Awkward Moments

I heard a few minutes of the most recent Republican debate on the Majority Report's MST-style coverage. There wasn't a whole lot of interest, unless you enjoy hearing Jeb! and the others pushed into their lockers and given wedgies by Donald Trump. But I did enjoy this awkward moment from hillbilly Elmer Gantry Mike Huckabee's opening statement.

FORMER GOV. MIKE HUCKABEE, R-ARK.:
 I'm Mike Huckabee. I'm delighted to be on this stage with some remarkable fellow Republicans.

None of us are a self-professed socialist.

 Oh, you know he thinks he just zinged Bernie Sanders! Like ooh, what a sick burn! You do know what "self-professed" means, right Cletus? It means he's not embarrassed or ashamed or whatever of being a socialist. It means he refers to himself that way. You're not insulting him. It's like calling me "incredibly handsome" and expecting me to hang my head in shame. But I'm not offended, I would say "yes, I know. I say that to myself in the mirror every day."

 Like this, only handsomer.

But that wasn't even the awkward part. I mean, sure it was awkward, but then came this:

 None of us on this state are under investigation . . .

 Then there's this awkward little pause when he realizes that Chris Christie and Scott Walker are on stage with him.

. . .by the FBI . . .

Um. . .

because we destroyed government records, or because we leaked secrets.

 

 I think I handled that pret-ty well!

Marco Rubio tried the self-effacing humor route:

SEN. MARCIO RUBIO, R-FL.: 
Thank you. My name is Marco Rubio. I'm from Florida. . .  And I'm also aware that California has a drought, and so that's why I made sure I brought my own water.

Now the CNN Transcript says (Laughter) but that is a lie. That joke fell flatter than a Polish joke at a Polish funeral.

 John Kasich decide to go with Plain-style babbling:

GOV. JOHN R. KASICH, R-OHIO: Hello, I'm John Kasich, the Governor of Ohio. Emma, and Reese, my children, and Karen, love 'ya girls. Thanks for watching tonight.

By the way, I think I actually flew on this plane with Ronald Reagan when I was a congressman, and his goals, and mine, really much - are pretty much the same. Lift Americans, unify, give hope, grow America, and restore it is to that great, shining city on a hill.

Yes, he was a great one, and I learned much from watching him. The most important thing, hope to Americans, unify, lift everyone in America.