Rep Steve King (R-Iowa) can't stop smiling and smirking as he empathizes with the murderer who flew a plane into the IRS building.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Today's Townes Van Zandt Cover
A strange version of "Lungs" by Swedish singer Annika Fehling:
And the Original:
And the Original:
Tiger's Got a Lot of Women Mad at Him.
I really had planned on spending the rest of my life not thinking about or mentioning Tiger Woods. And it should have been easy since I have no interest in the sport of watching paint dry, I mean golf. But then this happened:
In fairness, that apology was at least as sincere as his wedding vows.
Oh, wait. I got a better one.
Um "didn't feel like it was real?" Funny, he said the same thing about your chest! BaZing!
Okay, but since he was apologizing to his wife and kids, not you, what the hell do you care if his apology is crap?
Yeah, I'm guessing that he didn't personally apologize to you because a) you were a consenting, willing participant, not a victim. and b) generally, women who have had affairs with married men don't want to be mentioned publicly since such women are often, fairly or unfairly, condemned as home-wrecking whores.
Um, it was up to you. Unless you're claiming that Tiger forced himself on you, and so far you haven't, you absolutely had the option to say no.
Let's see if we can find a good example of your non-whorish behavior. Maybe from your Today Show interview with Meredith Viera:
Nothing but a broken heart, 15 minutes of "fame" and maybe a career as a reality show fixture?
But no cash money? Yeah, kick that bum to the curb!
Okay, any final statements? Ms. Allred?
Because when you're not going to sue, the first thing you do is hire a slimy lawyer. The second thing is to have that slimy lawyer make sure everyone knows how much emotional distress the defendant has caused. Oops! did I say defendant? I meant punitive damages. No, I mean Mr. deep pockets!
How about you, Ms. Junger?
Oh, of course, and nothing says "just leave me alone" like flashing your undies at the camera!
(All photos stolen from The Superficial)
Tiger Mistress Jamie Jungers: "That Apology Is Crap"
Goddammit, now I know one of their names!
And then I saw this:
Oh, shit! Glolria Allred! Now it's an official circus!
So, what are the mistresses' beef with Tiger?
I'm sorry, did not deserve what?
And then I saw this:
Joslyn James, the adult film star who claims to have had a three-year extramarital affair with Tiger, decided to watch Woods' public admission live today, along with a bunch of her media friends and camera-ready attorney, Gloria Allred.
Oh, shit! Glolria Allred! Now it's an official circus!
So, what are the mistresses' beef with Tiger?
"I would be open to a telephoned apology from Tiger but I really feel that I deserve to look at him in person, face to face, in the eyes because I did not deserve this," the 32-year-old Top Heavy 4 star said.
"An apology, one that was meaningful and that meant something, and I didn't hear none of that," James said. "He's so selfish; it's not about anybody but him. It didn't feel like it was real.
In fairness, that apology was at least as sincere as his wedding vows.
Oh, wait. I got a better one.
Um "didn't feel like it was real?" Funny, he said the same thing about your chest! BaZing!
"That apology is crap," Jungers tells us. "He's making a sob story to make people sorry for him. I don't feel sorry for him. I’ve seen his face and his emotions when his father died and this was different.
Okay, but since he was apologizing to his wife and kids, not you, what the hell do you care if his apology is crap?
"He's apologizing to these young kids...everybody but the women that were involved in the relationships. It's hurtful. It's rude. He should have apologized to the people like myself, his mistresses, because we're dealing with a lot of stuff too."
Yeah, I'm guessing that he didn't personally apologize to you because a) you were a consenting, willing participant, not a victim. and b) generally, women who have had affairs with married men don't want to be mentioned publicly since such women are often, fairly or unfairly, condemned as home-wrecking whores.
"I'm not a home-wrecking whore.
If it was up to me I would have never done it in the first place. . ."
