2011 Must have been a pretty weak year for movies

Because I just saw two of the Best Picture nominees last night, and gotta say, not impressed!

We rented Hugo and Midnight in Paris from Redbox last night.



Maybe Hugo loses something in the non-3D version, I don't know, but I thought it was just OK.

I definitely could have done without the Sasha Baron Cohen character.

 He felt really cartoony, and in a movie where all the plot points feel pretty contrived already, he was just not helping. I wouldn't say Hugo is a bad movie, I enjoyed it, but it definitely didn't feel like anything to write home about.



 

Midnight in Paris, on the other hand was just awful. And I love Woody Allen. He's made some of my all-time favorites - Annie Hall, Hannah and Her Sisters, Manhattan, etc. And I looooove Paris. Seems like a sure bet, even with the potentially annoying presence of Owen Wilson. But I really hated this movie. It seems like we've already seen this a million times: Back to the Future, Peggy Sue Got Married, Groundhog Day, Hot Tub Time Machine. . .
Just the Rachel McAdams character alone is enough to make this movie painful. Nothing against McAdams, but the character is so ridiculously unpleasant, belittling and condescending to Owens at every turn that it's just not at all believable that anyone would want to marry her, much less a successful, reasonably handsome guy who must have other options.

Yes, I will wear this snotty expression throughout the whole movie!

 

 When Wilson confronts her, accusing her of having an affair with the equally ridiculously unpleasant "Paul" she says, and I'm paraphrasing here, something like "yes, I spent a few nights with Paul. . . Get over it!" which no actual human being would ever say.

And the whole point of the movie seems to be a combination of "hey, it's Hemingway! Hey, it's Dali'! Oh, look, Gertrude Stein!" and some moral about how people romanticize the past, which is a long way to go for that stunning insight.

 

 Look, we got Adrien Brody for two minutes!

 Oh, the 2012 guy romanticizes the 1920's, but the woman from the 20's romanticizes the Belle Epoque, and the people in the Belle Epoque romanticize the Rennaissance! You don't fucking say! People really feel an unrealistic nostalgia for what they think of as the "Good Old Days?" Holy shit! I never thought of that!

  

Also, who casts a skinny guy as Hemingway?

The only other Best Picture nominee I've seen this year is The Artist, which was really good, but I was surprised that it was Best Picture material. Now that I've seen some of the competition, it makes a lot more sense.

 

And the Oscar for Best Dog goes to. . .

My problem with the new Planet of the Apes trailer

Well, two problems reaaly. My first problem is that they are making another Planet of the Apes movie. Didn't they already make more than enough of these silly movies in the 1970's?

 

Apparently, Monkey Lovin' was considered acceptable back then?

 And haven't they already done the obligatory "gritty reboot?"

 

And didn't we all laugh at it then? So why in the world would they think to make a new version with a completely different origin story with the "unintended consequences of science" theme popularized by Mary Shelley?

 

Why we can't have stem-cell research, because this might happen.



 


But, since the movie industry has developed a crippling fear of anything original, I guesss I shouldn't be too terribly surprised. They made a Miami Vice movie, for God'sake. And an A-Team movie. And Two Charlies' Angels movies!

But here's my main problem with the new Planet of the Apes trailer:




Okay, I get that the chimps are super-smart. And I get that they are seriously pissed off, and rightly so. And there are a lot of them, and they're very strong. But what the filmmakers seem to have forgotten is that people have guns. If a bunch of angry monkeys started tipping over cars on the Golden Gate Bridge, how long do you think it would take for the SFPD to mow them all down? Okay, maybe the SFPD isn't our best defense, but eventually, these damn dirty apes are going to wind up in East Palo Alto or Richmond, and they're going to run into these muthafukkas:

 

Or they'll wander into Oakland and run smack into these sob's:

 

Either way, there's gonna be a whole bunch of dead monkeys pretty quick.

Granted, these monkeys are pretty scary.

 

But how are they going to beat a species who have this:

 

And this:

 

And this:



I just don't see how you could make a Planet of the Apes movie that's so unrealistic!

Now this is more like it: