't say. I guess you have to pay your 40 bucks to find out, although I'll wager it has something to do with weight loss?
 
 
 
You too can transform yourself from an attractive young woman into someone who could be mistaken for a man!
 
 
Because all I know about her is that she's part of the "Biggest Loser" show, a show in which morbidly obese people are screamed at while performing the kinds of exercise that could give a fit person a heart attack.
 
 
 
 

 Seriously, it's only a matter of time until they kill someone on that show.
 
 
Let's have this guy drag a sled uphill! What could possibly go wrong?
 
Although, I suppose it's to be expected in a society wherein being dead is preferable to being overweight to a lot of folks. I guess what I'm saying is that Jillian Micheals is a perfect encapsulation of everything that's wrong with our modern culture. A culture obsessed with physical attractiveness. A culture that rewards the famous merely for being famous, not because of any actual accomplishments. And a culture where an alarming number of people will tune in to television shows just to watch someone be mean and rude to someone weaker than they are.
 
 
 
At least Ramsay doesn't scream at little girls.
 
I should probably add for the record that I am probably about 20 lbs overweight and I get winded watching televised sports. But still, Jillian Micheals? At the Fox? Ugh!




1 comment:

Brewella Deville said...

I have an otherwise intelligent friend who seems to fall for a lot of these lifestyle gurus. They all seem to repackage simple common sense suggestions and sell them for big bucks. Usually they sell their wares out of convention centers or hotel meeting rooms, not theaters as nice as the one you mention.