Um, it was up to you. Unless you're claiming that Tiger forced himself on you, and so far you haven't, you absolutely had the option to say no.
Let's see if we can find a good example of your non-whorish behavior. Maybe from your Today Show interview with Meredith Viera:
Jungers ended the relationship when she was in need of money and finally asked Woods if he could assist her. When Woods declined, Jungers said,
"That shows to me how much I mean to you."
Jungers told Vieira that she loved Woods, but never told him and ultimately got "nothing out of this relationship but a broken heart."
Nothing but a broken heart, 15 minutes of "fame" and maybe a career as a reality show fixture?
But no cash money? Yeah, kick that bum to the curb!
Okay, any final statements? Ms. Allred?
While Allred repeatedly mentioned how much emotional distress Tiger caused her client, she said she was not planning to file a lawsuit against the sports icon.
Because when you're not going to sue, the first thing you do is hire a slimy lawyer. The second thing is to have that slimy lawyer make sure everyone knows how much emotional distress the defendant has caused. Oops! did I say defendant? I meant punitive damages. No, I mean Mr. deep pockets!
"Enough has been said and done. I don't want to discuss it. I don't want to be known as Tiger Woods' mistress my whole life. I don't want him to contact me or address it. I don't think I would say anything to him. I want it to be done."
Oh, of course, and nothing says "just leave me alone" like flashing your undies at the camera!
(All photos stolen from The Superficial)
Monday, February 22, 2010
New Rules for Olympics
After seeing the Russian ice dancers' take on Aboriginal folk dancing, it's clear something has to be done.
"At times, Shabalin led Domnina around by her ponytail. They mugged, stuck out their tongues and mimicked the hand over mouth gesture that was once associated with American Indians."
(Yahoo News)
And it's not like they were just somehow unaware that this was going to be offensive:
When the Russian pair did the Aboriginal dance at the European Championships in January, they drew criticism from Aboriginal leaders who found the dance and costumes offensive. Domnina and Shabalin toned down their costumes and removed their face paint, but made no changes to their Aboriginal dance.
And why do this at all? Because the ice dancing officials decided that this year's theme for the original dance was to be "folk dancing." Now one might think that the Russian pair might choose a Russian folk dance, but no. So apparently it falls to me to make new rules for future Olympians.
Rule #1: No ice dancer may ape any culture other than their own. That should have gone without saying, but apparently not, because the American pair saw "Slumdog Millionaire" and figure they knew a little something about the culture and traditions of India.
Rule #2: If you have a son and a daughter who are both into ice dancing or figure skating, you are required to make them choose other partners, because this:
is just un-fucking-acceptable.
It is not possible for John Kerr to be gay enough to make titty-humping his sister acceptable.
I won't have it.
Rule #3: Biatholon will no longer be ski, stop, shoot, ski, stop, shoot. Participants will now be required to shoot while skiing. Preferably with a gun in each hand like a John Woo Movie.
Rule #4: Ski jumpers need to do something while they are in the air. Ski jumping is insanely dangerous, but the ski jumpers make it look so easy it seems kinda boring. You're up in the air for like five fucking minutes, do a trick. Or shoot something. I don't know, do something to make us appreciate your skill.
Rule #5: During individual figure skating, all skaters are on the ice at the same time. They should be knocking each other over like Battling Tops.
If it's good enough for short track, it's good enough for figure skating.
Least Surprising Headline of the Day
From the Washington Post:
Because they will slam you no matter what you do, Mr. President.
If you killed a bunch of terrorists, these nutbags would find a way to slam you for that.
Really?
Shit, I was just kidding.
Obama offers new health-care plan; GOP slams it as 'government takeover'
Because they will slam you no matter what you do, Mr. President.
If you killed a bunch of terrorists, these nutbags would find a way to slam you for that.
Really?
Shit, I was just kidding.
Bush Official Criticizes Obama For Killing Too Many Terrorists
(from the Huffington Post)
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