Apparently, Mary Pawlenty Has Caught Fire!

Because, otherwise there's just no explanation for this:

“I’m very thankful for my red-hot smoking wife, the first lady of Minnesota,” said Gov. Tim Pawlenty, pointing to his wife, Mary, who was standing a few feet away.

(speechless)

Seriously, why would a man who seems to be planning on running for president in 2012 publicly refer to his wife the way a fraternity brother might refer to a girl he'd seen naked on the internet?

Clearly, the poor woman must have been set ablaze somehow. And from what I gather, no one in the crowd had the decency to try and put her out.

Always the good sport, Mrs. Pawlenty tried to put a positive spin on her fiery predicament:

As the audience roared, she said with a smile: “Who, when they’re turning 50, doesn’t like to be called a red-hot smoking wife?”

Huckabee Ups The Ante on Glenn Beck

Hey Beck, you think you sound nutty with your conspiracy theories about fascism and Black Panthers and the Weather Underground and Homer Simpson? (seriously, Homer Simpson)

Well Mike Huckabee will see your Obama-is-bringing-socialism, and raise you an Obama-is-bringing-on-the-end-of-the-world.

Lat Sunday, Huckabee had as a guest the super-creepy Apocalypse-porn author and Kirk Cameron sugar daddy Tim Lahaye to discuss, I don't know, something crazy no doubt.



Yes, Tim. I believe the signs of the impending apocalypse are plagues, earthquakes, false prophets, and a bailout of US automakers. Then the four horsemen, War, Famine, Death and Healthcare reform will ride in and do something not at all positive, and then the sun goes out, the stars fall from the sky, and Banking regulations will be proposed.

What the hell? Even if this whole "Raw Socialism" were actually happening, what does that have to do with doomsday? When is socialism ever mentioned in any part of the Bible ever?

And how did Jimmy Carter get dragged into this?

Oh, wait, I do seem to remember that apocalypse during the Carter Administration. . .

Oh, and by the way, Tim, you probably already know this, but for as long as there have been Christians, some of them have always thought that they were living in the "End Times" or the "Last days." Saint Paul thought that 2,000 years ago. And I'm pretty sure he was wrong. And every other person who has ever said that his times were the "end Times" was wrong. So it's a pretty good bet that you're wrong, too. Also, you're creepy and weird. Please go away.

Cheap Patriotism

Today, I saw a van from this company:

PATRIOT SERVICES

The People's Choice for all your Plumbing & Electrical Needs

parked outside the local Home Depot.

It looked a lot like this van:


painted up with flags and bald eagles and "In God We Trust," and whatnot.

I would not hire this plumber/electrician service just because of this cheap tawdry display of superficial patriotism.

I'm not convinced that sincere, genuine patriotism isn't a vice itself, but I probably shouldn't open that can of worms.

The thing is, why would I want to hire a plumber based on his claims not to do the best quality work, or have the lowest prices, or most convenient availability, but because he loves America! And he trusts in God! who looks for that in a plumber? If Traitor McBlasphemy can get your toilet working better than Reverend Unclesammington, wouldn't you go with whoever does the best job?

It's so pathetic that a company would resort to cheap emotional manipulation to drum up business. It seems to me that if you're using the symbols of your nation to make a couple of bucks installing faucets, maybe you're not really all that patriotic anyway.

Just like all those businesses that work the Jesus-fish into their logo or promotional materials.






It's like they love Jesus so much, that they'll reduce him to the status of a company mascot.



And I guess they figure that people will see the fish and think "Now, that's the company I want to give my business to, because they seem to share my religious convictions."

It's tacky. And if you believe that Jesus sacrificed his life to save the world from eternal damnation, you think you'd be a bit more respectful.

Fair Warning

The other day, I saw someone was quoted as warning that, should the Republicans retake the House, they would do nothing but "issue subpoenas and have one hearing after another"

Now, that seems like a bit of an exaggeration, it's kind of unfair to say that they would do nothing else. Who said that? Was it you, Keith Olbermann? Was it you, Micheal Moore? Come on, 'fess up!

Oh, here it is. Here's the quote from the Minn. Post:

What Bachmann thinks should happen if the Repubs get control of the House

BACHMANN: "Oh, I think that's all we should do...I think that all we should do is issue subpoenas and have one hearing after another.

Okay, it was Michele "I don't know how to spell Michelle" Bachmann, the pride of Minnesota!

And she's dead serious.

So, you've been warned, voters. At least one influential Republican has issued fair warning that she and her party have zero interest in actually governing. Here is what does interest Bachmann:

This is the year - this is it. All of our chips are on November. If we don't get it back and then starve the beast - the House, we have the power of the purse - so we can starve ObamaCare. We don't have to fund any of these programs and that's exactly what we need to do - defund all of this nonsense and then unwind it.

So that's the agenda. Do nothing positive, defund and unwind, and hold hearing after hearing to try to take down the administration. The goal is not to use government for what they think is positive ends, just to prevent the other guys from acheiving what they think are positive results. It's childish destruction as a legislative program.




And it doesn't matter that what she wants to unravel only exists in her overheated crazy little pea-brain:

one thing that you should is that the most dramatic story that's happened in the last 18 months is that the federal government - before 18 months ago, the private economy was 100 percent held in private hands. But today 65 percent of the economy is now held in government's hands - either in direct ownership or in control. This is your future we're talking about. So we got to unravel that.

This is obviously false. She could not be more wrong about this, but it's not going to matter. If this moron crackpot has subpoena power, she will use it to haul witnesses into the House chamber to grill them about their part in her paranoid daydreams.

