Thursday, March 8, 2018

Worst Campaign Ad Ever?

If you'd've asked me yesterday, I would have said the worst political ad of the year was this Ted Cruz nonsense: in which a man named Raphael who goes by "Ted" takes a shot at a man named Robert for going by "Beto" while "singing" a third-rate "country" "song" about how you can't be a liberal in Texas as if no one remembers Ann Richards or Jim Hightower or Molly Ivins.

But today, I heard this crime against humanity:

Watch it if you want, but it will be the longest 44 seconds of your life.
Actually, yeah, go ahead and click "play" or you won't get what I'm talking about but don't be a hero. Bail out when you start to feel your brain collapse in on itself.

Okay, first of all, what the hell?
I mean, seriously, what the hell is this supposed to be? Someone got paid to make this thing?
And where did they find this poor kid to "sing" this atrocity? I don't want to be the kind of person who gets shitty about kids but for fuck sake, this kid couldn't carry a tune in a bucket with both hands duct-taped to the handle.
And someone, presumably another small child, is tentatively picking out the tune on one of those plastic recorders they give to kindergarteners to instill a lifelong hatred of music in them and their entire families.

 I mean, presumably they would want you to watch the entirety of this ad, right? Yet it seems designed specifically to drive you away. If this was my child playing her very first recorder recital while my other child who had just overcome some disease that had kept her from singing was bravely singing along with her, I wouldn't last more than a minute before surreptitiously pulling the fire alarm  and running out of  the school auditorium straight to the Hallmark store to buy apology cards for everyone I had dragged in to hear this performance.

And they don't even bother to make the lyrics rhyme or even fit into the metre of the song.

AND, in case someone watching this ad still had a shred of sanity left, they top it off with constant "boing boing" sound effects which, if they would have drowned out the "singing" or recorder "playing," might have had some value, but it doesn't even do that.

This seems like it was designed less as a campaign ad and more as something that would be played on a loop to prisoners in Guantanamo Bay to force false confessions.

It's really bad.
Just really, really bad.


jadedj said...

Yup...damn stinky. It has the mark of the Telly Tubby goons, from what...17, 18 years ago? I was forced to watch that shit when my oldest daughter was a little one...early...every morning. Being an innocent three year old, she loved had stomach pains due to rising bile. I was one happy man when that phase passed into the night. was 2 MINUTES and 43 SECONDS!

anne marie in philly said...

nope, ain't gonna watch, I HATE KIDS!

Daddyo said...

What's showing is not what you described?

Bob Slatten said...


Nan said...

Not watching. After that warning I figure it's too early in the day and there's not enough brain bleach in the house to make it worth it.

Debra She Who Seeks said...

I confess that I don't get this post. The video doesn't seem to be anything other than a kid's cartoon.

Professor Chaos said...

Debra- the Nancy in the video is Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi. The Lamb is congressional candidate Connor Lamb. They are trying to say that Con,or Lamb will follow Nancy Pelosi's "liberal values" or something.

Infidel753 said...

Are you sure? I didn't catch a Nancy in the video, only the usual Mary. The video's YouTube page and the channel it comes from don't suggest that it's anything political. If it is a political ad, it's a pretty obscure one.

Professor Chaos said...

Okay I obviously embedded the wrong video. You all must think I'm crazy
I'll find the right one an post it.

jadedj said...

I don't you're crazy so much as think I was being dense.