I know it's easy to fall into the trap of feeling that there's no real difference between the parties, and a pox on both their houses. I know I fell that way a lot. And it's hard not to be really disappointed with Barack Obama and the Democrats. We should be disappointed, what with soldiers still dying in Iraq, Gitmo still open, and universal healthcare still a pipe dream. But if sane and decent people sit out this election and leave the field to the Teabaggers, this is what will happen. She's given us fair warning.

Crazy Candidate of the Day

Today's Crazy Candidate is Kansas' Joan Heffington.

Joan would like to be the next governor of Kansas, for some reason, and here are a few of her promises from her website

GOALS AS GOVERNOR:

• Sign into law only those bills that have 2/3 approval of the people

So, there will be no laws! Interesting. Go on.

Require that a Biblical and Constitutional reason exist for the passage of any new laws

Your honor, I propose that we ammend the tax code to read simply "give unto Caesar the things that are Caesar's." I cite the case of Matthew 22:21.

Review jail population for false/frivolous charges; if found, charges will be expunged
& person released

Letting the innocent out of jail? What a radical notion!

Repeal the War Powers Act so that Congress and the people must vote on decisions to go to war

Um, technically, the president can't go to war without Congress issuing a declaration of war, but there's no way you could be expected to know that.

And here's a little of her background. Again from her website:

BACKGROUND:
✝ Founder of Association for Honest Attorneys (A.H.A!),
a non-profit organization seeking “justice for all”
www.assocforhonestattys.com

Oh. That sounds like a good thing. Justice for all. Good thing she provided a link to the website of A.H.A.
you can click here,
Visit the Association for Honest Attorneys Website

or I can save you some time. Let me just show you the members of the AHA:

A.H.A! Board Members

Joan Heffington, C.E.O.

Cortland Berry, Director

GOD

I'm not kidding. God is listed as a board member.

God is all about truth, love and justice, so He fits right in with the A.H.A! He has been our unofficial guiding force since we began in 2003, and we look to Him to guide us in all of our decisions. God is our most trustworthy board member, and we know that He will never leave us nor forsake us. He helps us speak the truth in love, and protects us for doing what is right. God is the author of “The Holy Bible,” which is the standard of living for all mankind. Like us, it is not His desire that anyone should perish, even lawyers whom he especially tries to warn (Luke 11:52).

I looked up that verse, and it really is about lawyers! I had no idea lawyers were mentioned in the Bible.

Here's the verse according to this website which doesn't seem to have a name:

Woe unto you, lawyers! for ye have taken away the key of knowledge: ye entered not in yourselves, and them that were entering in ye hindered.

Interestingly, it doesn't say "woe unto dishonest lawyers,"or "woe unto lawyers excepting those of whose board I am a member." but anyway. . .

His laws under the Ten Commandments are the foundation of the
United States of America.

Okay, we've been over this (here) That just simply isn't true. No matter how many times you people repeat it, it isn't true.

So why should you vote for Ms Heffington instead of her opponent and fellow nut Sam Brownback?

Here's why:

Many of the polls appear biased in Brownback’s favor, but after traveling to 35 cities, we have only found 3 people who will vote for him. We haven’t seen any sign of Brownback himself in Kansas since he filed to run on 6/8. Maybe he’s afraid to answer questions about Heffington’s claims that he was involved in the CIA abuse of National Security Letters using innocent Kansans as experiments for chemical and biological warfare.

Ha! Only three voters that - wait, what?

Heffington had called Brownback’s office 4/12/07 for help removing the unwarranted National Security Letter against her, and three weeks later, a woman working in her office was targeted with a steroid cocktail mix I.V. in a Wichita hospital. Also, when an innocent 22-year old boy was targeted last fall, Heffington called Tiahrt’s office to ask for a congressional inquiry. Two weeks later, the state brought a false lawsuit against her for practicing law without a license.

WHAT?

Maybe I'm not understanding this correctly, let's look at a recent column in the Topeka Journal.

Heffington, a former Boeing employee and homebuilder in the Wichita area, said covert government operatives are infiltrating hospitals in Kansas and elsewhere to conduct biological and chemical warfare experiments on unsuspecting patients.

In February, she said, she learned operatives implanted microchips in a man who had refused to give the government a lucrative invention he had created. The microchips were transported through a window and into the man's body using a satellite, she said. "The technology is so advanced that they can do it that way," she said.

The state of Kansas is operating under a dictatorial French law that the CIA helped establish here in the 1950s, Heffington said.

"They needed a state where unsuspecting people could be treated like guinea pigs so they could try out their covert activities," she said.

Okay, one last thing. Here's Joan Heffington on Elena Kagan:

Elena Kagan’s appointment shows that wealthy elite lawyers still control the high court. THE GOOD: She’s against late term abortion. THE BAD: a Washington insider, Harvard law degree, Catholic but not Christian.

Um, Jewish. So, yeah, not Christian. But also not Catholic.

THE UGLY: On 10/15/09, Kagan as Solicitor General for the U.S. Supreme Court filed “no response” to our writ of certiorari in our case against Pres. Bush and others for illegal surveillance/wrongful death of Mark Heffington. On 11/09/09, the high court refused to hear the case, citing no reason.

So she ignores lunatics?

Also, I think the court cited no reason to spare you the embarrassment of citing the legal principle of "we don't take cases from loonies."

All in all, this is one baboon-ass crazy candidate. But all things considered, still probably better than Brownback.